Argument147 第一次写a， 卡一个小时，第四段 没有写完，求拍

king888UID: 2285811

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 512          TIME: 1:00:00          DATE: 2007-1-28

In the argument, barely based on unfounded evidence and dubious survey the arguer draws a conclusion that increasing the sales of whirlwind video games will become true. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out a recent survey among video-game players that they would like the lifelike graphics games. In addition, in based on their extensive advertising campaign directed at young people, arguer makes the decision. Although it's tempting to agree with the arguer's claim which is plausible on the surface, the further reflection tells me that this evidence neither organizes a rational argument in favor of the conclusion nor provides forcible support making the argument reasonable. In my point of view, the argument is problematic for 4 flaws with vague, unconvincing and questionable assumptions.

First of all, the arguer depends on the survey that the most important in a video game is the lifelike graphics, responded only by the video-game players. However, all the players have their best habit and this will not change frequently as the changing of the brand of coffee. So, the sampling informant only cover the video-game players are obviously insufficient for the conclusion. If the The a broader sample of the respondents should compose a sufficient large sample so as to be representative of the over-all population of the case.

On the other hand, as the arguer has considered on the argument, the Whirlwind video games require the up-to -date computers, but no evidence provided to imply among the game players adequate such up-to-date computers have been on working. That is to say, if no computer is able to play the game, the collapse of the business of Whirlwind video-game is on the twilight zone though they have tried their best to extent advertising campaign. The more investigation should be make before deciding the procedure.

And then, in the capitalist society, for pursuing the sake of the survival the company  will inescapability engage in the competition. Whether other games have been invented in the so long time of two years? Whether other kinds of games but not the video-game has been dominating the market of the players? Even if one of these possibilities becomes realized, the investment of the Whirlwind video games would be ineffective. Therefore, the conclusion is unconvincing before leave out these possibilities.

At last but not the least, the advertising campaign is only directed at people 10to 25 years old is anther flaws. If the company does this, they have abandoned the larger potential of consumers. Though the young people is the most likely to play video games, they have no pocketbook and they have to ask for money from their mother.

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, the conclusion reaches in the point no only omit such key issues, but also quotes in the analysis the evidence, which does not lead strong support to what arguer claims. Taking more investigation among the investment situation is necessary before making the decision. Did the argument cover the given factors discussed above, it would be more credibility and logical.



[ 本帖最后由 king888 于 2007-1-28 13:12 编辑 ]

tongwawawUID: 2176887

Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 512          TIME: 1:00:00          DATE: 2007-1-28

In the argument, barely based on unfounded evidence and dubious survey the arguer draws a conclusion that increasing the sales of whirlwind video games will become true.（觉得有点别扭啊，倒是没有错） To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out （cites会不会好一点啊）a recent survey among video-game players that they would like the lifelike graphics games. In addition, in based on（这是什么结构啊～） their extensive advertising campaign directed at young people, arguer makes the decision（？decision应该改成推测一类的词啊，而且后面不跟同位语从句感觉这个句子还没说完就戛然而止了）. Although it's tempting to agree with the arguer's claim which is plausible on the surface, the further reflection tells me that this evidence neither organizes a rational argument in favor of the conclusion nor provides forcible support making the argument reasonable. In my point of view, the argument is problematic for 4 flaws with vague, unconvincing and questionable assumptions.

First of all, the arguer depends on the survey that the most important in a video game is the lifelike graphics, responded only by the video-game players. However, all the players have their best habit and this will not change frequently as the changing of the brand of coffee. So, the sampling informant only cover the video-game players are obviously insufficient for the conclusion. If the The a broader sample of the respondents should compose a sufficient large sample so as to be representative of the over-all population of the case.
这段有点混乱，开始说player的爱好不容易变（楼主怎么知道player的爱好不容易变啊，没有证据表明人们不喜欢change咖啡的牌子，而且game和咖啡不是一回事，存在差异，不能类比～呵呵）后来又说样本不足，不知道两者之间有什么关系
On the other hand, as the arguer has considered on the argument, the Whirlwind video games require the up-to -date computers, but no evidence provided to imply among the game players adequate such（such adequate） up-to-date computers have been on working. That is to say, if no computer is able （no computers are available for the game）to play the game, the collapse of the business of Whirlwind video-game is （might be 话不要说太决）on the twilight zone though they have tried their best to extent advertising campaign. The more investigation should be make before deciding the procedure.

And then, in the capitalist society, for pursuing the sake of the survival the company  will inescapability engage in the competition. Whether other games have been invented in the so long time of two years? Whether other kinds of games but not the video-game has been dominating the market of the players? Even if one of these possibilities becomes realized, the investment of the Whirlwind video games would be ineffective. Therefore, the conclusion is unconvincing before leave out these possibilities.

At last but not the least, the advertising campaign is only directed at people 10to 25 years old is anther flaws. If the company does this, they have abandoned the larger potential of consumers.（说得太肯定啦） Though the young people is the most likely to play video games, they have no pocketbook and they have to ask for money from their mother.


To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, the conclusion reaches in the point no only omit such key issues, but also quotes in the analysis the evidence, which does not lead strong support to what arguer claims. Taking more investigation among the investment situation is necessary before making the decision. Did the argument cover the given factors discussed above, it would be more credibility and logical.
楼主要表达的意思都能看明白，但是缺乏条理行，给我的感觉是，楼主给出other possibilities时过于武断，让读者看了就想argue你一下～：）