Issue51 Mars小组交作业贴 ---by fhxywei，终于完成了

fhxyweiUID: 157384

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
教育只有被专门设计来满足每一个学生个人需求和兴趣的时候才是真正有效的。

Syllabus:

1,让步，个人兴趣和需求能导致高效率的学习，实现学生个人特长
2，转折，满足个人兴趣和需求不能延伸到教育的早期阶段
3，有些学生不感兴趣的领域也是有效教育的一方面

Prior to the discussing of this topic, it is necessary to figure out that what truly effective education means to the individuals. According to a broadly accepted definition, the ultimate goal of the effective education is to teach students to know the world, to do some work, to get together with others and to be well-rounded persons. Under this criterion, whether only through tailoring the individual needs and interests of each students can this goal be fully attained still opens to questions.

Admittedly, catering to the individual needs and interests of each student is an effective way to nurture their individual special talents bestowed by the God, which is helpful to making greater achievement in the realms they are good at in the future. It is brutal to force students to engage the study of some specialties they hate. Rarely can we found a student who loves music can be efficient in studying math, and vice versa. In China, many college students have to study some majors perfunctorily and inefficiently that they hate due to their relative lower scores in the entrance examination to college. The substantial reason is actually that the limited educational resources in China cannot satisfy each student’s individual need and interest in colleges. As the individual talents decide their different interests and needs in choosing what they study from the bottom of their hearts, in this sense, education ignoring this factor dooms to be a failure in the end.

In the above discussing, I have conceded that meeting the individual needs and interests of each student is vital to let students realize their individual talents. However, such way is not always effective to guarantee a successful education. In the early stage of education especially when students are in primary schools, it is unrealistic to meet each student’s individual interest and need because most of them can hardly know what they really like. Due to their precarious interests, limited knowledge and little life experience, catering to each primary student’s interest and need is not an effective way to help them to master some basic knowledge. Given that all the primary students have the right to choose courses what they like, some difficult subjects such as mathematics will always be their last choice. In the early childhood, education should not place too much emphasis on students’ interests and needs except few geniuses, who have shown great brilliance at an very young age, since fundamental knowledge in an extensive scope such as verbal, math, music, art and so on should be mastered no matter children like or not. Thus, meeting students’ individual needs and interests just applies to those such as college students who are able to cognize what they like and are really good at.

Lastly, let’s go back to the purpose of effective education, in educating students how to get together with others and how to be a well-rounded citizen in our society, personal interests and needs have a great chance to conflict with the demand of our education. To some students, they don’t want to know how to get along well with others. Under this circumstance, should our education teach them how to behave, communicate with others? Furthermore, if a student who hates to know some basic laws in school, is our education’s responsibility to indoctrinate him or her some basics to avoid his or her blindness to crime in the future? The answer is definitely “yes”. Therefore, an truly effective education should take all these factors into consideration to acquire the well-rounded products.

In my final analysis, whether education is truly effective or not should be judged by the outcome but not the process in nurturing students. Therefore, while  through tailoring their individual interests and needs students’ talents can be fully developed, it is also essential to bear in mind  that the ultimate goal of education also inculudes fostering students into well-rounded citizens.

[ 本帖最后由 fhxywei 于 2006-2-17 12:24 编辑 ]

shellnutsUID: 2168496

我目前的水平好像还不足以改你的作文
lz写了多久了？

fhxyweiUID: 157384

我是“二进宫”，第一次考了3.5分

huangdaoUID: 190018

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
教育只有被专门设计来满足每一个学生个人需求和兴趣的时候才是真正有效的。

Syllabus:

1,让步，个人兴趣和需求能导致高效率的学习，实现学生个人特长
2，转折，满足个人兴趣和需求不能延伸到教育的早期阶段
3，有些学生不感兴趣的领域也是有效教育的一方面

Prior to the discussing of this topic, it is necessary to figure out that what truly effective education means to the individuals. According to a broadly accepted definition, the ultimate goal of the effective education is to teach students to know the world, to do some work, to get together with others and to be well-rounded persons. Under this criterion, whether only through tailoring 可以这样用吗？the individual needs and interests of each students can this goal be fully attained still opens to questions.

很不错的开头，词、句式没有可以挑剔的地方

Admittedly, catering to the individual needs and interests of each student is an effective way to nurture their individual special talents bestowed by the 去掉吧？God, which is helpful to making greater achievement in the realms they are good at in the future. It is brutal to force students to engage the study of some specialties they hate. Rarely can we found a student who loves music can be efficient in studying math, and vice versa.说得太绝对了，同时最好举例，爱因斯坦就是很好反驳你这一条的反例 In China, many college students have to study some majors perfunctorily and inefficiently that they hate due to这里是本意是做名词吗？ their relative lower scores in the entrance examination to college.感觉这句有问题 The substantial reason is actually that the limited educational resources in China cannot satisfy each student’s individual need and interest in colleges. As the individual talents decide their different interests and needs in choosing what they study from the bottom of their hearts, in this sense, education ignoring this factor 恕我愚钝，什么因素呢？而且这句和前面提到的太远了简单的归纳成一个词吧dooms to be a failure in the end.

