0910AW 同主题写作第六期 ISSUE157 by tmytgzzxy

tmytgzzxyUID: 2628459

The speaker extremely claims that all observations all subjective and are guided by the observer’s expectations or desires. I tend to disagree with the issue for some reasons. Although a lot of observations is affected by subjective senses, there are still some observations which is objective and unchangeable with the observer’s desires, as talked below.
No doubt that many observations is melt with the observer’s minds inevitably. As the saying goes : “There are one thousand different hamlets in one thousand different individuals.” One’s observation is affected by his background, liberty level, the mood at that time and the like. There are many examples strongly supporting this point. The Mona Lisa’ s smile might means happiness to some people while others might consider that it suggests sorrow and grief; for the same symphony of Beethoven, someone see the hope and success of life while some others might stare at the difficulties and losses. The reason why the observers draw distinct conclusions from the same things is that they view them with their own ideas and thoughts, and the subjective senses have great influence on the angle of observations.
Although we humans is used to observing things with subjective ideas, objective observations still exist. One need to look for it no more than the scientific area, the observations of the science phenomenon and physical principles are objective and stubborn which are not guided by the observer’s desires and expectations, if not, it is impossible for humans to learn the nature of the world and the essential of the universe. Two convincing instances demonstrate this opinion: think about the Copernicus’ “the heliocentric theory”, it is nothing but the objective observations that contribute to the theory. In his period, people believed the earth wad the centre of the universe to cater to the desire that human beings are the leader of all creatures. Contrary to the expectation, Copernicus came up with the theory on the base of years’ observations which are pure objective and depend on the reality only. Another example is the Galileo’s conclusion, people at that time all believed that a heavier iron ball fell faster that a lighter one, while galileo noticed that the two different balls touched the ground at the same time, his observation is without subjective sense, and is just what the fact is. From this point of view, we can easily draw conclusion that the speaker’s contention is ramshackle.
Further more, we are tending to view the fact with subjective feelings in our daily life, while objectivity is needed in some areas. For example, the reporter need to observe events and make comments objectively in order to transmit the reality to public. In this case, people should avoid viewing things with individual sense and should keep neutral and objective.
In the final analysis, subjective observations make the
world colorful and creative, while objective observations help human beings to recognize the nature precisely, they both exist and are equally meaningful to us .

