{0706G-Aspire互改小组No.2成员adam]第一次作业，请大家帮忙指导

adamli629UID: 2230674

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issue 4、"No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study."
Position: sometimes the fields need to use outsiders' knowledge and experience to that fields of study to advance. But on the other time the fields don't need it.
A. When the field develops, it will meet a bottleneck and need some outsiders' knowledge and experience to that field of study to advance. Economics uses the knowledge of mathematics to advance significantly.
B. The outsiders can advance the field sometimes, in the other times outsiders can't solve the field's problem.
C. In our society, we both need insiders and outsiders during the researth.
Conclusion:without the insiders and outsiders, the field of study will not advance significantly.
The speaker assert that with the help of outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study, it can advance significantly. I almost agree with some of the opinions. As far as I concernd, however, I believe that sometimes the fields need to use outsiders' knowledge and experience to that fields of study to advance. But on the other time the fields don't need it.
When the field develops, it will meet a bottleneck and need some outsiders' knowledge and experience to that fields of study to advance. As we konw, when a field develops, it will meet a time that it can't develop anymore. That's we called the bottleneck. On that time, the field needs something to "pull" it out. So it need outsiders use their knowledge and experience to help that field advance. It such likes the economics. Twenty years ago, the economics had meet a bottleneck, and it couldn't develop for a long time. With the help of mathematics, the economics had a booming growth. And the mathematics helped convert economics from a qualitative, speculative, definitve one.
However, the outsiders can advance the field sometimes, in the other times outsiders can't solve the field's study. The field of study shouldn't be depend on outsiders' knowledge and experience. It can't be the new way to do some research to the fields. Because every field has its own knowledge and it is very specialized. If we use outsider's knowledge and experience, we can't make our field of study advance anymore. Every insiders should had learn several years about their specialize knowledge. On the opposit, outsiders don't have enough specialize knowledge, so they can help insiders in sometime not everytime. When outsiders want to do some research on that field, they can learn about the knowledge about this knowledge, and use his own knowledge and experiences. Above all, they maybe can do the process.
In our society, we both need insiders and outsiders during the researth. On one hand outsiders can advance the field of study significantly. They can use their own field knowledge and experience to give the insiders more advance about the insiders' research. On the other hand, the outsiders can make their view outsights. And help them in their researchs.
In sum, when the outsiders help the insiders with their field of study, the study can advance significantly. That's not only the outsiders achievements, but also the insiders achievements. Because without anyone of them, the field of study will not advance significantly.


提纲：
Issue 31"Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial."
Position: Money spent on research does not automatilly become a good investment.
A. Before the research, we don't know the results of that research is good or bad.
B. Good research can help human to solution our problems. Such the phone comes out.
C. Bad research can make human into trouble. Such as the clone of human.
Conclusion: We should be more carefully when the new research comes out.
Issue 43"To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards."
Position: Highest ethical and moral standards is important for a public offcial.
A. The highest ethical and moral standers is an essential qualty for an effecive leader.
B. In the opposit, a public official without the highest ethical and moral standerds wll fail in the society.
C. The public official should also pay attention to the ability of work. They should cooperation with others and do lots of useful things.
Conclusion: To be an effective leader, a public official not only should maintain the hghest ethical and moral standerds, but also should make their institution function smoothly and efficiently and in cooperation with the whole society.

Issue 56"Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."
Position: Governments shoule pay more attention to the immediate problems of today than the problems of the future.
A. To solve the immediate problems, such as unemployment, are the most important things for society. If we don't solve the immediate problems, it wil influence social stability and sustainable development.
B. On the other hand, governmt should not ignore the anticipated problems of the future.
Conclusion: Governments should not only focus the immediate problems of today, but also trying to slove the anticipated problems of the future. But the immediate problems of today is more important.

Argue 26：The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda. "For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
A. We don't know the average about the Steel City High  and the Slauda School.
B. The quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years can't attribute  Mr. Schade wholely. Maybe it have another reason, such as someone donate some money or the school give the band some money.
C. We don't know the level of the band about Steel City High is above the average of its states.
D. There are too many differences about  two school, Mr. Schade can sucess in Steel City High, we don't konw he will sucess in the Saluda school.
E. Maybe Steel City High paied more attention than the Saluda school on the band.
F. Does the Saluda school have the teacher direct the band? If have, does he wores than Mr. Schade ?

Argue 42：The following appeared in a proposal from the economic minister of the country of Paraterra. "In order to strengthen its lagging economy, last year the government of the nearby country of Bellegea began an advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism (ecotourism). This year the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled, and per capita income in Bellegea increased by ten percent. To provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of our tiny country, we too should begin to promote ecotourism. To ensure that our advertising campaign is successful, we should hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign."
A. Does Paraterra has enough ecotouism to promote? If not, it doesn't to advertise.
B. The income maybe increase by other reason. The increase of the number of foreign visitor may have another reason like the fastival of journey.
C. It have many other ways to protect the environment not only to promote ecotourism.
D. The position about the two areas is different, it can't do the same things in the two areas.
E. The current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office may not adapt in the area of Paraterra. And it's not his own factor to the success. It also have other reason, such as the advertise was fantastic.

