0910G【Try Best】第一小组 issue99 by 442371236

442371236UID: 2636160

第一次正式写文章，没看范文就靠着四六级的词汇以及对题目的理解。写得时候开始有点忙后来似乎找到了点感觉。大家帮忙评价下。
Issue 99
"In any realm of life—whether academic, social, business, or political—the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
耗时：2h（笔写的）   字数612.
      It is undeniable that , in real life , taking a pratical point of view has led people in any realm of life to success,and it is also not rarely seemed that people with an ideasltic point of view can do that too. Most people suvive with pragmatic behavior,whereas, idealistic view , with great changes occurred in our ever-developing society, tend to be more sophisticated accordingly.

A pratical point of view enables us to handle many things on a rigid basis consistent with your capacity and present situation,which means ,for example ,you will apply for an ordinary university insead of Harward since you are not quite competitive and there are many who seem to be more qualified among the applicants. As a result, you can enter the university you chose to further your study,and you probabely will have the chance gone if you are an idealistic---- who prefer to consider something positively ,and assume everything will go the way you have expected it to. Nowadays , many high position bussinessmen ,who seem quite successful in other’s eye, degrade and then creep up by keeping learning through the process of cultivating themselves ,and finally they got their ideal results. That is a great demostration that a pratical point of view help people ,regardless of the realm, recognise the present situation comprehensively and make rational choice which at last turn out to be a success.

All mentioned above does not necessary mean that it is the only way to succeed.Many reagrd dealing things in a ideal way as taking gambling. Addmittedly , to some extent, it does. Nevertheless, we should distinguish idealism from unrealistism, they are inherently different. Coping problems in a way ,either pratical or idealistic, are just two different approaches to reach various dentinations. To a great extent , in terms of the essence, idealists sacrifice possibility to succeed for a better result,whereas , people with a practical point of view is just on the contrary.

      What’s more , definitions of success of different people vary , many pay much attention to the process rather than the only final result. As long as they have taken great efforts and tried their best, they have succeed, ignoring the pathetic result. Appraently ,such kind of person are quite common in our daily life. Thus it is absurd that taking a pratical point of  view is the only way to succed and idealists are never expected to do that.
In real life ,many tend to get a pratical attitude to gain a passable result , because it is easy to reach than a high-level pursuit without being turned down again and again. In this point ,most people idlely has chosen this way. So an illusion is bound to be exerted in the presence that a great many people with a pratical point view have achieved their success ,while idealists are still on their way struggling or even has been desperate , which means that they have been roled out by society. However, such plausibale statement is not conclusive when being thought twice.

Society is becoming more and more complex and intergrated than ever ,and idealistic view increase its intricacy with the pace of the development of society To see further, idealistic view and the intricacy interact with each other ,they change in a identical direction accordingly,just like I urged to get a computer 10 years age ,while now I feel great desire to owe a sophisticated laptop.

In general , both kinds of people mentioned above are supposed to succeed. Idealistic point of view has never ,and will never,be the barricade you set against to your sussess. Asssumed that I an American idealist ,and I want to be the president and I do have the right as everone does.if I am not supposed to be the president ,then who has deprived me of the right?

