0910AW 同主题写作第1期 ARGUMENT173 by [NI]westmore

westmoreUID: 2645722

173The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.
"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."
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In this memorandum, the publisher of newsmagazine, Newsbeat concludes that they should decrease the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying these stories on magazine covers because the poorest-selling magazine issues over the last three years were that featured international news stories on front covers, and at the same period, competing news-magzine have decreased the number of cover stories about international stories. Moreover, the cost of maintaining the foreign bureaus is increasing. On several parts, the evidence the publisher provided in the memorandum fail to establish a causal relationship with his conclusion.

First of all, the fact that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were the ones with international news stories can be explained by variety of reasons. Maybe at that time, some disease such as SARS or H1N1 spreaded so widely that people prefer staying inside safely rather than risking one's life in buying a magazine outside. If so, it might be a mistake to refrain the emphasis on international news when the special time pass by and peopel can go out buying a magazine freely. Or maybe at that period, the international news were not interesting enough. In short, without listing other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues the publisher cannot justifiably conclude that the international cover stories were the reason of the poor sales.

Secondly, the memorandum fails to indicate whether other magazine increased or decreased  in sales by reducing the international news. It is possible that the other magazine experienced declining sales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. If so, the publisher's recommendation may make no sence. On the other hand, if other magazine experience the same correlation between cover story and sale volume, this fact would lend considerable support to the publisher's conclusion.(cited on other book)

Thirdly, the publisher mentioned that the cost of maintiaining foreign bureaus to report on international nwes is increasing. This may partly surppots the pbublisher' conclusion.yet it is not only  that the cost of Nwesbeat is rising, but also the other magazine 's cost is up. So if the Newsbeat keeps the foreign bureaus, the other magazines shut up theirs, Newsbeat may turn out to be the only one to covering international news, which in turn might actually stimulate sales. It would be hasty to implement the publisher's suggestion without thinking of this possible situation.

In conclusion, the memorandum is unconvicing. To strengthen this argument, the publisher should explain that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the last three years is completely due to the international  news stories covers, not the other factors. To better assess the publisher's recommendation that Newsbeat should de-emphasis international news, we would need to know what changes in sales volume other magazine experienced by de-emphasizing international news. We would also need more information about the impact that increasing costs will have on magazines presently competing wiht Newsbeat in the field of internaitonal news.

westmoreUID: 2645722

贴在word上看，错误还是很多的，第一篇，以后加油！

westmoreUID: 2645722

In this memorandum, the publisher of newsmagazine, Newsbeat concludes that they should decrease the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying these stories on magazine covers because the poorest-selling magazine issues over the last three years were that featured international news stories on front covers, and at the same period, competing news-magzine(magazine) have decreased the number of cover stories about international stories. Moreover, the cost of maintaining the foreign bureaus is increasing. On several parts, the evidence the publisher provided in the memorandum fail to establish a causal relationship with his conclusion.

First of all, the fact that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were the ones with international news stories can be explained by variety of reasons. Maybe at that time, some disease such as SARS or H1N1 spreaded(spread过去时，形态不变) so widely that people prefer staying inside safely rather than risking one's life in buying a magazine outside. If so, it might be a mistake to refrain the emphasis on international news when the special time pass by and peopel(people) can go out buying a magazine freely. Or maybe at that period, the international news were not interesting enough. In short, without listing other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues the publisher cannot justifiably conclude that the international cover stories were the reason of the poor sales.

Secondly, the memorandum fails to indicate whether other magazine increased or decreased  in sales by reducing the international news. It is possible that the other magazine experienced declining sales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. If so, the publisher's recommendation may make no sence(sense). On the other hand, if other magazine experience the same correlation between cover story and sale volume, this fact would lend considerable support to the publisher's conclusion.(cited on other book)

Thirdly, the publisher mentioned that the cost of maintiaining(maintaining) foreign bureaus to report on international nwes(news) is increasing. This may partly surppots（supports） the pbublisher'(publisher's) conclusion. yet it is not only  that the cost of Nwesbeat(Newsbeat) is rising, but also the other magazine 's cost is up. So if the Newsbeat keeps the foreign bureaus, the other magazines shut up theirs, Newsbeat may turn out to be the only one to covering international news, which in turn might actually stimulate sales. It would be hasty to implement the publisher's suggestion without thinking of this possible situation.

In conclusion, the memorandum is unconvicing(unconvincing). To strengthen this argument, the publisher should explain that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the last three years is completely due to the international  news stories covers, not the other factors. To better assess the publisher's recommendation that Newsbeat should de-emphasis international news, we would need to know what changes in sales volume other magazine experienced by de-emphasizing international news. We would also need more information about the impact that increasing costs will have on magazines presently competing wiht(with) Newsbeat in the field of internaitonal(international) news.

