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[a习作temp] Argument101 =so what=小组第五次作业 by xwlove [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-6-26 01:26:38 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Argument101 =so what=小组第五次作业 by xwlove
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沙发
发表于 2009-6-26 01:28:12 |只看该作者
题目:ARGUMENT101 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that makes breakfast cereals.

"In a recent study, subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products. By fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, we can increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. This new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and, at the same time, improve the health of our customers."

提纲:
1. 质疑study
2. 偷换概念
3. 利润问题
4. 健康?

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发表于 2009-6-26 01:30:59 |只看该作者
The president of the company asserts that Wheat-O with soy protein will improve customers' health and they can increase company profits by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. To substantiate his assertion, the president resorts to a recent study suggesting that soybeans are effective in lowering cholesterol levels. However, the argument proves to be specious upon thorough reflection.

First of all, the major suspicion stems from the study whether soybeans are conducive to reduce of cholesterol levels. If so, to rule out mixed effects, the following assumptions must be satisfied for subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week and subjects who ate no soy products: on one hand, they share the same diet except soybeans; on the other hand, they share the same cholesterol levels if both groups didn’t eat soybeans. However, no background information is offered. What is more, the assumptions are simply too strict to be meet in reality.

In addition, even if the study verifies the effectiveness of soybeans,to claim that Wheat-O cereal reduce cholesterol levels begs the question of whether soy protein can help to lower cholesterol levels, considering that soy protein is merely one component of soybeans and we can not obtain any knowledge about which component in soybeans works according to the study.

What is more, it is somewhat arbitrary to suppose that the company can increase sales and profits and also improve the health of our customers. First, those who are concerned about their health will not necessarily pay attention to cholesterol levels, let alone they will buy Wheat-O cereal. Second, whether Wheat-O cereal improves the health of our customers or not is unwarranted since no evidence is presented that it has no side effects at all.  

To conclude, the president gives a seemingly reasonable suggestion on increasing company profits by fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein. Nevertheless, his deduction is exposed to suspicions. Were there more background of the study demonstrating that soy protein can help to lower cholesterol levels, his advice would be more persuasive.

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GRE斩浪之魂 GRE梦想之帆

地板
发表于 2009-6-26 22:47:05 |只看该作者
The president of the company asserts that Wheat-O with soy protein will improve customers' health and they can increase company profits by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. To substantiate his assertion, the president resorts to a recent study suggesting that soybeans are effective in lowering cholesterol levels. However, the argument proves to be specious upon thorough reflection.
总结论点,分析文章 说明文章有问题

First of all, the major suspicion stems from the study whether soybeans are conducive to reduce
可作名词? of cholesterol levels. If so指代什么, to rule out mixed effects, the following assumptions must be satisfied for subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week and subjects who ate no soy products没看懂: on the one hand, they share the same diet except soybeans; on the other hand, they share the same cholesterol levels if both groups didn’t eat soybeans. However, no background information is offered. What is more, the assumptions are simply too strict to be meet in reality.
这一段脱离了模板 论证深刻 有见解性 但是逻辑不是很连贯。

In addition, even if the study verifies the effectiveness of soybeans
to claim that Wheat-O cereal reduce cholesterol levels begs the question of whether soy protein can help to lower cholesterol levels有语法错误  句子不完整, considering that soy protein is merely one component of soybeans and we can not obtain any knowledge about which component in soybeans works according to the study.
这一段论证不完整,而且没扣你提纲

What is more, it is somewhat arbitrary to suppose that the company can increase sales and profits and also improve the health of our customers. First, those who are concerned about their health will not necessarily pay attention to cholesterol levels, let alone they will buy Wheat-O cereal. Second, whether Wheat-O cereal improves the health of our customers or not is unwarranted since no evidence is presented that it has no side effects at all.  

简练的他因法
指出
结论的错误

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发表于 2009-6-26 23:42:00 |只看该作者
有人改了 我就不捣乱了

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发表于 2009-6-27 22:25:38 |只看该作者



The president of the company asserts that Wheat-O with soy protein will improve customers' health and they can increase company profits by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. To substantiate his assertion, the president resorts to a recent study suggesting that soybeans are effective in lowering cholesterol levels. However, the argument proves to be specious upon thorough reflection.

First of all, the major suspicion stems from the study whether soybeans are conducive to reduce of cholesterol levels. If so, to rule out mixed effects, the following assumptions must be satisfied for subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week and subjects who ate no soy products: on one hand, they share the same diet except soybeans; on the other hand, they share the same cholesterol levels if both groups didn’t eat soybeans. However, no background information is offered. What is more, the assumptions are simply too strict to be meet in reality(what is more可以再展开,就一句话显得论证不足).(攻击调查,论证很新颖,赞!)

In addition, even if the study verifies the effectiveness of soybeans,to claim that Wheat-O cereal reduce cholesterol levels begs the question of whether soy protein can help to lower cholesterol levels, considering that soy protein is merely one component of soybeans and we can not obtain any knowledge about which component in soybeans works according to the study.(哇!一句话一段!是不太少了。。。)让步式攻击,用得不错!

What is more, it is somewhat arbitrary(赞一个!) to suppose that the company can increase sales and profits and also improve the health of our customers. First, those who are concerned about their health will not necessarily pay attention to cholesterol levels, let alone they will buy Wheat-O cereal. Second, whether Wheat-O cereal improves the health of our customers or not is unwarranted since no evidence is presented that it has no side effects at all.  (可以论述的再充实些。)

To conclude, the president gives a seemingly reasonable suggestion on increasing company profits by fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein. Nevertheless, his deduction is exposed to suspicions. Were there more background of the study demonstrating that soy protein can help to lower cholesterol levels, his advice would be more persuasive.

攻击点全面,语音不错,各个攻击点可以再充实些!主体段和开头结尾占得比例都差不多,感觉没有主次似的。。。

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xwlove + 1 O(∩_∩)O谢谢,真的很受用

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RE: Argument101 =so what=小组第五次作业 by xwlove [修改]

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Argument101 =so what=小组第五次作业 by xwlove
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