GG86_FlyUID: 2641450

It is undeniable that , in real life , taking a pratical point of view has led people in any realm of life to success,and it is also not rarely(理解起来很别扭） seemed that people with an ideasltic point of view can do that too. Most people suvive with pragmatic behavior,whereas, idealistic view , with great changes occurred in our ever-developing society, tend to be more sophisticated（为什么用这个词？） accordingly.（第一段是不是比较倾向于 idealistic view??)
A pratical point of view enables us to handle many things on a rigid basis consistent with your capacity and present situation,which means ,for example ,you will apply for an ordinary university insead of Harward since you are not quite competitive and there are many who seem to be more qualified among the applicants. As a result, you can enter the university you chose to further your study,and you probabely would have the chance gone(to go??) if you are an idealistic---- who prefer to consider something positively ,and assume everything will go the way you have expect it to. Nowadays , many high position bussinessmen ,who seem quite successful in other’s eye, degrade and then creep up by keeping learning through the process of cultivating themselves ,and finally they got their ideal results. That is a great demostration？？ that a pratical point of view help people ,regardless of the realm, recognise the present situation comprehensively and make rational choice which at last turns out to be a success.(第二段支持pragmatic view 使人成功）
All mentioned above does not necessary mean that it is the only way to succeed.Many reagrd？？ dealing things in a ideal way as taking gambling. Addmittedly , to some extent, it does. Nevertheless, we should distinguish idealism from unrealistism, they are inherently different. Coping？？ problems in a way ,either pratical or idealistic, are just two different approaches to reach various dentinations？？. To a great extent , in terms of the essence, idealists sacrifice possibility to succeed for a better result,whereas , people with a practical point of view is just on the contrary.（感觉这一段观点不明显）      
What’s more , definitions of success of different people vary , many pay much attention to the process rather than the only final result. As long as they have taken great efforts and tried their best, they have succeed, ignoring the pathetic result. Appraently？？ ,such kind of person are quite common in our daily life. Thus it is absurd that taking a pratical point of  view is the only way to succed and idealists are never expected to do that.（想说根据成功定义的不同，理想主义者的结果也可算的上成功）
In real life ,many tend to get a pratical attitude to gain a passable result , because it is easy to reach than a high-level pursuit without being turned down again and again. In this point ,most people idlely has chosen this way. So an illusion is bound to be exerted in the presence that a great many people with a pratical point view have achieved their success ,while idealists are still on their way struggling or even has been desperate , which means that they have been roled out by society. However, such plausibale？？ statement is not conclusive when being thought twice.（证明上一段，但跟前几段有脱节）
Society is becoming more and more complex and intergrated than ever ,and idealistic view increase its intricacy with the pace of the development of society To see further, idealistic view and the intricacy interact with each other ,they change in a identical direction accordingly,just like I urged to get a computer 10 years age ,while now I feel great desire to owe a sophisticated？？ Laptop.（感觉例子不够充分）
In general , both kinds of people mentioned above are supposed to succeed. Idealistic point of view has never ,and will never,be the barricade you set against to your sussess. Asssumed that I am an American idealist ,and I want to be the president and I do have the right as everone does.if I am not supposed to be the president ,then who has deprived me of the right?（对开头观点的证明太少，不够充分）

我感觉如果把对不同成功定义的提到第二段会好点。
先说idealist 应该有发展前途
第二段说对成功定义不同，pragmatic view可以成功，有例子证明。但有些是短期的现实的，跟idealist的相比怎么样。
在证明随着社会进步，idealist的成功是怎么样的，论据证明。
最后总结倾向于idealistic view and behaviour。
文章很有思想，但是结构不够有条理，我觉得issue写给老外看不用像我们写作文那样，只要让他看到你的思路和论证就行了。看得出想法很多，但是一篇文章不可能包含所有的想法，思维不要太发散就好了吧。这是我自己一点看法，可能不太对，大家以后一起在讨论下哈。

小红莓UID: 2641349

It is undeniable that, in real life, taking a practical point of view has led people in any realm of life to success, and it is also（同一句话中不能同时出现also和too） not rarely（这个用法不太地道，rarely一般不用双重否定） seemed that people with an idealistic point of view can do that too(总觉得很别扭，可以说has the same effect,尽量不要用do、make这种动词，尽量用短语或者具体一点的动词，我们常说的“弄，做”这种语义老外并不认同，建议多积累短语). Most people survive with（survive没有这个用法，只有survive on/from/as sth） pragmatic behavior, whereas, idealistic view , with great changes occurred(是不是应该改为现在分词？因为是这种变化现在仍然在发生) in our ever-developing society, tend to be more sophisticated accordingly.

A practical point of view enables us to handle many things on a rigid（死板的？不变的？我不明白为什么在这里要用这个词，导致对你这一段话都不是很理解） basis consistent with your（用one’s更正式，你见过issue题库里用过一个your吗？一般都是one/human/individual） capacity and present situation, which means, for example， you will apply for an ordinary university instead of Harvard ,since(这里应该换为if吧？毕竟你是在假设，不止是举例) you are not quite competitive and there are many who seem to be more qualified among the applicants（many后面好像不能直接加who从句，应该是many students who•••,并且后面有点冗余，建议改为many applicants who are more qualified）. As a result, you can(may更好，你不一定被录取) enter the university you chose to further（这词用的很棒，就需要多用这样的动词） your study, and you probably would have the chance gone if you are an idealistic（应该用idealist吧，而不是用adj.）---- who prefer to consider something positively ,and assume（加that比较合适，assume后面应该是从句吧，而不是短语） everything will go the way you（they更合适，因为你这里是在讲述idealist是什么样，并不是说you就是idealist） have expect（had expected吧） it to（正确写法是it to be或者to）. Nowadays , many high position（什么意思？不能这么用吧？） businessmen ,who seem quite successful in other’s eye（“在我看来”可以说成“in my eye”吗？）, degrade（这个词是使动词，你想用的是被降级而不是使别人降级的意思吧？换成were degraded比较好） and then creep up by keeping learning through（这词删去也可以吧？） the process of cultivating themselves （培养自己的过程怎么学习？逻辑上说不过去啊）,and finally they got（这句话一直是一般现在时，怎么突然出来一个过去式） their ideal results. That is a great （用powerful是不是更具体些？不要用这种泛泛而谈的词）demonstration that a practical point of view help people ,regardless of the realm（在你的例子中看不出来其他领域，所以最好别用这个短语，否则有凑字数的嫌疑）, recognize the present situation comprehensively and make rational choice which at last turn out to be（短语用在这里很好！） a success（success是不可数名词，把a去掉就可以了）.

