0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by 米丽水

米丽水UID: 2637300

TOPIC: ARGUMENT173 - The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."
WORDS: 339
TIME: 00:28:57
DATE: 2009-9-2 16:55:32

The author can't readily get the conclusion that the magazine group should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers just for three reasons.
First, he said that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those featured international news stories on their front covers. Whether the magazine selling is good or bad depends on many factors such a s the price, the customers, the competitors and so on. Besides, the magazine selling is facing a big challenge from the new technology. For example, the birth of the wet site of the magazine attracts a lot of people to read on line. They don't have to subscribe to the magazine. Pocket books make convenience for many ladies because they just can read every time and everywhere when the magazine is not taken very easily.
Second, the competing new-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. There is no exact data to say their competitors benefit from the decreasing. In addition, even the competitors are doing the right things, can't it means a big chance for the magazine company to donate the filed? Why follow the same way? Domination possibly means a big profit.
Third, the cost of maintaining the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. The author didn't give relative information on how much the increase is and compared to the competitors, the cost is really far from the price trend? Even if the cost is high, access to the international news is a must for a nation to know the world and they can get information on how their nation is developing and what the government should do to improve their living conditions and to improve their ability of becoming stronger in the world.
In sum, we should consider more to decide whether to decrease the international news stories on the front covers. More data should be available to convince the company to accept the suggestion. Think twice before leaping.

米丽水UID: 2637300

ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'
分析：
结论：我们不要那么重视国际事件，也不要把它刊登在头版。
原因：1头版报导这些国家事务的报纸销量最差；2同行减少了国际事件报道；3驻外机构采集新闻代价高。

我们要不要重视国家事件的报道？当然要！不能因为1，2，3条原因就放弃，为什么？因为 关注国际事件有利于民众关注国家经济，政治，文化，以之为镜，反思自己。如果不关注，虽然生活比较随意，但会盲目自高自大，不利于民族进步。中国就是一个例子。
当然1 2 3 条说得很有漏洞。从长远来看，还是应该关注国家事务。
以上是看同主题前自己的分析，下面是看了资料后启发的分析。
1 言外之意 是封面新闻导致销量最差。是吗？销量差的原因很多。比如价格，卖的群体和取代产品如杂志网站，免费杂志，小本等。
2 同行的做法是对的。对吗？现在还没有它们减少的成效数据。即使有，同行的退出不正是我们的优势吗？为什么要减少？
3 驻外机构采集代价高。这个高有多少？都用在什么途径？在同行之间算高吗？投入大于产出了？国家新闻的角色必不可少，难道能因为高就放弃？

xwloveUID: 2481588

2# 米丽水
分析的非常好，赞ing

The author can't readily get the conclusion that the magazine group should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers just for three reasons.
First, he said that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those featured international news stories on their front covers. Whether the magazine selling is good or bad depends on many factors such as the price, the customers, the competitors and so on. Besides, the magazine selling is facing a big challenge from the new technology. For example, the birth of the wet site of the magazine attracts a lot of people to read on line（是因为你粘贴的缘故吗）. They don't have to subscribe to the magazine. Pocket books make convenience for many ladies because they just can read every time and everywhere when the magazine is not taken very easily.
Second, the competing new-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news（这个从句用得对吗，费解）. There is no exact data to say their competitors benefit from the decreasing. In addition, even the competitors are doing the right things, can't it means a big chance for the magazine company to donate the filed? Why follow the same way? Domination possibly means a big profit.
Third, the cost of maintaining the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. The author didn't give relative information on how much the increase is and compared to the competitors, the cost is really far from the price trend? Even if the cost is high, access to the international news is a must for a nation to know the world and they can get information on how their nation is developing and what the government should do to improve their living conditions and to improve their ability of becoming stronger in the world.
In sum, we should consider more to decide whether to decrease the international news stories on the front covers. More data should be available to convince the company to accept the suggestion. Think twice before leaping.

