argument145 补作业啦，欢迎拍拍....

forevercocoUID: 149574

145 A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise.evidence Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.claim

打鼾使体重增加: 影响睡眠---没有力气锻炼---打鼾的人应该少吃多运动。

这篇文章是很有意思的一篇，是argument里面为数不多的自相矛盾并且陷入循环错误的一篇，写起来应该小心一些，否则容易把自己给绕进去，有一些不利点是应该避开的（思路相当清晰者除外）。例如说我下面写出的第三点无法说明打鼾会使体重增加，有可能因为体重增加而打鼾，如果提出这样的假设，那等于变相的承认了少吃多运动可以控制体重对打鼾者是有利的，在反驳论据同时一定程度上支持了论点，增加了论证的难度，真ft.

1. 实验中打鼾与不打鼾的人其他的条件是否有差异，年龄、基础体重、病史、饮食状况、锻炼情况等等。
2. 实验的时间，人群数量未知，体重得具体增量未知. statistically reliable.
3. 无法说明打鼾会使体重增加，有可能因为体重增加而打鼾。
4.短暂的waking是否会影响睡眠质量有待证实，因此，也没有力气锻炼也无根据(夸大)
5.没有证据显示，少吃和多运动会减少打鼾。
6.Terminology. what is less what is more? 量的限制。
7. to tired to exercise和exercise more本身就是矛盾的。

模仿下面6分范文的一篇，不知道成功否，hoho
<https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=199905>

Before asserting the relationship between snoring and weight gain, the evidence of this argument should be examined from several other aspects. The researchers who conducted the study seem to assume that restraining diet and enough exercise would be beneficial to those who snore at night without examining any other factors which may have affected the results of the study.

First of all, for a study to be accurate, it must be controlled, with a balance between the experimental and the control groups. Above the study, nothing about the age, medical record, basic weight, dietary pattern and other important factors has been shown to warrant the accuracy of it. We also don’t know whether people in the experimental group are of same backgrounds as those in the control group. Further, if snorers in the study are of higher mean basic weight than non-snorers, their weight increment will be likely larger even if their weight gain is of a low ratio. Additionally, medical record could also affect the result in some ways. Imaging some diabetics were included in the control group who seldom gained weight because of diabetes, they mean weight of this group will possibly decrease due to these imbalance factors. How can a carelessly designed study lead to an efficacious conclusion?

Besides, the researcher made a rough claim that sleep apnea at night would bring on serious tiredness during day without any reasonable proof. It’s was said in the study that the breaking caused by breathing interruption is so brief to be noticed. In what degree could an unnoticeable breaking affect one’s sleep, it still remained scientific confirmation. The affection may be scale by some numerical value as effective sleeping hour for snorers, if the actual sleeping hour is 8 but the effective hour only accounts for 6, the result will be much persuadable. At least, feedback from the snorers is necessary if they really perceive a tiredness day after snoring. However, the study falls to provide either of them.

Finally, the study falls in a self-contradiction that recommends ‘more exercise’ to those ‘too tired during the day to exercise’. Even though controlled diet and more exercise could be beneficial to snorers to some extent, the definition of ‘less’ and ‘more’ must be statistically reliable. For instance, 1700 calories intake a day for a healthy woman less than 130 pounds will be properly good to those snores at night, or 1 hour jogging or other exercises with equal energy consumption is also helpful.
Correct and clear indication is very important for a scientific paper to be convincing.

In conclusion, any legitimate experiment must be strictly controlled and logically validated in every part. This study fails to do that.

