0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by [NI]mandy61217

mandy61217UID: 2549053

173The following is a memorandum issued by the publisherof a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the countr120



"Ourpoorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those thatfeatured international news stories on their front covers. Over the sameperiod, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number ofcover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost ofmaintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing.Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrainfrom displaying such stories on our magazine covers."


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In this argument, the arguer recommends to decrease theemphasis on international news and refrain from displaying internationalstories on the magazine covers. To support the recommendation, the authorspoints out that (1) the poorest-selling issues always linked with those oneswith international news stories on the front covers; (2) competitors havealready taken action to reduce the number of cover stories thatthey devote to international news and (3) the increasing cost of maintaining theforeign bureaus to report on international news is concerned. Close scrutiny ofeach of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lean credible supportto the recommendation.

Based on the first fact the author provided, usinginternational news stories on the magazine covers seems at first glance to bean obvious reason of poor selling, since all the magazine issues had the samemarketing environment, such as the same marketing plan, or the same salesagencies of magazine. However, no evidence shows that people are not interestedinternational news and no direct causal relationship between poorest-sellingand the subject of the covers. For example, the poorest-selling might due tothe poorest-skilled covers design of international news stories, or thenon-interesting pictures of international news which always provided bypoorest-skilled press-photographers.Further more, customers gave up buying a magazine might not because of thecovers but mainly due to the poor quality content. As we all know, in the longrun, the content is much more related to the sale than the covers. (It is notdifficult to imagine that once customers saw such front covers internationalnews pictures, even those front covers were not dull at all, their thoughtwould soon be linked to those dull articlesand made decisions quickly to give up buying those specific issues, althoughthose customers might buy almost all the other issues.) From this point ofview, customers basically were sick of the content and views but not the frontcovers. Therefore, concerning about this, Newsbeat should put moreemphasis on the employee training to improve the quality of international newsand the design of the covers rather than focusing on the subjects of the covers.


In addition, for the second point the author mentioned whetherthe profit made by competing news-magazines increased or decreased remainsunknown. They might lose lots of customers and gain less profit in doing so. Inshort, it is not wise to simply follow competitors and make a rush decisionbefore obtain enough information as reference.

Finally, for the third concern of the increasing cost ofmaintaining the foreign bureaus to gain international news, the arguer did notoffer the specific reasons of the increasing. So, no evidence shows that thecost will continue to increase. Even if we accepted that this cost willcontinue to increase, it might still worth to invest. For instance, there wouldhave no influence on the rate of return if the increasing fee was resulted frominflation. Or, to maintain others departments to report more news might costmore, and even badly, it might lose customers who are really interest ininternational news.

In conclusion, before reaching a more reliable conclusion,the author might need a deeper analysis to know completely what reasons mightlead to the poorest-selling, make sure to collect enough information fromcompetitors as reference before making a decision, and avoid to pay a price dueto incomplete consideration of concepts about “cost”, “profits” and “sales volumes”.

Element88UID: 2646667

In this argument, the arguer recommends to decrease theemphasis on international news and refrain from displaying internationalstories on the magazine covers. To support the recommendation, the authorspoints out that (1) the poorest-selling issues always linked with those oneswith international news stories on the front covers; (2) competitors havealready taken action to reduce the number of cover stories thatthey devote to international news and (3) the increasing cost of maintaining theforeign bureaus to report on international news is concerned. （Plausible as it may seem, ）Close scrutiny ofeach of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lean credible support to the recommendation.

Based on the first fact the author provided, using international news stories on the magazine covers seems at first glance to bean obvious reason of poor selling, since all the magazine issues had the samemarketing environment, such as the same marketing plan, or the same salesagencies of magazine(此句话的逻辑似乎没讲明白，看起来似乎same marketing environment results in poor selling?). However, no evidence shows that people are not interestedinternational news and( there is )no direct causal relationship between poorest-sellingand the subject of the covers. (It is highly possible that other factors may have contributed to…) For example, the poorest-selling might due tothe poorest-skilled covers design of international news stories(短语结构再组织下，似乎不该是stories的设计而是cover的artistic design), or thenon-interesting pictures of international news which always（改觉学术文章中always这种词要少用） provided bypoorest-skilled press-photographers（unskilled photographers?）.Further more, customers gave up buying a magazine might not because of thecovers but mainly due to the poor quality content. As we all know, in the longrun, the content is much more related to the sale than the covers. (It is notdifficult to imagine that once customers saw such front covers internationalnews pictures, even those front covers were not dull at all, their thoughtwould soon be linked to those dull articlesand made decisions quickly to give up buying those specific issues, althoughthose customers might buy almost all the other issues.)(似乎这里逻辑需要理顺，杂志内容和cover是平级并列的，customers chose magazine by cover or by content? 当by cover 时，cover的主题即international news 和设计即pictures是平级并列的，将这些对比说理比较好，如你括号中所说的场景话， there exists possibility that customers think the articles are dull because they are not interested in international news) From this point ofview, customers basically were sick of the content and views but not the frontcovers. Therefore, concerning about this, Newsbeat should put moreemphasis on the employee training to improve the quality of international news（content quailty，not only the international news）and the design of the covers rather than focusing on the subjects of the covers.


In addition, for the second point the author mentioned whetherthe profit made by competing news-magazines increased or decreased remainsunknown(这句不大顺,)（假设应该讲下if…then they might lose customers, 这样说理更充分）. They might lose lots of customers and gain less profit in doing so. Inshort, it is not wise to simply follow competitors and make a rush decisionbefore obtain enough information as reference. （这句话总结的很好）
Finally, for the third concern of the increasing cost ofmaintaining the foreign bureaus to gain international news（这里的不定式似乎有目的状语的感觉，用从句代替不定式做定语比较好,拙见O(∩_∩)O~） the arguer did notoffer the specific reasons of the increasing. So, no evidence shows that thecost will continue to increase. Even if we accepted that this cost willcontinue to increase, it might still worth to invest. For instance, there wouldhave no influence on the rate of return if the increasing fee was resulted frominflation（这条理由不错）. Or, to maintain others departments to report more news might costmore, and even badly, it might lose customers who are really interest ininternational news. （这里我感觉首先讨论increasing cost 是否影响到 rate of return, 在确实影响到的可能前提下，再去讨论whether the cost will continue to increase， 这样层层递进的去说比较好。）
In conclusion, before reaching a more reliable conclusion,the author might need a deeper analysis to know completely what reasons mightlead to the poorest-selling, make sure to collect enough information fromcompetitors as reference before making a decision, and avoid to pay a price dueto incomplete consideration of concepts about “cost”, “profits” and “sales volumes”. （这几句简练、有力！）
（你是商科的？语言挺不错，比我好哈哈，逻辑关系还需加强，一起加油O(∩_∩)O~）