ARGUMENT127 =August Rush=小组第2次作业 by wisle

wisleUID: 2578616

TOPIC: ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
WORDS: 455
TIME: 00:48:03
DATE: 2009-6-19 上午 12:33:35


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The arguer claims that in order to improve employees' productivity, Climpson Industries should install detective software in their computers, the company think, which will effectively behave their employees. It's seemingly well-reasoned. However the assertion still remains to analyze.

The major suspicion arose from that there is little evidence that companies could increase their profits through implement electronic monitoring software to make their employees effective. Even though this detective software can effectively reduce the time employees spending on irrelevant things of their work, it can really make their employees' work effective. The answer is not affirmation. Except for suffering in Internet or playing the online-games, there are various ways to waste their time, if they want. For example, they can play cards together, chat with each other. If their managers are stick, they also may send massages by cell phones or make a call to their friends. In sum, as long as they intend not to work, they will have a myriad ways to waste their time, even sitting there out of mind for several hours. Even this software could make their employees work hard, day after days, nobody would suffer from the intensive work. The resisting emotion will inevitably rise on, which seriously influences the performance of their work. Additionally, this software can make employees away from their computers (a useful and effective office instrument), which can also lead less effective performance instead of increasing the effectiveness. So it is impossible to increase their profits.

Another question stems from fostering a better work ethic. It is hard to receive the perspective that if the managers don't believe their employees, the company will achieve a better work ethic. Suspicion between managers and employees not only damages their friendly relationship, but also indicates to the employees that their organization culture includes the suspicion, which is negative to achieve the success. There is little dispute that success is burn in a harmony environment, while failure comes from the suspicion. If there exists no reliance between people, a better work ethic and improving profits will always be a utopia.

Additionally, living without being monitored is entitled legally to us. Even when people are at work, their private rights still remain to be protected by law. Once their employees accuse the company of this crime, a significant compensation is at corner rather than a big profit.

Above, without doubts, this assertion is not rational either in term of economics or in term of law. If the company wants to improve their profits, they should set up a friendly relationship between their employees and create a harmony atmosphere in their company, instead of installing this detective software to constrain what their employees tend to do when they are at work time.

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尾羽UID: 2482591

TOPIC: ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
WORDS: 455
TIME: 00:48:03
DATE: 2009-6-19 上午 12:33:35

The arguer claims that in order to improve employees' productivity, Climpson Industries should install detective software in their computers, the company think, which will effectively behave (这里干脆用monitor或者supervise，明确员工是被动受监控比较好吧) their employees. It's seemingly well-reasoned. However (,) the assertion still remains to analyze.

The major suspicion arose from that there is little evidence that companies could increase their profits through implement electronic monitoring software to make their employees effective. Even though this detective software can effectively reduce the time employees spending on irrelevant things of their work, it can really make their employees' work effective(删掉). (Could it really make the employees’ work effective?) The answer is not affirmation. Except for suffering in Internet or playing the online-games, there are various ways to waste their time, if they want. For example, they can play cards together, chat with each other. If their managers are stick (sick? I’m not sure), they also may send massages by cell phones or make a call to their friends. In sum, as long as they intend not to work, they will have a myriad ways (又是“a”又是“s”的，肯定不对了哈~) to waste their time, even sitting there out of mind for several hours（发呆这点，我没想到~哈哈）. Even this software could make their employees work hard, day after days (day after day), nobody would suffer from the intensive work. (原文中并没有出现，公司想让员工高强度工作的意思，只是希望员工不要把工作时间耗费在别的事情上。所以，“没有人能承受过度紧张的工作”这点似乎有些说远了，站不住脚。我觉得会激起员工逆反情绪的原因，应该是公司在他们的电脑里安装监控软件，涉嫌侵犯个人隐私。个人观点，仅供参考) The resisting emotion will inevitably rise on, which seriously influences the performance of their work. Additionally, this software can make employees away from their computers (a useful and effective office instrument) (“软件使得员工远离他们的电脑”？他们有逆反情绪，就会远离电脑吗?不一定吧。。。我觉得这似乎没有什么必然联系。), which can also lead (to) less effective performance instead of increasing the effectiveness. So it is impossible to increase their profits.

