〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组 dengqinbo的第11次作业

dengqinboUID: 2596994

     Using your knowledge and expierence to solve problem or turning to others for help?

There has been a heated debate on problem-solving whether people should turn to others for help or should work the puzzle out on their own. Some people suggest that we handle the problem ourselves, however I am more willing to take advices from the experienced adults or peers to help me get over it. By asking others for help, I consider, individuals can save much unnecessary effort, approach to surprising new stuffs as well.

To start with, depending on others is the most effective way to get rid of difficulties. A difficulty here is something that you meet it without knowing what it is and where it leads to. Since it unmatches any kinds of tough tasks you experienced before, you can't deal with it by previous lessons. Your predication on its appearance is also unreliable, which may bring a wrong answer, even worse, enlarge the original one. What will you do? Are you pondering, "It is said that 'desperate time calls for desperate measurement', then I just need to try. No matter what, the 101th trail must be right after my 100 disappointments." Well, these "strenuous youth", I would rather mock at than show my admiration for. My suggestion is to collect as much information as possible before you begin to work on it. From your friends, families, or teachers, you could gain sufficient and precious knowledge of this "difficulty". Has the monster gradually revealed the awful mask and taken on its real looking, can you come to realize that finally it is not insurmountable than it is supposed to. Contrary to that may it be even easier to settle than any other you have done with. Then, how long have you been taken to solve the problem? Maybe several hours, or one day or more, it is not for sure, but what I am for sure is that you can't spend more time and effort than if not asking for help.

Second, communicating with others means to exchange, exchanging respective knowledge, ideas, and impressive lessons. For example, you were managing to take a trip to Shanghai, a beautiful coastal city. Knowing scanty about the traveling expense, you decided to seek out relevant message via on-line Travel Information Network. After scrolling numerous pages of “up-to-date and best guiding”, you gave up, upset and helpless. It is disturbing to scan piece by piece the seemingly useful information, which is indeed getting money out of your pocket. Right at the moment of depression, you bumped into a cyber-friend in a chatting room. You conferred to her and you just try to find comforts. Out of your expectation was that, for God’s sake, she is from Shanghai! Thanks to her kindness, you attained so much, including transportation tools, the fee of scenery spots, hotel prices and services, all aspects of life there! What’s more, she gave you useful tips, telling you which restaurant serves the best dishes, what kind of souvenir is a waste of money and so on. She helped you save a large amount of money. At the end of your conversation, she said she was about to fly to your city for business in a few months. As a return, you render her as much as you know about your hometown, which would be enough for her during her staying. In a word, you both earn your wishes by sharing with your own inconvenience, yet at the beginning none could have been expected this. Now that the benefit of communication outweighs its disadvantages, everyone should learn to speak out of your questions to others. Perhaps the solution is found during the course of communication.

It is true that kill a problem by your own is a practice of self-reliance, I prefer to the more-than-one participation style of problem-solving. One’s knowledge is more or less limit, though, wisdom of a group is endless. Only in this way can you pursue the ultimate achievement.


PS：很烦恼，帮我改改啊，这样写肯定不行啊，而且模板不强。不可能每天都按照这种模子写吧。。麻烦给我点妙招吧。我现在只会用具体事例这种方式来写，最缺少的就是逻辑词。麻烦各位指点下，拜托了。



                                                                                             

mimicaUID: 2457275

There has been a heated debate on problem-solving whether people should turn to others for help or should work the puzzle out on their own. Some people suggest that we handle the problem ourselves, however I am more willing to take advices from the experienced adults or peers to help me get over it. By asking others for help, I consider, individuals can save much unnecessary effort, approach to surprising new stuffs as well.: [(

