几篇作文+找互改朋友

KuntakimpUID??2434012

大家好，想交几个朋友一起互改作文，最好是水平接近的呵呵
我的水平嘛，以下这三篇是我各花了半个小时写出来的，大概也是我的平均水平的反映了吧哈哈
QQ：452475640
索性把手机也给留了吧，反正都是同一阵线的人：13551336114
9. Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

I prefer to live in the city in according to its convenience and other reasons.

First, it’s much convenient to live in the city. The traffic system is well developed, which makes us easier to go around the city or go to other cities connected to our city. If I live inside a small town, after hearing there will be a sports event in another place, I might go there by bicycle. Furthermore not only the Express system, but also all other services are more advanced in the city. Many businessmen are running the services and the competitions make the service nicer and nicer. We are more exposed to the Internet, from which we can buy things, talk with new friends. Smaller town can also get access to the Internet; however the speed of the Internet is slower because of lack of advanced equipment. And you can hardly buy anything in the Internet, when the express system is underdeveloped and the sellers aren’t able to send their products. Third, it’s much more colorful in the city. It contains a large population in the city. There are malls, museums, sports stadiums, movie theaters and so on. We can have a lot of fun in our spare time.

Further, many companies are in a big cities, which give us more opportunities. Although ability is the first concern by the company, but a local person accustomed to the city with as much knowledge is more welcome. The high exposition to the outside world enlarges our vision, which makes us more capable of the job.

However, compared to the cleaner air of a small town, the condition of the air in the city is getting worse and worse. Traffic jams waste people a lot time. Additionally, it is more stressful to live in a big city where the pace is faster. Although we live conveniently, but our average span seems less than in small towns.

Above all, I still prefer to live in a big city. I’m young, I can endure all the problems like air pollution, noise, and stress while enjoying the convenience brought by the city.
[354]

It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
In fact the reason why we go to school is for studying the knowledge accumulated by forebears so as to make ourselves more adapted or compatible to the society. Knowledge from the experience is more useful and practical; however Knowledge from books gives us a full and profound look into how the world runs as well as directions. In my opinion, knowledge from books is more important than from experience.

Experience is very important indeed. The process of completing a task is the one of failing, learning, developing and finally succeeding. Experience makes us know our task better, accelerates our speed to response to the obstacles, enhances the efficiencies, and helps escape mistakes. Because of this, employees with experience are more welcome by companies. In fact the knowledge from books is filled with experience of human beings from different times, which has been systematized and theorized. In this view, in order to learn more experience profoundly, we should take more importance of the knowledge from books.

Knowledge from books can be used in many fields, while knowledge from the experience is only compatible in some specific fields. Thanks to the systematization and theorization of the knowledge, it become more profound and can be deduced to many colorful conclusions. The gravity theory of Newton is still helping me understand some physical phenomenon. There are hundreds of suggestions in a very book to help you be a competent worker, a welcome friend, which you can only learn by several years without the very book. The knowledge from the books gives us a whole picture and comparative complete information and gives us directions. It keeps its value in more fields, for longer time.

However, we should respect the knowledge from experience very much, too, especially when the knowledge from books contradicts with the reality. Knowledge from the book may be mistaken or something in the real world has been changed, thus making the knowledge from the book outdated. In this circumstance, we should pay a close attention to whether the knowledge from the books should be adjusted in according to the reality. In fact all theories are not perfect, that’s why we should respect the knowledge of experience, thus improve the theory.

Above all, the knowledge from books gives us a profound look into the world, help us gain more experience from forebears. However we should respect the knowledge from the experience because the world is changing and some book knowledge become incompatible.

[410]


Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


I like history very much, through which I have learnt a lot of wisdom. In fact history has much more value than this, which shouldn’t be ignored.

History can fulfill humans’ curiosities. The situation nowadays is caused by the previous history. How dynasties changed, human being immigrated, how a kingdom is overturned and alike are mysterious. Human beings have an inclination to know their past and history can provide some pertinent answers. In fact the museum showing historical relics are very popular all over the world.

