0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by [NI]echo0805

echo0805UID: 2646075

173The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."


1、首先一个大前提是，作者从以三个理由，（1）销量最低的几期，就是因为封面登了国际新闻；（2）同期竞争对手减少了；（3）费用成本增加了。 推出：我们要减少国际新闻的强调并避免把这类信息刊登在封面上。之所以这样，可能是因为我们的国际新闻做的不够好，不吸引人，不合读者的胃口。我们并不一定要减少或者避免啊。而且若是对手减少，而我们继续刊登的话，销量倒可能增加。
2、作者推断销量最低的几期，就是因为封面登了国际新闻。有可能是那几期杂志本身design问题。
3、竞争对手减少了，效果没提，可能销量下降。即使其销量上升，并且盈利了，适合他们的不一定适合我们，因为两个杂志的目标读者可能不一样。



In this argument, the arguer concludes that the newsmagazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. To support the assertions, the arguer assumes that the poorest selling of magazine issues over the past three years may due to the international news stories on their front covers. The arguer also assumes that if we follow the competing news-magazines to decrease the number of the international news cover stories, we would increasing our selling and make a better profit. In addition, the arguer assumes that the way dealing with these problems is to decreasing the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on the magazine cover. However, these assumptions are unsubstantiated for the flaws as follows.
To begin with, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the international news stories on the front covers is contributable to the poorest selling of magazine issues, while it is entirely possible that one or more factors were instead responsible for it. For example, the design of the magazine, such as the cover picture and the typesetting, in these issues maybe failed to interest the readers. Since the author can not be dearly identified the cause of the decline, I cannot be convinced that the newsmagazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers.
Furthermore, even does the international news stories on the front cover is contributable to the poorest selling of magazine issues, the argument relies on the further assumption that if we follow the competing news-magazine to decrease the number of the international news cover stories, we will make a better profit, which is also untenable for the following reasons. Firstly, we don’t know whether the competing magazine get more profit after reducing the number of the international news cover stories or not. Secondly, even they get more profit, we couldn’t make a unfairly assumption that similar newspaper magazine will carry a similar results for the reason that there perhaps be some difference between the two, for example, the main readers of the two magazine may be different.
Finally, even if all the arguer’s assumptions above are reliable, the assertion the magazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers would be untenable. To deal with the poor selling and the increasing cost, we could improve the quality of the magazine and shearing the employers in the international news. The competing magazine reducing their international news stories perhaps gives a chance to us to improve our selling.
To sum up, the conclusion reached in this argument lacks credibility since the evidence cited in the analysis fails to lend strong support to the arguer’s claim. To make it logically acceptable, the author should demonstrate the international stories is the only reason to the poor selling of the magazine, and provide the incidence about the competing news-magazine, also useful would be any consideration about other ways to improve the selling and to reduce the cost.

wshp90UID: 2509845

1# echo0805
"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."


1、首先一个大前提是，作者从以三个理由，（1）销量最低的几期，就是因为封面登了国际新闻；（2）同期竞争对手减少了；（3）费用成本增加了。 推出：我们要减少国际新闻的强调并避免把这类信息刊登在封面上。之所以这样，可能是因为我们的国际新闻做的不够好，不吸引人，不合读者的胃口。我们并不一定要减少或者避免啊。而且若是对手减少，而我们继续刊登的话，销量倒可能增加。
2、作者推断销量最低的几期，就是因为封面登了国际新闻。有可能是那几期杂志本身design问题。
3、竞争对手减少了，效果没提，可能销量下降。即使其销量上升，并且盈利了，适合他们的不一定适合我们，因为两个杂志的目标读者可能不一样。



In this argument, the arguer concludes that the newsmagazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers(照搬的&这个我也犯了这样的错误）. To support the assertions, the arguer assumes that the poorest selling of magazine issues over the past three years may due to the international news stories on their front covers. （同前）The arguer also assumes that if we follow the competing news-magazines to decrease the number of the international news cover stories, we would increasing our selling and make a better profit. In addition, the arguer assumes that the way dealing with these problems is to decreasing the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on the magazine cover.（同前—— However, these assumptions are unsubstantiated for the flaws as follows.
To begin with, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that the international news stories on the front covers is contributable to the poorest selling of magazine issues, while it is entirely possible that one or more factors were instead responsible for it.（用法不对） For example, the design of the magazine, such as the cover picture and the typesetting, in these issues maybe failed to interest the readers. Since the author can not be dearly identified the cause of the decline, I cannot be convinced that the newsmagazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers（有重复次）.
Furthermore, even does the international news stories on the front cover is contributable to the poorest selling of magazine issues, the argument relies on the further assumption that if we follow the competing news-magazine to decrease the number of the international news cover stories, we will make a better profit, which is also untenable for the following reasons. Firstly, we don’t know whether the competing magazine get more profit after reducing the number of the international news cover stories or not. Secondly, even they get more profit, we couldn’t make a unfairly assumption that similar newspaper magazine will carry a similar results for the reason that there perhaps be some difference between the two, for example, the main readers of the two magazine may be different.（这段有分论点很好）
Finally, even if all the arguer’s assumptions above are reliable, the assertion the magazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers（again！） would be untenable. To deal with the poor selling and the increasing cost, we could improve the quality of the magazine and shearing the employers in the international news. The competing magazine reducing their international news stories perhaps gives a chance to us to improve our selling.
To sum up, the conclusion reached in this argument lacks credibility since the evidence cited in the analysis fails to lend strong support to the arguer’s claim. To make it logically acceptable, the author should demonstrate the international stories is the only reason to the poor selling of the magazine, and provide the incidence about the competing news-magazine, also useful would be any consideration about other ways to improve the selling and to reduce the cost.

