Argument127【Triple Week】第2次练习by newletter2002

newletter2002UID: 2653136

The argument is well-presented,but not thoroughly well-reasoned.The vice president's recommendation to improve the employees' productivity by monitoring of employees' Internet use from their PC is not effective. What they need is a potent way.

In the first place, the author did not show that the electronic monitoring can play an important role in this case. If employees were watched by the watchdog, they may probably feel uncomfortable . And this will make them tired and less productive in their jobs. Poor and inadequate working atmosphere
can affect many aspects of their quality of life: athletic performance, work productivity, immune response and well-being.

Similarly, to punish the staff who use the Internet from their workstation is not reasonable. When they are surfing on the Internet, it does not mean that they are doing their private thing or reducing the number of work hours. The Internet has a lot of free resources for any kind of people and we can make use of all kinds resources in the Internet.

Morever, the letter fails to substantiate the threshold assumption that the use of monitor can prevent employees from wasting time. This kind of software can just monitor the employees' Internet use instead of all what they do with their computer. The staff can play console game, watch TV series, listen to music or just chat with others which will not be found by the monitor.

In sum,without additional information the author can not get the conclusion that the use of monitor will improve employees' productivity. How to raise the efficiency in work? It will be helpful to know the following:(1) place plants near the computer to lower workplace stress (2)apply new scientific findings to industrial production (3)improve the operation procedure and standard management level(4)ensure of a good working environment(5)hire a group of high quality technicians

泡面UID: 2513568

The argument is well-presented,but not thoroughly well-reasoned.(一上来就这句未免有点太唐突了）The vice president's recommendation to improve the employees' productivity by monitoring of employees' Internet use from their PC is not effective. What they need is a potent way.（概括的不够全面，还有其他两个间接结论应该也带进去的）

In the first place, the author did not show that the electronic monitoring can play an important role in this case. If employees were watched by the watchdog, they may probably feel uncomfortable . And this will make them tired and less productive in their jobs. Poor and inadequate working atmosphere
can affect many aspects of their quality of life: athletic performance, work productivity, immune response and well-being.

Similarly, to punish the staff who use the Internet from their workstation is not reasonable. When they are surfing on the Internet, it does not mean that they are doing their private thing or reducing the number of work hours. The Internet has a lot of free resources for any kind of people and we can make use of all kinds resources in（on) the Internet. (我觉得这点分析得不太对，文章是说监督他们的recreational activities，并没有说其他项目，就是说专门对于recreational的设计）

Morever, the letter fails to substantiate the threshold assumption that the use of monitor can prevent employees from wasting time. This kind of software can just monitor the employees' Internet use instead of all what they do with their computer. The staff can play console game,（会被监督） watch TV series, listen to music or just chat with others which will not be found by the monitor.（如果要写上面一段就与上一段有重复）

In sum,without additional information the author can not get the conclusion that the use of monitor will improve employees' productivity. How to raise the efficiency in work? It will be helpful to know the following:(1) place plants near the computer to lower workplace stress (2)apply new scientific findings to industrial production (3)improve the operation procedure and standard management level(4)ensure of a good working environment(5)hire a group of high quality technicians（是写完了还是没有？）

有说的不对的，请见谅：
总体来说，楼主没有把握住整体的逻辑错误，只是抓了一小点。
就是说这个detect对于work ethic的影响到底有多大？还有work ethic就等于productivity 和high profits吗？

楼主仔细审题！
结尾分层次这点很好，但是觉得似乎没有写完的感觉

newletter2002UID: 2653136

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