我个人觉得这一段用正例比较好，你后面反驳也好一些，这一段用反例，容易把自己绕进去

In the above discussing, I have conceded that meeting the individual needs and interests of each student is vital to let students realize their individual talents. However, such way is not always effective to guarantee a successful education. In the early stage of education especially when students are in primary schools, it is unrealistic to meet each student’s individual interest and need because most of them can hardly know what they really like. Due to their precarious interests, limited knowledge and little life experience, catering to each primary student’s interest and need is not an effective way to help them to master some basic knowledge. Given that all the primary students have the right to choose courses what they like, some difficult subjects such as mathematics will always be their last choice. In the early childhood, education should not place too much emphasis on students’ interests and needs except few geniuses, who have shown great brilliance at an very young age, since fundamental knowledge in an extensive scope such as verbal, math, music, art and so on should be mastered no matter children like or not. Thus, meeting students’ individual needs and interests just applies to those such as college students who are able to cognize what they like and are really good at.

Lastly, let’s go back to the purpose of effective education, in educating students how to get together with others and how to be a well-rounded citizen in our society, personal interests and needs have a great chance to conflict with the demand of our education. To some students, they don’t want to know how to get along well with others. Under this circumstance, should our education teach them how to behave, communicate with others? 应是反问吧Furthermore, if a student who hates to know some basic laws in school, is our education’s responsibility to indoctrinate him or her some basics to avoid his or her blindness to crime in the future? The answer is definitely “yes”. Therefore, an truly effective education should take all these factors into consideration to acquire the well-rounded products.

In my final analysis, whether education is truly effective or not should be judged by the outcome but not the process in nurturing students. 在哪里提到的？是第二点吗？Therefore, while  through tailoring？ their individual interests and needs students’ talents can be fully developed, it is also essential to bear in mind  that the ultimate goal of education also inculudes fostering students into well-rounded citizens.

有个问题，关于论述的第二点花的笔墨最多，但是在结尾却没有提到，主要提到的是第一和第三点，那第二点与这两点是什么关系呢？我个人觉得一三点最好放一起，第二点做补充，或者换成与一三点有关的内容，总体看来，第三点应该是重点，应该着重讨论，但是好像没有

但是词，句的表达已经可以说非常好了，学习

[ 本帖最后由 huangdao 于 2006-2-17 16:57 编辑 ]

fhxyweiUID: 157384

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
教育只有被专门设计来满足每一个学生个人需求和兴趣的时候才是真正有效的。

Syllabus:

1,让步，个人兴趣和需求能导致高效率的学习，实现学生个人特长
2，转折，满足个人兴趣和需求不能延伸到教育的早期阶段
3，有些学生不感兴趣的领域也是有效教育的一方面

Prior to the discussing of this topic, it is necessary to figure out that what truly effective education means to the individuals. According to a broadly accepted definition, the ultimate goal of the effective education is to teach students to know the world, to do some work, to get together with others and to be well-rounded persons. Under this criterion, whether only through tailoring the education to the individual needs and interests of each student can this goal be fully attained still opens to questions.

Admittedly, catering to the individual needs and interests of each student is an effective way to nurture their individual special talents bestowed by God, which is helpful to making greater achievement in the realms they are good at in the future. It is brutal to force students to engage the study of some specialties they hate. For example: rarely can we found a student who hates medicine can be efficient in studying it. In China, many college students have to study some majors perfunctorily and inefficiently that they hate due to their relative lower scores in the entrance examination to college. The substantial reason is actually that the limited educational resources in China cannot satisfy each student’s individual need and interest in colleges. As the individual talents decide their different interests and needs in choosing what they study from the bottom of their hearts, in this sense, education ignoring students’ personal interests and needs dooms to be a failure in the end.

In the above discussing, I have conceded that meeting the individual needs and interests of each student is vital to let students realize their individual talents. However, such way is not always effective to guarantee a successful education. In the early stage of education especially when students are in primary schools, it is unrealistic to meet each student’s individual interest and need because most of them can hardly know what they really like. Due to their precarious interests, limited knowledge and little life experience, catering to each primary student’s interest and need is not an effective way to help them to master some basic knowledge. Given that all the primary students have the right to choose courses what they like, some difficult subjects such as mathematics will always be their last choice. In the early childhood, education should not place too much emphasis on students’ interests and needs except few geniuses, who have show great brilliance at an very young age, since fundamental knowledge in an extensive scope such as verbal, math, music, art and so on should be mastered no matter children like them or not. Thus, meeting students’ individual needs and interests just applies to those such as college students who are able to cognize what they like and are really good at.

