【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组熊爱棒棒糖的 第6次作业】

熊爱棒棒糖UID: 2598861

As a saying goes, travelling ten thousand miles is just like reading ten thousands books. Nowadays, travelling has become more and more popular in the world. Enjoying the historical and scenic spots would make us learn more knowledge that we would not get from the books. Therefore, people would like to choose travelling to their favorite places in spare time. For saving time and energy, lots of people would take part in a group led by a tour guide, who would make up the whole tour plan and arrange the restaurants and hotels for them. However, I disagree that the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide because of mainly two reasons.

Firstly, the items organized by the group would constrain our time and freedom. As we all know that, these items have definite plan for our activities. Whatever we should be done needs be in accordance with the requirements of the tour group. If one place seems to be attractive to us and we would like spend more times there, these statements would be refused for opposite the group plans. Therefore, the tour group is one of the choices for us but it is not the best way.

Secondly, with the development of the internet, we could search whatever we want on it. Before travelling to the places, the information of the destination places could be found on the internet which might more explicit and helpful than those given by the tour guild. We enact the most suitable plans by ourselves. The characterized plan of travelling is the best way for the travelling.

To sum up, following the organization of the tour group is not the best way for travelers. Not only times and activities would be constrained, but only wasted money. The travelers need to enact their own plans through the help of internet which are suitable for their travellings.

ericsong1125UID: 2493162

As a saying goes, travelling ten thousand miles is just like reading ten thousands books. (这个作为开头没起到什么作用，老美不懂其中内涵，而且和后面的内容衔接也不好，建议去掉)Nowadays, travelling has become more and more popular in（all over 会好点吧） the world. Enjoying the（删，the不要乱加） historical and scenic spots would make us learn more knowledge that we would not get from the books（个人感觉这句话写复杂了，which are out of books 就ok了）. Therefore, people would like to choose travelling to their favorite places in spare time. For saving time and energy, lots of people would take part in a group led by a tour guide, who （逗号以后应该修饰前半句的宾语而不是宾语的定语从句中某些成分）would make up the whole tour plan and arrange the restaurants and hotels for them. However, I disagree that the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide because of mainly two reasons（主题句感觉尽量不要写有几点理由的好，虽说最后一句承上启下，但是会削弱主题句的语势）.

Firstly, the items organized by the group would constrain our time and freedom（显得很生硬，用被动语态会好点吧，表现被限制的东西做主语句子会好些）. As we all know that, these items have definite plan for our activities. Whatever we should be done needs be in accordance with the requirements of the tour group. If one place seems to be attractive to us and we would like spend more times there, these statements would be refused for opposite（这是个adj，可用conflicting with） the group plans. Therefore, the tour group is one of the choices for us but it is not the best way.

Secondly, with the development of the internet, we could search whatever we want on it（删，重复）. Before travelling to the places, the information of the destination places（destination有目的地的意思了，语义重复，删） could be found on the internet which might more explicit and helpful than those given by the tour guild. We enact（时态？语态？enact主要是讲制定法律吧，make plan就好了） the most suitable plans by ourselves. The characterized plan of travelling is the best way for the travelling

To sum up, following the organization of the tour group is not the best way for travelers. Not only times and activities would be constrained, but only （also）wasted money. The travelers need to enact their own plans through the help of internet which are suitable for their travellings.

感觉写的不太紧凑，用词不够考究，句型变化贫乏。主题句和各段的分论点衔接不紧，而且是反对就应该驳倒论点，LZ在第二个论点中转而说self-service的方法好，造成该反驳的没驳倒，该树立的又支持不够。
结尾和开头建议修改一下表达。

熊爱棒棒糖UID: 2598861

谢谢哦，改动的内容很好