Issue130 最挣扎的一篇

bunnymz2005UID：2146758

【题目】
Issue130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

现在孩子的社会化程度决定了社会的命运，可惜的是，我们还没有学会教孩子怎样去建设一个更好的社会。
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【Outline】
1. 社会化的含义及其对于社会的重要性
2. 除了社会化之外还有许多因素决定着社会未来的命运，比如人们的创新，科学技术水平等等（印刷，电灯，internet）
3. 从社会的发展与进步来看，人们已经学会教育孩子区建设一个更好的社会。当然也不可否认，教育中的确也存在着一些问题，但总的来说这并不影响总的趋势。
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【正文】
Prior to my analysis, I have to concede that the socialization of children, to certain extent, does exert great influence on the predisposition of society; however, in reality the destiny of society hinges on myriad complicated factors besides socialization of children and fortunately people in modern world have also mastered the way of raising children who are able to successfully create and wield a better society.

To begin with, we should aware that the role which socialization plays in the growth of the next generation becomes more and more conspicuous. Considering how a ignorant child grow up gradually to a wise man, we can see that socialization is actually a process through which the children learn the norms and culture of a given environment and form acceptable behaviors in the frame of its culture in certain society. During this process, the children learn to be undisturbed when facing emergencies, realize the importance of cooperation with others and obtain the ability to make an appropriate decision by themselves. At this point, how the children are socialized absolutely affects the society, after all the children are the dominators and the constructors of the future society. It is not hard to imagine how a child socialized abnormally or rejected by his or her peers would be. They may just grow up to be criminals, strange persons or out of mind, no matter which is the situation it would undoubtedly do harm to the society. Hence, the society should pay enough attention on the normal socialization of children and ensure them to grow up healthily.

However, we can not expect that only relying on the children with social skills and unanimous thoughts our society can be constructed better. Indeed, It is really a terrible thing to only focus on the function of socialization. Since the socialization hinges on the same culture background in a society, the people tend to behave more or less similarly and form identical characteristic. If so,  we can foresee that there would be no Roosevelt and his New Deal, no Bill Gates and his Microsoft and no Picasso and his impressionism. In fact, there are many other factors that have great impacts on the destiny of the society such as the ability of creation, perseverance through the whole life, the courage in face of hardship, the loyalty to the country and so forth. It is just these virtues that provide the impetus for the society and make it much more better than before.

Last but not least, when it comes to education, many people would point out the issue of pollution, poverty, terrorism and the like to blame the method of educating the nascent generation. Certainly nobody would deny that there do exist some imperfections in modern education, however in general our society has made huge progress in various areas as we see it. For example, people invent inoculations to cure diseases completely that prolong the longevity of human being, people succeed in exploring the space that can not be imagined by our ancestor and people create the Internet that make the whole world like a small village. This illustrates that people are successful in cultivating their children, after all we eventually go out from the cavern and live a happy life with modern appliances and affluent materials. Therefore, the education of the children and people themselves deserve applauds from human beings.

In summary, the destiny of society rests on many factors besides how children are socialized. Although education at the present time is not perfect and is to blame from certain angles, we have sufficient reasons to believe that new generation would create a better world in terms of the reality of today’s society constructed successfully by our ancestors.

智恩UID：2160717

Prior to my analysis, I have to concede that the socialization of children, to certain extent, does exert great influence on the predisposition【这个词是倾向的意思吧，会给社会倾向带来很大的影响，觉得不是很通顺】 of society; however, in reality the destiny of society hinges on myriad complicated factors besides socialization of children and fortunately people in modern world have also mastered the way of raising children who are able to successfully create and wield a better society.

To begin with, we should 【be】aware that the role which socialization plays in the growth of the next generation becomes more and more conspicuous. Considering how a【an】 ignorant child grow【grows】 up gradually to a wise man, we can see that socialization is actually a process through which the children learn the norms and culture of a given environment and form acceptable behaviors in the frame of its culture in certain society. During this process, the【去掉】 children learn to be undisturbed when facing emergencies, realize the importance of cooperation with others and obtain the ability to make an appropriate decision by themselves. At this point, how the children are socialized absolutely affects the society, after all the children are the dominators and the constructors of the future society. It is not hard to imagine how a child socialized abnormally or rejected by his or her peers would be. They may just grow up to be criminals, strange persons or out of mind【不明白什么是out of mind，是想说心理不健康吗？mental illness】, no matter which is the situation it would undoubtedly do harm to the society. Hence, the society should pay enough attention on【to】 the normal socialization of children and ensure them to grow up healthily.

However, we can not expect that only relying on the children with social skills and unanimous thoughts our society can be constructed better. Indeed, It is really a terrible thing to only focus on the function of socialization. Since the socialization hinges on the same culture background in a society, the people tend to behave more or less similarly and form identical characteristic. If so,  we can foresee that there would be no Roosevelt and his New Deal, no Bill Gates and his Microsoft and no Picasso and his impressionism.【这里最好加一句因为他们都是有创造力的，这样会比较好衔接】 In fact, there are many other factors that have great impacts on the destiny of the society such as the ability of creation, perseverance through the whole life, the courage in face of hardship, the loyalty to the country and so forth. It is just these virtues that provide the impetus for the society and make it much more better than before.【这段总的没啥问题】

Last but not 【the】least, when it comes to education, many people would point out the issue of pollution, poverty, terrorism and the like to blame the method of educating the nascent generation. Certainly nobody would deny that there【改成here吧，通顺些】 do exist some imperfections in modern education, however in general our society has made huge progress in various areas as we see it. For example, people invent inoculations to cure diseases completely that prolong the longevity of human being, people succeed in exploring the space that can not be imagined by our ancestor and people create the Internet that make the whole world like a small village. This illustrates that people are successful in cultivating their children, after all we eventually go out from the cavern and live a happy life with modern appliances and affluent materials. Therefore, the education of the children and people themselves deserve applauds from human beings.

