[YB2]7月5日作业 by 2519545

lossingzoneUID: 2519545

够垃圾的作文咯
奢侈和便利的生活可以使人颓废和依赖，但是如果用之得当也可以使人拥有强有力的武器
1. 奢侈和便利的生活的坏处
不思进取，贪图物质享受，迷失自我，对物质对别人对社会形成依赖
2. 对现代生活驾驭得好的话，则能为我们带来无穷好处
例如计算机，我们可以用它方便交流，促进效率。。。。问题：这如何和独立联系起来呢？
3. 所以要辩证得看问题，关键是我们如何对待这种生活，单纯认为这种生活方式好与不好都容易导致片面。
As a coin have two sides, luxuries and conveniences of modern life have their advantages and disadvantages. They can make us stronger and more independent, while in the contrary, they can make us weaker and dependent. It is not luxury and convenience that hinder or promote the development of us, but the way how we treat them eventually influence us.

Luxuries and conveniences, as a matter of fact, is the result of development of our society. As the development of science and technology, we create more and more useful things, which make our life more colorful and convenient. The luxuries and conveniences life today, as a matter of fact, is a reflection of our glorious achievement. Since they are created, why not consume them? Since there are more convenient means, why should we use the troublesome approach? If we can afford to buy a car, why we ride a bicycle? It cost us so much time and energy.

Nevertheless, the luxury and convenience do bring us some trouble. While material demand is the center issue of us, we loss our ideal and immerse in the pursuit of substance. How terrible it is if the whole nation is like this! They have no motivation to innovate at all. There are many examples illustrate this. The Rome Empire, which is known to all of us, was essentially destructed by luxury life of the dominators, not the invasion of other nations, according to most of the historians. Many rich families are bankrupt just because they lead a luxurious life. Similarly, convenience, would also take negative effect on us. Under many situations, the convenient tools today make us dependent on them. For example, computer, a very common product in modern society, makes us too lazy to calculate, to think carefully, etc, for we can get the answer by just clicking the mouse. How can we enhance our ability to deal with problems and develop minds that consider issues independently? Car, a convenient transportation tool for us, keeps us from walking or riding, since it's so convenient and effective. As a result, our physical condition is worse than before, according to the research of scientists. All these are part of negative consequences of luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life.

However, there are also examples to show that these conveniences do make us independent. Modern ships make us enable to travel across the sea easily and quickly. This fact can be interpreted as that human are more independent with the continent. And spaceships, make the space travel into a reality, actually show that the convenience that modern science brings in make us more independent with the earth. Therefore, it's not completely right to say that the conveniences of modern life make us dependent.

Therefore, the crucial point is how we treat the materials we create and the convenience that science brings in. The way how we treat them determines the effect they act on us. If we just take them as things that make us leading a more comfortable life, and think that they are existed to let us enjoy the colorful world, then it's true that the luxury and convenience bring no good to us, but make us dispirited. If we make use of the luxury the convenience, it can bring us make benefits and make us stronger and independent.


TOPIC: ARGUMENT169 - The following appeared in a letter from a department chairperson to the president of Pierce University.

"Some studies conducted by Bronston College, which is also located in a small town, reveal that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. Therefore, in the interest of attracting the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improving the morale of our entire staff, we at Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member we hire. Although we cannot expect all offers to be accepted or to be viewed as an ideal job offer, the money invested in this effort will clearly be well spent because, if their spouses have a chance of employment, new professors will be more likely to accept our offers."
WORDS: 495
TIME: 00:48:59
DATE: 2009-7-5 14:28:30

The arguer advised the Pierce University to offer jobs to the spouse of the new teachers they hire, so that they can attract more gifted teachers and researchers. In order to support it, the arguer cited the studies carried out by Bronston College which indicated that their professors are happier living in small towns with their respective spouse. It sounds reasonable. However, some flaws can be found by careful analysis.

