0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by bean8885

bean8885UID: 2633371

Argument 173 by bean8885

In this memorandum the publisher of Newsbeat unfairly concluded that they
should decrease emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. To support this decision they pointed out their poorest-selling magazine issues featured international news stories on the front covers when the competing news-magazines simualtaneously cut their number, and, in addition, their cost of holding foreign bureaus is increasing. The argument relys on a series of unsubsantialed assumptions, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
First of all, the publisher hastily drew the conclusion under the assumption that some news-magazines became competitive since they all have significantly decreased the number of cover stories which they devote to international news, and, however, overlook the possibility that some other factors have influenced the sales of the magazines such as locations of publishing houses, people's preference, the content of international news, and etc. Moreover, the author also support his decision with the fact that the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus is booming, omitting the efforts on enhancing the efficiency of overseas centers to reduce the cost.
Secondly, to futher support his suggestion, the author cited the fact that all competing magazines have greatly cut foreign news stories on their covers. However, the author ignores the possibility that the sales volume of those poorest issues amounted to an averration, and that in other periods of time were best saled. Moreover, the disparity in sales volume can readily be explained by factors other than the content of cover stories.
Finally, even if the issues which were worst saled were probably due to the cover stories about foreign news, the author assumes too quickily that the future issues as the like will continue to affect the sales. The author has not accounted for the probability that the issues with foreign news stories on covers will begin to own a great amount of profits during next season or when publishing under other occasions, and so the cost of foreign bureaus may decline in the future. Unless the author can provide the evidence for supporting his claim Icannot accept his suggestion.
In conclusion, the suggestion of the memorandum is not well supported. To convince me that the bad-sales magazines should lessen the accentuation on international news and publishing them on the covers, the publisher must provide clear and true statistical evidence that the less overseas news stories on the cover contribute to the competing magazines and higher costs on foreign bureaus result in weaken the competitive strength of their poorest-sales magazine. Furthermore, I would need more information about the measures used in similiarly past affairs to evaluate the feasibility of author's suggestion.

pojun.cnUID: 2646072

0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by bean8885


In this memorandum the publisher of Newsbeat unfairly（觉得不太合适，换个别的词？） concluded that they should decrease emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. To
support this decision， they pointed out their poorest-selling magazine issues featured international news stories on the front covers when the competing news-magazines simualtaneously/simultaneously cut their numbers, and, in addition（有一个就够了吧？）, their cost of holding foreign bureaus is increasing. The argument relys/relies on a series of unsubsantialed/unsubstantiated assumptions, and is therefore（改成so it is/therefore it is你看是否合适） unpersuasive as it stands(觉得有点怪).


First of all, the publisher hastily drew the conclusion （加个that？） under the assumption that some news-magazines became（觉得题目里好像没这个观点：减少了国际新闻就变得有竞争力） competitive since they all have significantly decreased the number of cover stories which they devote to international news, and, however, （可以去掉吗）overlook the possibility that some other factors have influenced the sales of the magazines such as（such as 这些影响因素应该往前移，放到factors后面） locations of publishing houses, people's preference, the content of international news, and etc. Moreover, the author also support（应该避免重复的说法，前面有过一个support了） his decision with the fact that the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus is booming, （加but？）omitting the efforts on enhancing the efficiency of overseas centers to reduce the cost.


Secondly, to futher/further support his suggestion, the author cited the fact that all competing magazines have greatly cut foreign news stories on their covers. However, the author ignores the possibility that the sales volume of those poorest issues amounted to an averration（aberration）, and that in other periods of time were best saled. Moreover（多次使用moreover）, the disparity in sales volume can readily be explained by（加many）
factors other than the content of cover stories.


Finally, even if the issues which were worst saled（sale是名词？） were probably due to the cover stories about foreign news, the author assumes too quickily（quickly吧，感觉用得不合适） that the future issues as the like（怪怪的） will continue to affect（continue doing sth） the sales. The author has not accounted for the probability that the issues with foreign news stories on covers will begin to own a great amount of profits during next season or when publishing under other occasions, and so the cost of foreign bureaus may decline in the future. Unless the author can provide the evidence for supporting his claim I can not accept his suggestion.


In conclusion, the suggestion of the memorandum is not well supported（support用了太多次）. To convince me that the bad-sales magazines should lessen the accentuation on international news and publishing them on the covers, the publisher must provide clear and true statistical evidence that the less overseas news stories on the cover contribute to the competing magazines and higher costs on foreign bureaus result in weaken the competitive strength of their poorest-sales magazine. Furthermore, I would need more information about the measures used in similiarly/similiarly past affairs to evaluate the feasibility of author's suggestion.（感觉最后这段写得太啰嗦了,一两句总结一下就好了吧）


再有个问题就是，提作者观点是有几处抄题目的句子，这个不太好。感觉自己的论点没有展开，只是提了有几个可能性，却没有仔细分析。
中间蓝色的地方时我觉得不合适的地方，改的不一定对，互相讨论吧^_^

1# bean8885