ARGUMENT242【DIES IN FLAMES 0910G长线突破组】TASK I cjlu

cjluUID: 2448066

开头和结尾写的超级烂，实在是不行了，先发上来吧……然后因为还没有看过模板，所以基本都是自己扯的……用好多字典查了好多单词……但是写出来真的惭愧~希望以后能写好一些吧。麻烦各位帮我改作文的亲们了^^因为这篇文章估计……呃……就不说了^^
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To adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's for the reason to combat the dramatic cheating among college and university students, though plausible, is also a fair subject of speculation.
First of all, it can be questioned as to whether it is useful to curb the college students' cheat in examination. The argument simply equates "agree not to cheat "with "not to cheat". But just as we know, it is human to hide their thoughts, especially if they are of a shameful nature. One will never say he or she is going to cheat in the examination, but maybe they will do so furtively. Similarly, it is unfair to say one of the students is cheating just because another student suspects him or her without certain evidence.
Otherwise, even if we assume that it is practical, we are still not in a position to assured that the honor codes that similar to Groveton’s is more promising than the old-fashioned system. In the latter system, an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported which dues to the closely monitored by teachers. And the survey which the author quoted indicates that with the new system tried, it is obvious the cheating figure had dropped from thirty cases to twenty-one cases. Nevertheless, it still can’t prove the new-system is more available than the old one effectively. For the reason that the proportion of “cheat” and “reported cheat” is always not the same (even the total number of the students is unchanged ). According to the result of a survey conducted by Nanning University, a student would cover up for their faculty member who cheated in the examination in order to sustain their interpersonal relations rather than report their behavior to the teachers. “What can we get from it besides the broken friendship?” a student said so in a random survey. Taking the difference into consideration that the relationship between teachers and students is not similar to the association among students, it’s not easy for us to make accurate judgment whether the decreased survey data confirmed the new system is sufficient to choke off the student’s cheat or it just limited the amount of report about cheat which were found.
And during the past five years, the sum of the reports dropped from twenty-one to fourteen---even though we admit that the new system has contributed to it---is still doubtful if we simply due it to the new system. It seems quite possible that the university students’ view of honor has changed during the long time. Especially in this era of ours, any spots of the honor records you set in your college life will bring an incalculable effect to the student’s all lifetime. Taking the price of cheat into consideration, the students’ view will actually change a lot. The change of the concept is bound to bring the switch of behavior. And the influence of the concept appears in the external will be the decrease of students’ cheat.
To sum up, the new system may contribute to the decrease of the report number of cheat students, but the argument must provide more evidence to support it.

xylibbyUID: 2432289

To adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's for the reason to combat the dramatic cheating among college and university students, though plausible, is also (actrually?)a fair subject of speculation.
First of all, it can be questioned as to whether it is useful to curb the college students' cheat in examination. (On one hand?) The argument simply equates "agree not to cheat "with "not to cheat". But just as we know, it is human to hide their thoughts, especially if they are of a shameful nature. One will never say
(有点绝对化might never say?) he or she is going to cheat in the examination, but maybe they will do so furtively. Similarly ( On the other hand?), it is unfair to say one of the students is cheating just because another student suspects him or her (yet) without certain evidence.
Otherwise, even if we assume that it (the honor code system? 有点指代不明) is practical, we are still not in a position to assured that the honor codes that
(which) similar to Groveton’s is more promising than the old-fashioned system. In the latter system, an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported which dues to the closely monitored by teachers. And
(What’s more,) the survey which the author quoted indicates that with the new system tried, it is obvious the cheating figure had dropped from thirty cases to twenty-one cases. Nevertheless, it still can’t prove the new-system is more available than the old one effectively (改为it still can’t prove effectively that the new-system…是不是好些？)，for the reason that the proportion of “cheat” and “reported cheat” is always not the same (even the total number of the students is unchanged ). According to the result of a survey conducted by Nanning University,(自己另外引入一个survey感觉不妥)
a student would cover up for their faculty member who cheated in the examination in order to sustain their interpersonal relations rather than report their behavior to the teachers. “What can we get from it besides the broken friendship?” a student said so in a random survey. Taking the difference into consideration that the relationship between teachers and students is not similar to the association among students, （不明白其类比关系）it’s not easy for us to make accurate judgment whether the decreased survey data confirmed the new system is sufficient to choke off the student’s cheat or it just limited the amount of report about cheat which were found.
And during the past five years, the sum of the reports dropped from twenty-one to fourteen---even though we admit that the new system has contributed to it---is still doubtful if we simply due it to the new system.（貌似分成短+长句会比较好，因为TS会更为突出） It seems quite possible that the university students’ view of honor has changed during the long time, especially in this era of ours, when any spots of the honor records you set in your college life will bring an incalculable effect to the student’s (what?)all lifetime. Taking the price (cost?) of cheat into consideration, the students’ view will actually change a lot. The change of the concept is bound to bring the switch of behavior. And the influence of the concept appears in the external will be the decrease of students’ cheat.
To sum up, the new system may contribute to the decrease of the report number of cheat students, but the argument must provide more evidence to support it. (evidences about what?可以多列举一些自己认为需要的信息，可以凑字数，呵呵~)
初学改文章，水平有限，请海涵。如果觉得改的地方不对请指出，可以共同进步，呵呵~ 俺收获颇丰~