In summary, the destiny of society rests on many factors besides how children are socialized. Although education at the present time is not perfect and is to blame from certain angles, we have sufficient reasons to believe that new generation would create a better world in terms of the reality of today’s society constructed successfully by our ancestors.

虽然写得有点久，但我觉得从思路到句型、词汇都没有太大的问题

lawrence1984UID：178326

Issue130 最挣扎的一篇

【题目】
Issue130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

现在孩子的社会化程度决定了社会的命运，可惜的是，我们还没有学会教孩子怎样去建设一个更好的社会。
************************************************************************************
【Outline】
1. 社会化的含义及其对于社会的重要性
2. 除了社会化之外还有许多因素决定着社会未来的命运，比如人们的创新，科学技术水平等等（印刷，电灯，internet）
3. 从社会的发展与进步来看，人们已经学会教育孩子区建设一个更好的社会。当然也不可否认，教育中的确也存在着一些问题，但总的来说这并不影响总的趋势。
************************************************************************************
【正文】
Prior to my analysis, I have to concede that the socialization of children, to certain extent, does exert great influence on the （predisposition 我觉得这个词用得挺好的，没问题） of society; however, in reality the destiny of society hinges on myriad complicated factors besides socialization of children and fortunately people in modern world have also mastered the way of raising children who are able to successfully create and wield a better society.开头段提出了自己 对于论题的认识，给出了论述的范围，总领全文，我认为这段写得不错。

To begin with, we should（be） aware that the role which socialization plays in the growth of the next generation becomes more and more conspicuous.（举例） Considering how a ignorant child grow up gradually to a wise man, we can see that socialization is actually a process through which the children learn the norms and culture of a given environment and form acceptable behaviors in the frame of its culture in（of） certain society. During this process, the children learn to be undisturbed when facing emergencies, realize the importance of cooperation with others and obtain the ability to make an appropriate decision by themselves（社会化过程中儿童的表现就仅仅就是这些吗？ ）. At this point, how the children are socialized absolutely（我觉得上面的几方面没有表现出绝对的影响社会的意思，你觉得呢？或者说表达得还不够明显。） affects the society, after all the children are the dominators and the constructors of the future society. It is not hard to imagine how a child socialized abnormally or rejected by his or her peers would be. They may just grow up to be criminals, strange persons or（ out of mind）（我没查到这个词组的意思，请教！ ）, no matter which is the situation（，） it would undoubtedly do harm to the society（In whole） . Hence, the society should pay enough attention on the normal socialization of children and ensure them to grow up healthily.（这段主要是举例说理，但是个人认为在逻辑上还不是很严密，如果孩子disturbed, uncooperative , inappropriate decision making会对社会导致怎样的影响没有很好的说清楚。）

However, we can not expect that only relying on the children with social skills and unanimous thoughts our society can be constructed better. Indeed, It is really a terrible thing to only focus on the function of socialization. Since the socialization hinges on the same culture background in a society, the people tend to behave more or less similarly and form identical characteristic. If so,  we can foresee that there would be no Roosevelt and his New Deal, no Bill Gates and his Microsoft and no Picasso and his impressionism.（很好的例子，许习中，导演李安也是一个例子） In fact, there are many other factors that have great impacts on the destiny of the society such as the ability of creation, perseverance through the whole life, the courage in face of hardship, the loyalty to the country and so forth. It is just these virtues that provide the impetus for the society and make it much more better than before.（这一段论述太简洁了，对于其他因素虽与社会的影响就说一句话显然是不够具体和深入的，应该举几个例子，加以论证，充实）

Last but not least（以后first of all, last but not least这种词最好换掉，因为很多人都这样用，外国人看不出什么新意，往往6分的文章都少用这些词的）, when it comes to education, many people would point out the issue of pollution, poverty, terrorism and the like to blame the method of educating the nascent generation. Certainly nobody would deny that there do exist some imperfections in modern education, however（，） in general our society has made huge progress in various areas as we see it. For example, people invent inoculations to cure diseases completely that prolong the longevity of human being, people succeed in exploring the space that can not be imagined by our ancestor and people create the Internet that make the whole world like a small village. （这些方面的进步对于怎样有利于教育孩子时起更好的社会化的作用没有说明白。）This illustrates that people are successful in cultivating their children, after all we eventually go out from the cavern and live a happy life with modern appliances and affluent materials. Therefore, the education of the children and people themselves deserve applauds from human beings.（这段的逻辑结构和例子都挺好的，但是在例子在什么方面支持论点的论述过程中还不够明显，你觉得呢？）

In summary, the destiny of society rests on many factors besides how children are socialized. Although education at the present time is not perfect and is to blame from certain angles, we have sufficient reasons to believe that new generation would create a better world in terms of the reality of today’s society constructed successfully by our ancestors.

lawrence1984UID：178326

现在练习开始限时了吗？ 建议写到十篇后限时。