有模版迹象……刚开始嘛 我们都一样的 不用管现在写的有多烂  总要经历这个过程的  相信你也早就做好哦了准备！！  加油啊！

westmoreUID: 2645722

In this argument(和后面的arguer有点重复，可以换成memo), the arguer concludes that the newsmagazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. To support the assertions, the arguer assumes that the poorest selling of magazine issues over the past three years may due to the international news stories on their front covers. The arguer also assumes that if we follow the competing news-magazines to decrease the number of the international news cover stories, we would increasing our selling and make a better profit(文中没有提到可以得到更好的结果). In addition, the arguer assumes(换个同义词) that the way dealing with these problems is to decreasing the emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on the magazine cover. However, these assumptions(前面已经用了3个assume，此处用，觉得重复得太多了吧) are unsubstantiated for the flaws as follows.
To begin with, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption(又是一个assumption) that the international news stories on the front covers is contributable to (contributes to,我找了下，-able这个词还不是很多见，可以商量下)the poorest selling of magazine issues, while it is entirely possible that one or more factors were instead responsible for it. For example, the design of the magazine, such as the cover picture and the typesetting, in these issues maybe failed to interest the readers. Since the author can not be dearly identified the cause of the decline, I(文中应该尽量少出现I，可换成it引导的语句，更具有客观性) cannot be convinced that the newsmagazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers.
Furthermore, even does(?) the international news stories on the front cover is contributable to（同上面的理由） the poorest selling of magazine issues, the argument relies on the further assumption that if we follow the competing news-magazine to decrease the number of the international news cover stories, we will make a better profit, which is also untenable for the following reasons. Firstly, we don’t know whether the competing magazine get more profit after reducing the number of the international news cover stories or not. Secondly, even they get more profit, we couldn’t make a unfairly assumption that similar newspaper(news) magazine will carry a similar results for the reason that there perhaps be some difference between the two, for example, the main readers of the two magazine(s) may be different.
Finally, even if all the arguer’s assumptions(这个词用了太多次了,可以换个同义词) above are reliable, the assertion(定语从句加个that引导要好些)the magazine should decrease their emphasis on international news stories and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers would be untenable. To deal with the poor selling and the increasing cost, we could improve the quality of the magazine and shearing the employers in the international news(应该为foreign bureaus). The competing magazine reducing their international news stories perhaps gives a chance to us(us 改成Newsbeat,我们应该是一个独立的第三者,这样加强其客观性) to improve our (our去掉)selling.
To sum up, the conclusion reached in this argument lacks credibility since the evidence cited in the analysis fails to lend strong support to the arguer's claim. To make it logically acceptable, the author should demonstrate the international stories is the only reason to the poor selling of the magazine, and provide the incidence about the competing news-magazine, also useful（adj 不可以做主语） would be any consideration about other ways to improve the selling and to reduce the cost（此句的意思看不明白）.
另外，本文并没有攻材料中提出的foreign bureaus一事，可谓一个不足之处。可以加上。
同意词可以换成几个同意不同形的词，如果重复多次，读起来必然觉得不是很舒服。
echo0805，改了下你的argu，水平有限。

echo0805UID: 2646075

2# wshp90 谢谢修改，我也确实是模仿模板比较严重，因为第一篇写找不到感觉。慢慢要脱离模板了。还有你提的不要照搬题目的句子，我觉得很对，以后一定改正。总之很感谢你提的宝贵意见。以后尽管拍，我早作好心理准备了:loveliness:

echo0805UID: 2646075

3# westmore 谢谢哈！我确实词汇比较匮乏，不会代换词语，以后研究下同义词代换，尽量不重复。有些句子我也没仔细推敲，明天我仔细改下再请教啊