[ 本帖最后由 adamli629 于 2007-1-31 04:31 编辑 ]

seven741UID: 2260128

The speaker asserts that with the help of outsiders bringing their knowledge and experience to that （指代不清，用a）field of study, it can advance significantly. I almost（用partly） agree with some of the opinions（him）. As far as I concernd, however,（删掉，没有转折） I believe that sometimes the fields （a field）needs to use outsiders' knowledge and experience to that fields of study to advance.（这句句子是有语法问题的，可以这样表述Sometimes one field needs to use ousiders' knowledge and experience to boost its own advancement.)  But on the other timeon the other time(没有这个phrase，干脆就用sometimes，或者用on some cases，under certain circumstances)  the fields don't need it（表达不清，改成： a field can go forward by its own power indepent of other subjects）.
When the field （a field）develops, it will meet with a bottleneck and need some outsiders' knowledge and experience to that fields of study to advance(it may need to borrow some other subjects' knowledge to overcome the bottleneck). As we konw, when a field develops, it will meet a time that(when) it can't develop anymore(这个句子个人认为不能写，至少你没有材料证明，顶多说，it faces with huge difficulties). That's we called the bottleneck(多余，前面已经提出并解释了bottleneck). On（At） that time, the field needs something to "pull" it out. So it need outsiders use their knowledge and experience to help that field advance.（这个逻辑有问题，还是婉转一点说吧，比如说：Methods or experience may do a lot to help it out. ） It such likes the economics. (没见过这个表达方式，？？)Twenty years ago, the economics had meet a bottleneck, and it couldn't develop for a long time（没说清楚怎么样的bottleneck，没有说服力）. With the help of mathematics, the economics had a booming growth. And the mathematics helped convert economics from a qualitative, speculative, definitve one.（这里的例子剖析得太差了，故事都没有讲好，更加不要讲说服力了。不熟悉的例子就不要举了）
However, the outsiders can advance the field sometimes, in the other times outsiders can't solve the field's study. （转折句里怎么有加上不转折的意思呢？用though）The field of study shouldn't be depend on outsiders' knowledge and experience. （这句话把前面的观点全盘否定了？）It can't be the new way to do some research to the fields（没看懂）. Because every field has its own knowledge and it is very specialized. If we use outsider's knowledge and experience, we can't make our field of study advance anymore（改成At most times，outsiders lacking deep insight to the field will fail to contribute a lot to the subject.更好）. Every insider should had learn several years about their specialize knowledge.（Insiders have spent several years in learning specilized knowledges of their own field.） On the opposit,(on the opposite side) outsiders don't have enough specialize knowledge, so they can help insiders in sometime not everytime.(这点和前面是一样的，所以不能说on the opposite side) When outsiders want to do some research on that field, they can learn about the knowledge about this knowledge, and use his own knowledge and experiences. Above all, they maybe can do the process(这句不知道什么意思！).
In our society, we both need insiders and outsiders during the researth（偏题了吧，不是讲insider和outsider，而是说学科发展，况且insiders和outsiders是相对一个学科来说的，这句话肯定不能这么讲）. On one hand outsiders can advance the field of study significantlyThey can use their own field（删掉） knowledge and experience to give the insiders more advance（suggestion） about the insiders' research. On the other hand, the outsiders can make their view outsights.（没看懂什么意思） And help them in their researchs.（them指代不明）
In sum, when the outsiders help the insiders with their field of study, the study can advance significantly.（至少应该指明什么情况下是这样） That's not only the outsiders achievements, but also the insiders achievements（That指什么？）. Because without anyone of them, the field of study will not advance significantly. （这里总结怎么又来了一个没根据的because呢？）

评：全文的论述根本没有展开，更不谈逻辑性了；各种转折结构也用得很不恰当，表现作者思路还是比较混乱，特别出现了自相矛盾的说法，建议还是仔细阅读一下别人的提纲和全文再下笔；代词的使用有待加强，常出现指代不明的情况；另外，文字也要注意，不但要表意，而且要注意变化。Anyway，第一篇文章嘛，虽然有问题，但是一定要加油，加油！

[ 本帖最后由 seven741 于 2007-1-31 22:17 编辑 ]

kooyiiUID: 2177986

77改得也很详细啊~~~
不过改的时候最好是保留原文的颜色,将修改意见用其他颜色标出,呵,那样子比较容易辨认~~~
ADAM这篇变成了彩虹ISSUE了~
有空还是要多看看别人是怎么展开论述的 看多一些就有思路了~个人觉得把逻辑跟结构搞好是最重要的~
anyway,+u~

[ 本帖最后由 kooyii 于 2007-2-1 00:11 编辑 ]