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[i习作temp] 0910G [Just do it]Issue51 by二月蓝 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-5-31 23:04:02 |显示全部楼层
0910G [Just do it]Issue51
I fundamentally agree with the speaker’s opinion. If the education could meet the individual needs and interests of each student it may be evry effective. The speaker mentioned the aim of the education. That is not only meeting the needs of every student but also adapted for modern society.
Education could be separate into two parts. The first one is the basic education and the second is the advanced education. The prior is designed for everyone of the society to popularize the common knowledge. The general public who have the basic education could improve their individual needs and interests according to the advanced education. Both of the two parts are as the same important.
The basic education is the core. It is just like the groundwork of the high building. The building can’t be firm without a hard groundwork. So is the education. The basic education could provide the knowledge of daily life and work. It takes great effort to promoting cultural ideological progress. A successful person should have very hard groundwork in many aspects.
The effective of the education is not only to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, but also relies on the benefits it could take to the society. First of all, we should give our attention to the investment of the education. Not every nation could pay the huge charge of the advanced education. Furthermore the country could not offer so many opportunities to every student. On the other hand, we should pay more attention to the aim of the education. If all of the students choose their interested subjects, there must be some surplus subjects which can’t be studied. This will lead huge loss in the fields of education and may do harm to the society. It also could result in the increase of unemployment.
In a word, an effective education should require the least fund and could take the most benefits to the society. It can’t meet the needs of every student in the modern world.

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发表于 2009-6-2 22:51:50 |显示全部楼层
不好意思,之前没有看到,现在才改。
I fundamentally agree with the speaker’s opinion. If the education could meet the individual needs and interests of each student it may be evry\very effective. The speaker mentioned the aim of the education. That is not only meeting the needs of every student but also adapted for/to modern society.
开头很简洁,可以适当增加点背景,吸引读者
Education could be separateed into two parts. The first one is the basic education and the second is the advanced education. The prior is designed for everyone of the society to popularize 从上下文的意思应该是basic education popularize,而不是everyone popularizethe common knowledge. The general public who have the basic education could improve their individual needs and interests according to the advanced education. Both of the two parts are as the same important.
The basic education is the core. It is just like the groundwork of the high building. The building can’t be firm without a hard groundwork. So is the education. The basic education could provide the knowledge of daily life and work. It takes great effort to promoting cultural ideological progress. A successful person should have very hard groundwork in many aspects.
上面两段感觉与主题有点游离
The effective\effectiveness of the education is not only to\laying on meeting the individual needs and interests of each student, but also relies on the benefits it could take to the society. First of all, we should give our attention to the investment of the education\感觉没有明确与段落大意的关系. Not every nation could pay the huge charge of the advanced education. Furthermore the country could not offer so many opportunities to every student. On the other hand, we should pay more attention to the aim of the education. If all of the students choose their interested subjects, there must be some surplus subjects which can’t be studied. This will lead huge loss in the fields of education and may do harm to the society. It also could result in the increase of unemployment.
In a word, an effective education should require the least fund and could take the most benefits to the society. It can’t meet the needs of every student in the modern world.

自己的感觉有点偏题哈,不一定正确哈,共同探讨

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发表于 2009-6-3 00:26:13 |显示全部楼层
首先感谢评价,我发现自己写的头重脚轻,有一点偏,中间不太衔接,继续改进
I fundamentally agree with the speaker’s opinion. If the education could meet the individual needs and interests of each student it may be very effective. The speaker mentioned the aim of the education. That is not only meeting the needs of every student but also adapted for the modern society.
Education could be separated into two parts. The first one is the basic education and the second is the advanced education. The prior is designed for everyone of the society to popularize the common knowledge. The general public who have the basic education could improve their individual needs and interests according to the advanced education. The basic education is the core. It is just like the groundwork of the high building. The building can’t be firm without a hard groundwork. The basic education could provide the knowledge of daily life and work. It takes great effort to promoting cultural ideological progress. A successful person should have very hard groundwork in many aspects.Both of the two parts are as the same important. The advanced education not only enhanced one's knowledge but also could make someone be a professional. People could use advanced skills to earn money. Meanwhile, he create wealth to the society.

However,the effectiveness of the education is not only laying on meeting the individual needs and interests of each student, but also relies on the benefits it could take to the society. First of all, we should give our attention to the investment of the education. Not every nation could pay the huge charge of the advanced education. There are so many countries in wars that they don't have any chance or abilities to develop education.  On the other hand, we should pay more attention to the real aim of the education. If all of the students choose their interested subjects, there must be some surplus subjects which can’t be studied. This will lead huge loss in this fields and may do harm to the society.  It also could result in the increase of unemployment.
In a word, an effective education should require the least fund and could take the most benefits to the society. It can’t meet the needs of every student in the modern world. Human should try hard to make the education more effective.

