Argument117 第七篇

@amy@UID：209096

题目
Argument117 The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

翻译：最近一次调查超过70％的回应者报告说他们被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多。由于Valu-Mart在过去并没有发现办公用品部销量的显著上升，我们应该利用这种在家办公的趋势，在所有Valu-Mart商店增加家庭办公机器比如打印机、小型复印机、碎纸机和传真机的存货。我们也将增加办公用品比如纸笔和钉书机的存货。通过这些变革，我们办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门。

**********************************************************
提纲
（1）没有提供足够的关于这次调查的信息，如谁组织的调查，怎样做的调查，调查的人数，回应者的数目， 回应者是否代表绝大数行业。

（2）没有调查过去办公用品部销售显著上升的真正原因，有可能是因为过去的那段时间是大多数公司集中采购办公用品的高峰。

（3）即使真的有在家办公增多的趋势，也要调查这些人主要需要什么办公用品后再决定是否需要增加存货，有可能在家办公主要依靠网络，而不需要什么办公用品。

（4）即使这些变革真的有效，也不能保证办公用品部盈利最多，这要考虑办公用品是否盈利，总的利润是否最大。

**********************************************************
字数：452 words
时间：查阅资料（30分钟）+提纲（15分钟）+正文（45分钟） = 1个半小时
**********************************************************
正文
In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores suggests some changes at all Valu-Mart stores including increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. He supports his suggestion by a recent survey which reports that over 70% of the respondents have to take more work home with them from the office than they were in the past and the unaware impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past time. His suggestion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as follows.

First of all, the given survey, which is the main basis of the suggestion, does not provide enough evidences to prove its persuasion. For example, who conducts the survey? How is the survey made? What is the number of surveyed people and what is the number of respondents? Can the respondents represent the most people of all kinds of careers? Unless the above information is given out, we cannot believe it is suitable of using the result of the survey.

Secondly, there is no evidence to show the real reason of the impressive sales. It is possible that in the past months most companies centralized to purchase offices machines and office supplies for one year's use, and with the past of the fastigium, the needs for office supplies will decrease to the normal level. Under the circumstances, it does not need to add the stock. It is equally possible that the increase is mainly contributed by the sale of stationery which is the necessary for students because the past months are just the period of school term begins. So it is very important to invest the genuine reason of the increase.

Thirdly, even if there is the work-at-home trend, he should survey what they need while working at home and then decide whether the increase of stock is useful. To meet the need of customs is the essence of business success. If those people who work at home mainly use computer or internet to proceed their work, and rarely need the office machine such as printers, copy machines, paper shredders or the office supplies such as paper, pens, and etc, then, it will be a wrong decision to add this kinds of supplies.

Finally, granted that all those changes are effective, we cannot ensure the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores because it depends on whether selling office supplies can gain profits and whether its total profits is the largest. So the result of taking those changes is still questionably.

To sum up, the manager is too cursory to give out his suggestion. To make the suggestion more valuable, he should take the facets discussed above into account.

**********************************************************
参考资料
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ghlight=argument117

智恩UID：2160717

In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores suggests some changes at all Valu-Mart stores including increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. He supports his suggestion by a recent survey which reports that over 70% of the respondents have to take more work home with them from the office than they were in the past and the unaware impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past time. His suggestion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as follows.

First of all, the given survey, which is the main basis of the suggestion, does not provide enough evidences to prove its persuasion. For example, who conducts the survey? How is the survey made? What is the number of surveyed people and what is the number of respondents? Can the respondents represent the most people of all kinds of careers? Unless the above information is given out, we cannot believe it is suitable of using the result of the survey.

Secondly, there is no evidence to show the real reason of the impressive sales. It is possible that in the past months most companies centralized to purchase offices machines and office supplies for one year's use, and with the past of the fastigium(这个单词是什么意思？）, the needs for office supplies will decrease to the normal level. Under the circumstances, it does not need to add the stock. It is equally possible that the increase is mainly contributed by the sale of stationery which is the necessary for students because the past months are just the period of school term begins. So it is very important to invest the genuine（这个词用得好，赞一个！） reason of the increase.

Thirdly, even if there is the work-at-home trend, he should survey what they need while working at home and then decide whether the increase of stock is useful. To meet the need of customs is the essence of business success. If those people who work at home mainly use computer or internet to proceed their work, and rarely need the office machine such as printers, copy machines, paper shredders or the office supplies such as paper, pens, and etc, then, it will be a wrong decision to add this kinds of supplies.

Finally, granted that all those changes are effective, we cannot ensure the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores because it depends on whether selling office supplies can gain profits and whether its total profits is the largest. So the result of taking those changes is still questionably.

To sum up, the manager is too cursory to give out his suggestion. To make the suggestion more valuable, he should take the facets discussed above into account.（结尾好像太简洁了，最好还是一一说一下）

你的作文写得不错，也没什么错误可找，而且提纲也写得很好，继续加油！
特别喜欢这句“用心就不会错过”

leedgenUID：160823

In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores suggests some changes at all Valu-Mart stores including increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. He supports his suggestion by a recent survey which reports that over 70% of the respondents have to take more work home with them from the office than they were in the past and the unaware impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past time. His suggestion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as follows.