Another question stems from fostering a better work ethic. It is hard to receive the perspective (我不确定是否有这样的搭配，保守的话，我愿意用adopt the perspective) that if the managers don't (do not) believe their employees, the company will achieve a better work ethic. Suspicion between managers and employees not only damages their friendly relationship, but also indicates to the employees that their organization culture includes the suspicion,(这个说法好！！！) which is negative to achieve the success. There is little dispute that success is burn (born;如果你是想用burn，那就应该是burnt) in a harmony environment, while failure comes from the suspicion. If there exists no reliance between (among) people, a better work ethic and improving profits will always be a utopia.(这个词好！哈哈,可以每篇出现一次，原文很多都是空想想的)

Additionally, living without being monitored is entitled legally to us. Even when people are at work, their private rights still remain to be protected by law. Once their employees accuse the company of this crime, a significant compensation is at corner (what does it mean?) rather than a big profit.

Above, without doubts, this assertion is not rational either in term of economics or in term of law. If the company wants to improve their profits, they should set up a friendly relationship between their employees and create a harmony atmosphere in their company, instead of installing this detective software to constrain what their employees tend to do when they are at work time.


红色是要修改或有建议的，绿色是好词好句好表达

写作速度仍然是我羡慕的。。。
每段开头第一句话都很言简意赅的说明这一段要攻击的点，这个很好。我要学习！用词也有新意。
有那么一两个地方，提了些建议，欢迎讨论哈~

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

The arguer claims that in order to improve employees' productivity, Climpson Industries should install detective(monitoring还是这个比较好) software in their computers, the company think, which will effectively behave their employees. It's seemingly well-reasoned. However the assertion still remains to analyze.

The major suspicion arose from that（发现你有固定的写作思路了啊 很好！） there is little evidence that companies could increase their profits through implement electronic monitoring software to make their employees effective. Even though this detective software can effectively reduce the time employees spending on irrelevant things of their work, it can really make their employees' work effective. The answer is not affirmation（这个句子能解释一下意思吗）. Except for suffering（surfing） in Internet or playing the online-games, there are various ways to waste their time, if they want. For example, they can play cards together, chat with each other. If their managers are stick(不懂), they also may send massages by cell phones or make a call to their friends. In sum, as long as they intend not to work, they will have a myriad ways to waste their time, even sitting there out of mind for several hours. Even this software could make their employees work hard, day after days(去掉s), nobody would suffer from the intensive work. The resisting emotion will inevitably rise on, which seriously influences the performance of their work.(这一段我建议放到下一段写) Additionally, this software can make employees away from their computers (a useful and effective office instrument)（这也太牵强了吧）, which can also lead less effective performance instead of increasing the effectiveness. So it is impossible to increase their profits.

Another question stems from fostering a better work ethic. It is hard to receive the perspective that if the managers don't believe their employees, the company will achieve a better work ethic. Suspicion between managers and employees not only damages their friendly relationship, but also indicates to the employees that their organization culture includes the suspicion(这段话的主语如果是suspicion就有问题鸟), which is negative to achieve the success. There is little dispute that success is burn in a harmony environment, while failure comes from the suspicion. If there exists no reliance between people, a better work ethic and improving profits will always be a utopia.

Additionally, living without being monitored is entitled legally to us. Even when people are at work, their private rights still remain to be protected by law. Once their employees accuse the company of this crime, a significant compensation is at corner rather than a big profit.（这个论据可以这么写吗 监控违法？我怎么觉得你是在质疑做法而不是假设）

Above, without doubts, this assertion is not rational either in term of economics or in term of law. If the company wants to improve their profits, they should set up a friendly relationship between their employees and create a harmony atmosphere in their company, instead of installing this detective software to constrain what their employees tend to do when they are at work time.