总体上感觉不错。与你的IssUE有一些类似的问题。
语言方面或许还有很多改进的空间。
加油^_^

米丽水UID: 2637300

谢谢xwlove的修改，辛苦！

银落UID: 2632560

个人意见   
好词好句
错误
我修改的
The author can't readily get the conclusion that the magazine group should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers just for three reasons.
那个。。。我总觉得第一段这样写似乎。。。怎么说。。。太简单了。。。至少不是把哪些错误简单列一下。。。要不就把作者的思路简单列一下。。。不应该直接就说—你这样做是错的。。。我们都知道它肯定错啊。。关键在于我们要指出错在哪里对吧。。
First, he said that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those featured international news stories on their front covers. Whether the magazine selling（改成sales哦） is good or bad depends on many factors such as the price, the customers, the competitors and so on.这段最好把price， customer， competitor等因素具体说清楚，比如因为the difference of the price, distinct opinion about the magazine of customer, and uncertain elements of competitor.不然只讲customer。。。让人不明白customer的哪些造成了杂志sales的下降 Besides, the magazine selling（改成sales哦） is facing a big challenge from（改成aroused by会比较好哦。。） the new technology. For example, the birth of the wet site of the magazine attracts a lot of people to read on line. They don't have to subscribe to the magazine. Pocket books make convenience for many ladies because they just can read every time and everywhere when the magazine is not taken very easily.
我针对本段最后几句自己按你的意思写了下，供参考哦。。希望对你有帮助呢。。》《。。。从besides这里开始~In addition, the magazine sales also can be influenced by the development of the technology. It is entirely possible that people skim the news on the Internet instead of subscribing magazines. It is equally possible that certain amount of magazine buyer will turn to pocket books which provide convenience for them for they can be carried anywhere and anytime.
Second, the competing new-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. 可以加点连接词哦或者副词哦。。obviously,There is no exact data to say their competitors benefit from the decreasing. In addition, even the competitors are doing the right things, can't it means（mean） a big chance for the magazine company to donate the filed? Why follow the same way? Domination possibly means a big profit.（这里感觉也有些奇怪。。。也应该明确指出是哪些不同所以不可以照搬）

Third, the cost of maintaining the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing.（TS可以直接把错误指出哦，不要只是说出这点错了，要说出是哪里错了） The author didn't give relative information on how much the increase is and compared to the competitors, the cost is really far from the price trend（这个是什么？我不懂耶）? Even if the cost is high, access to the international news is a must for a nation to know the world and they can get information on how their nation is developing（这里的理由似乎很奇怪，因为decide how to develop their nations 的不是这些买杂志的人，而是politician） and what the government should do to improve their living conditions and to improve their ability of becoming stronger in the world.

In sum, we should consider more to decide whether to decrease the international news stories on the front covers. More data should be available to convince the company to accept the suggestion. Think twice before leaping.怎么说呢。。。结尾也应该具体。。不要只是泛泛地谈~

好，现在说下总体感觉，文章的思路很清晰。。但要注意把所有的逻辑错误都细节化，确切的指出哪里错，哪里需要修正，不要太空，然后语句方面只要再美化加强就可以了。不过限时可以写到这个程度已经很好了。。呵呵。。加油。。
最后道个歉。。。。那么晚才来批。。。对不起。。。因为有点忙。。。有改得不好的地方请指出哦。。。
by saya

houlmesUID: 2595866

个人意见   错误

The author can't readily get the conclusion that the magazine group should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers just for three reasons.
第一段建议指出错在哪里~
First, he said that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those featured international news stories on their front covers. Whether the magazine selling is good or bad depends on many factors such as the price, the customers, the competitors and so on. Besides, the magazine selling is facing a big challenge from the new technology. For example, the birth of the web site of the magazine attracts a lot of people to read on line. 感觉这句很不协调的感觉，可以把句子写的复杂些~They don't have to subscribe to the magazine. Pocket books make convenience for many ladies because they just can read every time and everywhere when the magazine is not taken very easily.改成一句好一些~
Second, the competing new-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. 没看明白~There is no exact data to say their competitors has benefited from the decreasing. In addition, even the competitors are doing the right things, can't it mean a big chance for the magazine company to donate the field? Why follow the same way? Domination possibly means a big profit感觉很奇怪
Third, the cost of maintaining the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. The author didn't give relative information on how much the increase is and compared to the competitors, the cost is really far from the price trend? Even if the cost is high, access to the international news is a must for a nation to know the world and they can get information on how their nation is developing and what the government should do to improve their living conditions and to improve their ability of becoming stronger in the world.
In sum, we should consider more to decide whether to decrease the international news stories on the front covers. More data should be available to convince the company to accept the suggestion. Think twice before leaping.
结尾应该再写写
我也是刚刚写aw，水平不足~敬请见谅