xylibbyUID: 2432289

复制粘贴之后没有彩色了 不好意思

winning1030UID: 2538401

To adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's for the reason to combat the dramatic cheating among college and university students, though plausible, is also a fair subject of speculation.
First of all, it can be questioned as to whether it is useful to curb the college students' cheat in examination. The argument simply equates "agree not to cheat "with "not to cheat". But just as we know, it is human （natural）to hide their thoughts(for human), especially if they(the behaviors) are of a shameful nature (character). One will never (太绝对)say he or she is going to cheat in the examination, but maybe they will do so furtively. Similarly, it is unfair to say one of the students is cheating just because another student suspects him or her without certain evidence.(楼主这句话想证明什么，感觉和证明honor code对减少作弊无关，而是提出一个该制度下的缺陷，即存在那些没有作弊的而被误判的学生。我不知道该不该要这句话，因为楼主的TS是it can be questioned as to whether it is useful to curb the college students' cheat in examination，毕竟和curb the college students' cheat无关。或者楼主可以再后面加一个递进，这会引起新的问题，使其的effectiveness受质疑。)Otherwise, even if we assume that it is practical, we are still not in a position to assured（assure） that the honor codes that similar to Groveton’s is more promising than the old-fashioned system. In the latter system, an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported which dues to the closely monitored by teachers. And the survey which the author quoted indicates that with the new system tried,(since the new system was in place) it is obvious the cheating figure had dropped from thirty cases to twenty-one cases. Nevertheless, it still can’t prove the new-system is more available than the old one effectively(删). For the reason that the proportion of “cheat” and “reported cheat” is always not the same (even the total number of the students is unchanged ). According to the result of a survey conducted by Nanning University, a student would cover up for their faculty member who cheated in the examination in order to sustain their interpersonal relations rather than report their behavior to the teachers. “What can we get from it besides the broken friendship?” a student said so in a random survey.（楼主，实在抱歉，我没看过什么arguments之前，我不知道能不能这样引用。但是，即使可以，毕竟Nanning University 和G也情况也不相同，不能直接推论，而应该由此怀疑G是否也存在这样的情况，使其honor code的有效受质疑。不过，有可能我想多了。因为我想使文章更滴水不漏些）Taking the difference into consideration that the relationship between teachers and students is not similar to the association among students（有点突兀，突然扯进来了老师，虽然我知道楼主想表达的意思，想和受老师监控的情况相照应下，但是觉得用relationship这个词比较奇怪。或者就直接Taking the difference into consideration吧，意思也很明确）, it’s not easy for us to make accurate judgment whether the decreased survey data confirmed the new system is sufficient to choke off（我查到它上的意思是把...闷死, 勒死, 绞死）the student’s cheat or it just limited the amount of report（reports） about cheat which were found.
And during the past five years, the sum of the reports dropped from twenty-one to fourteen---even though we admit that the new system has contributed to it---is still doubtful if we simply due it to the new system. It seems quite possible that the university students’ view of honor has changed during the long time. Especially in this era of ours, any spots of the honor records you set in your college life will bring an incalculable effect to the student’s all lifetime.(其实楼主这里的原因想得很好，但是原题目并没有给明年代时间，所有也可能不是this era of ours，也许把这个限定区掉，换成泛一点的概念比较好) Taking the price of cheat into consideration, the students’ view will actually change a lot. The change of the concept is bound to bring the switch of behavior. And the influence of the concept appears in the external will be the decrease of students’ cheat.
To sum up, the new system may contribute to the decrease of the report number of cheat students, but the argument must provide more evidence to support it.


楼主的语言很流畅，几乎不存在语法错误，而且短语用得很多，看得出楼主英语功底很好呢，这是我该好好学习的地方，我有好多短语和单词不认得呢。。。555.特别值得一提的是，楼主没有借助模板，所以给人感觉比较新鲜。而且明确指出了cheat和cheat reported的区别。觉得还是比较有条理的，但是觉得还是有些地方没有展开，多举些例子会不会更丰富呢。最后，请楼主表生我气，我觉得我改红了好多。因为我没什么经验，很有可能把楼主其实很好的地方给改错了，或者鸡蛋里面挑骨头，所以见谅～！