issue70 Cappuccino☆作业(Coffee)~~西西,帮我改改哦

Cappuccino☆UID: 2155660

issue70 In any profession--business, politics, education, government--those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership.

summary:
1. old to be a leader for a long time will have little creative mind, and abuse power.
2. benefits of new leaders
3. the flaws of new leaders

The leadership, as such a special profession that has its own complexity differs from other vocations, should either be occupied by the olds for a long period of time or attempt granted to the new generation. As the abundance of experience but little creative mind the olds characterized, while the news owns opposite, it is plausible to give opportunity for the new leaders to step up, yet the span of time a old leader mantain would yield to one's ability.

Old leaders would less likely to suit the very field as time passed, due to the declining generation of creative mind and the probility to abuse their power. Firstly, the olds would form a pattern of thinking developed many years they strive, which would never adapte the vicissitude of seasons. In this case, they would generate little creative mind and the stragegies they directed would be old-fashioned, resulting bad efforts for one paticular profession. Secondly, after a long period in a high place that control the development of one filed with very authority, the leaders would to a large extent enjoy the privilege that no one except themsevleves own. Thus the centralization of authority, which makes all other people to follow their steps and unreasonablely punish anyone who doubts, would likely to occur, although in early years they contributes much to that field.

Futhermore, the new leadership would bring one field new blood(不知道这样表达对不对~~) for earing as much profits as possible. We would find that alomst all the new leaders are filled with enthusiam to be granted as such a craving job, thus they would devote to express the most talent to be famous and admired. Such willing to excavate as much as protencial to be a good leader would never exists in the old leaders' mind as they have already convince the public their ability. Moreover, the thinking pattern of the new people would be more creative and couragous than the olds, as they are willing to accept more challenge to prove their abilities. Although adventures potencially exsists, the benefits which brings would surely beyond. As the new leaders would propulse the paves a field towards, giving oppotunity to them would bring more benefits.

On the other hand, lacking much experience, the new people would infront a large amount of troubles being a leader. As newly-appointed, these leaders would be less familiar which the inner complexity of such profession. Deciding the stragegy to develop such a completely strange career, the new people would have less chance to accomplish than the sophisticated old leaders. Also, the too much self-confidence and ignoring the olds' advice widely exesists in the govern of the new leaders. Therefore, complelety belive the new peple's direction would also causes some detrimental problems, in this case, the advanced way for preventing is to grand partly authority to the new leaders, for cultivate them aided by the experienced old leaders. Thus, whether an old leader would step down after five years would refering to the ablility they own. That is, if the olds are still qualified their jobs well, new people could study from them longer.

In sum, the new leaders should substitute the olds because they are characterized to have more ensusisam and creative mind to benefit one profession while the olds may centralize their authority after a long period of time. Yet, as lacing experice of the new people, the old leaders also would aided to help them.

[ Last edited by Cappuccino☆ on 2005-12-29 at 19:17 ]

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

issue70 In any profession--business, politics, education, government--those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership.

summary:
1. old to be a leader for a long time will have little creative mind, and abuse power.
2. benefits of new leaders
3. the flaws of new leaders
平衡观点，不错，我一般喜欢这样写。

The去掉 leadership, as such a special profession that has its own complexity differs from other vocations,有语法错误，再检查，两个动词了 should either be occupied by the olds for a long period of time or attempt to be  granted to the new generation. As the abundance of experience but little creative mind the olds characterized, while the news owns opposite, it is plausible to give opportunity for the new leaders to step up, yet the span of time a old leader mantain would yield to one's ability.句子的安排不是很好，有点绕，建议改为：due to less creativity the olds hold yet comparatively more originality the young generation have, it's plausible to give opportunities to new leaders.你的最后一部分我没理解到什么意思

Old leaders would less likely to suitfit in with the very field as time passed,passes due to the declining generation去掉 of creative mind and the probility to abuse their power. Firstly, the olds would form a pattern of thinking developed many years they strive,句子有问题吧 which would never adapte注意这个词的用法，用在这里不对，orient to更合适 the vicissitude of seasons. In this case, they would generate little creative mind 他们创造出创造思维？？这种表达是不恰当的，阿布修改下吧and the stragegies they directed would be old-fashioned, resulting bad efforts for one paticular profession. Secondly, after a long period in a high place that control the development of one filed with very absolute authority, the leaders would to a large extent enjoy the privilege that no one except themsevleves这里用反身代词就变成themselves是指带 no one了但你的意思是老领导者 own. Thus the centralization of authority, which makes all other people to follow their steps and unreasonablely punish anyone who doubts, would likely to occur, although in early years they contributes much to that field.
有些表达有问题，要注意，句子感觉比较饶，而且最好举点详细的例子这样更有说服力，

Futhermore, the new leadership would bring one field new blood(不知道这样表达对不对~~) 绝对正确，而且用了修辞，是很好的for earing as much profits 利润可数的，much修饰不对as possible. We would find that alomst all the new leaders are filled with enthusiam to be granted as such a craving job, thus they would devote to express devote to的to是介词哦，the most talent to be famous and admired. Such willing to excavate这是及物动词，不能单独用 as much as protencial to be a good leader would never exists in the old leaders' mind as they have already convince the public their ability. Moreover, the thinking pattern of the new people would be more creative and couragous than the olds, as they are willing to accept more challenge to prove their abilities. Although adventures potencially exsists, the benefits which brings would surely beyond.althought引导只是一个句子的一部分。另外一部分呢？ As the new leaders would propulse the paves a field towards, giving oppotunity to them would bring more benefits.