First, the studies conducted by Bronston College are not necessarily suite the case of Pierce University. Maybe the professors of Bronston College like to live in those small towns just because these towns are convenient and the environment is very good. However, it is possible that it’s not convenient to live in towns near Pierce University and the environment there is not suitable for people to live. Unless the conditions of towns near the two universities are similar, the arguer can’t conclude that the professors would also happy to live in the towns near Pierce University with his/her spouse.

Second, even the professors of Pierce University are glad to live in the nearby small towns with their spouses; there is no evidence to show that they are satisfied with the small town at the beginning when they move into it. Perhaps they hate the small town at first, since things are so different with where they lived before and they have few friends there. As time flies, they come to love the town since they found the nice aspect of it. The studies of Bronston College just showed their professors current preference of the small towns, but told nothing about whether they liked the town when they arrived there the first time. Without giving such information, we cannot make sure whether professors in other universities will be attracted by the towns near pierce University.

Thirdly, even the potential teachers would be happy to live in the small towns near Pierce University; however, there is a fatal flaw left. Would the spouses of these professors accept the jobs offered by Pierce University? The most possibility is that the spouses of these professors have their jobs and they don't want to give up it. Since it is not easy to start a new job in a new environment, they would not accept the job unless the job the Pierce University offers is good enough. However, can they offer enough good jobs? Therefore, the arguer should make clear that whether the spouses of these potential professors would like to give up their jobs and accept the job the university offers.

In sum, the letter is logically flawed and hence the advice is not convincing. To rectify it, the arguer should take deep studies to make sure at least two things. First, whether the potential professors would be glad to live in the small town near Pierce University? Second, whether the job that Pierce University offers attractive enough to attract the spouses of these professors to give up their jobs?

gaochenwei1UID: 2635763

As a coin have two sides, luxuries and conveniences of modern life have their advantages and disadvantages. They can make us stronger and more independent, while in (on) the contrary, they can make us weaker and dependent. It is not luxury and convenience that hinder or promote the development of us, but the way how we treat them eventually influence us.
Luxuries and conveniences, as a matter of fact, is the result of development of our society. As the development of science and technology, we create more and more useful things, which make our life more colorful and convenient. The luxuries and conveniences life today, as a matter of fact, is a reflection of our glorious achievement. Since they are created, why not consume them? Since there are more convenient means, why should we use the troublesome approach? If we can afford to buy a car, why we ride a bicycle? It cost us so much time and energy. （这段话大可不必，对于论述现代生活对我们生活带来的影响没有起到什么作用。我们都承认科技带来的便利是社会发展的结果，关键是要论述它给我们带来的生活上的好处，题目并没有说我们的生活不应该赋予这些便利，所以这一段有跑题的嫌疑，削减了文章的论证力度）
Nevertheless, the luxury and convenience do bring us some troubles. While material demand is the center issue of us, we loss（lose）our ideal and immerse in the pursuit of substance. How terrible it is if the whole nation is like this! They have no motivation to innovate at all (Some people so indulged into the comfort due to the modern luxuries and conveniences that they lose their ideal and immerse in the pursuit). There are many examples illustrate this. (There are many examples that can illustrate this point of view.) The Rome Empire, which is known to all of us, was essentially destructed by luxury life of the dominators, not the invasion of other nations, according to most of the historians. Many rich families are bankrupt just because they lead a luxurious life. Similarly, convenience, would also take negative effect on us. Under many situations, the convenient tools today make (force) us (to be) dependent on them. For example, computer, a very common product in modern society, makes us too lazy to calculate, to think carefully, etc, for we can get the answer by just clicking the mouse. How can we enhance our ability to deal with problems and develop minds that consider issues independently? Car, a convenient transportation tool for us, keeps us from walking or riding, since it's so convenient and effective. As a result, our physical condition is worse than before, according to the research of scientists. All these are part of negative consequences of luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life.

