Argument230 [大杀四方第二次作业]

yanglcUID: 2265921

TOPIC: ARGUMENT230 - The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis.

"Ten years ago, as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program, the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housing near the freeway. Subsequently, several factories were constructed there, crime rates in the area declined, and property tax revenues for the entire city increased. To further revitalize the city, we should now take similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city. Since some houses and apartments in existing nearby neighborhoods are currently unoccupied, alternate housing for those displaced by this action will be readily available."
WORDS: 465          TIME: AM 12:12:04          DATE: 2007-1-2

The argument is well organized, but it is not so persuasive as the speaker claim. It must be checked from several angles before taking similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city.

First of all, it is prespumptuous to conclude that the crime rates' declining of the area and the property tax revenues' increase are the result of the adaptation of the subsandard housing and the construction of several factories according to the evidence the arguer provides. The arguer does not exclude such possibilities such as the crime rates of the whole city has declined during these ten years because of the action of the police or during the ten years, or there maybe another area contributing more property tax than any this area so the entire city get a increase of tax revenues.

Even if the construction contributes to the crime rates tax revenues, the argument is still doubtful. Ten years is such a long time and the effective action ten years usually make no effect ten years later. The enviroment of the city, the economic condition and people's demand have severely changed and the city will get no benefit from the similar action of the oppsite side of the city.

Moreover, given the time factor can be ignored, what about the position factor?  The conctruction was taken near the freeway ten years ago and it's possible that the convinient transport gave the area a lot of opptunities to develope. We are not provided wether the area oppsite side of the city has the same condition and enviroment as the one near the free way. We can infer from the passage that the enviroment and condition is worse than the other based on the fact that the nearby neighborhoods are declining and some house and apartments are not occiped. So it is rediculous to take actions before comparing the two.

Last problem of the argument is that the arguer assume that the neiborhoods nearby are available to the alternate housing for those displacement. However,  the auguer gives no reason for that assumtion. In fact, if the owners of these houses and apartments are absent only for a period, it will be very difficult to use their houses--maybe a lot of money is needed, which make the cost of the action higher than supposed. Even if the houses are available, the words the arguer uses are still too vague because only some houses and apartment are currently unoccupied and we do not know wether they are sufficient to the alternate housing.

To sum up, the arguer should offer more convincing evidence about the two area and the necessarity of the similar action to the other area. Hence the argument is worthtrust and the action will be put into agenda.

[ 本帖最后由 yanglc 于 2007-1-5 08:39 编辑 ]

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yanglcUID: 2265921

36The following appeared in an article written by Dr. Karp, an anthropologist.

"Twenty years ago Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia show that these children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. This research proves that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is false, and thus that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures is invalid. Because they are using the interview-centered method, my team of graduate students working in Tertia will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures."
0.谈论的多少与是否养育没有关系
1.二十年过去了，情况可能改变
2.作者的样本范围大于那个岛，所以不能比较，而且采访时是否有引导不知道
3.不能推出观察方法不对，也不能说采访方法就完全正确。

princaUID: 2263271

Argument230 [大杀四方第二次作业]
TOPIC: ARGUMENT230 - The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis.

"Ten years ago, as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program, the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housing near the freeway. Subsequently, several factories were constructed there, crime rates in the area declined, and property tax revenues for the entire city increased. To further revitalize the city, we should now take similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city. Since some houses and apartments in existing nearby neighborhoods are currently unoccupied, alternate housing for those displaced by this action will be readily available."
WORDS: 465          TIME: AM 12:12:04          DATE: 2007-1-2

The argument is well organized, but it is not so persuasive as the speaker claim.[speaker单三动词变格,要麽+s要么+ed] It must be [must be这个语气是否太重了,argument不是忌讳这种十分肯定的语气吗? Should be 好不?] checked from several angles before taking similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city. [开头简单明了, 直接说出作者的问题. GOOD]

First of all, it is prespumptuous [presumptuous] to conclude that the crime rates' declining of the area and the property tax revenues' increase are the result of the adaptation of the subsandard [substandard] housing and the construction of several factories according to the evidence the arguer provides. The arguer [这么近的使用两次the arguer显得句式变换不够] does not exclude such possibilities such as [又是两个such连用] the crime rates of the whole city has declined during these ten years because of the action of the police or during the ten years,[不知道这个or起什么作用的?] or there maybe another area contributing more property tax than any this area so the entire city get a increase of tax revenues. [攻击点找对了, 但词语拼写有误. 这算第一段结束了吗? 是否添加个总结句会更有完整性, 更会有点题的作用?]

Even if the construction contributes to the crime rates tax revenues,[contribute在这里好这么用吗?我只是感觉别扭,还请大牛来看.嘿嘿] the argument is still doubtful. Ten years is [这里用is 还是are?] such a long time and the effective action ten years usually make no effect ten years later.[一句话用了三个ten years. 我都晕了.] The enviroment [environment] of the city, the economic condition and people's demand have severely changed and the city will get no benefit from the similar action of the oppsite [opposite] side of the city. [单开了一个段子, 是和第一段一起的吗?还是递进关系的第二段? 都没有结尾句的总结点题]

Moreover, given the time factor can be ignored, what about the position factor?  The conctruction [construction] was taken near the freeway ten years ago and it's possible that the convinient [convenient] transport gave [想说明提供,给予的意思是把? Give这个词会不会太简单了? 用support,或者其他词如何?] the area a lot of opptunities [opportunities] to develope [develop]. We are not provided wether [whether] the area oppsite [opposite] side of the city has the same condition and enviroment [environment] as the one near the free way. We can infer from the passage that the enviroment [environment] and condition is worse than the other based on the fact that the nearby neighborhoods are declining and some house [] and apartments are not occiped [occupied]. So it is rediculous [ridiculous] to take actions before comparing the two. [本段就红字满天飞了, 发现不是你打字疏忽, 而是真的不知道词语的拼写, 否则不能连续出错,且拼写错误相同. 回头还是写完了自己先看看]

Last problem of the argument is that the arguer assume that the neiborhoods [neighborhood] nearby are available to the alternate housing for those displacement. However,  the auguer [arguer] gives no reason for that assumtion [assumption]. In fact, if the owners of these houses and apartments are absent only for a period, it will be very difficult to use their houses--maybe a lot of money is needed, which make the cost of the action higher than supposed. Even if the houses are available, the words the arguer [the words the arguer不明白了我] uses are [uses are两个东西并列?] still too vague because only some houses and apartment [apartments] are currently unoccupied and we do not know wether [whether] they are sufficient to the alternate housing. [攻击点和论据都ok, 词语拼写, 用法等着实是个问题.]

To sum up, the arguer should offer more convincing evidence about the two area [areas] and the necessarity [necessarily] of the similar action to the other area. Hence the argument is worthtrust [worth trust 分开还是合并?] and the action will be put into agenda.

[总结:
1.        作者太马虎, 词语基本的用法,写法出错太多, 以后要多多主意.
2.        从整体来看, 开头结尾都很简单, 攻击点找的合适且全, 攻击论据还ok. 但第一个问题太影响整体效果了.
3.        搂主要仔细.]

yanglcUID: 2265921

谢谢了，那天写得比较急，都没有check