第八次作业

天使左路UID: 2606987

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals

To most of individuals,when they face the question”is it human society more important than the other creatures especially animals”.They would absolutely
provide an answer as “yes”.We can’t be arbitrary to consider that these individuals above are egoist.But do they certainly give the similar answer again after they know some following facts we will discuss ?
Nowadays,more and more endangered animals are threatened by the human beings who arrogate more land to construct their higher constuction,such as factories,entertainment facilities,railways so on so forth.Futhermore,the motality of endangered animals increases because of the reducing of their habitation ,which is the consequence of the larger demand of human.Only when our society put its attention to this land-using question can resolve this complicated problem.
Endangered animals and even other creatures are indispensable for us because our zoology scientific experiments are based on the diversity of animals embracing endangered animimals and the endangered animals contribute to our global biosphere equilibrium.What a great shame if these essential animal are gone away by their habitat which is limited.
Nevertheless,with the enlarger of our industral world,it’s unavoidable for human world to use more land to continue their development than before.However,people can draw more attention to strike a balance between the finance and the lives of endangered animals instead of taking their land away.
Incidentally,when you face the same question above,don’t be so easy to make a “yes” answer.

jackie1983UID: 2484456

To most of individuals, when they face the question” is it（是不是该去掉it） human society more important than the other creatures especially animals？”.They would absolutely provide an answer as “yes”. We can’t be arbitrary to consider that these individuals above are egoist. But do they certainly give the similar answer again after they know some following facts we will discuss ?(首段用问句引出下文，不错)9(
Nowadays, more and more endangered animals are threatened by the human beings who arrogate more land to construct their higher construction （construction）, such as factories, entertainment facilities, railways so on so forth. Futhermore (furthermore), the motality (mortality) of endangered animals increases because of the reducing of their habitation , which is the consequence of the larger demand of human. Only when our society put its attention to this land-using question can （是不是该加个主语we) resolve this complicated problem.+ @+ f8 ^1 p) `- I5 i$ `+ l
Endangered animals and even other creatures are indispensable for us because our zoology scientific experiments are based on the diversity of animals embracing endangered animimals（animals） and the endangered animals contribute to our global biosphere equilibrium. What a great shame if these essential animal(s) are gone away by their habitat which is limited.
Nevertheless, with the enlarger of our industrial world, it’s unavoidable for human world to use more land to continue their development than before. However, people can draw more attention to strike a balance between the finance and the lives of endangered animals instead of taking their land away., l2 \$ q! o1 q/ T% v7 k1 e! C+ \
Incidentally, when you face the same question above, don’t be so easy to make a “yes” answer.
文章开头结尾都提到了不能草率回答“人类比动物重要？”这个问题，并通过后面3段的分析了问题的复杂性，
我觉得是不是明确提出自己的观点好一点？
标点符号后面加个空格，放到word里就不会有那么多红线了
水平有限，欢迎指正

saavedroUID: 2423190

建议这位同学下次在标题处写上你的所在的小组，方便组长统计。

天使左路UID: 2606987

请问版主，什么叫加上小组名，我不知道自己是哪个小组的

天泽UID: 2340391

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals

(To most of individuals,)删除 When (they)删除 faced the question(” is it)删除 that whether human (society)needs for land are more important than needs of the other creatures, especially animals(”.), (They)most people would absolutely provide an answer as “yes”. We can’t be arbitrary to consider that these (individuals)people above are egoists. But (do)will they certainly give the similar answer again after they know some following facts we will discuss? 建议首段明确提出作者观点

Nowadays, more and more endangered animals are threatened by the human beings who (arrogate)这个词有点大了
more land to construct their (higher construction)?, such as factories, entertainment facilities, railways, and so on and so forth. Furthermore, the mortality of endangered animals increases because of the (reducing)reduction of their habitation, which is the consequence of the larger demand of human. Only when our society put its attention (to)on this land-using question can (resolve this)删除 (complicated problem)什么复杂问题？be resolved.

Endangered animals and even other creatures are indispensable for us because our zoology scientific experiments are based on the diversity of animals embracing endangered (animimals)animals and (the endangered animals contribute to our global biosphere equilibrium).怎么contribute to the biosphere equilibrium了？应当在论证过程中描述清楚，可引用相关例证证明观点。
What a great shame if these essential animal are gone away (by)because of their habitat (which is)being limited.

Nevertheless, with the (enlarger)enlargement of our industrial world, it’s unavoidable for human world to use more land to continue (their)删除 development than before. However, people can draw more attention to strike a balance between the (finance)economic development and the (lives)needs for land of endangered animals instead of taking their land away.

Incidentally, when you face the same question above, don’t be so easy to make a “yes” answer.尾段应该简单概括全文，重申观点。

托福作文不需要题目。
文章内容比较空，只是说人类用地了，动物死亡率升高了，只在第二段提到说动物对人类的作用。应当展开论证，充分运用相关例子如美国早期居民在西迁过程中开垦用地，导致北美野牛灭绝等。同时也应当展开思路来谈，而不是同一个观点来回重复。
建议多看一些托福的范文，可以积累词汇句型也可扩展思路，+U~