COMEON作文小组——jimibt 2008 10月24日作业

jimibtUID: 2560923

topic：
Do you agree with the following statement: nowadays people spend too much time on personal enjoyment--things they like to do
-- rather than the things they should do.

There are many supporters who hold the opinion that people  spend  too much time enjoying themselves today, which leaves a relatively small length of time to do things they should do. Someone tell me that they take much time to do what they think gratifying and fun. To tell the truth, I do not know very about how  Europeans and Americans live. So I find it difficult to make a conclusion to them. However, when it comes to Chinese ordinary people's lives,I think they have so less time to enjoy because they have to spend too much time on things they should do for a better life.

Firstly, Chinese students need to work very hard since competitions are white-hot. Before they go to college,  National Matriculation Test  is a major handicap they have to overcome. People often compare the test to a narrow foot bridge because good colleges only admit small percentage of total students. And grades of the test is  the only standard measurements. Going a good university means a better life point to departure, so there are too much expectation from parents on students. To pursue  high marks of test, school give students many homework to  to do from the elementary  school to high school. And students stay at school to study very long time. For example,in my home town, surrounding by these tense environment the  students in high school  have only half a day to rest. In short, students spend too much time studying.

Compare with students, Men do not get a easy and relax status, too. In China,Men are often seen as the main persons to earn money in families. They are working hard to living better too. However, as a common people, there are too much primary bills waiting for paying. For example, house prices are so high in many cities that it need tens of years of ordinary people's salary, as well as medicines and  kids' college tuition. To get enough money, men often work extra time. How much time left you think they are able to spend on pleasures? In rural place,the income are low so few people want to live there. And
Because the average land to everyone are small, farmers need to go to the cities to find jobs to pay the kids' college tuition regardless that the jobs are often tiring, long-time and poorly paid.

Chinese women have not much time to enjoy too. As I mention above, the cost of family is high, women are often required to find a job to subsidize the family. Beside that, they often undertake the family tasks, such as  looking after kids, cleaning the house and so on. So they also have not much time to enjoy.

In conclusion, Chinese people, including kids, men and women, do not have much time to enjoy, because they have to get much time to do the things they should to do. I hope that one day Chinese people can not be so busy and have a enjoyable life.

[ 本帖最后由 jimibt 于 2008-10-25 23:08 编辑 ]

fairholyUID: 2444254

There are many supporters who hold the opinion that people spend too much time enjoying themselves today, which leaves a relatively small length of time to do things they should do. Someone tell me that they take much time to do what they think gratifying and fun (funny). To tell the truth, I do not know very(much) about how  Europeans and Americans live. So I find it difficult to make a conclusion to them. However, when it comes to Chinese ordinary people's lives, I think they have so less time to enjoy because they have to spend too much time on things they should do for a better life (better lives).

Firstly, Chinese students need to work very hard since competitions are white-hot. Before they go to college, National Matriculation Test is a major handicap they have to(我觉得用了太多的have to, 偶尔换一下need or must之类) overcome. People often compare the test to a narrow foot bridge because good colleges only admit small percentage of total students. And grades of the test is the only standard measurements（去掉）. Going a good university means a better life point to departure（这个词用法好象不对啊）, so there are too much expectation from parents on students. To pursue high marks of test, （the）school give(s）students many homework to do from the elementary  school to high school. And students stay at school to study very long time. For example, in my home town, surrounding by these tense environment the  students in high school  have only half a day to rest. In short, students spend too much time studying.

Compare with students, Men do not get a（an） easy and relax status, too（either）. In China, Men(men) are often seen as the main persons to earn money in families. They are working hard to living better too (live a better life). However, as a common people, there are too much primary bills waiting for paying. For example, house prices are so high in many cities that it need(s) tens of years of ordinary people's salary(有点别扭，是不是改成ordinary people save up money for tens of years), as well as medicines and  kids' college tuition. To get enough money, men often work extra time (overtime ). How much time left （do）you think they are able to spend on pleasures? In rural place, the income are low so（so low that a）few（of）people want to live there. And because the average land to  everyone（individual own land） are（is）small, farmers need to go to the cities to find jobs to（表述有点繁琐，是不是改为look for jobs in cities to） pay （for）或（cover）the kids' college tuition regardless that the jobs are often tiring, long-time and poorly paid

Chinese women have not much time to enjoy too（either）. As I mention（ed） above, the cost of family is high, women are often required to find a job to subsidize（这个词可以这样用吗？改为support会不会好点） the family. Beside that（Besides）, they often undertake the family tasks, such as looking after kids, cleaning the house and so on. So they also have not much time to enjoy.

