Argument242 @@A DREAM @@小组第2次作业 by zdcforever

zdcforeverUID: 2641750

The conclusion drew by the editorial seems an option in order for other institutions to terminate the phenomena of cheating among college and university students, however, several fallacies could be found after further consideration.
It is the approach of Groveton’s honor code itself which might seem not to be a quite exquisite and effective one. Firstly, students in Groveton were called to put an agreement on which they would not cheat as a premise. However, an agreement is no further more than an agreement. Person who cheats would not appear to advance an imagine from which people can easily identify him/her as a typical cheater, or even point out after a failure action by his or herself. Secondly, the enacting of notifying faculty members seemly fails to come by discussing between administers and student, undoubtedly, which might be proved as problematic. Granted that students come to school for learning and advancing, school arbitrarily necessitates their responsibilities of taking care of others’ behaviors, without putting sufficiently consideration students’ will. It might take majority of student’s time leading to they could not put enough focus on their subjects, in that condition, rebellion would show.
Moreover, “suspect” rather then “find out” exists in the editorial, which means the report from student might be subjective presupposition. In that case, such reports are easily made out, qualms would be shown among students that whether they are notified to the administrators. Tensional atmosphere, inevitably, arises, in which it is not easily for students to put their foci on works, research or goals, preventing attentions toward them from others instead. which could simply lead to personal compartmentalization.
Even if, the honor code had not produce negative affects among students, the evidence which is used to support the conclusion seems not quite convincible. Only is the statistic that in five years enacting of honor code twenty-one cases of cheating turn to be fourteen cases presented, but the trend in this period fail to be indicate which matters more. In the fourth year, there might to be 100 cases of cheating, in that condition, none conclusion should be ever drawn. Moreover, the very fourteen cases in the fifth year, instead of improving in students’ behaviors, might caused by their psychological exhaustion or conspiracy. After several years practicing, students are tired of notifying or being notified, they begin to distract their concentrations and put them on really beneficial things so that less focus left there, on honor code, resulting in ineffective. Or students positively increase the communication among them, they compromise to contact that no one is notified, simply, figure would decrease for sure.
Before any final conclusion is established, further surveys should be approached, such as survey on the percentage of the students who are satisfied by and advocate the honor code, on the trend and effect of this method, at least.

wobaobao519UID: 2605404

The conclusion drew by the editorial seems an option in order for other institutions to (我觉得这里有些别扭，改成an option for other institutions in order to会不会更好呢？ ]terminate the phenomena of cheating among college and university students, however, several fallacies could be found after further consideration.
It is the approach of Groveton’s honor code itself which might seem not to be a quite exquisite and effective one. Firstly, students in Groveton were called to put an agreement on which they would not cheat as a premise. However, an agreement is no further more than an agreement. Person who cheats would not appear to advance an imagine from which people can easily identify him/her as a typical cheater, or even point out after a failure action by his or herself. Secondly, the enacting of notifying faculty members seemly fails to come by discussing between administers and student(注意一些小的地方，students), undoubtedly, which might (前面是undoubtedly 而后面是might )be proved as problematic. Granted that students come to school for learning and advancing, school arbitrarily necessitates their responsibilities of （这里用of 我觉得不当，但不知道可不可以用to?）taking care of others’（others 是谁？我觉得者这里可以加上students） behaviors(behaviors 可以被take care? 楼主把整个这个句子再改一下把，个人意见), without putting sufficiently consideration（我觉得要加上of） students’ will. It might take majority of student’s（students’） time leading to （我觉得加上what会不会更好点？）they could not put enough focus on their subjects, in that condition, rebellion would show.
Moreover, “suspect” rather then “find out” exists in the editorial, which means the report from student might be subjective presupposition. In that case, such reports are easily made out, qualms would be shown among students that whether they are notified to the administrators. Tensional atmosphere, inevitably, arises, in which it is not easily for students to put their foci (focus)on works, research or goals, preventing attentions toward them from others instead. which could simply lead to personal compartmentalization.
Even if, the honor code had not produce negative affects among students,（看了66版主的argument贴，似乎这里有她说的错误，说让步一定要建立在原文的基础上，而这里并不是，不知道自己理解的对不对，讨论下吧）， the evidence which is used to support the conclusion seems not quite convincible. Only is the statistic that in five years enacting of honor code twenty-one cases of cheating turn to be fourteen cases presented, but the trend in this period fail to be indicate which matters more. In the fourth year, there might to be 100 cases of cheating, in that condition, none conclusion should be ever drawn. Moreover, the very fourteen cases in the fifth year, instead of improving in students’ behaviors, might caused by their psychological exhaustion or conspiracy（学习学习，我一般都用不了这样的词，呵呵）. After several years practicing, students are tired of notifying or being notified, they begin to distract their concentrations and put them on really beneficial things so that less focus left there, on honor code, resulting in ineffective. Or students positively increase the communication among them, they compromise to contact that no one is notified, simply, figure would decrease for sure.
Before any final conclusion is established, further surveys should be approached, such as survey on the percentage of the students who are satisfied by and advocate the honor code, on the trend and effect of this method, at least.  

总评：楼主的找的三个错误和我都不一样，有新意，但似乎并不是那些典型的错误，我觉得可以有不一样的攻击的地方但是最重要的几点还是最好要提一提把，比如说是错误的类比之类的，这只是我个人的看法，也不是很确定，看看别人怎么会说吧。还有楼主在逻辑上还要加强吧，（我自己也有这个问题，汗一个）还有就是觉得如果楼主更加注意点细节上面的东西会好一点，单复数的变化等等。
PS:这是我第一次改别人的文章，请多多包涵，水平有限，自己也才是刚刚开始，很多地方不懂，希望多指教！

zdcforeverUID: 2641750

感谢楼上同学的意见，不胜感激~~~

zdcforeverUID: 2641750

感谢楼上同学的意见，不胜感激~~~

zdcforeverUID: 2641750

感谢楼上同学的意见，不胜感激~~~