[TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组 jessie2107 第七次作业

jessie2107UID: 2447940

Facing with an increasing number of pressures and challenges, on one hand, people should keep on studying to make ourselves more professional and competitive; on the other hand, we want to relax ourselves through participating in several kind of personal enjoyments, specifically what we like to do. Doubtless, it is difficult for us to make a balance between these two things, and thus some people even criticize that we spend too much time on what we like to do rather than what we should. However, I believe these critics, to a large extent, are unreasonable.

To begin with, generally, people, ranging from officers to students, have their fixed schedule. That means they have to stay in office or school for around 8 hours. Besides, as referred to before, due to people who are willing to make themselves more competitive always have to learn something up-to-date in their spare time. After accounting other time used on traffic jam, lunch or dinner, and so forth, people almost will be lack of basic rest, not to mention spend too much time on personal enjoyment.

In addition, from my perspective, spending time on personal enjoyment, which means what we like to do, and one’s own job, that we should do, are not exclusively contradictable. There is no doubt that people, in general, work more effectively and efficiently when they devote their time to what they are interested in. To illustrate, I regard reading as perfect personal enjoyment, which is able to save me from my daily burdensome pressure; however, we cannot deny but admit the fact that reading is also one of the things what we should do. In sum, even if people seem to do something time-wasting, yet, actually, those stuffs are meaningful as well as necessary.

Moreover, I not only disagree with the point that nowadays people spend too much on personal enjoyment but encourage those people who are under heavy pressure to relax themselves through actively doing what they like in their spare time. One of my friends is a famous lawyer who works for a large, corporate law firm. In order to survive from the cut-throat competition, he almost has no time to enjoy his life but completely concentrate on his work. Not to our surprise, last year, his psychologist suggested him to spend more time on personal enjoyment in order to relax himself and get away from his depression. In other word, in our modern world, most of us are lack of enjoyment time and, as a result, have to suffer from our horrible pressure.

In sum, to live healthily and happily, we should learn how to relax ourselves by participating in daily personal enjoyment. And as a result, there is a high possibility that we can work on what we should do more efficiently and effectively.




真的是完全毫无头绪的一个话题啊~同志们，狠狠拍吧！

liurui8802UID: 2595045

Facing with an increasing number of pressure去掉s and challenges, on one hand删掉, people should keep on studying to make ourselves more professional and competitive; on the other hand, we want to relax ourselves through participating in several kinds of personal enjoyments(没有participate in personal enjoyment的说法）, (specifically)especially
what we like to do. (Doubtless) ubdoubtedly, it is difficult for us to
(make)strike a balance between these two things, and thus some people even criticize这是个及物动词后面要人做宾语的 that we spend too much time on what we like to do rather than what we should
do. However, I believe these critics, to a large extent, are unreasonable.

# E2 Y, ^: z/ ?% F
To begin with, generally
speaking, people,
删掉逗号ranging from officers to students, have their fixed schedule. That means they have to stay in office or school for around 8 hours. Besides, as referred to before删掉, due to people who are willing to make themselves more competitive always have to learn something up-to-date in their spare time病句.改：people who want to be outstanding have to learn sth up to date in their spare time,sometimes required by their company. After删掉
(accounting)considering other time used on traffic jam, lunch or dinner
and so forth, people almost (will be lack of) basic rest, not to mention spend too much time on personal enjoyment.改写：Considering the time wasted on traffic jam or necessary hours on meals, hardly do people have time to relieve themselves from the pressure at work, not to mention spending too much time on entertainment.
这个理由还不错


In addition, from my perspective, spending time on personal enjoyment, which means what we like to do, and one’s own job, that we should do, are not exclusively contradictable. (rewrite:Spending time on entertainment which we are really crazy about does not exclude doing sth necessary.)There is no doubt that people, in general, work more effectively and efficiently when they devote their time to what they are interested in.（这句话有歧义。是人做了喜欢的事情后工作效率更高，还是做自己喜欢的事（工作）效率更高？）
To illustrate, I regard reading as perfect personal enjoyment, which is able to save me from my daily burdensome pressure; however, we cannot deny but admit the fact that reading is also one of the things what we should do. In sum, even if people seem to do something (time-wasting)time-consuming, yet, actually, those stuffs are meaningful as well as necessary.这段感觉论述不太明确，你要表达我们可以做既有意义又很喜欢的事情，但是感觉很模糊。个人意见，不知道其他同鞋怎么想。


Moreover, I not only disagree with the point that nowadays people spend too much on personal enjoyment but encourage those people who are under heavy pressure to relax themselves through actively doing what they like in their spare time. 这句话太长了，换表达方式One of my friends is afamous lawyer
who works for a large, corporate law firm. In order to survive from the cut-throat competition, he almost has no time to enjoy his life but completely concentrate on his work. （Not to our surprise）not surprisingly, last year, his psychologist suggested him to查一下suggest用法，后面应该跟可省should的从句 spend more time on personal enjoyment in order to relax himself and get away from hisdepression. In other words, in our modern world, most of us are （lack）lack本身就可以做动词，查一下用法 of enjoyment time and, as a result, have to suffer from our horrible pressure.

1 W; A& U2 z/ [$ i6 a& R0 i2 p
In sum（避免重复，in conclusion), to live healthily and happily, we should learn how to relax ourselves by participating in daily personal enjoyment(错误上面以指出）. And as a result, there is a high possibility that we can work on what we should do more efficiently and effectively（换种表达，这句话前面有）.
作者的观点其实还是比较清楚的，第一段说明从时间上我们其实并没有多少空闲时间；第二段说在某些情况下我们可以做既有意义又有趣的事，第三段说对于那些在压力下工作的人来说，做一些好玩的休闲可以提高效率，减少心理疾病。可惜的是三句话的开头总起句都不明确。作者的语法和句式掌握的还是可以的，只要有意识加以运用就好了，但要注意不要刻意追求句子的长和复杂，总起句要简洁有力。
格式有点变了，把文档附上，以便查看

soilinkinUID: 2163892

nice except for some minor mistakes...