First of all, the given survey, which is the main basis of the suggestion, does not provide enough evidences to prove its persuasion. For example, who conducts the survey? How is the survey made? What is the number of surveyed people and what is the number of respondents? Can the respondents represent the most people of all kinds of careers? Unless the above information is given out, we cannot believe it is suitable of using（一般是suitable to do sth.和suitable for sth.） the result of the survey.

Secondly, there is no evidence to show the real reason of the impressive sales. It is possible that in the past months most companies centralized to purchase offices machines and office supplies for one year's use, and with the past of the fastigium, the needs for office supplies will decrease to the normal level. Under the circumstances, it does not need to add the stock. It is equally possible that the increase is mainly contributed by the sale of stationery which is the necessary for students because the past months are just the period of school term begins. So it is very important to invest the genuine reason of the increase.这段犯了严重错误啊，题目中是说没有好的销售业绩，而这里写了有impressive sales，粗心哦

Thirdly, even if there is the work-at-home trend, he should survey what they need while working at home and then decide whether the increase of stock is useful. To meet the need of customs is the essence of business success. If those people who work at home mainly use computer or internet to proceed their work, and rarely need the office machine such as printers, copy machines, paper shredders or the office supplies such as paper, pens, and etc, then, it will be a wrong decision to add this kinds of supplies.

Finally, granted that all those changes are effective, we cannot ensure the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores because it depends on whether selling office supplies can gain profits and whether its total profits is the largest. So the result of taking those changes is still questionably(questionable)

To sum up, the manager is too cursory（好词） to give out his suggestion. To make the suggestion more valuable, he（the arguer）should take the facets discussed above into account.

@amy@UID：209096

非常感谢两位的修改，我一会儿就改，呵呵~~

@amy@UID：209096

fastigium(这个单词是什么意思？）

这个词是“高峰期“的意思，但不知道为什么word查错的时候认为有错呢:confused:

@amy@UID：209096

题目
Argument117 The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

翻译：最近一次调查超过70％的回应者报告说他们被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多。由于Valu-Mart在过去并没有发现办公用品部销量的显著上升，我们应该利用这种在家办公的趋势，在所有Valu-Mart商店增加家庭办公机器比如打印机、小型复印机、碎纸机和传真机的存货。我们也将增加办公用品比如纸笔和钉书机的存货。通过这些变革，我们办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门。

**********************************************************
提纲
（1）没有提供足够的关于这次调查的信息，如谁组织的调查，怎样做的调查，调查的人数，回应者的数目， 回应者是否代表绝大数行业。

（2）即使真的有在家办公增多的趋势，也要调查这些人主要需要什么办公用品后再决定是否需要增加存货，有可能在家办公主要依靠网络，而不需要什么办公用品。

（3）即使这些变革真的有效，也不能保证办公用品部盈利最多，这要考虑办公用品是否盈利，总的利润是否最大。

**********************************************************
字数：440 words
时间：查阅资料（30分钟）+提纲（15分钟）+正文（45分钟） = 1个半小时
**********************************************************
正文
In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores suggests some changes at all Valu-Mart stores including increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. He supports his suggestion by a recent survey which reports that over 70% of the respondents have to take more work home with them from the office than they were in the past. His suggestion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as follows.

First of all, the given survey, which is the main basis of the suggestion, does not provide enough evidences to prove its persuasion. For example, who conducts the survey? How is the survey made? What is the number of surveyed people and what is the number of respondents? Can the respondents represent the most people of all kinds of careers? It is possible that 1000 people took the survey but only 100 people responded, thus, the absolute figure 70% is too weak to reveal something. It is equally possible that most of the respondents are engaged in similar jobs that need extra work because of the keen competition, so the trend is just partial phenomena and not common. Therefore, unless the above questions are answered, we cannot believe it is suitable to use the result of the survey.

Secondly, even if there is the common work-at-home trend, the manager should survey what people need while working at home and then decide whether the increase of stock is useful, however, he only makes an assumption that they will need the things what he lists. To meet the need of customs is the essence of business success. If those people who work at home mainly use computer or Internet to proceed their work, and rarely need the office machine such as printers, copy machines, paper shredders or the office supplies such as paper, pens, and etc, it will be a wrong decision to add this kinds of supplies and will not enhance the profits, what is more, it will even cause losing money because of overstock.

Finally, granted that all those changes can be effective, the manager cannot ensure the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores because the result depends on whether selling office supplies can gain high profit margin and whether its total profits is the largest. So the result of taking those changes is still questionable.

To sum up, the manager is too cursory to give out his suggestion because he makes the suggestions depending on an inadequate survey and a baseless assumption. So to make the suggestion more valuable, he should take the facets discussed above into account.

**********************************************************
参考资料
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ghlight=argument117

根据大家的意见，我进行了第一次修改，也改了提纲，我竟然之前理解错了:L 谢谢大家~