All mentioned above does（是不是应该用is？我不太确定） not necessary mean that it（具体一点说成A practical point of view比较好） is the only way to succeed. Many regard dealing things in a（用an好不好老大？） ideal way as taking gambling（这句话我始终没看懂，1.不要总想省掉many后面的名词，这是正式的文体文章，最好还是正式一点，不要觉得省去就比较地道，那种说法在口语和非正式文章里面用的多。2.你是不是想用regard as 句型？正确用法是regard sb/sth as sth,我不知道这里能不能用分词，你最好再查查）. Admittedly, to some extent, it does. Nevertheless, we should distinguish idealism from unrealistism（没有这个词，不要造词！）, they are inherently different（这句话有严重错误，两个独立分句之间怎么能只有一个逗号呢？应该有and之类的词吧？）.其实这里你可以延伸一下定义，什么是destination？什么是unrealistic?（定义论证法）否则只说他们不同有点牵强，并且使你的论述显得有点单薄。 Coping problems in a way（copy problem什么意思？in a way可以去掉，有凑字嫌疑，或者是改为either in practical or idealistic way） , either practical or idealistic, are（is吧？） just two different approaches（前后语法又不一致了，copy problem是一种行为，怎么是两种方法呢？） to reach various destinations. To a great extent, in terms of the essence, idealists sacrifice possibility to succeed for a better result, whereas, people with a practical point of view is just on the contrary（这里也可以继续延伸：现实主义者会怎么做？不要只说相反，把他们的做法也说出来，否则又单薄了）.

      What’s more , definitions of success of（for吧？） different people vary , many pay much attention to the process rather than the only final result.（1.老毛病，逗号不能直接连接两个句子。2.只说一类显得不对称，我的建议：some people pay much attention to the process of achieving success while others focus on the final result） As long as they have taken great efforts and tried their best, they have succeed, ignoring the pathetic result. Apparently（我怎么看不出来“显然”？Apparently一般用于你论证结束时，下结论之前，而不是用于阐述事实的时候）, such kind of person are（is吧？） quite common in our daily life. Thus it is absurd （to conclude）that taking a practical point of view is the only way to succeed and idealists are never expected to do that(老问题，别用do).(为什么这两段中间没有空一行呢？要空的话所有段之间都空！)
In real life, many tend to get a practical attitude to gain a passable result , because it is easy to reach than a high-level pursuit without being turned down again and again. In this point ,most people idlely（别造词！！！） has chosen this way. So an illusion is bound to be exerted in the presence that a great many people with a practical point view have achieved their success ,while idealists are still on their way struggling or even has been（去掉） desperate , which means that they have been rolled out by society. However, such plausible statement is not conclusive when being thought twice.

Society is becoming more and more complex and integrated than ever, and idealistic view increase its intricacy with the pace of the development of society To see further（没这个短语）, idealistic view and the intricacy interact with each other ,they change in a identical direction accordingly, just like I urged to get a computer 10 years age（10 years old！！！） ,while now I feel great desire to owe a sophisticated（这词一般用来表达老练，如果想说尖端的科技请用别的词） laptop.（此处的例子能证明你的论点吗？）