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To start with, depending on others is the most effective way to get rid of difficulties. A difficulty here is something that you meet it without knowing what it is and where it leads to. Since it unmatches any kinds of tough tasks you experienced before, you can't deal with it by previous lessons. Your predication on its appearance is also unreliable, which may bring a wrong answer, even worse, enlarge the original one. What will you do? (个人感觉前面这些论述都无关紧要，有点儿多余)Are you pondering, "It is said that 'desperate time calls for desperate measurement', then I just need to try. No matter what, the 101th trail must be right after my 100 disappointments." Well, these "strenuous youth", I would rather mock at than show my admiration for. My suggestion is to collect as much information as possible before you begin to work on it. From your friends, families, or teachers, you could gain sufficient and precious knowledge of this "difficulty". Has the monster gradually revealed the awful mask and taken on its real looking, can you come to realize that finally it is not insurmountable than it is supposed to. Contrary to that may it be even easier to settle than any other you have done with. Then, how long have you been taken to solve the problem? Maybe several hours, or one day or more, it is not for sure, but what I am for sure is that you can't spend more time and effort than if not asking for help.

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Second, communicating with others means to exchange, exchanging respective knowledge, ideas, and impressive lessons. For example, you were managing to take a trip to Shanghai, a beautiful coastal city. Knowing scanty about the traveling expense, you decided to seek out relevant message via on-line Travel Information Network. After scrolling numerous pages of “up-to-date and best guiding”, you gave up, upset and helpless. It is disturbing to scan piece by piece the seemingly useful information, which is indeed getting money out of your pocket. Right at the moment of depression, you bumped into a cyber-friend in a chatting room. You conferred to her and you just try to find comforts. Out of your expectation was that, for God’s sake, she is from Shanghai! Thanks to her kindness, you attained so much, including transportation tools, the fee of scenery spots, hotel prices and services, all aspects of life there! What’s more, she gave you useful tips, telling you which restaurant serves the best dishes, what kind of souvenir is a waste of money and so on. She helped you save a large amount of money. At the end of your conversation, she said she was about to fly to your city for business in a few months. As a return, you render her as much as you know about your hometown, which would be enough for her during her staying. In a word, you both earn your wishes by sharing with your own inconvenience, yet at the beginning none could have been expected this. Now that the benefit of communication outweighs its disadvantages, everyone should learn to speak out of your questions to others. Perhaps the solution is found during the course of communication.

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It is true that kill a problem by your own is a practice of self-reliance, I prefer to the more-than-one participation style of problem-solving. One’s knowledge is more or less limit, though, wisdom of a group is endless. Only in this way can you pursue the ultimate achievement.

语言基本功不错，但总体感觉论述的很琐碎，实例也太详细了，缺少那种关键理论句。不知道你用时多久？感觉和我以前看过的都不一样，但也不知道如何改了。

chelseajcoleUID: 2589519

Using your knowledge and expierence to solve problem or turning to others for help?

There has been a heated debate on problem-solving whether people should turn to others for help or should work the puzzle out on their own. Some people suggest that we handle the problem ourselves, however I am more willing to take advices from the experienced adults or peers to help me get over it. By asking others for help, I consider, individuals can save much unnecessary effort, approach to surprising new stuffs as well.
这样不是已经挺有样子了，上来restate,再提出观点，也暗示了结构

To start with, depending on others is the most effective way to get rid of difficulties. A difficulty here is something that you meet it without knowing what it is and where it leads to. Since it unmatches any kinds of tough tasks you experienced before, you can't deal with it by previous lessons. Your predication on its appearance is also unreliable, which may bring a wrong answer, even worse, enlarge the original one. What will you do? Are you pondering, "It is said that 'desperate time calls for desperate measurement', then I just need to try. No matter what, the 101th trail must be right after my 100 disappointments." Well, these "strenuous youth", I would rather mock at than show my admiration for. My suggestion is to collect as much information as possible before you begin to work on it. From your friends, families, or teachers, you could gain sufficient and precious knowledge of this "difficulty". Has the monster gradually revealed the awful mask and taken on its real looking, can you come to realize that finally it is not insurmountable than it is supposed to. Contrary to that may it be even easier to settle than any other you have done with. Then, how long have you been taken to solve the problem? Maybe several hours, or one day or more, it is not for sure, but what I am for sure is that you can't spend more time and effort than if not asking for help.


