Argument216 Kito小组作业贴 多谢修改^-^

bunnymz2005UID: 2146758

【题目】
Argument216（2005年2-9月总频21次）
The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.

"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
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【翻译】
由于Clearview的天然景色和温和气候，它应该成为那些为退休后寻找生活地的人的首选。其中一项好处是，Clearview的房价在去年显著下降，房地产税一直比邻近城市低。而且，Clearview的市长承诺了很多新方案来改善学校、街道和公共服务。Clearview的退休人员也可以在老年时享受到出色的医疗服务，因为该地区的医生数量高于全国平均水平。
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【提纲】
1．        作者没有给给出前几年的房价情况，也许房价前几年都涨，只有去年跌了，结果还是比原来高。其他城市的地产税的情况不知，该市的地产税虽然比临近城市低，但是由于临近城市税很高，该市的税仍可能比其他地方高。因此，房子不一定能像作者认为的那样成为吸引退休者的因素。
2．        市长承诺很多新方案来改善学校等，但是仅仅是个承诺而已，能不能实施呢？实施之后效果如何呢？而且，这样的承诺是不是在一定程度上暗示了该市之前在这些方面有缺陷呢？另外，就算改善了，那么学校的改善对于退休者有什么好处呢，可能仅仅增加了他们的纳税额而已。
3．        医生的数量和质量不是一个概念。人数多都是庸医，那怎么保证退休者的健康呢？
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【正文】
Prior to accepting the recommendation that Clearview should be a best choice for the retirees seeking a place to live, I find the evidence presented requires a close scrutiny from several aspects. The author seems to have unduly relied on a myriad of unsubstantiated evidence and thus draw a conclusion that is fundamentally flawed.

First of all, as mentioned in this argument housing costs in Clearview have declined significantly last year. However, the author fails to inform us of the situation of the years before last years. In fact, it is highly possible that housing costs had been increasing steadily and continuously to quite a high level before last year. As a consequence, the price of housing remains far more prohibitive than that of the other towns though it appears to be comparatively lower than itself before. Furthermore, the author also claims that real estate taxes in the area turn out to be lower than those in neighboring towns. But what about the other towns which are far away from Clearview? Perhaps real estate taxes are much lower than these in Clearview and its neighboring towns. Since the author fails to respond to these concerns, the assumption that low housing costs and real estate taxes would appeal to the people who seek a place to live in is open to question.

In addition, we might also consider many new programs Clearview's mayor promises to improve schools, streets, and public services. Since they are only promises, we have sufficient reasons to suspect whether the promises can be realized and how efficient they can be carried out. There is a good chance that the area can not fulfill these programs for they are undergoing the economics hardships and cannot afford enough money on them. Moreover, the people who are in charge of these programs may lack experiences or necessary tools and cannot finish them in a short period. If so, the people who choose to reside in Clearview may have no chance to see any imprvements in their rest lives.

Besides, there is still another two problems about the mayor's promises to improve schools, streets and public services. In one sense, since the mayor promise to improve these aspects, we have sound reasons to assume that Clearview tends to be awful in the aspects mentioned. It is entirely possible that Clearview lack high-quality schools, clean streets, and excellent public welfare. In that case, retirees may give up the idea to live there. In another sense, improving schools appears to be strange for the retirees. What on earth they can attain from improving schools? They may expect nothing but more taxes to pay. In that case, the people who are seeking a place to reside would also not choose Clearview.

Last but not the least, the author simply equates the numbers of physicians with the quality of physicians. Indeed, common sense tells us that quantity and quality are not the same thing. What if the physicians in the area are all chalatens? Furthermore, even assuming that the physicians are good, it would nevertheless perfunctory to posit that the retirees in Clearview would receive better treatment without other possible factors that also influence the quality of treatment such as the medical appliance, the environment in the hospitals. Absent the information about physicians and conditions of medical care, the assumption that the retirees would expect better medical care is premature at best.

To sum up, the argument is weakened by the flaws discussed above. In order to better evaluate it, the author needs to demonstrate that the housing costs and real estate taxes in Clearview are lower than these in other places. Moreover, the author should also provide detailed information about the new programs and the quality of physicians in the area.

lawrence1984UID: 178326

Argument216 Kito小组作业贴 多谢修改^-^

【题目】
Argument216（2005年2-9月总频21次）
The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.