夏花秋叶UID: 2180544

咱互拍吧？
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=405407

我觉得你的分析对我很有启发。我也提一下我的提纲，欢迎指点：
（逻辑关系：层层推进）

1.data:doubtful reliability

2.(even if one accepts the data), ammount correlation in the survey doesn't suggest that snore necessarily leads to weight
1)并非打鼾直接间接引起增重，有可能某一因素既影响打鼾又引起肥胖（举例：年龄详写，基因决定略写）
2)尽管常识认为打鼾造成too tired to exercise，但无法证明too tired to exercise必然引起增重

3.(even if the causal relationship is accepted)the conclusion is logically incorrect
1)少吃多运动适用于大多数减肥者，但未必适用于因打鼾造成的肥胖者（论证可能存在的危害）
2)在“打鼾造成肥胖”成立的基础上，正确的逻辑应该是从避免打鼾入手。（论证存在少吃多运动有助于打鼾从而造成肥胖这样的可能性）


这篇文章是很有意思的一篇，是argument里面为数不多的自相矛盾并且陷入循环错误的一篇，写起来应该小心一些，否则容易把自己给绕进去，有一些不利点是应该避开的（思路相当清晰者除外）。例如说我下面写出的第三点无法说明打鼾会使体重增加，有可能因为体重增加而打鼾，如果提出这样的假设，那等于变相的承认了少吃多运动可以控制体重对打鼾者是有利的，在反驳论据同时一定程度上支持了论点，增加了论证的难度，真ft.对于你提出的这一点，我认为我们不必纠缠于a造成b还是b造成a，可以找一个c，c既造成a又造成b，引起了a和b的正相关（调查结果显示），但a和b并非因果联系。我觉得这样驳论在立场上比较有利。

1. 实验中打鼾与不打鼾的人其他的条件是否有差异，年龄、基础体重、病史、饮食状况、锻炼情况等等。
2. 实验的时间，人群数量未知，体重得具体增量未知. statistically reliable.
3. 无法说明打鼾会使体重增加，有可能因为体重增加而打鼾。
4.短暂的waking是否会影响睡眠质量有待证实，因此，也没有力气锻炼也无根据(夸大)
5.没有证据显示，少吃和多运动会减少打鼾。
6.Terminology. what is less what is more? 量的限制。
7. to tired to exercise和exercise more本身就是矛盾的。

单看提纲，窃以为比较散。

夏花秋叶UID: 2180544

Before asserting the relationship between snoring and weight gain, the evidence of this argument should be examined from several other aspects. The researchers who conducted the study seem to assume that restraining diet and enough exercise would be beneficial to those who snore at night without examining any other factors which may have affected the results of the study.（开头go straight to the theme，我的榜样！我觉得weight gain,restraining diet用得很不错）

First of all, for a study to be accurate, it must be controlled, with a balance between the experimental and the control groups. Above the study, nothing about the age, medical record, basic weight, dietary pattern and other important factors has been shown to warrant the accuracy of it. We also don’t know whether people in the experimental group are of the same backgrounds as those in the control group. Further, if snorers in the study are of higher mean basic weight than non-snorers, their weight increment will be likely larger even if their weight gain is of a low ratio. Additionally, medical record could also affect the result in some ways. Imaging some diabetics were included in the control group who seldom gained weight because of diabetes我觉得这里有点重复，可以去掉，或者"because of the disease", they mean weight of this group will possibly decrease due to these imbalance factors. How can a carelessly designed study lead to an efficacious conclusion? （这段论证得很深入，学习ing）

Besides, the researcher made a rough claim that sleep apnea at night would bring on serious tiredness during day without any reasonable proof. It’s was said in the study that the breaking caused by breathing interruption is so brief to be noticed. In what degree could an unnoticeable breaking affect one’s sleep, it still remained ("calls for" or "necessitates") scientific confirmation. The affection may be scale by some numerical value as effective sleeping hour for snorers, if the actual sleeping hour is 8 but the effective hour only accounts for 6, the result will be much persuadable. At least, feedback from the snorers is necessary if they really perceive a tiredness day after snoring. However, the study falls to provide either of them. （effective sleeping hour这点提得好）

Finally, the study falls in a self-contradiction that recommends ‘more exercise’ to those ‘too tired during the day to exercise’. Even though controlled diet and more exercise could be beneficial to snorers to some extent, the definition of ‘less’ and ‘more’ must be statistically reliable[/color]（建议改成precisely defined）. For instance, 1700 calories intake a day for a healthy woman less than 130 pounds will be properly good to those snores at night, or 1 hour jogging or other exercises with equal energy consumption is also helpful.
Correct（我觉得此处correct不太恰当，并非针对正确与否的，建议precise） and clear indication is very important for a scientific paper to be convincing.

