Issue150 [Jet小组}第五次作业

macross_36UID: 2306285

ISSUE150 - "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."
The statement above asserts that tourism will be obsolete because of television and computer connectivity. It is true that these technologies could satisfy people who want to take tourism with a lot of information about the place they want to visit and eventually decline their idea to go out in some circumstances; however I strongly disagree with the conclusion of the statement that tourism will become obsolete.

The information of the tourism provided by the two kinds of technologies mentioned in the statement may be not enough to satisfy people’s curiosity. Both television programs and Internet webs are likely to show only the most attractive things about the place as a business trick. It is better for people who would like to know a place well by taking tourism.

What is more, in my opinion, people travel a place not only because they want to know more about it but also because they wish to touch the real things, smell the odor and taste the snack. By such ways, they can completely feel and understand the different culture. However, television and computer cannot give us such enjoyment.

Moreover, instead of being obsolete, I believe that tourism will continue to thrive. It is the nature of human being to venture and discover in an unfamiliar place. This kind of nature drives people to take tourism rather than sit before a television or computer seeing some pictures.

Nevertheless, with the help of television and computer connections, people who cannot afford the cost of travelling or have little time to take tourism can enjoy the photographs and videotapes about the area they want to visit. And such kind of program is always very popular; the DISCOVERY is a good example. Yet it would be illogical to assert that they will give up taking a journey when possible.

Admittedly, people may cancel the tourism when they find it is not appropriate for them to visit the area they were longing to go after they get some information that sounds bad from television or Internet like high cost or uncomfortable weather. However, this phenomenon rarely happens. Thus, it could not render tourism obsolete.

In conclusion, although affected by television and computer connectivity, tourism will not be obsolete. Instead, it is likely to increase as a result of curiosity and human need to experience and explore the new places.

[ 本帖最后由 macross_36 于 2008-2-12 21:27 编辑 ]

dreamstringUID: 2389201

The statement above asserts that tourism will be obsolete because of television and computer connectivity. It is true that these technologies could satisfy people who want to take tourism(这个词是旅游业，游览的意思，你这里的意思想表达什么意思呢？) with a lot of information about the place they want to visit and eventually decline their idea to go out in some circumstances; however I strongly disagree with the conclusion of the statement that tourism will become obsolete.

The information of the tourism(你这里应该是说“旅游景点”的意思吧？不知我理解的对不对。这个词没有这个意思~) provided by the two kinds of technologies mentioned in the statement may be not enough to satisfy people’s curiosity. Both television programs and Internet webs are likely to show only(only likely to show 我觉得这样的语序可能较好) the most attractive things about the place as a business trick. It is better for people who would like to know a place well by taking tourism.

What is more, in my opinion, people travel a place not only because they want to know more about it but also because they wish to touch the real things, smell the odor and taste the snack. By such ways, they can completely feel and understand the different culture. However, television and computer cannot give us(整段都在写“people”和"they",这里忽然写一个"us"有点不合适，写成“them”或许比较好) such enjoyment.

Moreover, instead of being obsolete, I believe that tourism will continue to thrive. It is the nature of human being to venture and discover in an unfamiliar place. This kind of nature drives people to take tourism rather than sit before a television or computer seeing some pictures.

Nevertheless, with the help of television and computer connections, people who cannot afford the cost of travelling or have little time to take tourism can enjoy the photographs and videotapes about the area they want to visit. And such kind of program is always(太绝对。不要留下这种漏洞给考官) very popular; the DISCOVERY is a good example. Yet it would be illogical to assert that they will give up taking a journey when possible.

Admittedly, people may cancel the tourism when they find it is not appropriate for them to visit the area they were longing to go after they get some information that sounds bad from television or Internet like high cost or uncomfortable weather. However, this phenomenon rarely happens. Thus, it could not render tourism obsolete.

In conclusion, although affected by television and computer connectivity, tourism will not be obsolete. Instead, it is likely to increase(我觉得你应该先说不会obsolete，然后再说会increase，这样比较符合你body部分的论证顺序，也符合题目。否则只字不提obsolete有些欠妥。) as a result of curiosity and human need to experience and explore the new places.

总结一下，思路是比较清楚的。但是有一个遗憾：整篇文章你的论点过多，而对于每一个论点的论证又过少，使得每一个论点都只是点到为止，浮在表面上，不够深入。我觉得考试中考虑到时间限制，宁可少说一两个论点，而把每一个论点都讲清楚才是比较好的选择。

leftkissUID: 2347956

:)
字数：393
The statement above asserts that tourism will be obsolete because of television and computer connectivity. It is true that these technologies could satisfy people who want to take tourism with a lot of information about the place they want to visit and eventually decline their idea（建议decide where to go，decline the idea 没有明白） to go out in some circumstances; however,
I strongly disagree with the conclusion of the statement that tourism will become obsolete.

The information of the tourism provided by the two kinds of technologies mentioned in the statement may be not enough to satisfy people’s curiosity. Both television programs and Internet webs are likely to show only the most attractive things about the place as a business trick. It is better for people who would like to know a place well by taking tourism.

What is more, in my opinion, people travel a place not only because they want to know more about it but also because they wish to touch the real things, smell the odor and taste the snack. By such ways, they can completely feel and understand the different culture. However, television and computer cannot give us such enjoyment.
这段好！！！！（其实我觉得这两段是可以合并的，你觉得呢？）

Moreover, instead of being obsolete, I believe that tourism will continue to thrive. It is the nature of human being to venture and discover in an unfamiliar place. This kind of nature drives people to take tourism rather than sit before a television or computer seeing some pictures.

Nevertheless, with the help of television and computer connections, people who cannot afford the cost of travelling or have little time to take tourism can enjoy the photographs and videotapes about the area they want to visit. And such kind of program is always very popular; the DISCOVERY is a good example. Yet it would be illogical to assert that they will give up taking a journey when possible.（加一点considering the delight provided by the tourism 这样和前面有点联系）

Admittedly, people may cancel the tourism when they find it is not appropriate for them to visit the area they were longing to go after they get some information that sounds bad from television or Internet like high cost or uncomfortable weather.（这句太长了，试试短句，而且后面加上如果条件适宜，还是会去tour，而且也不是因为media导致的不去，所以说media不能替代tourism） However, this phenomenon rarely happens. Thus, it could not render tourism obsolete.

In conclusion, although affected by television and computer connectivity, tourism will not be obsolete. Instead, it is likely to increase as a result of curiosity and human need to experience and explore the new places.

小结：
段数有北美的味道，我觉得这样就有每段都不是很具体的危险
语言不错，注意句子长度
加油啊！！

[ 本帖最后由 leftkiss 于 2008-2-16 16:18 编辑 ]