〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组写作 水龙娃娃的 第三次作业〗

水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? (08.1.12)

If you were the government , would you like to focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? The people who are against of the idea would prefer to provide some evidence such as we could not live a comfortable life without economic development while the supporters would be willing to show some facts like greenhouse gases or something like that to verify their idea. As far as I am concerned , the government should pay more attention on the nature environment and less on economic development for the reasons are as following show.

Indeed, we must admit that the economic development is crucial, especially in the current financial crisis situation. Many country took action to fight against the crisis and hope to make up their errors in the past time .However, we must consider that there is the economic regulation that the world economy must experience the circle of prosperity, recession, depression and recovery. Obviously , economy would develop without the government do too much things and it is better to pay more attention to what is in the long run .

In modern society , it is nature environment problems that we should face and it is more difficult for us to solve it . One example that imply illustrates my point involves the Galapagos Island .The island because of which Darwin had confidence to write his masterpiece is famous for its endangered animals and would be a rare nature lab of scientists to find some mysteries of nature
.However , the residents did some illegal things such as hunting endangered animals in order to develop their economy and now it has less wild animals on the island and the balance has been broken .The people living there does not improve their life standard .what's worse , they must face to the bad weather situation in their place which would be the warning of nature. So we could not ignore this issue and put more money and energy on making the solution.

What's more , the things we do not only for ourselves ,but for the offspring .Take the following fact for example .Plastic bag once would be one of the most marvelous things in the last century while we have to admit that it has already become one of the most harmful things to our surroundings nowadays .In those days , we just wanted to have a convenient life without thinking about the influence on the future and now it brings more inconvenience to the whole society that we should do more things to compensate it .Only when we consider further things do we live a harmful life with other creatures and nature.

Therefore , it is reasonable correct for us to agree that the government must focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development when we take all the facts in the long run into consideration .If our offspring would do the same things like we do , the balance between nature and human beings would be kept eternally and we could have the stable basis of economic development .

字数：520
时间：33mins

水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

那个……居然写超时了……sigh……:L
希望大家使劲拍～～

mimicaUID: 2457275

If you were the government , would you like to focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? The people who are against of the idea would prefer to provide some evidence such as we could not live a comfortable life without economic development while the supporters would be willing to show some facts like greenhouse gases or something like that to verify their idea. As far as I am concerned , the government should pay more attention on the nature environment and less on economic development for the reasons are as following show(as followings).


eIndeed, we must admit that the economic development is crucial, especially in the current financial crisis situation. Many country(countries) took action(s) to fight against the crisis and hope(d) to make up their errors in the past time .However, we must consider that there is the economic regulation that the world economy must experience the circle of prosperity, recession, depression and recovery. Obviously , economy would develop without the government do too much things and it is better to pay more attention to what is (more imiportant)in the long run .(个人认为这一段理由不够充分，只是说了经济规律和经济波动的关系，没有说明政府对经济干预会产生什么样的影响。规律是普遍的，但是国家有穷有富啊。)

In modern society , it is nature environment problems that we should face and it is more difficult for us to solve it . One example that imply illustrates my point involves the Galapagos Island .The island because of which Darwin had confidence to write his masterpiece is famous for its endangered animals and would be a rare nature lab of scientists to find some mysteries of nature（两个nature有点怪异）  `$ e  ^# h4 R0 I  H
.However , the residents did some illegal things such as hunting endangered animals in order to develop their economy and now it has less wild animals on the island （there are much less wild animals than before）and the balance has been broken .The (the去掉)people living there does（have） not improve(d) their life standard .what's worse , they must face to the bad weather situation in their place which would be the warning of nature. So we could not ignore this issue and put(spend) more money and energy on making the solution.


What's more , the things we do (are)not only for ourselves ,but for the offspring .Take the following fact(s) for example .Plastic bag once would be one of the most marvelous things in the last century while we have to admit that it has already become one of the most harmful things to our surroundings nowadays .In those days , we just wanted to have a convenient life without thinking about the influence on the future and now it brings more inconvenience to the whole society that we should do more things to compensate it (In those days , we just wanted to have a convenient life without thinking about the influence on the future,but now we have to do more things to compensate for the losses).Only when we consider further things do we live a harmful(是否反了？) life with other creatures and nature.