In conclusion, any legitimate experiment must be strictly controlled and logically validated in every part. This study fails to do that（do that有点口语化）.

diamondustUID: 170378

Before asserting the relationship between snoring and weight gain, the evidence of this argument should be examined from several other aspects. The researchers who conducted the study seem to assume that restraining diet and enough exercise would be beneficial to those who snore at night without examining any other factors which may have affected the results of the study.(开头的行文很不错，不过从内容上来看，我的感觉是暗示下面都应该是讲Other Factors的了)

First of all, for a study to be accurate, it must be controlled, with a balance between the experimental and the control groups. Above the study, nothing about the age, medical record, basic weight, dietary pattern and other important factors has been shown to warrant the accuracy of it. We also don’t know whether people in the experimental group are of same backgrounds as those in the control group. Further, if snorers in the study are of higher mean basic weight than non-snorers, their weight increment will (这里还是用may吧，你怎么知道一定是指数增长。。。) be likely larger even if their weight gain is of a low ratio. Additionally, medical record could also affect the result in some ways. Imaging some diabetics were included in the control group who seldom gained weight because of diabetes, they mean weight of this group will possibly decrease due to these imbalance factors. How can a carelessly designed study lead to an efficacious conclusion? (第一段把这个study批驳的很透彻，不过这些fault只是author没有列出相关数据，不代表study本身没有做类似的对照啊，所以最后一个反问可能过了一点)

Besides, the researcher made a rough claim that sleep apnea at night would bring on serious tiredness during day without any reasonable proof. It’s was said in the study that the breaking caused by breathing interruption is so brief to be noticed. In what degree could an unnoticeable breaking affect one’s sleep, it still remained scientific confirmation. The affection may be scale by some numerical value as effective sleeping hour for snorers, if the actual sleeping hour is 8 but the effective hour only accounts for 6, the result will be much persuadable. At least, feedback from the snorers is necessary if they really perceive a tiredness day after snoring. However, the study falls to provide either of them.

Finally, the study falls in a self-contradiction that recommends ‘more exercise’ to those ‘too tired during the day to exercise’. Even though controlled diet and more exercise could be beneficial to snorers to some extent, the definition of ‘less’ and ‘more’ must be statistically reliable. For instance, 1700 calories intake a day for a healthy woman less than 130 pounds will be properly good to those snores at night, or 1 hour jogging or other exercises with equal energy consumption is also helpful.
Correct and clear indication is very important for a scientific paper to be convincing.
(首先我不觉得这里有自相矛盾的地方，另外这一段主要说的也是一个vague statistics的问题，所以TS最好应该提到数据的preciseness)


In conclusion, any legitimate experiment must be strictly controlled and logically validated in every part. This study fails to do that.



总的来说作者对这个问题里面的逻辑错误分析的比较透彻，但是似乎有些曲解了题意(^_^至少和我理解的不一样)，我觉得是一个人以一篇study作为自己的论据，加上一些reasoning得到了那个应该more excise and less food的结论，只不过他没有给出study的详细数据，从而这个论据，没有什么说服力，并不能说明问题。
不知道大家怎么理解这个题目。

[ 本帖最后由 diamondust 于 2006-2-11 18:22 编辑 ]

forevercocoUID: 149574

to夏花秋叶 :
谢谢你的修改，你的文章我也改好啦，去看看哈

todiamondust
我也觉得你对题目的这个解释更合理一些，嘿嘿，多谢多谢
而且B3的TS我自己写完也觉得有问题，就是不知道怎么改。。。
我试着用vague statistics作ts再重新写一遍哈！
btw:留下你的作文link哦