Lastly, let’s go back to the purpose of effective education, in educating students how to get together with others and how to be a well-rounded citizen in our society, personal interests and needs have a great chance to conflict with the demand of our education. To some students, they don’t want to know how to get along well with others. Under this circumstance, should our education teach them how to behave, communicate with others? Furthermore, if a student who hates to know some basic laws in school, is our education’s responsibility to indoctrinate him or her some basics to avoid his or her blindness to crime in the future? The answer is definitely “yes”. Therefore, a truly effective education should take all these factors into consideration to acquire the well-rounded products.

In my final analysis, the only time we can claim that education is truly effective is when we see its successful outcome: the talented, qualified and civilized citizens in our society. Therefore, while through tailoring education to their individual interests and needs students’ talents can be fully developed; it is also essential to bear in mind that the ultimate goal of education also includes fostering students into well-rounded citizens.

iven19821005UID: 2160156

Prior to the discussing of this topic, it is necessary to figure out that what truly effective education means to the individuals. According to a broadly accepted definition, the ultimate goal of the effective education is to teach students to know the world, to do some work, to get together with others and to be well-rounded persons. Under this criterion, whether only through tailoring the education to the individual needs and interests of each student can this goal be fully attained still opens to questions.
（开头写得让人觉得有味道，是一片好issue，也没有什么错误，对语言得驾驭也很好。）Admittedly, catering to the individual needs and interests of each student is an effective way to nurture their individual special talents bestowed by God, which is helpful to （making应该是make吧） greater achievement in the realms they are good at in the future. It is brutal to force students to engage the study of some specialties they （hate这个词用得恰当吗，hate是不不太妥当啊）. For example: rarely can we found a student who hates（不用老用这个词吧， 比如not interested in 之类的做做变化好点吧） medicine can be efficient in studying it. In China, many college students have to study some perfunctorily and inefficiently that they hate due to their relative lower scores in the entrance examination to college. The substantial reason is actually that the limited educational resources in China cannot satisfy each student’s individual need and interest in colleges. As the individual talents decide their different interests and needs in choosing what they study from the bottom of their hearts, in this sense, education ignoring students’ personal interests and needs dooms to be a failure in the end.（过于武断了吧）[/color]（总体还是论述的相当好的，从各方面都不错）

In the above discussing, I have conceded that meeting the individual needs and interests of each student is vital to let students realize their individual talents. However, such way is not always effective to guarantee a successful education. In the early stage of education especially when students are in primary schools, it is unrealistic to meet each student’s individual interest and need because most of them can hardly know what they really like. （这句标点符号有点问题吧）Due to their precarious interests, limited knowledge and little life experience, catering to each primary student’s interest and need is not an effective way to help them to master some basic knowledge. Given that all the primary students have the right to choose courses what they like, some difficult subjects such as mathematics will always be their last choice. In the early childhood, education should not place too much emphasis on students’ interests and needs except few geniuses, who have show great brilliance at an very young age, since fundamental knowledge in an extensive scope such as verbal, math, music, art and so on should be mastered no matter children like them or not. Thus, meeting students’ individual needs and interests just applies to those such as college students who are able to cognize what they like and are really good at.

Lastly, let’s go back to the purpose of effective education, in educating students how to get together with others and how to be a well-rounded citizen in our society, personal interests and needs have a great chance to conflict with the demand of our education. To some students, they don’t want to know how to get along well with others. Under this circumstance, should our education teach them how to behave, communicate with others? （有点语法问题吧，怎么那么别扭啊）Furthermore, if a student who hates to know some basic laws in school, is our education’s responsibility to indoctrinate him or her some basics to avoid his or her blindness to crime in the future?（疑问句用的好） The answer is definitely “yes”. Therefore, a truly effective education should take all these factors into consideration to acquire the well-rounded products.

In my final analysis, the only time we can claim that education is truly effective is when we see its successful outcome: the talented, qualified and civilized citizens in our society. Therefore, while through tailoring education to their individual interests and needs students’ talents can be fully developed; it is also essential to bear in mind that the ultimate goal of education also includes fostering students into well-rounded citizens.
（结尾终归中举）

总结
1．        我发现作者在华丽得语句后面缺少了关键得东西，就是议论需要论证，更需要足够多的各种各样的论据，但本文好像少了这个关键的部分
2．        作者对语言有相当的驾驭能力，特别显示在句子的各方面要求都得到满足的方面
3．        词汇的运用还有提高的空间
4．        行文思路也相当的香薷气氛
5．        总之相当不错
6．        看得我都不好意思看自己得文章了
7．        希望你能帮我得文章改改 ，谢谢

[ 本帖最后由 iven19821005 于 2006-2-17 23:11 编辑 ]

fhxyweiUID: 157384

谢谢 iven19821005的修改，像你说的一样，缺少充足的论据，也就是没有各种例证；这是我的软肋，我倾向于说理，写的时候就是想不到合适的例子，以后要加强！

iven19821005UID: 2160156

但有时可以适当编造一些论据啊,目的只是告诉,ETS,你有能写好议论文的能力