From history, we can draw some rules of human beings’ activities, to predict what our world will be like in the future. From what I learn, some events seem to happen again and again in history. Maybe the recycle of human being’s life makes the recycle of history. In this prospective, try to learn a lesson from history’s mistakes is very important, which help us prevent it from happening again or deal with it more effectively. Furthermore, the wisdom reflected from sages is very precious. We should learn from it, thus enhancing our intelligence and ethics. That the World War 1 and 2 caused a large deal of casualties makes us more cherish the peace. If we ignore this history, World War 1 and 2 will be only wars without any value.

Additionally, history can support other subjects. Archeology, astronomy, geology and alike all collect important data from historical documents and relics as proofs to deepen their view..

Above all, history has much value for nowadays. Distortion of the history is not allowed. We should respect the truth of the history, learn lessons from it, and make most of it to benefit world and lead the world to better future.

[289]



[ 本帖最后由 hyacinth 于 2008-4-21 16:10 编辑 ]

KuntakimpUID??2434012

大家好，想交几个朋友一起互改作文，最好是水平接近的呵呵
我的水平嘛，以下这三篇是我各花了半个小时写出来的，大概也是我的平均水平的反映了吧哈哈
QQ：452475640
索性把手机也给留了吧，反正都是同一阵线的人：13551336114

22 We all work or will work in our jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion,
what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use
reasons and specific examples to explain why these characteristics are important.


As civilization develops, it seems human beings are dealing with more and more complicated tasks. When a company is built to produce specific products or achieve specific goals, the collaboration is becoming more and more important.

A company consists of many co-workers, which fulfill the tasks together. A good boss is needed while co-workers collaboration is more important.

A good co-worker needn’t to be very excellent but a qualitative team member. A qualitative team member knows how he can help his team and can scarify his own behalf when it conflict with the team’s. One of my father’s friends, Wang, got a position in a software company. After the company decides to develop a piece of software for another company, the situation seems urgent because the deadline is impendent in according to the contract. Wang decided to sacrifice his free time so as to spend more time in developing the software. In fact many co-workers did the same thing as Wang and thanks to their help, the company hand in the software in time. Of course there’s no need to sacrifice your interests all the time, but when company’s situation is critical and urgent, it is time to stand out.

A good co-worker need to be willing to earn credit from the boss, while no robbing others’. A company has its promotion regulation, which works through a specific scoring system. However the scores somehow cannot reflect the truth, with person of greatest credit low score and vice versa. A good co-worker should try to earn credit honestly and respect other co-workers’ contributions.

A good co-worker should treat his co-workers’ as friends. Although the time we get together is only the working hours and it is far from enough for us to be friends. But just try to and you will benefit a lot. How about bringing some co-worker a coffee if you happen to bring yourself one? How about giving some co-worker a small gift if he is having his birthday that day? The tiny kindness will make the whole team more warmth and united together.

All in all, you can only be a good co-worker when you want to be. If you are not satisfied with yourself or you meet some difficulties of working with your co-worker, there’s still time and chance to change.



26 It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood.
Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your
answer.






Building a new movie theater has its advantages and disadvantages. It brings us more fun while it may makes our neighborhood noisy or causes traffic congestions. However, I still agree to have the theater built in our neighborhood.

First, it will bring us more fun and communication topics. Usually we go to the center of city to watch movies and it will take us long time in the traffic. And because the distance is far so we go together in a group usually consisting of less than 5 people. We will lose some fun when some friends don’t come with. However, if the new theater is built, the situation will change. We can watch a movie all together. Movies give us more topics, which enhance our friendship as well as our knowledge and vision.

Additionally, a movie theater needs ushers, concession stand chefs and attendances, ticket sellers and some other employees, which provide our neighborhood jobs. When people from other neighborhood come, it will certainly create an economy boost around. New restaurants and stores can be built nearby. All in all, it help us neighborhood prosper.

However, the theater will cause traffic congestion. The street is already not wide enough, plus some more cars driven in or parked on both side, it will probably cause congestion. And the neighborhood will be very noisy, which could affect residents’ rest.

Above all, I agree to have a new movie theater built in my neighborhood. But if some problems really affect us so much, we will unite to negotiate with the theater boss.