"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
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【翻译】
由于Clearview的天然景色和温和气候，它应该成为那些为退休后寻找生活地的人的首选。其中一项好处是，Clearview的房价在去年显著下降，房地产税一直比邻近城市低。而且，Clearview的市长承诺了很多新方案来改善学校、街道和公共服务。Clearview的退休人员也可以在老年时享受到出色的医疗服务，因为该地区的医生数量高于全国平均水平。
************************************************************************************
【提纲】
1．        作者没有给给出前几年的房价情况，也许房价前几年都涨，只有去年跌了，结果还是比原来高。其他城市的地产税的情况不知，该市的地产税虽然比临近城市低，但是由于临近城市税很高，该市的税仍可能比其他地方高。因此，房子不一定能像作者认为的那样成为吸引退休者的因素。（可以补充说说就算这些属实，以后还是可能出现高的情况，）
2．        市长承诺很多新方案来改善学校等，但是仅仅是个承诺而已，能不能实施呢？实施之后效果如何呢？而且，这样的承诺是不是在一定程度上暗示了该市之前在这些方面有缺陷呢？另外，就算改善了，那么学校的改善对于退休者有什么好处呢，可能仅仅增加了他们的纳税额而已。（这点很好了。）
3．        医生的数量和质量不是一个概念。人数多都是庸医，那怎么保证退休者的健康呢？
************************************************************************************
【正文】
Prior to accepting the recommendation that Clearview should be a best choice for the retirees seeking a place to live, I find the evidence presented requires a close scrutiny from several aspects. The author seems to have unduly relied on a myriad of unsubstantiated evidence and thus draw a conclusion that is fundamentally flawed.（开头我想可以改进的地方没有多少了，这样就很好了）

First of all, as mentioned in this argument housing costs in Clearview have declined significantly last year. However, the author fails to inform us （of）（ of 是不是应该去掉？）the（that） situation of the years before last years. In fact, it is highly possible that housing costs had been increasing steadily and continuously to quite a high level before last year. As a consequence, the price of housing remains far more prohibitive than that of the other towns though it appears to be comparatively lower than itself before. （这点的驳斥很好!）Furthermore, the author also claims that real estate taxes in the area turn out to be lower than those in neighboring towns. ( 就算是地产税低是真的，也有可能存在其他各种税都高的情况，那么也可能是的C处不适合退休居住)But what about the other towns which are far away from Clearview? Perhaps real estate taxes are much lower than these in Clearview and its neighboring towns. Since the author fails to respond to these concerns, the assumption that low housing costs and real estate taxes would appeal to the people who seek a place to live in is open to question.（这段的驳斥具体，但是我觉得可以在细化写，当然这样已经很好了>）

In addition, we might also consider many new programs Clearview's mayor promises to improve schools, streets, and public services. Since they are only promises, we have sufficient reasons to suspect whether the promises can be realized and how efficient(efficiently)  they can be carried out. There is a good chance that the area can not fulfill these programs for they are undergoing the economics hardships and cannot afford enough money on them. Moreover, the people who are in charge of these programs may lack experiences or necessary tools and cannot finish them in a short period. If so, the people who choose to reside in Clearview may have no chance to see any imprvements in their rest lives.( 很好！但是这段的开头写的很平常，可以改进)

Besides, there is still another two problems about the mayor's promises to improve schools, streets and public services. In one sense, since the mayor promise to improve these aspects, we have sound reasons to assume that Clearview tends to be awful in the aspects mentioned. It is entirely possible that Clearview lack high-quality schools, clean streets, and excellent public welfare. In that case, retirees may give up the idea to live there. In another sense, improving schools appears to be strange for the retirees. What on earth they can attain from improving schools? They may expect nothing but more taxes to pay（这里做的很好！）. In that case, the people who are seeking a place to reside would also not choose Clearview.
既然这两段说的是一个问题的两层，那么放在一起好些。当然这样做没什么问题和不好，尊重你的想法就可以了。

（Last but not the least,（建议换掉斜体部分）） the author simply equates the numbers of physicians with the quality of physicians. Indeed, common sense tells us that quantity and quality are not the same thing. What if the physicians in the area are all chalatens（charlatans）? Furthermore, even assuming that the physicians are good, it would nevertheless perfunctory to posit that the retirees in Clearview would receive better treatment without other possible factors that also influence the quality of treatment such as the medical appliance, the environment in the hospitals. Absent the information about physicians and conditions of medical care, the assumption that the retirees would expect better medical care is premature at best. ( 这段驳斥没问题了。)

