【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 rockzongli 第一次作业】

rockzongliUID: 2597666

People entertain themselves in many ways, such as listening to music、watching television、reading books and so on. Many children like playing computer games in their part time or maybe study time, which makes their parents have the opinion that playing computer games is a waste of time. There may be some disadvantages to this, however, I think that computer games can help children develop their abilities, and the reasons are as follows.
Admittedly, there have some disadvantages of playing computer games, such as it does harm to children’s eyesight and brings addictions. For instance, children often play computer games over one or two hours without any rest, which will make their eyesight get lower bit by bit. A lot of children get short sight for this crucial reason. Another drawback of playing computer games involves the possibility that some children cannot control themeselves when they are concentrating on the game. Homework is so boring for children compared with the various missions in the game, and they always play the games before finish the homework , and is a waste of time.
However, the advantages of playing computer games far outweigh them. A great deal of knowledge can be got when children played computer games since many of them is based on sundry subjects，such as politics，economy，history and so on. Children will find out they had got many information and skills by degrees. Also, they will learn how to control the computer proficiently because every computer game involves software on the basis of the computer technology. Children must command basal knowledge and skills of computer or it can’t be helped when the game have any error of the system.
Another advantage of playing computer games is that the energy of perseverance can be developed while a child falling in games. For complete the game mission, children must use their intelligence and experience under much of time. In this case, children will know how to finish a work with a great perseverance which is the most important ways of human live. If someone even can’t do an excellent job with perseverance in her/his interested aspect, she/he will never be successful in her/his work to get a great achievement.
Although I agree that there may be a couple of disadvantagees of playing computer games, I think the advantages are more obvious. In the computer games, children can learn about a lot of knowledge as well as developing important concepts in their spirit. In my opinion, playing computer games is not a waste of time but is one of the most important memories in people’s childhood, and children should be allowed to play it.

                                                                                                                                        Written by rockzongli

lewinskyUID: 2479218

People entertain themselves in many ways, such as listening to music、watching television、reading books and so on. (第一句可删掉）Many （用abundant,an increasing number替换）children like（tend to play) playing computer games in their part time or maybe (even递进关系体现waste tiem)study time, (去掉逗号）which makes their parents have the opinion that playing computer games is a waste（dissipation) of time. There may be some disadvantages to this, however, I think that computer games can help children develop their abilities,(可改成as引导的让步状语从句Convincing as such claim might be, it is hardly true), and the reasons are as follows.
Admittedly, there have some disadvantages(defects) of playing computer games, such as it does harm to children’s eyesight and brings addictions(好像没有bring addiction这个说法吧). For instance, children often (invariably)play computer games over one or two hours without any rest(break), which will make their eyesight get lower bit by bit. A lot of children get short sight for this crucial reason.(两句可合成 the threshold reason why a massive number of children suffer from shortsightness lies in the fact that children invariably...) Another drawback of playing computer games involves the possibility that some children cannot(尽量少用否定性词 改成fail to) control themeselves when they are concentrating on(这个词不恰当 captivated by computer games) the game. Homework is so boring for children compared with the various missions in the game, and they always play the games before finish the homework , and is a waste of time(上句病句 In other words,compared with homework, fantastic missions in the game are taken priority by children frequently)
However, the advantages of playing computer games far outweigh them. A great deal of knowledge can be got(obtained) when children played computer games since many of them is(are) based on sundry subjects，such as politics，economy，history and so on(and the list will go on). Children will find out they had got many information and skills by degrees(Children will get exposure to the advances being made in numerous fields). Also(besides), they will learn how to control the computer proficiently because every computer game involves software on the basis of the computer technology. Children must command basal knowledge and skills of computer or it can’t be helped when the game have any error of the system.
Another advantage of playing computer games is that the energy(sense) of perseverance can be developed(cultivated) while a child falling in games(fall有贬义色彩 while children playing games). For complete(In order to complete) the game mission, children must use their intelligence and experience under much of time(children might encounter numerous fiasco and struggle in adversity with great intelligence and experience). In this case, children will know(They are aware of ) how to finish(accomplish) a work with a great perseverance which is the most important ways of human live(which is one of significant spiritual outlook on life). If someone even can’t do an excellent job with perseverance in her/his interested aspect, she/he will never be successful in her/his work to get a great achievement.
Although I agree that there may be a couple of disadvantagees of playing computer games, I think the advantages are more obvious. In the computer games, children can learn about a lot of knowledge as well as developing important concepts in their spirit. In my opinion（from my perspective), playing computer games is not a waste of time but is one of the most important memories in people’s childhood(playing computer games is one of the most important way to self-betterment rather than a evil habit）, and children should be allowed to play it.

one0509UID: 2598085

People entertain themselves in many ways, such as listening to music、,watching television、,（英语里面没有顿号的，都是逗号）reading books and so on. Many children like playing computer games in their part time or maybe study time, which makes their parents have the opinion that playing computer games is a waste of time.（改成which makes their parents regard playing games as a waste of time) There may be some disadvantages to this（改成of playing computer games), however, I think that computer games(改成it) can help children develop their abilities, and the reasons are as follows.
Admittedly, there have some disadvantages of playing computer games, such as it does harm to children’s eyesight and brings addictions.（我印象中好像such as后面是不能跟句子的，这句可删了） For instance, it is the crucial reason for short eyesight. children often play computer games over one or two hours without any rest, which will make their eyesight get lower bit by bit. A lot of children get short sight for this crucial reason. （这句删了）Another drawback of playing computer games involves the possibility that some children cannot control themeselves when they are concentrating on the game. Homework is so boring for children compared with the various missions in the game, and they always play the games before finish the homework , and is a waste of time.(这部分可以简练点,直接so they always prefer various game missions to the boring homework.
However, the advantages of playing computer games far outweigh them. A great deal of knowledge can be got (个人感觉这里不用被动跟好）when children played computer games since many of them(games)  is based on sundry subjects，such as politics，economy，history and so on. Children will find out they had got many (替换一下吧）information and skills by degrees. Also, they will learn how to control the computer proficiently because every computer game involves software on the basis of the computer technology. Children must command basal knowledge and skills of computer, or it can’t be helped when the game have any error of the system.这句不要了，在前面加in order to dealing with error of the system.
Another advantage of playing computer games is that the energy（用virtue吧） of perseverance can be developed while a child falling in games. For （不知道for有这种用法，可以用aiming at completing the game mission, children must use their intelligence and experience under much of time. In this case, children will know how to finish a work with a great perseverance which is the most important ways of human live.这个有点奇怪 If someone even can’t do an excellent job with perseverance in her/his interested aspect, she/he will never be successful in her/his work to get a great achievement
Although I agree that there may be a couple of disadvantages of playing computer games, I think(改成插入语，in my opinion) the advantages are more obvious. In the computer games, children can learn about a lot of knowledge as well as developing important concepts in their spirit. In my opinion, playing computer games is not a waste of time but(应该用and） is one of the most important memories in people’s childhood, and children should be allowed to play it.