E
Therefore , it is reasonable correct for us to agree that the government must focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development when we take all the facts in the long run into consideration .If our offspring would do the same things like we do , the balance between nature and human beings would be kept eternally and we could have the stable basis of economic development .




句子逻辑性欠妥，可以先从不限时训练开始，多写几篇会好一点。


可以现
y,

水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

呵呵，那个是反了。本来想打live in harmony with 来着，笔误给打错了～:L
谢谢MIMICA的修改～偶会再仔细琢磨～:loveliness:

天泽UID: 2340391

should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? (08.1.12)
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If you were the (government)governor , would you like to focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? The people who are against (of)删掉 the idea would prefer to provide some evidence (such as)so that we could not live a comfortable life without economic development while the supporters would be willing to show some facts like greenhouse (gases)gas or something like that to verify their idea. As far as I am concerned, the government should pay more attention (on)to the nature environment and less on economic development for the following reasons (are as following show).
0 a& R7 T/ s& J5 _9 C- W. h
Indeed, we must admit that the economic development is crucial, especially in the (current)recent financial crisis situation. Many (country)countries took action to fight against the crisis and hope to make up their former errors (in the past time)删掉 .However, we must consider that (there is the economic regulation that the world economy must experience the circle of prosperity, recession, depression and recovery)
economic cycle, prosperity, recession, depression and recovery, that the world must experience. Obviously, economy would develop without the government (do)doing too much (things)删除 and it is better to pay more attention to what is in the long run .

In modern society, it is nature environment problems that we should face and it is more difficult for us to solve (it)them . One (example that imply)implication
that illustrates my point involves the Galapagos Island .The island, because (of which)删掉 Darwin had confidence to write his masterpiece ,is famous for its endangered animals and would be a rare nature lab of scientists to find some mysteries of nature. However, the residents did some illegal things such as hunting endangered animals in order to develop their economy and now it has less wild animals on the island and (the balance has been broke)the biosphere has been unbalance. The people living there (does)did not improve their (life standard)level of life.what's worse , they (must)have to face (to)删掉 the bad weather (situation in their place)删掉 which (would be)is the warning of nature. So we could not ignore this issue,
and put more money and energy on making the solution. \. ?: w; m2 G7 I; `
9 g- r- M( I  J- q5 f1 o8 o
What's more, the things we do are not only for ourselves ,but for the offspring .Take the following fact for example .Plastic bag once (would be)was one of the most marvelous things in the last century while we have to admit that it has already become one of the most harmful things to our (surroundings)environment surrounding多指人文环境，environment多指自然环境 nowadays .In those days , we just wanted to have a convenient life without thinking about the influence on the future and now it brings more inconvenience to the whole society so
that we should do more things to compensate (it)删掉 .(Only when we consider further things do we live a harmful life with other creatures and nature)什么意思？.
# h* j; b; H' q9 J" L
Therefore, it is reasonable (correct)删除 for us to agree that the government must focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development when we take all the facts in the long run into consideration .If our offspring would do the same things (like)as we do, the balance between nature and human beings would be kept eternally and we could have the stable basis of economic development .


1、

天泽UID: 2340391

1、ibt作文300多字即可，本文字数偏多，考场上恐怕难以成文。

2、 首段提出观点，较好，可再精简一下。

3、 第二段可以缩减成一句话和第三段合并，说明经济发展比较重要，却引起了环境问题即可。或者第二段整段删掉，其与本文观点关联较弱。

4、 第三、四段整段举例说明经济发展对环境造成的破坏比较不错，应该将两个例子精简一下合并成一段，来说明发展经济对环境造成的破坏。

5、 可以再加一分论点，环境整治好了同样可以促进经济发展并进行相关论证。

6、 作者语言功底相对较弱，建议有空的时候或者在以后写作的过程中尽量避免中国式思维的影响，适当变换一下句式及词汇使用。推荐金山词霸等软件或爱词霸有道等相关网站，上面有大量地道的例句，可以拿来学习积累。

7、 希望再接再厉+U~

水龙娃娃UID: 2359238

很受教！！！谢谢天泽～～