To sum up, the argument is weakened by the flaws discussed above. In order to better evaluate it, the author needs to demonstrate that the housing costs and real estate taxes in Clearview are lower than these in other places. Moreover, the author should also provide detailed information about the new programs and the quality of physicians in the area. （结尾和以前风格不一样了。很好！）我觉得你的argument已经没有什么大问题了，但是可以再进一步的精进语言的运用，这方面就要靠你的努力了，加油哦！）

lincoln_8513UID: 2132238

Prior to accepting the recommendation that Clearview should be a (the) best choice for the retirees seeking a place to live, I find the evidence presented requires a close scrutiny from several aspects. The author seems to have unduly relied on a myriad of unsubstantiated evidence and thus draw a conclusion that is fundamentally flawed.(开头在我看来比较新颖)

First of all, as mentioned in this argument housing costs in Clearview have declined significantly last year. However, the author fails to inform us of the situation of the years before last years(the last year). In fact, it is highly possible that housing costs had been increasing steadily and continuously to quite a high level before (the) last year. As a consequence, the price of housing remains far more prohibitive than that of the other towns though it appears to be comparatively lower than itself before(itself多余). Furthermore, the author also claims that real estate taxes in the area turn out to be lower than those in neighboring towns. But what about the other towns which are far away from Clearview? Perhaps real estate taxes(指代不明) are much lower than these in Clearview and its neighboring towns. Since the author fails to respond to these concerns, the assumption that low housing costs and real estate taxes would appeal to (to去掉)the people who seek a place to live in is open to question.

In addition, we might also consider many new programs Clearview's mayor promises to improve schools, streets, and public services. Since they are only promises, we have sufficient reasons to suspect whether the promises can be realized and how efficient they can be carried out. There is a good chance that the area can not fulfill these programs for they are undergoing the economics hardships and cannot afford enough money on them. Moreover, the people who are in charge of these programs may lack experiences or necessary tools and cannot finish them in a short period. If so, the people who choose to reside in Clearview may have no chance to see any imprvements in their rest lives(the rest of their lives).(这一段的论证逻辑很出色)

Besides, there is still another (other)two problems about the mayor's promises to improve schools, streets and public services. In one sense, since the mayor promises to improve these aspects, we have sound reasons to assume that Clearview tends to be awful in the aspects mentioned. It is entirely possible that Clearview lack high-quality schools, clean streets, and excellent public welfare. In that case, retirees may give up the idea to live there. In another sense, improving schools appears to be strange for the retirees. What on earth they can attain from improving schools? They may expect nothing but more taxes to pay. In that case, the people who are seeking a place to reside would also not choose Clearview.

Last but not the least, the author simply equates the numbers of physicians with the quality of physicians. Indeed, common sense tells us that quantity and quality are not the same thing. What if the physicians in the area are all chalatens? Furthermore, even assuming that the physicians are good, it would nevertheless perfunctory to posit that the retirees in Clearview would receive better treatment without other possible factors that also influence the quality of treatment such as the medical appliance, the environment in the hospitals. (Being) Absent of the information about physicians and conditions of medical care, the assumption that the retirees would expect better medical care is premature at best.

To sum up, the argument is weakened by the flaws discussed above. In order to better evaluate it, the author needs to demonstrate that the housing costs and real estate taxes in Clearview are lower than these in other places. Moreover, the author should also provide detailed information about the new programs and the quality of physicians in the area.


正好写了这一篇,帮着看看.
句式寻用不错,除个别小错误.
选的点还可以再考虑下,四个论证中的第三个感觉逻辑性差点.
实际上这一篇argument 漏洞相当多,
比如过于强调消费少,但是也许退休的人不在乎钱而更在乎生活质量;
比如房价即使确实降低并不意味着价格低,也许原来的价格更是高的离谱;
比如内科医生数量增加,但人均数量减少等等.

随便改改,参考下吧

[ 本帖最后由 lincoln_8513 于 2006-1-27 09:05 编辑 ]

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

看了你的文章觉得开头写的很棒，向你学习！
还有，我觉得你的第一段的论证写的很好，象他们所评的那样，还可以在添1－2个批驳点，比如其它地方的风景和气候呢？可能更好; retirees 一定对房子的价格很在乎吗？可能他们更看重的是房子的质量和生活的舒适，这点我是从消费水平，社会福利，养老保险等批的
那我觉得你的第二三段可以和在一起写，这样既节省时间又可以使批驳的论点突出
其它问题我实在找不出，你的文章写的太好了，呵呵，加油！