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发表于 2009-6-3 18:37:56 |显示全部楼层
I fundamentally agree with the speaker’s opinion. If the education could meet the individual needs and interests of each student it may be very effective. The speaker mentioned the aim of the education(这句感觉有些突兀,最好有些衔接之类的). That is not only meeting the needs of every student but also adapted for the modern society.
Education could be separated into two parts. The first one is the basic education and the second is the advanced education. The prior is designed for everyone of the society to popularize the common knowledge. The general public who have(has) the basic education could improve their individual needs and interests according to the advanced education. The basic education is the core. It is just like the groundwork of the high building. The building can’t be firm without a hard groundwork. The basic education could provide the knowledge of daily life and work. It takes great effort to promoting cultural ideological progress. A successful person should have very hard groundwork in many aspects. Both of the two parts are as the same important. The advanced education not only enhanced one's knowledge but also could make someone be a professional. People could use advanced skills to earn money. Meanwhile, he create (creates) wealth to the society.(讨论了基础教育和以后教育的关系,但或许论证方法可以更多元化一些)
However, the effectiveness of the education is not only laying on meeting the individual needs and interests of each student, but also relies on the benefits it could take to the society. First of all, we should give our attention to the investment of the education. Not every nation could pay the huge charge of the advanced education. There are so many countries in wars that they don't have any chance or abilities to develop education. (讨论了可行性问题) On the other hand, we should pay more attention to the real aim of the education. If all of the students choose their interested subjects, there must be some surplus subjects which can’t be studied. This will lead huge loss in this fields and may do harm to the society.  It also could result in the increase of unemployment.
In a word, an effective education should require the least fund and could take the most benefits to the society. It can’t meet the needs of every student in the modern world. Human should try hard to make the education more effective.
整体结构很清晰,看完后感觉很清爽。但是问题也是有的,句式简单句还有点多,论证应该更多样化些,而且深度也不够。字数有点少。
要加油啊,虽然以上说的这些,我自己也做不到。但尽量向这方面努力哦~~~:)

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发表于 2009-6-4 14:16:58 |显示全部楼层
I fundamentally agree with the speaker’s opinion. If the education could meet the individual needs and interests of each student it may be very effective. But in my opinion, an effective edudation not only meets the needs of every student but also adapted for the modern society.
Education could be separated into two parts. The first one is the basic education and the second is the advanced education. The prior is designed for everyone of the society to popularize the common knowledge. The general public who have the basic education could improve their individual needs and interests according to the advanced education. The basic education is the core. It is just like the groundwork of the high building. The building can’t be firm without a hard groundwork. The basic education could provide the knowledge of daily life and work. It takes great effort to promoting cultural ideological progress. A successful person should have very hard groundwork in many aspects. Both of the two parts are as the same important. The advanced education not only enhanced one's knowledge but also could make someone be a professional. People could use advanced skills to earn money. Meanwhile, he creates wealth to the society.
However, the effectiveness of the education is not only laying on meeting the individual needs and interests of each student, but also relies on the benefits it could take to the society. First of all, we should give our attention to the investment of the education. Not every nation could pay the huge charge of the advanced education. There are so many countries in wars that they don't have any chance or abilities to develop education.  On the other hand, we should pay more attention to the real aim of the education. If all of the students choose their interested subjects, there must be some surplus subjects which can’t be studied. This will lead huge loss in this fields and may do harm to the society.  It also could result in the increase of unemployment.
In a word, an effective education should require the least fund and could take the most benefits to the society. It can’t meet the needs of every student in the modern world. Human should try hard to make the education more effective.

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发表于 2009-6-4 21:16:21 |显示全部楼层
I fundamentally agree with the speaker’s opinion. If the education could meet the individual needs and interests of each student it may be very effective. But in my opinion, an去掉an吧,感觉很别扭 effective education not only meets the needs of every student but also adapted for the modern society.
Education could be separated into two parts. The first one is the basic education and the second is the advanced education. 从教育的时间特性这个角度切入使文章很有广度,学习The prior is designed for everyone of the society to popularize the common knowledge. The general public who have the basic education could improve their individual needs and interests according to the advanced education. The basic education is the core. It is just like the groundwork of the high building. The building can’t be firm without a hard groundwork. The basic education could provide the knowledge of daily life and work. It takes great effort to promoting cultural ideological progress“这需要很大的努力,以促进文化思想的进展”??. A successful person should have very hard groundwork in many aspects这句很无厘头呀,与上下文的联系?. Both of the two parts are as the same important. The advanced education not only enhanced one's knowledge but also could make someone be a professional. People could use advanced skills to earn money. Meanwhile, he creates wealth to the society.
However, the effectiveness of the education is not only laying on meeting the individual needs and interests of each student, but also relies on the benefits it could take to the society. First of all, we should give our attention to the investment of the education. Not every nation could pay the huge charge of the advanced education. There are so many countries in wars that they don't have any chance or abilities to develop education.  On the other hand, we should pay more attention to 实现the real aim of the education. If all of the students choose their interested subjects, there must be some surplus subjects which can’t be studied. This will lead huge loss in this fields and may do harm to the society.  It also could result in the increase of unemployment.

In a word, an effective education should require the least fund and could take the most benefits to the society. It can’t meet the needs of every student in the modern world. Human should try hard to make the education more effective.两句话就把结尾收了感觉有点太仓促了吧

感觉思维跳跃性很强,有些地方读着真的很费脑子,有些地方现在还没弄懂,前面两位好像都看懂了,可能是我理解力太差吧,汗!
发现每次你对文章的修改都很大,很认真呀!嗯,态度决定一切!两个月,足够脱胎换骨啦!

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RE: 0910G [Just do it]Issue51 by二月蓝 [修改]

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0910G [Just do it]Issue51 by二月蓝
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