In conclusion, Chinese people, including kids, men and women, do not have much time to enjoy（觉的这个重复的有点多）, because they have to get much time to do the things they should to do（换个说法如devote themselves to taking their responsibility） . I hope that one day Chinese people can not be so busy(arduous会不会好点) and have a enjoyable life.

意思表达的很清楚，就是词汇和结构有点简单，建议多加强一下这方面。

cleanwater25UID: 2295333

topic：
Do you agree with the following statement: nowadays people spend too much time on personal enjoyment--things they like to do rather than the things they should do.寄托家园!g[W$d4C qR
留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA%GZ7EJo
Y%q\W

There are many supporters who hold the opinion that people  spend  too much time enjoying themselves today, which leaves a relatively small length of time to do things they should do. Someone tell me that they take much time to do what they think gratifying and fun. To tell the truth, I do not know very about how  Europeans and Americans live. So I find it difficult to make a conclusion to them. However, when it comes to Chinese ordinary people's lives,I think they have so less time to enjoy because they have to spend too much time on things they should do for a better life.

Firstly, Chinese students need to work very hard since competitions are white-hot. Before they go to college,  National Matriculation Test  is a major handicap（这个词主要是表达因为残疾而导致的障碍，所以换成hurdle或者barricade可能好些） they have to overcome. {People often compare the test to a narrow foot bridge because good colleges only admit small percentage of total students. And grades of the test is  the only standard（criterion我觉得更准确） measurements. Going（丢了一个to） a good university means a better life point to departure, so there are too much expectation from parents on students. To pursue  high marks of test, school give students many homework to  to do from the elementary  school to high school.} And students stay at school to study very long time. For example,in my home town, surrounding by these tense environment the  students in high school  have only half a day to rest（应该加上per week吧）. In short, students spend too much time studying.
我觉得大括号里的内容的论述值得商榷。Almost all the students pay all their attention to this test which is the most important milestone for the students, because going to a good university means a good quality lives in the future. Therefore, it is not curious for the schools to assign a lot of homework to the students in order to pursue high score in the test.
这样改会感觉好些吗？

Compare with students, Men do not get a easy and relax status, too（Just like the students, men are not relaxed either）. In China,Men are often seen as the main persons(force,指的是主力) to earn money in families. They are working hard to living（live） better too. However, as a common people, there are too much primary bills waiting for paying. For example, house prices are so high in many cities that it need（which can exhaust） tens of years of ordinary people's salary, as well as （so are the）medicines and  kids' college tuition. To get enough money, men often work extra（in their spare time） time. How much time left you think they are able to spend on pleasures?（最好来个过渡，否则感觉有点脱节，可以说not to mention the situation in the rural regions） In rural place,the income（there） are low so （可以用一个so that的句式，the income there are so low and the average land to everyone is so limited that more and more farmers have to go to the cities to work more time for extra income......）few people want to live there. And Because the average land to everyone are small, farmers need to go to the cities to find jobs to pay the kids' college tuition regardless that the jobs are often tiring, long-time and poorly paid.

{0n^

Chinese women have not much time to enjoy too. As I mention above, the cost of family is high, women are often required to find a job to subsidize the family. Beside that, they often undertake the family tasks, such as  looking after kids, cleaning the house and so on. So they also have not much time to enjoy.

In conclusion, Chinese people, including kids, men and women, do not have much time to enjoy, because they have to get much time to do the things they should to do. I hope that one day Chinese people can not be so busy and have a enjoyable life.寄托家园$}1^.^NL+b

文章的切入点想的很聪明，找了三个最有代表性的人群
最好多用些连接词，免得显得很脱节让人看不懂。。。
不知道回拍你是否满意。

[ 本帖最后由 cleanwater25 于 2008-10-27 01:00 编辑 ]

jimibtUID: 2560923

改的很好，谢谢了！！！

cleanwater25UID: 2295333

嗯，继续加油！