[ 本帖最后由 hyacinth 于 2008-4-21 17:16 编辑 ]

KuntakimpUID??2434012

自顶

KuntakimpUID??2434012

自顶

KuntakimpUID??2434012

自顶

KuntakimpUID??2434012

自

KuntakimpUID??2434012

自顶

KuntakimpUID??2434012

ziding

hyacinthUID??2184492

我记得你当时发了两个作文帖子,一个有3篇文章,另外一个多一点,可是你在我铺子里留链接的那个帖子不知道怎么回事找不到了,所以我就看了另一个帖子里的第一篇. :rolleyes:

I prefer to live in the city in according to its convenience and other reasons.

First, it’s [→it is. NO abbreviation.] much [^more] convenient to live in the city. The traffic system is well developed, which makes us easier to go around the city or go to other cities connected to our city. [So you mean adjacent cities?] If I live inside a small town, after hearing there will be a sports event in another place, I might go there by bicycle. [What’s this sentence for? 每一个例子存在都应该是为了论点服务的.你这个例子是为哪个服务的呢?] Furthermore not only the Express system, but also all other services are more advanced in the city. Many businessmen are running the services and the competitions make the service nicer and nicer. We are more exposed to the Internet, from which we can buy things,[,去掉用and] talk with new friends. Smaller town [→towns] can also get access to the Internet; however the speed of the Internet is slower because of [^their] lack of advanced equipment. And [and是连词,最好不要出现在句首.] you can hardly buy anything in the Internet, when the express system is underdeveloped and the sellers aren’t [→are not. 不要偷懒用缩写.:o ] able to send their products. Third, it’s [→it is] much more colorful in the city. It contains a large population in the city. There are malls, museums, sports stadiums, movie theaters and so on. We can have a lot of fun in our spare time.

Further, many companies are in a [a删去啦.后面可是cities] big cities, which give us more opportunities.[同样的,我觉得你这一个段子里给的理由不能充分支持你的论点.] Although [^the] ability[^of job applicants.] is the first concern by the company, but a local person accustomed to the city with as much knowledge[awkward,删去.] is more welcome[→welcomed]. The high exposition [我感觉你用的应该是expose的名词形式,那它其实是exposure. 至于exposition什么意思,你可以自己去查查.^^] to the outside world enlarges our vision, which makes us more capable of the job.

However, compared to the cleaner air of a small town, the condition of the air in the city is getting worse and worse. Traffic jams waste people a lot [^of] time. Additionally, it is more stressful to live in a big city where the pace [^of life] is faster. Although we live conveniently, but [although, but不能同时出现在一个句子里.] our average [^life] span seems less than [^that. 平均寿命是不能和小城市比较的.要注意agreement] in small towns.

Above all, I still prefer to live in a big city. I’m young, I can endure all the problems like air pollution, noise, and stress while enjoying the convenience brought by the city.
[354]

开门见山固然好,但只有一句话的开头未免太突兀了.
虽说论点应该有主有次,不过你在第一个论点上花的笔墨太多, 结尾也过于仓促,整篇文章不免看上去虎头蛇尾.再练习的时候不妨适当的增加一些过渡.
另外,文中偶尔会出现表义不明,也就是部分我给你增添内容的地方.在T作文里,多给细节是百利而无一害的. ;)

好在文字和表达还比较通顺,下一篇练习最好能在文章结构和论证上多下些功夫.还有你文章短句子偏多,可以适当的练习通过写从句的方式把几个短句合并成一个长句子.文章中能有一定的句式变化也是你英语水平的反应.

对于你这篇的题目我还有点话想说.iBT独立写作的题目早已经超出了185的范围,你挑的这个又是185里经典中的经典.目前看来,比较常见的写法主要也都是围绕交通便利和空气质量等展开,也就是因为太常见了,所以可能就缺少了一个思考如何下笔的过程. 我觉得其实你可以用JJ里的题目来练习,效果可能会更好一点.:)

[ 本帖最后由 hyacinth 于 2008-4-24 15:27 编辑 ]