In general , both kinds of people mentioned above are supposed to succeed. Idealistic point of view has never ,and will never, be the barricade you set against to your sussess（有这个词吗？）. Assumed that I an American idealist ,and I want to be the president and I do have the right as everone does(连续两个and不太好吧？改变一下句式). if I am not supposed to be the president ,then who has deprived me of the right?
我修改了三个小时，比写两篇作文还累，一下是我的建议：
首先，我必须提醒的是，逗号句号问号等所有标点前不需要空格，而所有标点后需要空格，也就是说正确格式为“单词+标点+空格+单词”。这一点一定要注意！！！！！！！！！
第二，你的文章写完应该是直接贴上来了吧？好多单词拼写有错误。下次请先粘到word里面进行拼写和语法改错，具体方法为：打开word，点击“工具”，选择“拼写和语法”。这一点也是一定要注意！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
第三，为了减少你的单词拼写错误，你可以把写错的单词都记到一个word文档里面，没事时候翻出来看看，因为你常错的也就是那几个，改过来了就不会再犯了。（这个方法是在论坛的精华帖里看到的，我正在实践。）本文中的常错词语有：practical，survive，instead，Harvard（你读v和w时是不是也有问题？是不是经常把v读成w？否则为什么会拼错呢？建议引起重视），probably，businessmen，demonstration，recognize，regard，Admittedly，destination（这个词的读音你也有问题吧？不然怎么拼成dentination？），Apparently，succeed，plausible，roll，integrated，everyone
第四，你的用词我都是查过牛津才敢下定论的，所以请相信我的词汇方面的建议，没有提出建议的地方是我也不确定的，你可以自己查资料。
第五，建议你多看看论证方面的东西，感觉论证上还是有点欠缺，不过我们还在练习的初期，也不用太急，平时多看些资料吧，觉得你很多地方还是没有把想表达的意思说出来，或者是没有把例子和论点有力的结合起来。
In sum, 缺点不少，我也看到了很多亮点，仿佛一面镜子让我看到了平时自己不易察觉的错误，其实这些错误是所有人都经常犯的。改作文是对别人的提高，也是对自己的提高。

小红莓UID: 2641349

It is undeniable that, in real life, taking a practical point of view has led people in any realm of life to success, and it is also（同一句话中不能同时出现also和too） not rarely（这个用法不太地道，rarely一般不用双重否定） seemed that people with an idealistic point of view can do that too(总觉得很别扭，可以说has the same effect,尽量不要用do、make这种动词，尽量用短语或者具体一点的动词，我们常说的“弄，做”这种语义老外并不认同，建议多积累短语). Most people survive with（survive没有这个用法，只有survive on/from/as sth） pragmatic behavior, whereas, idealistic view , with great changes occurred(是不是应该改为现在分词？因为是这种变化现在仍然在发生) in our ever-developing society, tend to be more sophisticated accordingly.

A practical point of view enables us to handle many things on a rigid（死板的？不变的？我不明白为什么在这里要用这个词，导致对你这一段话都不是很理解） basis consistent with your（用one’s更正式，你见过issue题库里用过一个your吗？一般都是one/human/individual） capacity and present situation, which means, for example， you will apply for an ordinary university instead of Harvard ,since(这里应该换为if吧？毕竟你是在假设，不止是举例) you are not quite competitive and there are many who seem to be more qualified among the applicants（many后面好像不能直接加who从句，应该是many students who•••,并且后面有点冗余，建议改为many applicants who are more qualified）. As a result, you can(may更好，你不一定被录取) enter the university you chose to further（这词用的很棒，就需要多用这样的动词） your study, and you probably would have the chance gone if you are an idealistic（应该用idealist吧，而不是用adj.）---- who prefer to consider something positively ,and assume（加that比较合适，assume后面应该是从句吧，而不是短语） everything will go the way you（they更合适，因为你这里是在讲述idealist是什么样，并不是说you就是idealist） have expect（had expected吧） it to（正确写法是it to be或者to）. Nowadays , many high position（什么意思？不能这么用吧？） businessmen ,who seem quite successful in other’s eye（“在我看来”可以说成“in my eye”吗？）, degrade（这个词是使动词，你想用的是被降级而不是使别人降级的意思吧？换成were degraded比较好） and then creep up by keeping learning through（这词删去也可以吧？） the process of cultivating themselves （培养自己的过程怎么学习？逻辑上说不过去啊）,and finally they got（这句话一直是一般现在时，怎么突然出来一个过去式） their ideal results. That is a great （用powerful是不是更具体些？不要用这种泛泛而谈的词）demonstration that a practical point of view help people ,regardless of the realm（在你的例子中看不出来其他领域，所以最好别用这个短语，否则有凑字数的嫌疑）, recognize the present situation comprehensively and make rational choice which at last turn out to be（短语用在这里很好！） a success（success是不可数名词，把a去掉就可以了）.

All mentioned above does（是不是应该用is？我不太确定） not necessary mean that it（具体一点说成A practical point of view比较好） is the only way to succeed. Many regard dealing things in a（用an好不好老大？） ideal way as taking gambling（这句话我始终没看懂，1.不要总想省掉many后面的名词，这是正式的文体文章，最好还是正式一点，不要觉得省去就比较地道，那种说法在口语和非正式文章里面用的多。2.你是不是想用regard as 句型？正确用法是regard sb/sth as sth,我不知道这里能不能用分词，你最好再查查）. Admittedly, to some extent, it does. Nevertheless, we should distinguish idealism from unrealistism（没有这个词，不要造词！）, they are inherently different（这句话有严重错误，两个独立分句之间怎么能只有一个逗号呢？应该有and之类的词吧？）.其实这里你可以延伸一下定义，什么是destination？什么是unrealistic?（定义论证法）否则只说他们不同有点牵强，并且使你的论述显得有点单薄。 Coping problems in a way（copy problem什么意思？in a way可以去掉，有凑字嫌疑，或者是改为either in practical or idealistic way） , either practical or idealistic, are（is吧？） just two different approaches（前后语法又不一致了，copy problem是一种行为，怎么是两种方法呢？） to reach various destinations. To a great extent, in terms of the essence, idealists sacrifice possibility to succeed for a better result, whereas, people with a practical point of view is just on the contrary（这里也可以继续延伸：现实主义者会怎么做？不要只说相反，把他们的做法也说出来，否则又单薄了）.

      What’s more , definitions of success of（for吧？） different people vary , many pay much attention to the process rather than the only final result.（1.老毛病，逗号不能直接连接两个句子。2.只说一类显得不对称，我的建议：some people pay much attention to the process of achieving success while others focus on the final result） As long as they have taken great efforts and tried their best, they have succeed, ignoring the pathetic result. Apparently（我怎么看不出来“显然”？Apparently一般用于你论证结束时，下结论之前，而不是用于阐述事实的时候）, such kind of person are（is吧？） quite common in our daily life. Thus it is absurd （to conclude）that taking a practical point of view is the only way to succeed and idealists are never expected to do that(老问题，别用do).(为什么这两段中间没有空一行呢？要空的话所有段之间都空！)
In real life, many tend to get a practical attitude to gain a passable result , because it is easy to reach than a high-level pursuit without being turned down again and again. In this point ,most people idlely（别造词！！！） has chosen this way. So an illusion is bound to be exerted in the presence that a great many people with a practical point view have achieved their success ,while idealists are still on their way struggling or even has been（去掉） desperate , which means that they have been rolled out by society. However, such plausible statement is not conclusive when being thought twice.

Society is becoming more and more complex and integrated than ever, and idealistic view increase its intricacy with the pace of the development of society To see further（没这个短语）, idealistic view and the intricacy interact with each other ,they change in a identical direction accordingly, just like I urged to get a computer 10 years age（10 years old！！！） ,while now I feel great desire to owe a sophisticated（这词一般用来表达老练，如果想说尖端的科技请用别的词） laptop.（此处的例子能证明你的论点吗？）

In general , both kinds of people mentioned above are supposed to succeed. Idealistic point of view has never ,and will never, be the barricade you set against to your sussess（有这个词吗？）. Assumed that I an American idealist ,and I want to be the president and I do have the right as everone does(连续两个and不太好吧？改变一下句式). if I am not supposed to be the president ,then who has deprived me of the right?
我修改了三个小时，比写两篇作文还累，一下是我的建议：
首先，我必须提醒的是，逗号句号问号等所有标点前不需要空格，而所有标点后需要空格，也就是说正确格式为“单词+标点+空格+单词”。这一点一定要注意！！！！！！！！！
第二，你的文章写完应该是直接贴上来了吧？好多单词拼写有错误。下次请先粘到word里面进行拼写和语法改错，具体方法为：打开word，点击“工具”，选择“拼写和语法”。这一点也是一定要注意！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
第三，为了减少你的单词拼写错误，你可以把写错的单词都记到一个word文档里面，没事时候翻出来看看，因为你常错的也就是那几个，改过来了就不会再犯了。（这个方法是在论坛的精华帖里看到的，我正在实践。）本文中的常错词语有：practical，survive，instead，Harvard（你读v和w时是不是也有问题？是不是经常把v读成w？否则为什么会拼错呢？建议引起重视），probably，businessmen，demonstration，recognize，regard，Admittedly，destination（这个词的读音你也有问题吧？不然怎么拼成dentination？），Apparently，succeed，plausible，roll，integrated，everyone
第四，你的用词我都是查过牛津才敢下定论的，所以请相信我的词汇方面的建议，没有提出建议的地方是我也不确定的，你可以自己查资料。
第五，建议你多看看论证方面的东西，感觉论证上还是有点欠缺，不过我们还在练习的初期，也不用太急，平时多看些资料吧，觉得你很多地方还是没有把想表达的意思说出来，或者是没有把例子和论点有力的结合起来。
In sum, 缺点不少，我也看到了很多亮点，仿佛一面镜子让我看到了平时自己不易察觉的错误，其实这些错误是所有人都经常犯的。改作文是对别人的提高，也是对自己的提高。

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咦？怎么没颜色啊？这怎么办？怎么添加附件？