zyp8756UID: 2594775

蓝色好 红色差 粉色谈论


The speaker extremely claims that all observations（这里两个名词连接前一个不像是表语） all subjective and are guided by the observer’s expectations or desires. I tend to disagree with the issue for some reasons（对于issue的写作来讲 特别是在首段 不要用I的第一人称 直接表述就可以了 如果这样就太像argument）. Although a lot of observations is（are） affected by subjective senses, there are still some observations which is（are） objective and unchangeable with the observer’s desires, as talked below（前面的逗号应该去点 要不中间的句子就成插入语了与事实不相符合）.
No doubt that many observations is（…小的语法错误一定要避免） melt with the observer’s minds inevitably. As the saying goes : “There are one thousand different hamlets in one thousand different individuals.”（引经据典 这句不错） One’s observation is affected by his background, liberty level, the mood at that time and the like（his favor就可以了）. There are many examples strongly supporting this point. The Mona Lisa’ s smile might means（mean） happiness to some people while others might consider that it suggests sorrow and grief; for the same symphony of Beethoven, someone see（sees） the（不是特指的希望和成功 所以把定冠词the去掉） hope and success of life while（可以换一个其他的转折连词比如but however） some others might stare at the（its） difficulties and losses. The reason why the observers draw distinct conclusions from the same things is that they view them with their own ideas and thoughts, and the subjective senses have great influence on the angle of observations.
总：.第一段没有跑题 对应上了首段的中心句子的前半句，并且引用了两个例子：两个贴切但是有些陈腐的例子，观察的主观性其实例子很多，比如：大家对于NBA著名球星科比布莱恩特的仁者见仁和对韩国人坚持传统吃狗肉的智者见智都是不错而且不陈腐的例子。
Although we humans is（are） used to observing things with subjective ideas, objective observations still exist. One need to look for it no more than the scientific area（这个 no more than怎么解释？ 新鲜）, the observations of the science phenomenon and physical principles are objective and stubborn which are not guided by the observer’s desires and expectations（这句话的逗号是不是太多了啊 主语是哪个？）, if not, it is impossible for humans to learn the nature of the world and the essential of the universe（这句话建议搞一个递进关系 it is impossible for human beings to grasp the nature of the world even the universe）. Two convincing instances demonstrate this opinion: think about the Copernicus’ “the heliocentric theory”, it is nothing but the objective observations that contribute（+s） to the theory(这句话的主语又是什么 这样的句子一直解决的不好 请教 而且这句话的含义确实不和逻辑 为什么哥白尼的时代除了客观的观察没有事物可以对这个理论有帮助呢 我想问：难道现在建立一个理论要依靠主观来得出吗 再说那个时代得到结论应该强调下教会之类对他的迫害等坏的方面对后文做个铺垫). In his period, people believed the earth wad（was吧） the centre of the universe to cater to the desire that human beings are the leader of all creatures. Contrary to the expectation（好）, Copernicus came up with the theory on the base of years’ observations which are pure objective and depend on the reality only. Another example is the Galileo’s conclusion（这两个老家伙的例子 呵呵）, people at that time all believed that a heavier iron ball fell faster that a lighter one（人们不是相信这个 LZ说的太具体了 不是特指铁球 而是指重的东西落下要比轻的东西快 因为大家当时都没有考虑空气阻力 因为羽毛落得比铁球慢而相信重的东西一定落得比轻的东西快）, while（这里用个强转折比较好些吧） galileo（G） noticed that the two different balls touched the ground at the same time,（可以用句号来进行结尾） his observation is without subjective sense, and is just what the fact is（这句话比较纠结 看看这样说是不是好一些 his observation, without subjective, absolutely follows the fact）. From this point of view, we can easily draw conclusion that the speaker’s contention is ramshackle(G word good!).
Further more(这是一个词furthermore), we are tending（不需要用进行时） to view the fact with subjective feelings in our daily life, while objectivity is needed in some areas. For example, the reporter need（needs） to observe events and make（~） comments objectively in order to transmit the reality to public. In this case, people should avoid viewing things with individual sense and should keep neutral and objective.
总：这两段是对纯粹客观观察的正面论述 第一段除了例子上需要斟酌 其他都还不错 而第二段个人意见是觉得跑了~~因为你文章的目的是说明世界上确实存在纯粹的客观观察 但是第三段确实说人类有些时候需要客观观察 但是从argument的批驳角度上来说 需要纯粹的客观性观察 不见得就可以证明存在着最纯粹的客观性观察 就像鱼需要水 但是证明不出鱼可能拥有水 可能旱季来了 谁也无法控制 但我也没有想出更好的解决方案 所以当时我没有用的你角度来写
In the final analysis, subjective observations make the world colorful and creative, while objective observations help human beings to recognize the nature precisely, they both exist and are equally meaningful to us （这句也是 主语太多了 多用句号）.
总：最后一段也令人扼腕叹息 一定要注意中心与手段对应 而手段不是想表达尾端的意思 切忌尾端不要升华中心 对应之前的观点 换一种表达方式就可以了




