雅思第二篇作文，请大家指导~谢谢：）

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

2.题目：Fast food is rapidly becoming popular all over the world. Some people worry that this type of food is lacking in nutritional content. Further more, they also worry that traditional cuisines will disappear if the trend toward fast food continues. How far do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

字数286，字大一些~这样不累眼睛:loveliness:

When it comes to fast food, a large number of people would say that it is an unhealthy kind of food although very popular. In addition, it is maybe a threat to our traditional food. From my perspective, it is really a essential part of our daily life despite it may have some weakness.

First of all, on account of the rapid development of the economy, we do know that “time is money”. Therefore, growing number of people have limited time to prepare food. It is the best choose that eating fast food. Maybe some opponents regard that the fast food, such like fried chicken, lacks nutritional content. In my opinion, we just eat fast food for breakfast or lunch. So we could eat a plenty of healthy food in supper.

Moreover, a considerable number of people think that the fast food is perhaps a threat to our traditional food, which would extincts in future. On the contrary, recent years, the fast food has mixed with the traditional food already. The telling example is that we can eat noodles and dumplings which is the traditional food supplied in most Chinese fast food restaurants. Thus, not only can we save our time on eating, but also enjoy the delicious traditional food.

Taking into account of the two factors, we may reach the conclusion that despite the fast food may lacks nutritional content, it does exerted an extremely vital effect on our daily life. Provided that there is no fast food , I can not imagine what our life would be like. Also there is no evidence that because of fast food the traditional food would extinct. Hence, the fast food will be indispensable for our modern life.

另外高手可不可以给个提纲我学习一下~:loveliness: :handshake

djconanUID: 2257634

睡觉去啦，明天帮你改

glauberUID: 2329890

Good composition!but I am tired ,yesterday it is maybe edited.

ypandaUID: 2375733

感觉lz的作文可能字数上是不是少了点了
而且 逻辑可能有改进的地方

dreamsydneyUID: 2385290

第二段,第一句话 改为It is quoted as an old saying that time is money with the rapid rise in China economy.

第三段,第一句话 a considerable number 改为 a considerable amount

最后一段总结的较好,词汇用的恰当好处!!!

cafemikeUID: 2380586

基本可以

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

字数要求不是250？我一向写作文没话说，所以....:loveliness:
逻辑问题还请高手指教~:loveliness:

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

a considerable number 这样用没问题把~这是我在板上看到的用法~:confused:

gringoireUID: 2221541

When it comes to fast food, a large number of people would say that it is an unhealthy kind of food although very popular. In addition, it is maybe(直接用 it may be会不会顺一点?) a threat to our traditional food. However, from my perspective, it is really an essential part of our daily life despite it may have some weakness.(despite of its weakness/minor disadvantages?)

First of all, on account of (弱问: 这个表达某G不是很熟捏~是什么意思?)the rapid development of the economy, we do know that “time is money”. Therefore, growing number of people have limited time to prepare food. It is the best choose that eating fast food(fast food seems to be an optimization to them) . Maybe some opponents regard that the fast food, such like fried chicken, lacks nutritional content.(regard后面可以直接加动词? 还带S的? 感觉不太对那,虽然我手边没字典| ) In my opinion, we just eat fast food for breakfast or lunch. So we could eat a plenty of healthy food in supper.(最后这句总结地不好,可以写~  Although, they are absolutely right that we can't rely on fast food only to maintain a health life, nevertheless, taking it as a complement in some condition is also necessary. 你自己再想想, 我不擅长写长句啊,感觉有点生硬)

Moreover, a considerable number of people think that the fast food is perhaps a threat to our traditional food, which would extincts in future. On the contrary, recent years, the fast food has mixed with the traditional food already. (这个句子读起来很中文,不过我不知道怎么改|)The telling example is that we can eat noodles and dumplings which is the traditional food supplied in most Chinese fast food restaurants. Thus, not only can we save our time on eating, but also enjoy the delicious traditional food.

Taking into account of the two factors, we may reach the conclusion that despite the fast food may lack nutritional content, it does exerted an extremely vital effect on our daily life. Provided that there is no fast food , I can not imagine what our life would(will, 这里是虚拟语气,正常应该用will,不过我不确定能不能有would) be like. Also there is no evidence that because of fast food the traditional food would extinct.(The statement that fast food will cause the extinction of tradition one is unsubstantiated) Hence, the fast food will be indispensable for our modern life.(这里的HENCE 的逻辑有点突兀~ 因为前面句说的是快餐不会导致传统食品消失,推不出他INDISPENSABLE来.... It is fair to suggest that, fast food will paly an indipensable role in our modern life)

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

谢谢~:loveliness:
it is maybe...这个我也用的有点不确定~希望有懂的朋友解释一下到底怎么用
regard有视为，认作的意思，不知道这样用行不行~:confused:
On the contrary, recent years, the fast food has mixed with the traditional food already.我是想表达快餐和传统饮食有所融合~高手指导一下~:loveliness:

再谢谢一次`:loveliness:

forbeckUID: 2297645

When it comes to fast food, a large number of people would say that it is an unhealthy kind of food although very popular. In addition, it is maybe a threat to our traditional food. From my perspective, it is really a essential part of our daily life despite it may have some weakness.

First of all, on account of the rapid development of the economy, we do know that “time is money”. Therefore, growing number of people have limited time to prepare food. It is the best choose that eating fast food. Maybe some opponents regard that the fast food, such like fried chicken, lacks of nutritional content. In my opinion, we just eat fast food for breakfast or lunch. So we could eat a plenty of healthy food in supper.

Moreover, a considerable number of people think that the fast food is perhaps a threat to our traditional food, which would extincts in future. On the contrary, recent years, the fast food has mixed with the traditional food already. The telling example is that we can eat noodles and dumplings which is the traditional food supplied in most Chinese fast food restaurants. Thus, not only can we save our time on eating, but also enjoy the delicious traditional food.

Taking into account of the two factors, we may reach the conclusion that despite the fast food may lacks nutritional content, it does exerted an extremely vital effect on our daily life. Provided that there is no fast food , I can not imagine what our life would be like.（有点绝对化了吧？） Also there is no evidence that because of fast food the traditional food would extinct. Hence, the fast food will be indispensable for our modern life.


1、红色标记的是我认为有语法错误的
2、简单句过多，最好能把复杂句和简单句结合起来
3、通读文章，中国英语考试中写作的印记很明显
4、first of all/moreover这累词的使用，有些呆板，不是不好，就是觉得可以多看范文多使用更高级一点的词汇

[ 本帖最后由 forbeck 于 2007-8-20 16:27 编辑 ]

woodbridgeUID: 2372348

文中不能出现in my opinion,i think,my perspective等字眼,新东方老师说这是中国学生的通病

kut1230UID: 2369693

In my opinion可以用吧,我在一篇9分笵文中看过

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

呵呵，可以说 maybe it is....啊？

Maybe some opponents regard that the fast food, such like fried chicken, lacks nutritional content

这句可以改成，Maybe the fast food, such like fried chicken, is regarded by opponents as lacking nutritional content.

啦啦啦qlmUID: 2283407

文中不能出现in my opinion,i think,my perspective等字眼,新东方老师说这是中国学生的通病

除了这三个还有什么表达同样的意思？:loveliness: