【Try Best】第一小组 argument238 by小红莓

小红莓UID: 2641349

题目：ARGUMENT 238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
字数：358
用时：0:39:23
日期：2009-5-25

In this analysis, the arguer intends to prove that Mira Vista College should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors because Green Mountain College, who has more business courses and more job counselors, have more jobs offers than Mira Vista College last year. The argument also provides several evidences that sound reasonable, but as a matter of fact, this argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First of all, the arguer compared the data of 90 percent with 70 percent. However, as we don't know the whole number of the seniors of the two colleges, 90 percent of the seniors may be not larger than 70 percent of that. If Mira Vista College has much more graduating seniors than Green Mountain College, the number of job offers may be more than that of Green Mountain College.

Second, the arguer fails to prove that the graduates of Green Mountain College have better job offers than Mira Vista College. Even though the graduates of Green Mountain College have more job offers, maybe the offers are not as good as they expected, or maybe it is not full-time jobs. On the contrary, maybe the graduates of Mira Vista College have better jobs.

Third, there is no evidence that business courses and job counselors help students to find jobs. Perhaps Mira Vista College is a college of engineering and Green Mountain College is a commercial college, and job counselors only can help students to behave better in the interview rather than better capacity in work. What's more, there may be other reasons that Green Mountain College has more job offers than Mira Vista College. Perhaps the Green Mountain College has more scientific research and part-time activities which help students develop integrated capacity and as a consequence have more job offers.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to prove that courses in business and computer technology and job counselors have crucial effect on the job offers and provide evidence to rule out all the above-mentioned possibilities that might weaken the argument.

442371236UID: 2636160

In this analysis, the arguer intends to prove that Mira Vista College should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors because Green Mountain College, who has more business courses and more job counselors, have more jobs offers than Mira Vista College last year. The argument also provides several evidences that sound reasonable, but as a matter of fact, this argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First of all, the arguer compared the data of 90 percent with 70 percent.我不知道这种表达对不对，如果你也不知道的话可以拐着弯表达。 However, as we don't know the whole number of the seniors of the two colleges, 90 percent of the seniors may be not larger than 70 percent of that. If Mira Vista College has much more graduating seniors than Green Mountain College, the number of job offers may be more than that of Green Mountain College.

Second, the arguer fails to prove that the graduates of Green Mountain College have better job offers than Mira Vista College. Even though the graduates of Green Mountain College have more job offers, maybe the offers are not as good as they expected, or maybe it is not full-time jobs. On the contrary, maybe the graduates of Mira Vista College have better jobs.（论述中说了，前者比后者有更多的full-time job，这个不用怀疑了。我觉得这个辩驳点有点牵强。

Third, there is no evidence can prove that business courses and job counselors help students to find jobs. Perhaps Mira Vista College is a college of engineering and Green Mountain College is a commercial college, and job counselors only can can only help students to behave better in the interview rather than better capacity in work. What's more, there may be other reasons that Green Mountain College has more job offers than Mira Vista College. Perhaps the Green Mountain College has more scientific research and part-time activities which help students develop integrated capacity and ，as a consequence， have more job offers.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would（我感觉要用will） have to prove that courses in business and computer technology and job counselors have crucial effect on the job offers and provide evidence to rule out all the above-mentioned possibilities that might weaken the argument.（总的来说，我觉得文章的辩驳点不够多样，还可以有跟多，更大的漏洞，像学校的声誉影像就业，学校的学习氛围，以及学校在学生就业这方面下的功夫，我觉得这方面似乎更能说服读者，这个how the argument is flawed。文章没有什么语法错误，时间控制也好，现在就是要找更直接更能说服人的辩驳点了，还有就是逐步提高表达多样性。嘿，祝你成功。

GG86_FlyUID: 2641450

In this analysis, the arguer intends to prove that Mira Vista College should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors because Green Mountain College, who has more business courses and more job counselors, have more jobs offers than Mira Vista College last year. The argument also provides several evidences that sound reasonable, but as a matter of fact, this argument is unconvincing for several critical （换个词好点吧）flaws.
First of all, the arguer compared the data of 90 percent with 70 percent.(应该指出他是错误的比较了） However, as we don't know the whole number of the seniors of the two colleges, 90 percent of the seniors may be not larger than 70 percent of that. If Mira Vista College has much more graduating seniors than Green Mountain College, the number of job offers may be more than that of Green Mountain College.Secondly, the arguer fails to prove that the graduates of Green Mountain College have better job offers than Mira Vista College. Even though the graduates of Green Mountain College have more job offers, maybe the offers are not as good as they expected, or maybe it is not full-time jobs. On the contrary, maybe the graduates of Mira Vista College have better jobs.（论证的不太深入）
Thirdly, there is no evidence that business courses and job counselors help students to find jobs. Perhaps Mira Vista College is a college of engineering and Green Mountain College is a commercial college, and job counselors only can help students to behave better in the interview rather than better capacity in work. What's more, there may be other reasons that Green Mountain College has more job offers than Mira Vista College. Perhaps the Green Mountain College has more scientific research and part-time activities which help students develop integrated capacity and as a consequence （consequently） have more job offers.(这一段给出的理由可以分2段，一段攻击business course 一段说counselor就显得有条理一点了）
In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to prove that courses in business and computer technology and job counselors have crucial effect on the job offers and provide evidence to rule out all the above-mentioned possibilities that might weaken the argument.

条理很好，我觉得如果能论证的在详细和有说服力就更好了。