【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组第1次作业】by one0509

one0509UID: 2598085

When it comes to the topic whether children should be allowed to play computer games, the majority, especially parents and teachers, hold the opinion that it wastes of time and should be forbidden. However, as far as I concerned, some computer games can contribute to children's intelligence and tactical ability, if they are playing in a probable degree.
Firstly, some computer games have a excellent combination with the knowledge of science and art. Those games make some dull information much more attractive than that in books for children to learn. Some games need the knowledge of math, geography and so on, in this way children can review what they have learned in a joyful mood.


Secondly, in some games, such as Counter-Strike, children's tactic minds and the skill of taking decision can be cultivated. Aiming at achieving some goals, children should make cautious decisions in a short period of time, during which they know not only strategy, but also the spirit of team work.

what is more, it shows your trust in his/her self-control by allowing children to playing computer games. It is such an encouragement for children. Under this circumstance, children will develop a good habit in making his/ her own arrangement of time.
From what have discussed above, we finally draw the conclusion that the computer games have more active effects than the negatives on children, although few children are addicted to computer games and lead to some tragedy. In my view, instead of forbidding, parents and teacher should spend more time to conduct children how to make good use of computer games and make arrangements of time.

生平第一篇，感觉干巴巴的像高中生的作文……而且字数还不够，时间也超了很多
伤感啊
大家多多指正，谢谢！

mimicaUID: 2457275

When it comes to the topic whether children should be allowed to play computer games, the majority, especially parents and teachers, hold the opinion that it wastes of time and should be forbidden. However, as far as I concerned, some computer games can contribute to children's intelligence and tactical ability, if they are playing in a probable degree(they 指代不明，if they are played in a probable way)
Firstly, some computer games have a (an) excellent combination with the knowledge of science and art. Those games make some dull information much more attractive than that in books for children to learn. (可以去掉) Some games need the （去掉）knowledge of math, geography and so on, in this way children can review what they have learned in a joyful mood.


Secondly, in some games, such as Counter-Strike, children's tactic minds and the skill(s）of taking decision can be cultivated. Aiming at achieving some goals, children should make cautious decisions in a short period of time(in a short time), during which they know not only strategy, but also the spirit of team work.

what is more, it shows your trust in his/her self-control by allowing children to playing(play) computer games. It is such an encouragement for children. Under this circumstance, children will develop a good habit in making his/ her own arrangement of time.
From what have( been) discussed above, we finally draw the conclusion that the computer games have more active(positive) effects than the negatives(negative ones) on children, although few children are addicted to computer games and lead to some tragedy.(主谓不一致) In my view, instead of forbidding, parents and teacher should spend more time to conduct children how to make good use of computer games and make arrangements of time.

one0509UID: 2598085

2# mimica


谢谢阿！
有没有什么加字数的意见……我很头疼这个

天泽UID: 2340391

When it comes to the topic whether children should be allowed to play computer games, the majority, especially parents and teachers, hold the opinion that (it)playing computer games wastes of time and should be forbidden. However, as far as I am concerned, some computer games can contribute to children's intelligence and tactical ability, if they are playing (in)within a probable degree.

Firstly, some computer games have (a)an excellent combination (with)of the knowledge of science and art. Those games make some dull information much more attractive than that in books for children to learn. Some games need the knowledge of math, geography and so on, (in this way)thus(this指代不明) children can review what they have learned in a joyful mood.

Secondly, in some games, such as Counter-Strike, children's tactic minds and the skill of (taking decision)making decisions can be (cultivated)trained(cultivate这个词太大了，指陶冶情操时用). Aiming at achieving (some goals)the goals mentioned above, children should make cautious decisions in a short period of time, (during which)through this process(which指代不明） they know not only strategy, but also the spirit of team work.

(what)What is more, it shows your trust in his/her self-control by allowing children to (playing)play computer games. It is such an encouragement for children. Under this circumstance, children will develop a good habit in making his/ her own arrangement of time.

From what (have)has been discussed above, we finally draw the conclusion that the computer games have more active effects than the negatives on children, although a few children are addicted to computer games and (lead)it leads(主语对象变了) to some tragedy. In my view, instead of forbidding, parents and (teacher)teachers should spend more time (to conduct children)instructing the children(conduct含有领导的含义，个人觉得instruct更好一些)how to make good use of computer games and make (arrangements)arrangement of time.

天泽UID: 2340391

我觉得多加例子可以充实字数的呵~
不让孩子玩儿电脑最好不要用forbidden，不如直接说not allowed更好。forbidden太重了一点，或者用prevent也要好一点。好像我也用了，别人提醒我的~