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[i习作temp] Argument200 Kito小组作业帖 多谢修改^-^ [复制链接]

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发表于 2006-1-28 22:58:27 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
【题目】
Argument200
Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
***********************************************************************************
【翻译】
从牙医那里获得的统计数据表明在看牙医时男性昏厥的次数是女性的三倍。这一证据说明男性在接受牙科治疗时比女性更容易感到痛楚。因此,那些做广告来吸引患者的牙医应该定位于男性顾客,并同时强调他们的麻醉技术和他们的职员对于紧张和痛苦患者的敏感度。
***********************************************************************************
【提纲】
1.调查没有告诉我们关于病患的详细信息,我们有理由怀疑他的代表性。而且我们知道看牙医的时候治疗方式有多种,如果男性和女性所接受的治疗是不同的,之间显然就没有可比性了。
2.昏厥不一定是因为痛苦。可能男人本身由于生理的原因就惧怕那些医疗器械,钻头之类的。可能在牙医那里接受治疗的男性身体恰好都比较弱,还有一点我们知道看牙的时候一般会打麻药,会不会是麻药对男性的作用小呢?忽略了这些方面而认为在接受牙科治疗时男人比女人更容易感到痛苦是站不住脚的。了
3.将广告的目标定位在男性顾客,会增加盈利么,可能定位在女性身上更容易盈利,男性会看广告么? 就算看了他们会信么? 而且,强调他们的麻醉技术好喝职员关心患者就够了么,关键还是看主治医生的技术吧!
***********************************************************************************
【正文】
Prior to choosing to target the male consumer via placing emphasize on both the effectiveness of anesthetic techniques and the carefulness of their staff towards nervous or suffering patients, I find the evidence presented in this argument requires a in-depth scrutiny from several aspects. The author seems to have unduly relied on the vague statistics cited in this argument and thus draw a conclusion that is fundamentally flawed.

First of all, as mentioned in this argument the statistics that men tend to faint three times more than women while seeing the dentist; however, we are not informed how representative the result is. Correspondingly, we have sufficient reasons to assume that men who are included in this statistics are in poor physical conditions when they come to the dentist’s. Also, the author fails to provide detailed information about the remedy patients attain. In that case, it is entirely possible that most men who go to see dentists suffer from a relatively severe ache than women and thereby obtain a more complicated and  thus painful operation. If so, the statistics tend to be insignificant in that different operations carried out on men and women can not be compared with. Since the author fails to respond to these concerns, the statistics invoked in this argument lends little support to the conclusion.

In addition, even assuming that the statistics are accurate to reflect the reality, it would nevertheless be presumptuous to presume that it must be the pain during dental work that leads to faint. There is a good chance that due to some psychological reasons, men by nature are more frightened to face those horrible medical appliances such as the drill, saw and the like. Moreover, common sense tells us that before having dental work patients would usually be treated with anesthetics. Hence, it is highly possible that anesthetics have less effect on men than on women. If this is the case, the author can not convince me of the causal relationship between faint and distress.

Last but not the least, we might also turn our focus to the author's recommendation that dentists should primarily target the male consumer when advertising. But is it a wise decision? Probably not. As a general rule, most men tend to be inadvertent about the advertisement in the street or on TV. If so, the advertisement concentrating on male would be of no use at all. Furthermore, even if the man was informed of the information about high anesthetic technology and good service of the staff in the dentist's, are they sure to come to visit dentists without worry about the pain as the author claims? That may not be the case, either. In fact, the skills the dentists own and the advanced appliance in use rather than the good service of the staff mentioned in this argument comfort the patients more greatly and presumably help relieve their pain.

To sum up, the argument is weakened by the flaws discussed above. To better evaluate it, the author should provide more specific information about the statistics and take into account other factors that also result in faint. Moreover, before making a decision to advertise, the author should consider more about the effect the advertisements beget.
Forge ahead, never retreat!
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沙发
发表于 2006-1-29 08:49:40 |只看该作者
Argument200 Kito小组作业帖 多谢修改^-^

【题目】
Argument200
Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
***********************************************************************************
【翻译】
从牙医那里获得的统计数据表明在看牙医时男性昏厥的次数是女性的三倍。这一证据说明男性在接受牙科治疗时比女性更容易感到痛楚。因此,那些做广告来吸引患者的牙医应该定位于男性顾客,并同时强调他们的麻醉技术和他们的职员对于紧张和痛苦患者的敏感度。
***********************************************************************************
【提纲】
1.调查没有告诉我们关于病患的详细信息,我们有理由怀疑他的代表性。而且我们知道看牙医的时候治疗方式有多种,如果男性和女性所接受的治疗是不同的,之间显然就没有可比性了。
2.昏厥不一定是因为痛苦。可能男人本身由于生理的原因就惧怕那些医疗器械,钻头之类的。可能在牙医那里接受治疗的男性身体恰好都比较弱,还有一点我们知道看牙的时候一般会打麻药,会不会是麻药对男性的作用小呢?忽略了这些方面而认为在接受牙科治疗时男人比女人更容易感到痛苦是站不住脚的。了
3.将广告的目标定位在男性顾客,会增加盈利么,可能定位在女性身上更容易盈利,男性会看广告么? 就算看了他们会信么? 而且,强调他们的麻醉技术好喝职员关心患者就够了么,关键还是看主治医生的技术吧!
***********************************************************************************
【正文】
Prior to choosing to target the male consumer via placing emphasize on both the effectiveness of anesthetic techniques and the carefulness of their staff towards nervous or suffering patients, I find the evidence presented in this argument requires a in-depth scrutiny from several aspects. The author seems to have unduly relied on the vague statistics cited in this argument and thus draw a conclusion that is fundamentally flawed.(开头好!)

First of all, as mentioned in this argument the statistics that men tend to faint three times more than women while seeing the dentist; however, we are not informed how representative the result is. Correspondingly, we have sufficient reasons to assume that men who are included in this statistics are in poor physical conditions when they come to the dentist’s. Also, the author fails to provide detailed information about the remedy patients attain. In that case, it is entirely possible that most men who go to see dentists suffer from a relatively severe ache than women and thereby obtain a more complicated and  thus painful operation. If so, the statistics tend to be insignificant in that different operations carried out on men and women can not be compared with. Since the author fails to respond to these concerns, the statistics invoked in this argument lends little support to the conclusion.

In addition, even assuming that the statistics are (accurate)(换个好点的词1!) to reflect the reality, it would nevertheless be presumptuous to presume that it must be the pain during dental work that leads to faint.( There is a good chance that due to some psychological reasons, men by nature are more frightened to face those horrible medical appliances such as the drill, saw and the like.)(这里的理由有依据吗?) Moreover, common sense tells us that before having dental work patients would usually be treated with anesthetics. Hence, it is highly possible that anesthetics have less effect on men than on women. If this is(was) the case, the author can not convince me of the causal relationship between faint and distress.

(Last but not the least)(以后不要用这个连接词,老外不看好,因为大家都在用,没有新意。), we might also turn our focus to the author's recommendation that dentists should primarily target the male consumer when advertising. But is it a wise decision? Probably not. As a general rule, most men tend to be inadvertent about the advertisement in the street or on TV. If so, the advertisement concentrating on male would be of no use at all. Furthermore, even if the man was informed of the information about high anesthetic technology and good service of the staff in the dentist's, are they sure to come to visit dentists without worry about the pain as the author claims? That may not be the case, either(neither). In fact, the skills the dentists own and the advanced appliance in use rather than the good service of the staff mentioned in this argument comfort the patients more greatly and presumably help relieve their pain.

To sum up, the argument is weakened by the flaws discussed above. To better evaluate it, the author should provide more specific information about the statistics and take into account other factors that also result in faint. Moreover, before making a decision to advertise, the author should consider more about the effect the advertisements beget. (很好!写到现在的文章能用到这么多的高级词汇是在不容易,学习中……,我想你只要在语言方面在力求精炼就会更好了,你的风格已经形成了。努力! Fighting!!)

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板凳
发表于 2006-1-31 08:39:15 |只看该作者

第一次修改版^-^

Prior to choosing to target the male consumer via placing emphasize on both the effectiveness of anesthetic techniques and the carefulness of their staff towards nervous or suffering patients, I find the evidence presented in this argument requires an in-depth scrutiny from several aspects. The author seems to have unduly relied on the vague statistics cited in this argument and thus draw a conclusion that is fundamentally flawed.

First of all, as mentioned in this argument the statistics that men tend to faint three times more than women while seeing the dentist; however, we are not informed how representative the result is. Correspondingly, we have sufficient reasons to assume that men who are included in this statistics are in poor physical conditions when they come to the dentist’s. Also, the author fails to provide detailed information about the remedy patients attain. For that matter, it is entirely possible that most men who go to see dentists suffer from a relatively severe ache than women and thereby obtain a more complicated and thus painful operation. If so, the statistics tend to be insignificant in that different operations carried out on men and women can not be compared with. Since the author fails to respond to these concerns, the statistics invoked in this argument lends little support to the conclusion.

In addition, even assuming that the statistics are in accordance with the reality, it would nevertheless be presumptuous to presume that it must be the pain during dental work that leads to faint. There is a good chance that due to some psychological reasons, men by nature are more frightened to face those horrible medical appliances such as the drill, saw and the like. Moreover, common sense tells us that before having dental work patients would usually be treated with anesthetics. Hence, it is highly possible that anesthetics have less effect on men than on women. Were it the case, the author can not convince me of the causal relationship between faint and distress.

Before coming to finish my analysis, we might also turn our focus to the author's recommendation that dentists should primarily target the male consumer when advertising. But is it a wise decision? Probably not. As a general rule, most men tend to be inadvertent about the advertisement in the street or on TV. If so, the advertisement concentrating on male would be of no use at all. Furthermore, even if the man was informed of the information about high anesthetic technology and good service of the staff in the dentist's, are they sure to come to visit dentists without worry about the pain as the author claims? That may not be the case, either. In fact, the skills the dentists own and the advanced appliance in use rather than the good service of the staff mentioned in this argument comfort the patients more greatly and presumably help relieve their pain.

To sum up, the argument is weakened by the flaws discussed above. To better evaluate it, the author should provide more specific information about the statistics and take into account other factors that also result in faint. Moreover, before making a decision to advertise, the author should consider more about the effect the advertisements beget.
Forge ahead, never retreat!

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RE: Argument200 Kito小组作业帖 多谢修改^-^ [修改]
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