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[活动] 〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组rainbowstarwqc第十次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-3-7 21:52:59 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree: governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams



Since the successfully hosting the 29th Olympic games in Beijing, we Chinese have been soaking in the atmosphere of sport ferment, which is attracting millions of Yuan to sport field, like construction of stadiums,
supporting of athletics, awarding the Olympic champions, just to name a few. Nevertheless, when we are enjoying the fun and
ecstasy accompanying sport events, we are not realizing that we are losing something crucial to us in the tide of internationalization. That is our art, especially traditional art, is threatened by bankruptcy, while the only solution is appropriate money on it., for it is not only our nation's identification, but also an ideal tool to improve our life quality.




In the first place, it is our national art who distinguish us from other nations, or we may lose ourselves in the forest of foreign cultures. For instance, Peiking opera, which is one of most famous dramas in China, is also in the edge of extinction for the reason of insufficient succeeders. As one of symbols of China, we are quite proud of it, ironically, few of us are continuing after those masters, for the hardship and low pay. Under this circumstance, what will happen if we let this whimsical trend going? Needless to say, we properly have to appreciate Peiking opera through DVD or other recordings, not live performance as we used to!



The second reason is far more practical than the previous one, by preserving it , our daily lives will be much more vivid and interesting. Taking Peiking opera as an example again, as we all know, appreciating drama is an ideal relaxation, especially for the elders. My grandma is a crazy fan of it, by listening and watching those dramas, she gains both happiness and culture. On condition that government invest more fund on the preservation of local and national art, I firmly believe that people will enjoy a better life for the decoration of it. What’s more, crimes may decline because of its guidance.

To sum up, although we can harvest pride and happiness from investment on sport teams, we have to appropriate some money on art too, for it viable to us both in tradition and daily life.

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发表于 2009-3-9 20:27:58 |显示全部楼层
1# rainbowstarwqc

Since the successfully hosting the 29th Olympic games in Beijing, we Chinese have been soaking in the atmosphere of sport ferment,(比喻得不错) which is attracting millions of Yuan to sport field, like construction of stadiums,supporting of athletics, awarding the Olympic champions, just to name a few. Nevertheless, when we are enjoying the fun and ecstasy accompanying sport events, we are not realizing that we are losing something crucial to us in the tide of internationalization. That is our art, especially traditional art, is threatened(which has being threatened) by bankruptcy, while the only solution is (to) appropriate money on it., for it is not only our nation's identification, but also an ideal tool to improve our life quality(此句有几套主谓成分?再考虑考虑).. B( v* [& P( z* e) R" D

In the first place, it is our national art who(which) distinguish(es) us from other nations, or we may lose ourselves in the forest of foreign cultures. For instance, Peiking(Peking) opera(从语言文化角度,其实peking是北京的旧称,并含有贬义,现在多用Beijing Opera), which is one of most famous dramas in China, is also in(on) the edge of extinction for the reason of insufficient succeeders. As one of symbols of China, we are quite proud of it, ironically, few of us(few of which) are continuing after those (删)masters, for the hardship and low pay. Under this circumstance, what will happen if we let this whimsical trend going? Needless to say, we properly have to appreciate Peiking opera through DVD or other recordings, not live performance as we used to!
T
$ v5 V1 \+ L! q/ N8 [

The second reason is far more practical than the previous one, by preserving it , our daily lives will be much more vivid and interesting. Taking Peiking opera as an example again, as we all know, appreciating drama is an ideal relaxation, especially for the elders. My grandma is a crazy fan of it, by listening and watching those dramas, (去逗号加and)she(删) gains both happiness and culture. On condition that government invest more fund on the preservation of local and national art, I firmly believe that people will enjoy a better life for the decoration(这个词是具体意义上的装饰) of it.(可以改成--I firmly believe that Beijing Opera will spark every possible moment of our daily lives.京剧可以点亮我们生活的每个瞬间) What’s more, crimes may decline because of its guidance.(crime为什么会decline啊?这个我有点不明白)

To sum up, although we can harvest pride and happiness from (加the)investment on sport teams, we have to appropriate some money on art(加s) too, for it (is)viable to us both in tradition and daily life.
1论点清晰,有侧重。以京剧为例,以小见大,切入点不错,论据充分。
2lz文笔可以,但仍需加强基础语法的巩固。
3我感觉lz对长句的把握不是很到位,希望多加练习。
4in addition,you'v got some minor mistakes.
5最后问好!如有问题望进一步交流。

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发表于 2009-3-11 15:21:52 |显示全部楼层
Since the(删掉the) successfully hosting the 29th Olympic games in Beijing, we Chinese have been soaking in the atmosphere of sport ferment which is attracting millions of Yuan to sport field, like construction of stadiums,supporting of athletics, awarding the Olympic champions, just to name a few. Nevertheless, when we are enjoying the fun and ecstasy accompanying sport events, we are not realizing that we are losing something crucial to us in the tide of internationalization. That is our art, especially the traditional art, is threatened(which has been threatened) by bankruptcy, (建议上面一句为一个句子。下面为另一句)while the only solution is (to) appropriate money on it., for it is not only our nation's identification, but also an ideal tool to improve our life quality
In the first place, it is our national(traditional) art(s) who(which) distinguish us from other nations, or(otherwise) we may lose ourselves in the forest of foreign cultures. For instance, Peiking(beijing) opera which is one of (the) most famous dramas in China, is also(删去also) in(on) the edge of extinction for the reason of insufficient succeeders. As one of symbols of China, we are quite proud of it,(建议下面重新开始一段) ironically, few of us are continuing after those (删)masters, for the hardship and low pay. Under this circumstance, what will happen if we let this whimsical trend going? Needless to say, we properly have to appreciate Peiking opera through DVD or other recordings, not live performance as we used to!
T
$ v5 V1 \+ L! q/ N8 [4 V* w. q2 p7 \0 E

The second reason is far more practical than the previous one, by preserving it , our daily lives will be much more vivid and interesting. Taking Peiking opera as an example again, as we all know, appreciating drama is an ideal relaxation, especially for the elders. My grandma is a crazy fan of it, by listening and watching those dramas, (去逗号加and)she(删) gains both happiness and culture. On condition that government invest more fund on the preservation of local and national art, I firmly believe that people will enjoy a better life for the decoration of it. What’s more, crimes may decline because of its guidance.
To sum up, although we can harvest pride and happiness from (加the)investment on sport teams, we have to appropriate some money on art(加s) too, for it (is)viable to us both in tradition and daily life.
lz使用了过多的分句,导致文章词句不够简练
总体说来写的很好,呵呵,加油
由于我马上就要考试了,所以没有及时拍哦,不好意思
闪亮的日子

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发表于 2009-3-11 17:53:44 |显示全部楼层
3# 熊爱棒棒糖
没关系,你什么时候考啊

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RE: 〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组rainbowstarwqc第十次作业 [修改]

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