However, there are also examples to show that these conveniences do make us independent. Modern ships make us enable to travel across the sea easily and quickly. This fact can be interpreted as that human are more independent with the continent. And spaceships, make the space travel into a reality, actually show that the convenience that modern science brings in make us more independent with the earth. Therefore, it's not completely right to say that the conveniences of modern life make us dependent. (感觉这段话和题目的观点没有太大的联系，题目所说的是个人对于科技进步的依赖导致精神的不独立和孱弱，你的这种说法并没有起到削弱作者观点的作用)

Therefore, the crucial point is how we treat the materials we create and the convenience that science brings in. The way how we treat them determines the effect they act on us. If we just take them as things that make us leading a more comfortable life, and think that they are existed to let us enjoy the colorful world, then it's true that the luxury and convenience bring no good to us, but make us dispirited. If we make use of the luxury the convenience, it can bring us make benefits and make us stronger and independent.（结尾段再好好推敲一下, 最好重写。）

总结：1，文章在立意和思路方面最好再好好揣摩一下，增强文章的说服力。正文第三段论证还不错，其他两部分最好重新思考和写作

2，不要再用四六级的语言水平要求自己，增强文章的文采，学会运用更高级的词汇，和复杂的句式，比如文章出现大量的make, the ,有些地方不是那么妥当和必要~

gaochenwei1UID: 2635763

TOPIC: ARGUMENT169 - The following appeared in a letter from a department chairperson to the president of Pierce University.

"Some studies conducted by Bronston College, which is also located in a small town, reveal that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. Therefore, in the interest of attracting the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improving the morale of our entire staff, we at Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member we hire. Although we cannot expect all offers to be accepted or to be viewed as an ideal job offer, the money invested in this effort will clearly be well spent because, if their spouses have a chance of employment, new professors will be more likely to accept our offers."
WORDS: 495
TIME: 00:48:59
DATE: 2009-7-5 14:28:30

The arguer unfairly advised the Pierce University to offer jobs to the spouse of the new teachers they hire, so that they can attract more gifted teachers and researchers. In order to support it, the arguer cites the studies carried out by Bronston College which indicated that their professors are happier living in small towns with their respective spouse. It sounds apparently reasonable. However, some flaws can be found by careful analysis.注意时态

First, the studies conducted by Bronston College are not necessarily suite the case of Pierce University. Maybe the professors of Bronston College like to live in those small towns just because these towns are convenient and the environment is very good（可以尝试更高级的词汇：gorgeous，fabulous）. However, it is possible that it’s not convenient to live in towns near Pierce University and the environment there is not suitable for people to live. Unless the conditions of towns near the two universities are similar, the arguer can’t conclude that the professors would also happy to live in the towns near Pierce University with his/her spouse.

Second, even the professors of Pierce University are glad to live in the nearby small towns with their spouses; there is no evidence to show that they are satisfied with the small town at the beginning when they move into it. Perhaps they hate the small town at first, since things are so different with where they lived before and they have few friends there. As time flies, they come to love the town since they found the nice aspect of it. The studies of Bronston College just showed their professors current preference of the small towns, but told nothing about whether they liked the town when they arrived there the first time. Without giving such information, we cannot make sure whether professors in other universities will be attracted by the towns near pierce University.（这个错误也太小了吧，有舍本逐末的嫌疑）

Thirdly, even the potential teachers would be happy to live in the small towns near Pierce University; however, there is a fatal flaw left. Would the spouses of these professors accept the jobs offered by Pierce University? The most possibility is that the spouses of these professors have their jobs and they don't want to give up it. Since it is not easy to start a new job in a new environment, they would not accept the job unless the job the Pierce University offers is good enough. However, can they offer enough good jobs? Therefore, the arguer should make clear that whether the spouses of these potential professors would like to give up their jobs and accept the job the university offers.--其他的情况如薪金，学术环境……也可以论述，增强论证的深度

In sum, the letter is logically flawed and hence the advice is not convincing. To rectify it, the arguer should take deep studies to make sure at least two things. First, whether the potential professors would be glad to live in the small town near Pierce University? Second, whether the job that Pierce University offers attractive enough to attract the spouses of these professors to give up their jobs?

总结：1，还是语言的问题
           2.攻击错误的取舍：如调查类的错误和无因果的错误 更加严重的错误