TOEFL 上半年Dark_Tournament写作小组风中随想第十三次作业

风中随想UID: 2517785

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.




Imagining when on the way in your car to work place, the last thing you want to meet may be a traffic jam. In fact it is a nail in stomach for people in most cities. To solve this, there is an idea that drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic. However, in my opinion, there are some other solutions to be undertaken which are wiser and more effective. For example, use the power of media and police.
First, paying a fee is a waste of time and money, and is not necessary at all. Because nobody wants to run in to a traffic jam, just as nobody wants to pay a fee. If it is implemented, let’s assume, what will most probably happen is that the driver at the entrance of the blocked road turns to another direction after being told what has happened. How ridiculous it is to pay a fee and what is worse, run into a overcrowded road. In addition, clerks of traffic department cannot arrive instantly, that is, when they arrive, many cars have driven into and make things worse. Consequently, it is not only a great waste of time but also a waste of money, for you have to pay these clerks for their work, who receive little money from drivers.
Second, paying a fee has a negative influence on narrower and smaller street and path. Drivers who avoid to pay a fee will choose smaller and narrower streets or path, which will be easier to cause more traffic jams and has a severe damage on these week streets.
Third, media can play a better role in traffic system, especially by radio. For example, when my mum drives the car she always listens to the radio of traffic channel, FM935, which reported the traffic conditions of the whole city all the time and tell drivers which road can go to and which cannot because of a crowded traffic.
Last, a notice board placed in the middle of road can work well too. When drivers read the notice that too much traffic is ahead of them and suggest them to take another way, most will obey. What is more, if things really get worse, it is the police that will play the ultimate and most effective role.
In a word, paying a fee during the time when there is too much traffic is a waste of both time and money, with low efficiency. All in all, money cannot solve everything.

yoyodandyUID: 2456812

      Imagining when on the way in your car to work place这个倒装结构不是很好, the last thing you want to meet may be a traffic jam. In fact it is a nail in stomach for people in most cities.不错的比喻 To solve this, there is an idea that drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic. 据说这样写容易被判雷同卷，所以稍微修改一下However, in my opinion, there are some other solutions to be undertaken which are wiser and more effective. For example, use the power of media and police.1 X0 m* P7 _: [% \2 p
      First, paying a fee is a waste of time and money, and is not necessary at all. Because nobody wants to run in to a traffic jam, just as nobody wants to pay a fee. If it is implemented, let’s assume, what will most probably happen is that the driver at the entrance of the blocked road turns to another direction after being told what has happened. How ridiculous it is to pay a fee and what is worse, run into a overcrowded road. In addition, clerks of traffic department cannot arrive instantly, that is, when they arrive, many cars have driven into and make things worse. Consequently, it is not only a great waste of time but also a waste of money, for you have to pay these clerks for their work, who receive little money from drivers这句逻辑上好像有些问题，请再修改一下.

Second, paying a fee has a negative influence on narrower and smaller street and path. Drivers who avoid to pay a fee will choose smaller and narrower streets or path, which will be easier to cause more traffic jams and has a severe damage on these week streets.

Third, media can play a better role in traffic system, especially by radio. For example, when my mum drives the car she always listens to the radio of traffic channel, FM935, which reports the traffic conditions of the whole city all the time and tell drivers which road can go to and which cannot because of the crowded traffic.0 P1 b0 p$ R  h8 w& U5 c
      Last, a notice board placed in the middle of road can work well too. When drivers read the notice that too much traffic is ahead of them and suggest them to take another way, most will obey. What is more, if things really get worse, it is the police that will play the ultimate and most effective role.
      In a word, paying a fee during the time when there is too much traffic is a waste of both time and money, with low efficiency. All in all, money cannot solve everything.:
ji尽量不要使用first之类的次，换一些高级的词语。文章的结构不错。

wazzaUID: 2473807

2# yoyodandy

Imagining when on the way in your car to work place, the last thing you want to meet may be a traffic jam. In fact it is a nail in stomach for people in most cities. To solve this, there is an idea that drivers should pay a fee to be allowed to drive on the city streets during the time when there is the greatest amount of traffic. However, in my opinion, there are some other solutions to be undertaken which are wiser and more effective. For example, use the power of media and police.& A/ p; _6 s" G+

Y: G0 F
First, paying a fee is a waste of time and money, and is not necessary at all. Because nobody wants to run in to a traffic jam, just as nobody wants to pay a fee. If it is implemented, let’s assume, what will most probably happen is that the driver at the entrance of the blocked road turns to another direction after being told what has happened. How ridiculous it is to pay a fee and what is worse,(分开写） run into a overcrowded road. In addition, clerks of traffic department cannot arrive instantly, that is, when they arrive, many cars have driven into and make things worse. Consequently, it is not only a great waste of time but also a waste of money, for you have to pay these clerks for their work, who receive little money from drivers.（不要一句话包含太多意思，长短句结合）


second, paying a fee has a negative influence on narrower and smaller street and path. Drivers who avoid to pay a fee will choose smaller and narrower streets or path, which will be easier to cause more traffic jams and has a severe damage on these week streets（字数有点少）6 a- U1 W/ F9


d. q- c  l
Third, media can play a better role in traffic system, especially by radio. For example, when my mum drives the car she always listens to the radio of traffic channel, FM935, which reported the traffic conditions of the whole city all the time and tell drivers which road can go to and which cannot because of a crowded traffi（句子包含过多从句）

Last, a notice board placed in the middle of road can work well too. When drivers read the notice that too much traffic is ahead of them and suggest them to take another way, most will obey. What is more, if things really get worse, it is the police that will play the ultimate and most effective role.0 H2 \0 G5 k

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In a word, paying a fee during the time when there is too much traffic is a waste of both time and money, with low efficiency. All in all, money cannot solve everything.


1.过多使用从句导致句子冗余，把握好长短句结合的节奏
2.后面几段太短，不能做到很好的develop。建议3段，展开来写

Anyway，keep writing and correcting

风中随想UID: 2517785

2# yoyodandy 谢谢你！学习了！

风中随想UID: 2517785

3# wazza 谢谢帮我批改，学习了！