issue93 【米国有米】寒假作业第9天2－4

holdingUID: 2285054

93."The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making." 个人责任是一种必须的虚构。尽管社会必须让个人对他们自己的行为负责，但是人们的行为很大程度上不是自己能够左右的。

提纲：
观点：个人责任是必须的，因为尽管人的多数行为是自愿的（对自己负责的），但是在有些时候还是不能自己左右的。
1、  the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessary fiction.
2、  多数时候社会让个人对他们自己的行为负责，个人行为是自愿的
3、  但是在某些特定的条件下，个人行为不是自己能够左右的

正文：
The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessary fiction, which can limit the human behaviors and has significant meaning of the peace and develop of society. Although the behaviors of human are decided by themselves, in some special conditions, people could not do whatever they want to, since as a member of the society, they can not destroy the principle of society.

Whit the swift development of the society and technology, the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ which is vital to our surrounding is almost neglected by many people. Individual responsibility is significant to both the development of the society and happiness of everyone. In the society, the older should be respected by everyone; in the class, students’ responsibility is learn carefully while the teachers’ is tell all the true principles and knowledge which the students should know; in the business, the honesty is the responsibility of every business man, and so forth. Responsibility is wherever to help us to build a harmonious society and world. Our society can not be stable and even could be drop into chaos without individual responsibility, let alone development. Hence, the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is so important that any person can not live peacefully and happily without the existence of responsibility.

I concede that at most time, the behaviors of people is decided by their opinion instead of the influence of society, if their behaviors are not harmful to others. A member of society can do almost every thing they wants in the range of the permission of laws. For example, in most people’s opinion, students would get the achievement only when they get lots of knowledge and turn to a higher diplomas, so the ‘responsibility’ of students even all the teenagers is study more in the schools and universities. But when Bill Gates wanted to build a company all by himself, he gave up his study in a famous university. As a result of this risk, he run a company—Microsoft, and is successful. And also some graduates did not become some engineer and managers according to the ‘responsibility’ given by the hope of society. They may become some famous singer as their wishes. Therefore, if the willing of people do not influent the peace and development of the society and happy life of other people, they could do as their wish and achieve the goals in their dreams.

At the same time, the society should hold individual accountable for their own actions, thus people’s behavior may determined not by forces of their own making sometimes. The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ gives a principle which should be abided by every member of the society, which also give some limits about the does and dons of the residence in an area. Every member should take up their own responsibility according to the social places they belong to. On one hand, if every one can understand, remember and carry out their responsibility well, every member in the society would live happily and safely as a result of both their own hard-working and others’ help. In another word, it is benefit to everyone who can bring benefit to others. On the other hand, the responsibility is not surly the things which will match people’s willing and hobbits. But in some cases, the responsibility is usually the things people do not incline to do. In this situation, the society should use the power of responsibility to force people do this things. Therefore, sometimes the people will not do every thing as their will.

To sum up, although people can realize their dreams as their willing, the responsibility should be remembered by them and be required by the society, which is vital to the development of the society.

我的审题有问题吗？感觉越写越没底啊？

ntmlgszUID: 2235666

提纲：观点：个人责任是必须的，因为尽管人的多数行为是自愿的（对自己负责的），但是在有些时候还是不能自己左右的。
1、  theconcept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessary fiction.
2、  多数时候社会让个人对他们自己的行为负责，个人行为是自愿的
3、  但是在某些特定的条件下，个人行为不是自己能够左右的上面的翻译不好正文：
The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessary fiction, which canlimit the human behaviors and has significant meaning[复数] of the peace and develop [development]ofsociety. Although the behaviors of human are decided by themselves, in somespecial conditions, people could not do whatever they want to, since as amember of the society, they can not destroy the principle of society.[观点有点迷糊]

Whit the swift development of the society and technology, the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ which is vital toour surrounding is almost neglected by many people.[你放这句话在这里而后面又没有说明怎么为什么忽视，怎么忽视？] Individualresponsibility is significant to both the development of the society andhappiness of everyone. In the society, the older should be respected byeveryone[每个人都应该尊重对方吧]; in the class, students’[单数] responsibility is learn[ing] carefully while the teachers’ is tell all thetrue principles and knowledge which the students should know; in the business,the honesty is the responsibility of every business man, and so forth.Responsibility is wherever [everywhere]to help us to build a harmonious societyand world. Our society can not be stable and even could be drop[dropped] intochaos without individual responsibility, let alone development. Hence, theconcept of ‘individual responsibility’ is so important that any person can notlive peacefully and happily without the existence of responsibility. [论证不够充分，句子缺乏信息量]

I concede that at most time, the behaviors of people is decided by their opinion[复数] instead of the influence of society, if their behaviors are notharmful to others. A member of society can do almost everything [是吗？这个还要取决于个人能力吧] they wants in the range of the permission of laws. For example, in most people’s opinion, students would get theachievement only when they get lots of knowledge and turn to a higher diplomas,so the ‘responsibility’ of students even all the teenagers is study more in theschools and universities. But when Bill Gates wanted to build a company all byhimself, he gave up his study in a famous university. As a result of this risk,he run[时态] a company—Microsoft, and is successful. And also some graduates didnot become some engineer[复数] and managers according to the ‘responsibility’ given by the hopeof society.[前面还说是in most people’s opinion,怎么后面变成社会带来的呢] They may become some famous singer [复数] as their wishes. Therefore, if the willing of people do notinfluent the peace and development of the society and happy life of otherpeople, they could do as their wish and achieve the goals in their dreams.[毕竟还是少数人吧]
[个人觉得本段你的论点没选好导致全段讲的都不合理]

At the same time, the society should hold individual accountable for their ownactions, thus people’s behavior may [+be] determined not by forcesof [去掉] their own making sometimes. Theconcept of ‘individual responsibility’ gives a principle which should be abided by every member of the society, whichalso give some limits about the does and dons of the residence in an area.[从句前的principle缺少宾语补足语] Every member should take up their own responsibility according tothe social places they belong to. On one hand, if every one can understand,remember and carry out their responsibility well, every member in the societywould live happily and safely as a result of both their own hard-working andothers’[这里作为句子的什么成分呢？我不明白，能解释下吗？] help[复数]. In another word, it is benefit to everyone who can bring benefitto others. On the other hand, the responsibility is not surly the things whichwill match people’s willing and hobbits. But in some cases, the responsibilityis usually the things [单数]people do not incline to do. In this situation, the society shoulduse the power of responsibility to force people do this things. Therefore,sometimes the people will not do every thing as their will.[本段论证的比较混乱]

To sum up, although people can realize their dreams as their willing, the responsibilityshould be remembered by them and be required by the society, which is vital tothe development of the society.[总结和前面的论述应该合理的结合更好]
总评：其实你自己也感觉到了，文章的提纲没有列好，导致全文的论证都有问题，语言和句子结构也过于简单化，语法错误好多哈，自己再列下提纲吧~~努力HOHO