On the other hand, lacking much experience, the new people would infront a large amount of troubles being a leader. As newly-appointed, these leaders would be less familiar which the inner complexity of such profession. Deciding the stragegy to develop such a completely strange career, the new people would have less chance to accomplish than the sophisticated old leaders. Also, the too much self-confidence and ignoring the olds' advice widely exesists in the govern 名词of the new leaders. Therefore, complelety beliving the new peple's direction would also causes some detrimental problems,断句 in this case, the advanced way for preventing 有名词形式不要用动名词。用prevention is to grand partly authority to the new leaders, for cultivating them aided by the experienced old leaders. Thus, whether an old leader would step down after five years would refering to the ablility they own. That is, if the olds are still qualified in their jobs well和qualified重复, new people could study from them longer.

In sum, the new leaders should substitute the olds because they are characterized to have more ensusisam and creative mind to benefit one profession while the olds may centralize their authority after a long period of time. Yet, as lacing experice of the new people, the old leaders also would aided to help them.

语法还要在注意下，可能是粗心吧，提纲和逻辑很好，文章的总体结构很好。句子的句型有些不够考究，有些能感觉出来是重中文思路翻译过来的，所以有点不自然。选词不错，值得学习哦~~阿布，不错，继续加油

Cappuccino☆UID: 2155660

感谢Sally的修改~~好详细啊~~~嗯嗯,认真学习-ing

yangxingUID: 2112368

issue70 Cappuccino☆作业(Coffee)~~西西,帮我改改哦

issue70 In any profession--business, politics, education, government--those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership.

summary:
1. old to be a leader for a long time will have little creative mind, and abuse power.
2. benefits of new leaders
3. the flaws of new leaders

The leadership, as such a special profession that has its own complexity differs from other vocations, should either be occupied by the olds for a long period of time or attempt granted to the new generation. As the abundance of experience but little creative mind the olds characterized, while the news owns opposite, it is plausible to give opportunity for the new leaders to step up, yet the span of time aan old leader maintainmaintain would yield to one's ability
Old leaders would less likely to suit the very field as time passed, due to the declining generation of creative mind and the probilityprobability to abuse their power. Firstly, the olds would form a pattern of thinking developed many years they strive, which would never adapteadapt the vicissitude of seasons. In this case, they would generate little creative mind and the stragegies strategies they directed would be old-fashioned, resulting bad efforts for one paticular错词 profession. Secondly, after a long period in a high place that control the development of one filed with very authority, the leaders would to a large extent enjoy the privilege that no one except themsevleves错词 own. Thus the centralization of authority, which makes all other people to follow their steps and unreasonablely错词 punish anyone who doubts, would likely to occur, although in early years they contributes much to that field.

Futhermore错词, the new leadership would bring one field new blood(不知道这样表达对不对~~)breathed new life也可以 for earing错词 as much profits as possible. We would find that alomst错词 all the new leaders are filled with enthusiam错词 to be granted as such a craving job, thus they would devote to express the most talent to be famous and admired. Such willing to excavate as much as protencial错词 to be a good leader would never exists in the old leaders' mind as they have already convince the public their ability. Moreover, the thinking pattern of the new people would be more creative and couragous错词 than the olds, as they are willing to accept more challenge to prove their abilities. Although adventures potencially错词 exsists错词, the benefits which brings would surely beyond. As the new leaders would propulse错词 the paves a field towards, giving oppotunity错词 to them would bring more benefits.

On the other hand, lacking much experience, the new people would infront错词 a large amount of troubles being a leader. As newly-appointed, these leaders would be less familiar which the inner complexity of such profession. Deciding the stragegy错词 to develop such a completely strange career, the new people would have less chance to accomplish than the sophisticated old leaders. Also, the too much self-confidence and ignoring the olds' advice widely exesists错词 in the govern of the new leaders. Therefore, complelety错词 belive错词 the new peple's错词 direction would also causes some detrimental problems, in this case, the advanced way for preventing is to grand partly authority to the new leaders, for cultivate them aided by the experienced old leaders. Thus, whether an old leader would step down after five years would refering错词 to the ablility错词 they own. That is, if the olds are still qualified their jobs well, new people could study from them longer.

In sum, the new leaders should substitute the olds because they are characterized to have more ensusisam错词 and creative mind to benefit one profession while the olds may centralize their authority after a long period of time. Yet, as lacing experice错词 of the new people, the old leaders also would aided to help them.

感觉整篇文章都在论述，没有吸引人的例子。应该具体些再具体些。如果思辨能力不前的话，就要在例子上取胜。不知道是用多少时间写的，自数还不少。我们一起努力。我也想写了，手都痒了，哈哈。我们组长效率好高

[ Last edited by yangxing on 2005-12-30 at 08:33 ]

Cappuccino☆UID: 2155660

感谢大家的修改~~~一起努力,一起进步！！！