argument220

meilinUID: 2169936

Argument 220. The following appeared in an article in a magazine for writers.
"A recent study showed that in describing a typical day's conversation, people make an average of 23 references to watching television and only 1 reference to reading fiction. This result suggests that, compared with the television industry, the publishing and bookselling industries are likely to decline in profitability. Therefore, people who wish to have careers as writers should acquire training and experience in writing for television rather than for print media."

1.        调查的问题
2.        受欢迎程度和赢利性的问题
3.        选择就职的问题

In this argument, the author concludes that people should procure the training and experience in writing for television rather than for print media in order to secure the career as a writer. However, further close examination will reveal several critical fallacies that this argument subjects to.

To substantiate his recommendation, the author cited a recent study concerning the materials used by people in daily conversation to show more people watching televisions and fiction-reading is less popular. The study is not statistically representative of the general attitude of the populace, since the percentage of the respondents does not reflect the sample itself. It is highly possible; the actual number of respondents is very small. Even granted that the survey itself is representative of people’s attitude, the assumption that the amount of references used in conversation mirrors the popularity of the source of reference is groundless. It is in all likelihood that the reading fictions are more popular, but the content of the fiction is too formal to be used in daily conversation. Perhaps, fictions are popular; they can not find common topics because they read different titles of fictions. Therefore, unless the author provides us with concrete information concerning the sample of survey and offers us adequate evidence that the topics used in conversation do reflected the popularity of the source of topics, the author’s recommendation will be seriously weakened

Even if television attracts more people than do fictions, it never infers that the publishing and book selling industry will decline in profits compared with television industry. The publishing and book selling industry contains many branches more than the publishing and selling of fictions alone. It is highly possible that profits in books concerning literature and science help publishing and book selling industry harvest more profits, which counteracts and even exceed the loss in novel publishing and selling. Any of the aforementioned scenarios, if true, will seriously undermine the author’s conclusion that the profitability in book publishing and selling industry will decline. Lacking of statistical evidence about the profits of television and book industries, the author’s conclusion remains unconvinced.

Furthermore, in recommending people should acquire more training and experience in writing for television, the author unfairly assumes that pursue a career as a writer in television industry is wise choice. Without provide enough evidence, It is highly possible that the salary in book selling and publish industry is more tempting, people engage in them will get more promotion opportunities.
To conclude, in order to make this recommendation more convincing. The author must provide enough evidence to convince us the survey do reveal that fiction reading is less popular. To better assess this recommendation, the author should also offer evidence that the bleakness in fiction-reading result in the decline of profits in publishing and book selling. In addition, the author should show the choice to be a writer in television industry is more advisable.

hchoUID: 204567

Argument 220. The following appeared in an article in a magazine for writers.
"A recent study showed that in describing a typical day's conversation, people make an average of 23 references to watching television and only 1 reference to reading fiction. This result suggests that, compared with the television industry, the publishing and bookselling industries are likely to decline in profitability. Therefore, people who wish to have careers as writers should acquire training and experience in writing for television rather than for print media."

1.        调查的问题
2.        受欢迎程度和赢利性的问题
3.        选择就职的问题

In this argument, the author concludes that people should procure the training and experience in writing for television rather than for print media in order to secure the career as a writer. [删，原文简单重复] However, further close examination will reveal several critical fallacies that this argument subjects to. [不能当Main idea，会被判没有main idea的]

To substantiate his recommendation, the author cited a recent study concerning the materials used by people in daily conversation to show more people watching televisions and fiction-reading is less popular [呵呵，犯了我在Scoreitnow上犯的同样的毛病，TS一定是首句，否则会被判没有TS，全文尽量少引原文，我已经改了，meilin也要注意啊]. The study is not statistically representative of the general attitude of the populace, since the percentage of the respondents does not reflect the sample itself [这是你的TS，应该放在第一句，但since后面没读懂，题目根本没有给percentage啊]. It is highly possible; the actual number of respondents is very small /[有乱又没有力度，建议借鉴慕杉的那段问句] . Even granted that the survey itself is representative of people’s attitude, the assumption that the amount of references used in conversation mirrors the popularity of the source of reference is groundless [比较绕，需要简化]. It is in all likelihood [语气有点重] that the reading fictions are more popular, but the content of the fiction is too formal to be used in daily conversation. Perhaps, fictions are popular; they can not find common topics because they read different titles of fictions [那么电视很popular是因为大家都看同一个节目么？也不见得吧，they又指代不清，Therefore又太匆忙，整体论证效果不佳]. Therefore, unless the author provides us with concrete information concerning the sample of survey and offers us adequate evidence that the topics used in conversation do reflected the popularity of the source of topics [the source of topics, 你是指电视还是小说，但强调的不明显，还容易造成误会], the author’s recommendation will be seriously weakened [恩，最后的总结句使得这段的论证很完整]

Even if television attracts more people than do fictions, it never infers that the publishing and book selling industry will decline in profits compared with television industry. The publishing and book selling industry contains many branches more than the publishing and selling of fictions alone. It is highly possible that profits in [brought about by] books concerning literature [fiction是不是literature？概念上的子集] and science help publishing and book selling industry harvest more profits [profits help harvest more profit, 从句主语搞错了吧], which counteracts and even exceed [s，平行结构] the loss in novel publishing and selling. Any of the aforementioned scenarios, if true, will seriously undermine the author’s conclusion [claim, conclusion是最后的结论，慎用] that the profitability in book publishing and selling industry will decline. Lacking of statistical evidence about the profits of television and book industries, the author’s conclusion remains unconvinced.

Furthermore, in [?] recommending people should acquire more training and experience in writing for television, the author unfairly assumes that pursue [pursuing] a career as a writer in television industry is wise choice [又没有TS]. Without provide enough evidence, It is highly possible that the salary in book selling and publish industry is more tempting, people [who] engage in them will get more promotion opportunities. [thus。。。这段太简单了，用强对比比较好一点]

To conclude, in order to make this recommendation more convincing. The author must provide enough evidence to convince us the survey do reveal that fiction reading is less popular. To better assess this recommendation, the author should also offer evidence that the bleakness in fiction-reading result in the decline of profits in publishing and book selling. In addition, the author should show the choice to be a writer in television industry is more advisable [show… is 语法错误].

最主要的问题，Main idea 和TS不明显，我曾经试过，后果非常恐怖，望meilin也能吸取我的教训。
论证稍显无力，最后一段可能是时间问题吧，论证没有展开。