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自己改一些先

wshp90UID: 2509845

3# westmore In this memorandum, the publisher of newsmagazine, Newsbeat concludes that they should decrease the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying these stories on magazine covers because the poorest-selling magazine issues over the last three years were that featured international news stories on front coversand at the same period, competing news-magzine(magazine) have decreased the number of cover stories about international stories(句子太长照搬原体，改写）, . Moreover, the cost of maintaining the foreign bureaus is increasing. On several parts, the evidence the publisher provided in the memorandum fail to establish a causal relationship with his conclusion.（该句有语法错误）

First of all, the fact that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were the ones with international news stories can be explained by variety of reasons. Maybe at that time, some disease such as SARS or H1N1 spreaded(spread过去时，形态不变) so widely that people prefer staying inside safely rather than risking one's life in buying a magazine outside. If so, it might be a mistake to refrain the emphasis on international news when the special time pass by and peopel(people) can go out buying a magazine freely. Or maybe at that period, the international news were not interesting enough.（这是在支持作者观点？） In short, without listing other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues the publisher cannot justifiably conclude that the international cover stories were the reason of the poor sales.

Secondly, the memorandum fails to indicate whether other magazine increased or decreased  in sales by reducing the international news. It is possible that the other magazine experienced declining sales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. If so, the publisher's recommendation may make no sence(sense). On the other hand, if other magazine experience the same correlation between cover story and sale volume, this fact would lend considerable support to the publisher's conclusion（有点不明白这句是想表达什么意思？）.(cited on other book)

Thirdly, the publisher mentioned that the cost of maintiaining(maintaining) foreign bureaus to report on international nwes(news) is increasing. This may partly surppots（supports） the pbublisher'(publisher's) conclusion. （删掉）yet it is not only  that the cost of Nwesbeat(Newsbeat) is rising, but also the other magazine 's cost is up. So if the Newsbeat keeps the foreign bureaus, the other magazines shut up theirs（what does this mean？）, Newsbeat may turn out to be the only one to covering international news, which in turn might actually stimulate sales. It would be hasty to implement the publisher's suggestion without thinking of this possible situation.

In conclusion, the memorandum is unconvicing(unconvincing). （模板化）To strengthen this argument, the publisher should explain that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the last three years is completely due to the international  news stories covers, not the other factors. To better assess the publisher's recommendation that Newsbeat should de-emphasis international news, we would need to know what changes in sales volume other magazine experienced by de-emphasizing international news. We would also need more information about the impact that increasing costs will have on magazines presently competing wiht(with) Newsbeat in the field of internaitonal(international) news.

呵呵 加油啊 我也是第一次写 不能心急 慢慢来昂！  水平很低仅供参考哦……

westmoreUID: 2645722

恩，shut up意思为闭嘴，关闭之意。
关停工厂应该用shut down才是正确的。

echo0805UID: 2646075

5# westmore
In this memorandum, the publisher of newsmagazine, Newsbeat concludes that they should decrease the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying these stories on magazine covers because the poorest-selling magazine issues over the last three years were that featured international news stories on front covers, and at the same period, competing news-magzine have decreased the number of cover stories about international stories. Moreover, the cost of maintaining the foreign bureaus is increasing. On several parts, the evidence the publisher provided in the memorandum fail to establish a causal relationship with his conclusion.（这一段大段的摘抄题目中的话，和我一样的错误。还有就是不要简单陈列evidence，因为这个是文章中都有的东西，大家一看就能看出来的，不用罗列。把作者的assumption列出来更好些）

First of all, the fact that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were the ones with international news stories can be explained by variety of reasons. Maybe at that time, some disease such as SARS or H1N1 spreaded（spread?） so widely that people prefer staying inside safely rather than risking one's life in buying a magazine outside. If so, it might be a mistake to refrain the emphasis on international news when the special time pass by and peopel can go out buying a magazine freely. Or maybe at that period, the international news were not interesting enough. In short, without listing other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues the publisher cannot justifiably conclude that the international cover stories were the reason of the poor sales.（这段比较好，包括各种可能性）

Secondly, the memorandum fails to indicate whether other magazine increased or decreased  in sales by reducing the international news. It is possible that the other magazine experienced declining sales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. If so, the publisher's recommendation may make no sence（拼写错误）. On the other hand, if other magazine experience the same correlation between cover story and sale volume, this fact would lend considerable support to the publisher's conclusion.(cited on other book)

Thirdly, the publisher mentioned that the cost of maintiaining（拼写错误） foreign bureaus to report on international nwes（拼写错误） is increasing. This may partly surppots（拼写错误） the pbublisher' （拼写错误）conclusion.yet it is not only  that the cost of Nwesbeat（拼写错误） is rising, but also the other magazine 's cost is up. So if the Newsbeat keeps the foreign bureaus, the other magazines shut up theirs, Newsbeat may turn out to be the only one to covering international news, which in turn might actually stimulate sales. It would be hasty to implement the publisher's suggestion without thinking of this possible situation.

In conclusion, the memorandum is unconvicing.
（拼写错误） To strengthen this argument, the publisher should explain that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the last three years is completely due to the international  news stories covers, not the other factors. To better assess the publisher's recommendation that Newsbeat should de-emphasis international news, we would need to know what changes in sales volume other magazine experienced by de-emphasizing international news. We would also need more information about the impact that increasing costs will have on magazines presently competing wiht（拼写错误） Newsbeat in the field of internaitonal （拼写错误）news.
(整体说来比较流畅，写得不错，尤其第一篇。就是不要题目中抄原句，用自己的话简洁点说更好。还有个小问题就是下次在word工具里纠正下拼写错误。加油！)
谢谢你给我提的意见，以后多向你学习^-^