十月金秋第七次作业

mantnkhUID：2303879

writing:
       Recently, the controversy relates to whether schools should invest the same amount of refund in sports and social activities as they put in classes and libraries has been brought to public attention among people. As the issue for me, I do support the new investment of improving sports facilities and social activities. My arguments of this point are listed as follows.
The main reason for my tendency for investing sports and social activities is that we can both keep our bodies and minds in a healthy condition through those activities. First of all, a healthy body is prerequisite for a man to success. Hardly do we read or wrote if we got a heavy cold, not even to cram the night when the final exam approaching if we are not in healthy. Thus we need to do sports activities at school, hopefully with the money they invest for those activities. Secondly, the skills of communication gain increasing recognizing for the success of young people. Via partisipating in social activities students can learn how to deal with problems we will meet after graduate. Thereby the investment of social activities is indispensable too.
Admittedly, the significance of classes and libraries is undeniable at schools where people regard teaching knowledge as the most important responsibility, but we should also pinpoint these potential facts that school should teach not only knowledge, but also skills and experience in sports and social activities, cause these are fortunes for them to achieve success out of school.
        From what we has discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that schools should invest the same amount of money on sports and social activities. I always believe the saying from a social researcher- Skills in society and knowledge from school are both important for paving your roads of success.

mantnkhUID：2303879

超时严重啊我,怎么半啊...

搓雀败蝶UID：2369966

writing:
       Recently, the controversy relates to whether schools should invest the same amount of refund(fund) in sports and social activities as they put in classes and libraries has been brought to public attention among people. As the issue for me, I do support the new investment of improving sports facilities and social activities. My arguments of this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my tendency for investing sports and social activities is that we can both keep(keep both) our bodies and minds in a healthy condition through those activities. First of all, a healthy body is prerequisite for a man to success. Hardly do(could) we read or wrote(时态) if we got a heavy cold, not even to cram the night (cram the exam应付考试,可以说cram the night么?)when the final exam approaching if we are not in healthy. Thus we need to do sports activities at school, hopefully with the money they invest for those activities(这里的they 指代谁呢?). Secondly, the skills of communication gain(gain是获得,bring是带来) increasing recognizing for the success of young people. Via partisipating in social activities students can learn how to deal with problems we will meet after graduate. Thereby the investment of social activities is indispensable too. (First of all 和secondly是并列在main reason之下的,而main renson讲的是healthy condition, 而secondly的内容与healthy关系不大.)

Admittedly, the significance of classes and libraries is undeniable at schools where people regard teaching knowledge as the most important responsibility, but we should also pinpoint these potential facts (不知道这种用法是不是合法,pinpoint的使用和potential的修饰(能修饰fact?).)that school should teach not only knowledge, but also skills and experience in sports and social activities, cause these are fortunes for them to achieve success out of school.(如果说下面的都是事实:学校应该教学生不仅是知识,还要教技能和经验,特别是体育社会活动中的技能和经验.那么还有争辩与讨论的意义么?个人觉得用fact感觉语气有点霸道)

        From what we has discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that schools should invest the same amount of money on sports and social activities. I always believe the saying from a social researcher- Skills in society and knowledge from school are both important for paving your roads of success.

     个人的意见比较多,如果有错的地方欢迎指出,进而继续讨论.

mantnkhUID：2303879

writing:
       Recently, the controversy relates to whether schools should invest the same amount of fund in sports and social activities as they put in classes and libraries has been brought to public attention among people. As the issue for me, I do support the new investment of improving sports facilities and social activities. My arguments of this point are listed as follows. (我有点问题想问一下，像我这样只有套话，没加入实质观点的开头是不是不好？)

         The main reason for my tendency for investing sports and social activities is that we can keep both our bodies and minds in a healthy condition through those activities. First of all, a healthy body is prerequisite for a man to success. Hardly could we read or write(时态) if we got a heavy cold, not even to cram the night (cram the night 是熬夜的意思，我是想说没有好身体就没法熬夜了）when the final exam approaching . Thus we need to do sports activities at school, hopefully with the money  our schools invest for those activities. Secondly, social activities is the best access to the open world. There are more and more student who get serious mental diseases such as depression, autism due to thheir lackness of communication with other people. （加点衔接，嘿嘿） Also, the skills of communication bring increasing recognizing  for those successful young people in social activities. Via partisipating in social activities students can learn how to deal with problems suitablely which we will meet after graduate. Thereby the investment of social activities is indispensable for school.    
         Admittedly, the significance of classes and libraries is undeniable at schools where people regard teaching knowledge as the most important responsibility, but we should also be awareness of  those other aspect of education(你说的对，那样写不合适）that school should teach not only knowledge, but also skills and experience in sports and social activities, cause these are fortunes for them to achieve success out of school .   （这段我实在想不到什么理由了）  
      From what we has discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that schools should invest the same amount of money on sports and social activities. I always believe the saying from a social researcher- Skills in society and knowledge from school are both important for paving your roads of success.

谢谢提出这么多宝贵的意见，共勉！

ensueUID：2196590

拜读了大作，有一点：public attention 就不用among people了。

mantnkhUID：2303879

谢谢提醒:loveliness:

搓雀败蝶UID：2369966

主题段不一定非要写的很详细,我们作文老师说,如果主题段写的详细,并且之后的行文是按找主题段给出的顺序写的,则可以不用写结论段.