Second, communicating with others means to exchange, exchanging respective knowledge, ideas, and impressive lessons. For example, you were managing to take a trip to Shanghai, a beautiful coastal city. Knowing scanty about the traveling expense, you decided to seek out relevant message via on-line Travel Information Network. After scrolling numerous pages of “up-to-date and best guiding”, you gave up, upset and helpless. It is disturbing to scan piece by piece the seemingly useful information, which is indeed getting money out of your pocket. Right at the moment of depression, you bumped into a cyber-friend in a chatting room. You conferred to her and you just try to find comforts. Out of your expectation was that, for God’s sake, she is from Shanghai! Thanks to her kindness, you attained so much, including transportation tools, the fee of scenery spots, hotel prices and services, all aspects of life there! What’s more, she gave you useful tips, telling you which restaurant serves the best dishes, what kind of souvenir is a waste of money and so on. She helped you save a large amount of money. At the end of your conversation, she said she was about to fly to your city for business in a few months. As a return, you render her as much as you know about your hometown, which would be enough for her during her staying. In a word, you both earn your wishes by sharing with your own inconvenience, yet at the beginning none could have been expected this. Now that the benefit of communication outweighs its disadvantages, everyone should learn to speak out of your questions to others. Perhaps the solution is found during the course of communication.

It is true that kill a problem by your own is a practice of self-reliance, I prefer to the more-than-one participation style of problem-solving. One’s knowledge is more or less limit, though, wisdom of a group is endless. Only in this way can you pursue the ultimate achievement.)

语言方面完全没问题，其实写得像散文一样应该容易得高分，关键是ETS的人会不会给满分的问题，我觉得要找有经验的人看一下，是不是写成这样可以。恩！可以拿来当范文背下来了

dengqinboUID: 2596994

To chelseajcole and to everyone who are preparing for toefl essay:
这是我表妹给我的评价和建议，她在美国土生土长的，现在7年纪。。。用她的话讲，我作文写得还很烂。。。红色字是她的批语以及修改，黑色字里面也有她的修改，大家可以对照着我写得原文看，她很改了一些我的句子结构和措辞。蓝色字是说她觉得与topic，但是没删掉。帖在这里，主要希望对大家进一步了解老美的写作思路有所帮助。另外，后面她用黑体字写了总评，和她列出的观点啥的。大家批判着看吧，也别把一个小屁孩的娃当真了。


There has been a heated debate on problem-solving whether people should turn to others for help or should work the puzzle out themselves. Some people suggest that we handle the problem ourselves. However, I prefer to take advices from the experienced adults or peers to help me solve the problem. By asking others for help, individuals can easily grasp new concepts.
   First, asking others for help is a very effective and quick way to solve a problem. Difficulty means, something that is hard to do or surmount. (CHING CHING! A DIFFICULTY IS SO NOT THAT!!!! DIFFICULTY IS WHEN YOU STRUGGLE! ITS LIKE A CHALLENGE!) If you’ve never experienced a new difficult task before, it is hard to deal since you’d know nothing about it. You would be clueless about what to do and you’d try to guess. What if your guess is wrong, what if it just makes things worse? “It is said that 'desperate time calls for desperate measurement', then I just need to try. No matter what, the 101th trail must be right after my 100 disappointments." I would rather mock at than show my admiration for it because I would rather get help and get it right the FIRST time rather than waste time doing it 100 times. Instead of facing the problem alone, it is best to get help from others, they might be experienced in what problem you have.tion is to collect as much information as possible before you begin to work on it. From your friends, families, or teachers, you could gain sufficient and precious knowledge of this "difficulty". Has the monster gradually revealed the awful mask and taken on its real looking, can you come to realize that finally it is not insurmountable than it is supposed to. Contrary to that may it be even easier to settle than any other you have done with. (irrelevant to the topic) Then, how long have you been taken to solve the problem? Maybe several hours, or one day or more, it is not for sure, but what I am for sure is that you can't spend more time and effort than if not asking for help.
   Also, if you communicate with others, you can exchange knowledge and ideas from a different perspective. For example, if you’re going to take a trip to Shanghai, a beautiful coastal city. Knowing scanty about the traveling expense, it would be best to seek out advice from people who have visited Shanghai a lot. Instead of scrolling numerous pages of “up-to-date and best guiding” that are useless and BIASED, you’d have much better luck having UNBIASED advice from a friend who LIVES in Shanghai, thanks to that friend, you will attain so much useful information, like, transportation tools, the fee of scenery spots, hotel prices and services, and useful tips like which places are cheap but have high quality! If you tried to solve this problem yourself, you may not have gotten this best service and wasted a lot of money. If you ask for help, you will attan useful information, save a lot of money, and be much happier. {Like which restaurant serves the best dishes, what kind of souvenir is a waste of money and so on. She helped you save a large amount of money. At the end of your conversation, she said she was about to fly to your city for business in a few months. As a return, you render her as much as you know about your hometown, which would be enough for her during her staying. In a word, you both earn your wishes by sharing with your own inconvenience, yet at the beginning none could have been expected this. (Kind of irrelevant now) Now that the benefit of communication outweighs its disadvantages, everyone should learn to speak out of your questions to others. Perhaps the solution is found during the course of communication.
   It is true that solving a problem on your own means you’re pretty smart and that you can solve other problems like this. (I don’t know if that is good), I prefer to the more-than-one participation style of problem-solving. One’s knowledge is more or less limit, though, wisdom of a group is endless. This way, you can have different perspectives and think differently in a more efficient way. Only in this way, can you achieve the ultimate goal in shortest time and with most desirable answers.

