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[活动] Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 偷闲透气 第五次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-2-18 13:57:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
With the development of this society, technology has infiltrated in all aspects of our lives. On the one side, the technology really helps us a lot and makes our life simpler or more convenient than before; however, as each coin has two sides, by using the technology, people also feel a little bit more complicated to deal with something in our lives, which brought in by the technology.

Taking computer technology for example, we know that this technology was created in the last century. On an ordinary student's side, by using this technology, it becomes simpler for me to find useful information in the internet than before; on an ordinary girl's side, it also becomes simpler for me to buy anything I want when I use computer technology to surf the internet. However, by having all these conveniences, we also find that behind these conveniences, there are also more things we need to think about. For example, we also know that not all information from the internet is correct or officially issued by authorities. So, we also need to spend a lot of time to compare, to analysis and to demonstrate. The most important issue is also sometime we are afraid that the information or documents we download from the internet may have viruses. In order to protect our computer from attacking by hiker, we need to spend much time and money to buy an anti-virus software, and to download it into our computer. To me, it is really a complicated thing to do this thing which I though it should be professional done by a computer specialist.

In this modern world, the technology from which human beings benefit most is Internal Combustion engine technology. Because of this technology, mobile vehicles, such as buses, cares, airplanes are created. Indeed, people nowadays find it is easy to go anywhere they want to go because of owning these transportation ways. However, do you know how many efforts that those technician people spend to create these mobile vehicles? Do you know in order to grasp those complicated knowledge applied to these vehicles, how many efforts that people need to spend to learn them well? On the one side, people's lives become simpler because they do not need to spend several months from west to east, maybe what they need to do is to book a ticket in an airline company and spend several hours traveling from U.S to China. However, on the other side, by enjoying the simple way to live, people always seek for a simpler way to live. Then, along with the requirements to the technology becoming higher and higher, people need to spend much time and energies to create more advanced transportation ways to meet increased demands, and spend much more time to learn these advanced transportation ways. Can you imagine how complicated the life of these people will be?

Above all, I can easily make a conclusion that technology makes people’s lives simpler in turn to make people’s lives more complicated.
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发表于 2009-2-20 00:28:24 |只看该作者
With the development of this society, technology has infiltrated in all aspects of our lives. On the one side, the technology really helps us a lot and makes our life simpler or more convenient than before; (建议句号句掉)however, as each coin has two sides, by using the technology, people also feel a little bit more complicated to deal with something in our lives, which brought in by the technology.(这句感觉which指代something联系不是很紧密,改成things in our lives which...可能好一点~)

Taking computer technology for example, we know that this technology was created in the last century. On an ordinary student's side, by using this technology, it becomes simpler for me to find useful information in the internet than before; on an ordinary girl's side, it also becomes simpler for me to buy anything I want when I use computer technology to surf the internet. However, by having all these conveniences, we also find that behind these conveniences, there are also more things we need to think about. For example, we also know that not all information from the internet is correct or officially issued by authorities. So, we also need to spend a lot of time to compare, to analysis and to demonstrate. The most important issue is also sometimes we are afraid that the information or documents we download from the internet may have viruses. In order to protect our computer from attack(可做名词用) by hiker, we need to spend much time and money to buy an anti-virus software, and to download it into our computer. To me, it is really a complicated thing to do this thing which I though it should be professionally done by a computer specialist.

In this modern world, the technology from which human beings benefit most is Internal Combustion engine technology. Because of this technology, mobile vehicles, such as buses, cares, airplanes are created. Indeed, people nowadays find it is easy to go anywhere they want to go because of owning these transportation ways. However, do you know how many efforts that those technician people spend to create these mobile vehicles? Do you know in order to grasp those complicated knowledge applied to these vehicles, how many efforts that people need to spend to learn them well? On the one side,(前面用过这个词组了,可以换一个用。可把此段中on the one side, on the other side删去) people's lives become simpler because they do not need to spend several months from west to east, maybe what they need to do is to book a ticket in an airline company and spend several hours traveling from U.S to China. However, on the other side, by enjoying the simple way to live, people always seek for a simpler way to live. Then, along with the requirements to the technology becoming higher and higher, people need to spend much time and energies to create more advanced transportation ways to meet increased demands, and spend much more time to learn these advanced transportation ways. Can you imagine how complicated the life of these people will be?

Above all, I can easily make a conclusion that technology makes people’s lives simpler in turn to make people’s lives more complicated.

两个分论点有点交叉的部分
最后有草草收尾的感觉,建议加以扩充
有些语句有点绕,感觉可以更简洁一点~
每段之间要空一行

很高兴又改到你的文哦~呵呵~~~

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板凳
发表于 2009-2-22 23:55:58 |只看该作者
不好意思改晚了呵!

With the development of this society, technology has infiltrated into all aspects of our lives. On (the)删掉 one side, the technology really helps us a lot and makes our life simpler (or)and more convenient (than before)删除; however, (as)删除 each coin has two sides(, by). By using the technology, people also feel a little bit more complicated to deal with something in our lives, which brought in by the technology.


Taking computer technology for example, we know that this technology was created in the last century. On an ordinary student's side, by using this technology, it becomes simpler for me to find useful information in the internet than before; on an ordinary girl's side, it also becomes simpler for me to buy anything I want when I use computer technology to surf the internet. However, by having all (these conveniences)this convenience, we also find that behind (these conveniences)this convenience, (there are also more things)there’s more we need to think about. For example, we also know that not all information from the internet is correct or officially issued by authorities. So, we also need (to spend a lot of time to compare, to analysis and to demonstrate)analyzing, demonstrating and comparing with them. The most important issue is (also sometime)that sometimes
what we are afraid of is that the information or documents we download from the internet may have viruses. In order to protect our computer from (attacking)being attacked by hiker, we need to spend much (time and )删除money (to buy an anti-virus software)on antivirus softwares, and much time to download it into our computer. To me, it is really (a)删除 complicated (thing)删除 to do (this thing which)what I (though)think (it)删除 should be professionally done by a computer specialist.1 |4 L  w% P  S$ A+ C. w; S/ h



In this modern world, the technology from which human beings benefit most is Internal Combustion engine technology. Because of this technology, (mobile)删除 vehicles, such as buses, cares, airplanes are (created)invented . Indeed, people nowadays find it is easy to go anywhere they want to go because of owning these transportation (ways)删除. However, do you know how (many efforts)much effort
(that)删掉 those technician (people)删除 spends to create these mobile vehicles? Do you know in order to grasp those complicated knowledge applied to these vehicles, how (many efforts)much effort that people need to spend (to learn)learning them well? On (the)删掉 one side, people's lives become simpler because they do not need to spend several months from west to east, (maybe)删掉
and what they need to do is (to)删掉 book a ticket (in an airline company)删掉 and spend several hours traveling from U.S to China. However, on the other side, by enjoying the simple way to live, people always seek for a simpler way to live. Then, along with the requirements to the technology becoming higher and higher, people need to spend much time and energies (to create)creating more advanced transportation ways to meet increased demands, and spend much more time to learn these advanced transportation ways. Can you imagine how complicated the life of these people will be?

1 B, D% v) o# l# ^0 d. r7 T

Above all, I can easily make a conclusion that technology makes people’s lives simpler in turn to make people’s lives more complicated.


结尾确实简单了点,最好将前面写理由观点的再简单提一下呵。+U~

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地板
发表于 2009-2-23 14:44:29 |只看该作者
好的!!谢谢!

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RE: Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 偷闲透气 第五次作业 [修改]

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Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组 偷闲透气 第五次作业
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