期待你的回复 加油！！

tmytgzzxyUID: 2628459

2# zyp8756
蓝色好 红色差 粉色谈论 我的回复


The speaker extremely claims that all observations（这里两个名词连接前一个不像是表语） all （本意是are）subjective and are guided by the observer’s expectations or desires. I tend to disagree with the issue for some reasons（对于issue的写作来讲 特别是在首段 不要用I的第一人称 直接表述就可以了 如果这样就太像argument）（感觉北美范文里很多开头都用i）. Although a lot of observations is（are） affected by subjective senses, there are still some observations which is（are） objective and unchangeable with the observer’s desires, as talked below（前面的逗号应该去点 要不中间的句子就成插入语了与事实不相符合）.
No doubt that many observations is（…小的语法错误一定要避免） melt with the observer’s minds inevitably. As the saying goes : “There are one thousand different hamlets in one thousand different individuals.”（引经据典 这句不错） One’s observation is affected by his background, liberty level, the mood at that time and the like（his favor就可以了）（and the like 我是想表达等等的意思）. There are many examples strongly supporting this point. The Mona Lisa’ s smile might means（mean） happiness to some people while others might consider that it suggests sorrow and grief; for the same symphony of Beethoven, someone see（sees） the（不是特指的希望和成功 所以把定冠词the去掉） hope and success of life while（可以换一个其他的转折连词比如but however） some others might stare at the（its） difficulties and losses. The reason why the observers draw distinct conclusions from the same things is that they view them with their own ideas and thoughts, and the subjective senses have great influence on the angle of observations.
总：.第一段没有跑题 对应上了首段的中心句子的前半句，并且引用了两个例子：两个贴切但是有些陈腐的例子，观察的主观性其实例子很多，比如：大家对于NBA著名球星科比布莱恩特的仁者见仁和对韩国人坚持传统吃狗肉的智者见智都是不错而且不陈腐的例子。
Although we humans is（are） used to observing things with subjective ideas, objective observations still exist. One need to look for it no more than the scientific area（这个 no more than怎么解释？ 新鲜）（no further than）, the observations of the science phenomenon and physical principles are objective and stubborn which are not guided by the observer’s desires and expectations（这句话的逗号是不是太多了啊 主语是哪个？）, if not, it is impossible for humans to learn the nature of the world and the essential of the universe（这句话建议搞一个递进关系 it is impossible for human beings to grasp the nature of the world even the universe）. Two convincing instances demonstrate this opinion: think about the Copernicus’ “the heliocentric theory”, it is nothing but the objective observations that contribute（+s） to the theory(这句话的主语又是什么 这样的句子一直解决的不好 请教 而且这句话的含义确实不和逻辑 为什么哥白尼的时代除了客观的观察没有事物可以对这个理论有帮助呢 我想问：难道现在建立一个理论要依靠主观来得出吗 再说那个时代得到结论应该强调下教会之类对他的迫害等坏的方面对后文做个铺垫). In his period, people believed the earth wad（was吧）（其实我想表达的意思是不是主观愿望而是客观观察建立了这个理论，并没有强调是哪个年代） the centre of the universe to cater to the desire that human beings are the leader of all creatures. Contrary to the expectation（好）, Copernicus came up with the theory on the base of years’ observations which are pure objective and depend on the reality only. Another example is the Galileo’s conclusion（这两个老家伙的例子 呵呵）, people at that time all believed that a heavier iron ball fell faster that a lighter one（人们不是相信这个 LZ说的太具体了 不是特指铁球 而是指重的东西落下要比轻的东西快 因为大家当时都没有考虑空气阻力 因为羽毛落得比铁球慢而相信重的东西一定落得比轻的东西快）, while（这里用个强转折比较好些吧） galileo（G） noticed that the two different balls touched the ground at the same time,（可以用句号来进行结尾） his observation is without subjective sense, and is just what the fact is（这句话比较纠结 看看这样说是不是好一些 his observation, without subjective, absolutely follows the fact）（这句话我表达的的确很纠结 学习之）. From this point of view, we can easily draw conclusion that the speaker’s contention is ramshackle(G word good!).
Further more(这是一个词furthermore), we are tending（不需要用进行时） to view the fact with subjective feelings in our daily life, while objectivity is needed in some areas. For example, the reporter need（needs） to observe events and make（~） comments objectively in order to transmit the reality to public. In this case, people should avoid viewing things with individual sense and should keep neutral and objective.
总：这两段是对纯粹客观观察的正面论述 第一段除了例子上需要斟酌 其他都还不错 而第二段个人意见是觉得跑了~~因为你文章的目的是说明世界上确实存在纯粹的客观观察 但是第三段确实说人类有些时候需要客观观察 但是从argument的批驳角度上来说 需要纯粹的客观性观察 不见得就可以证明存在着最纯粹的客观性观察 就像鱼需要水 但是证明不出鱼可能拥有水 可能旱季来了 谁也无法控制 但我也没有想出更好的解决方案 所以当时我没有用的你角度来写
In the final analysis, subjective observations make the world colorful and creative, while objective observations help human beings to recognize the nature precisely, they both exist and are equally meaningful to us （这句也是 主语太多了 多用句号）.
总：最后一段也令人扼腕叹息 一定要注意中心与手段对应 而手段不是想表达尾端的意思 切忌尾端不要升华中心 对应之前的观点 换一种表达方式就可以了
我写的的确存在很多问题，而且字数不够，当时没有看同主题的题目分析就写了，我会再认真修改一下发上来的，欢迎再指正！