[YB1]七月9日作业 by 644

liusisi644644UID: 2573256

8. "It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to
withhold information from the public."
对于政治领导者来说，向人民大众隐瞒信息通常是必要的，甚至有益的。

The speaker claims that it is necessary or desirable for political leaders to
withhold information from the public. I disagree partly because the speaker ignores several practical factors

First of all, with the telecommunication technologic developing, the people of the nation, indeed, should be informed more truly information efficiently from the politicians. Our government is made by people, gathered wealthy from people, so, it is for grand that government carry out any politics should be transparent for people, and the public have their rights to supervise the government to exert its authority. As everyone knows, the public only uphold the leader who trusts them and makes a tight band between them. Just like Abraham Lincoln, the 16th present of United States, who lead the unit during the Civil War, destroyed the laws of slavery in south of America and liberated the black slaves. Thanks to his transparent policies, the black slaves devoted themselves to help Lincoln unit the south and north, because them regard him as a hero who claims that every people have equal rights and gives them a promise of forever freedom in their mind. In shortly, it is necessary that leaders shouldn’t withhold information from the public.


Further, when the politicians hide information from the public, the corruption in the government would be easily increased. The Nixon’s Watergate Affair is the case in point, which is the one of embarrassed scandals in realm of politic. Without surfacing of the scandal, the public could not pay such attention to the political problems from speakers and reformers. As for benefits of authorities, some political leaders try to make use of convince of authority to obtain more illegal wealth for them in a large scale by camouflaging the public. A classic instant is the Laichangxin incident in Xiamen, so called “Red building” in China, which related lots of functionaries in high place who involve corruption issues. They not only stolen numerous money from people, but also destroyed the rights and interests of the public and violate the just of laws. In other words, it will lead diverse attitudes on the problem of political corruption, which would result to distinct variation in society.

In the other contrary, requiring political leaders public their actions apparently doesn’t means overlooking the security of the public, even country. Obviously, the secret of martial plan couldn’t be public to the outside. Take the national defense for example, if antagonistic caught the key information about our country, it is not deny that we would lose the power to protect our land and people, even decreased the position on the stage of world. In a whole, only when the social safety is secured, are we able to concern about the transparence of the political measures.

According to my knowledge, the political leaders should not intended to withhold information from the public, but for some realms, which like security of people and nation, the political leaders have responsibility to keep the information from the public so that it won’t let out to antagonistic.





A没写完～抱歉～

zhongliangokUID: 2659901

1# liusisi644644
修改！
8. "It is often necessary, evendesirable, for political leaders to
withhold information from the public."
对于政治领导者来说，向人民大众隐瞒信息通常是必要的，甚至有益的。

The speaker claims that it is necessary ordesirable for political leaders to
withhold information from the public. (In my view, 加上更舒服)I disagree (withit) partly because the speaker ignores several practical factors.

First of all, with the telecommunicationtechnologic developing, the people of the nation, indeed, should be informedmore truly (true or accurate) informationefficiently from (by) the politicians. Our government is made by people, gathered wealthy frompeople, so, it is for grand that government carry out any politics should betransparent for people（很不舒服，得改写一下）, and the public have their rights tosupervise the government to exert its authority. As everyone knows, the publiconly uphold the leader who trusts them and makes a tight band between them.Just like Abraham Lincoln, the 16th present of United States, who lead (s) the unit during the Civil War, destroyed the lawsof slavery in south of America and liberated the black slaves. Thanks to histransparent policies, the black slaves devoted themselves to help Lincoln unitthe south and north, because them (they) regard him as a hero who claims thatevery people have equal rights and gives them a promise of forever freedom intheir mind (s). In shortly,it is necessary that leaders shouldn’t withhold information from the public. (我感觉要加一点分析取得胜利与not withdraw the information 的直接关系)


Further, when the politicians hideinformation from the public, the corruption in thegovernment would be easily increased. The Nixon’s Watergate Affair is the casein point, which is the one of embarrassed （embarrassing）scandals in realm of politic. Without surfacing （exposure）of the scandal, the public couldnot pay such attention to the political problems from speakers and reformers.As for benefits of authorities, some political leaders try to make use ofconvince of authority to obtain more illegal wealth for them in a large scaleby camouflaging the public. A classic instant is the Laichangxin incident in Xiamen, so called “Red building” in China, which related lots offunctionaries in high place who involve corruption issues. They not only stolen(stole) numerous money from people, but alsodestroyed the rights and interests of the public and violate (d) the just of laws. In other words, it will leaddiverse attitudes on the problem of political corruption, which would result to(or in?) distinct variation in society.

In the othercontrary, requiring political leaders public their actions apparently doesn’tmeans overlooking the security of the public, even (the)country. Obviously, the secret of martial plan couldn’t be public to theoutside. Take the national defense for example, if antagonistic caught the keyinformation about our country, it is not deny (deniable)that we would lose the power to protect our land and people, even decreased the position on the stage of world (the position on the stage of world would decrease). Ina whole, only when the social safety is secured (ensured),are we able to concern about the transparence of the political measures.

According to my knowledge, the politicalleaders should not intended to withholdinformation from the public, but for some realms, which like security of peopleand nation, the political leaders have (the) responsibilityto keep the information from the public so that it won’t let out toantagonistic (adj, XX).

分析看来，举的例子很丰富，词汇也很有水准，就是语法错误有点多了。
文章的结构很简单。据我所知，GRE写作重视critical and logical thinking, 只要你能前后一致体现出你思维的魅力，即便词汇很贫乏，也可以拿到不错的分数。你的文章开头不要单一的反对（竟然在后面又不是反对了。个人观点！
另外举的例子还是要加以分析以支持每段的观点的！不要把例子放上去就不管了。

liusisi644644UID: 2573256

谢谢指教～～～感激不尽 ～我的逻辑思维貌似是有点牵强～我改进～ 2# zhongliangok