Ching Ching, good example. In the first paragraph, write about a PERSONAL experience that you did. For example, : Once when I was a young swimmer, I tried to do the stroke freestyle. I was strong but not fast. Why? Because my stroke and skill was clumsy and naïve. I did not know how to swim in an efficient way. I tried to perfect my stroke myself but I didn’t have good results. Later, I asked my coach on how to do it. He said, “You’re not kicking enough, if you kick more, your body will be flat on top of the water which will enable you to move through the water more easily.” My coach told me other tips and advices and by the end of the a few weeks, my freestyle was fast, efficient and a danger to other swimmers hoping to be #1. ……………………. Ching Ching, you need a life experience to show that what your saying is true and giving them a real example is much better than simulating one. Also, what if I am not good enough? I am in the 7th grade and I supposedly write like a highschooler since I am in the gifted and talented class but what if they look at the paper and say, “HEY! WAS THIS WRITTEN BY A SEVENTH GRADER?” anyways good first paragraph, but you need STRONG EXAMPLES! I’ll list MY reasons for asking others to help solve a problem.

• People can give you tips and knowledge, they can give you a different perspective on how to think. For example, when other people correct my paper (see where this is going?) they correct me and I learn fast since they are much more experienced. I learned knew things, like what the meaning of a word was, before, I though it meant something else. (like the owrd difficult, you had the meaning wrong at first but then later you got it right because I provided you with more knowledge and I got you tips from correcting your paper)
• If you work ALONE you may do the wrong things thinking it is right and that will screw you up while others look down on you thinking (is she stupid?)
• Its faster to ask help, you just get it and you can try 1000 times with out help and get it right but who wants to waste time? It’s better to get it right the FIRST time rather than wasting your time doing alone!
• If you ask others, you can learn about their mistakes and learn from them you you won’t make the same mistakes. People can warn you on what not to do!

Is this enough reasons? GET 100 ON YOUR PAPER!

PS：基本上改的面目全非了，大家可以把这个当做一个美国初中生写作的思路。（硬是具体的惨）

dengqinboUID: 2596994

to chelseajcole again:
别背我的那个，再背也得背这个修改过的。。我把我原先的文章给另外一个成年外国人看。他的评价是：
It was a good post, but if I might say so, rather too long for our more inexperienced members. Even I found some difficulty in maintaining interest.

Perhaps seperating the paragraphs, which is the form I usually adopt, would make it more readable and interesting.

You do make a good point regarding asking others for help, Your command of English is admirable, although your sentence structure does require some further work and consideration.

Please take my comments not as criticism, but rather as helpful suggestions.
我对这段话的理解就是：你的句式结构还得努力，尽量少讲废话，精简精炼点！！！！！！