Argument127【Triple Week】第2次练习by 泡面

泡面UID: 2513568

the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."

In the text, the arguer claims that in order to prohibiting employees from palying games and shopping on line in work hours, the company calls for equipment of eletronic monitoring. And this implementation would lead to a better work ethic of employees and thus enhance the overall profits of the company. It seems plausible at the first glance. However, this statement cannot stand further examination.


First of all, the arguer states that supervision of Internet uses can effectively guarantee the enough working hours. However, these evidence lends little credible support to his statement. Common sense informs me that ruling out the possibilty of relaxation by shopping and playing games on line, the employees may turn to other alternatives like listening to music, playing cell phone or reading magazines, etc., too many choices to be considered if a worker prefer to waste time and don’t want to work seriously, in fact many of these activities cannot be detected by the eletronic monitor. The electronic monitoring seems fall to be futile in the preocess of supervise employee’s overall activity.

And also, the regulation of preventing employees from wasting time in work time cannot represent a signal of a better work ethic. Actually a better work ethic should includes manifold aspects of the employees’ characters, such as the loyalty to the company, the occasionally self-sacrifice in front of the overall well-being of the company and so on. Maybe these aspects possess a larger portion of the work ethic compared with the aspects of avoiding playing games in work time.


Last but not the least, high level of work ethic does not denote that the individual productivity can be rised and further demonstrate the overall profits can be enlarged. First of all, the productivity of an employee is not only determined by the time one uses, but also detrmined by the ability one’s interests of the employee. On the other hand, as the profits of the overall company relies not only on the productivity of the staff, other aspects gathered to make great contribution to the profits of the whole company, such as the regulation of the company, the maket condition of that time and so on.

In conclusion, this argument appears to be a weak one after its flaws are exposed. To persuade the readers, the arguer should make sure that the employees will not do other recreational activities but work. And he also fail to think seriouly the comprehensive bearing of work ethic and every possible factor to promote the overall profits of the company. Only considering all above can the arguer make a relative conclusion.
这篇我本来想写这样一段：就是说监管并不一定是件好事情，员工需要休息，需要放松；严格的监管并不一定会使工作效率提上去，反而可能导致工作效率的下降。后来一想怎么感觉写得像issue了……你觉得要不要写呢？

danielgaoUID: 2604134

In the text, thearguer claims that in order to prohibiting employees from palying gamesand shopping on line in work hours, the company calls for equipment ofeletronic monitoring. And this implementation would lead to a betterwork ethic of employees and thus enhance the overall profits of thecompany. It seems plausible at the first glance. However, thisstatement cannot stand further examination.


First of all, thearguer states that supervision of Internet uses can effectivelyguarantee the enough working hours. However, these evidence lendslittle credible support to his statement. Common sense informs me thatruling out the possibilty of relaxation by shopping and playing gameson line,(这句的表达方法中用rule out the possibility of XXX 来表示禁止掉XXX感觉有点奇怪。。可能是我见识比较少) the employees may turn to other alternatives like listening tomusic, playing cell phone or reading magazines, etc., too many choicesto be considered(用can be choosen会不会好点？) if a worker prefer to waste time and don’t want towork seriously, in fact many of these activities cannot be detected bythe eletronic monitor. The electronic monitoring seems fall to befutile in the preocess of supervise employee’s overall activity.

And also, theregulation of preventing employees from wasting time in work timecannot represent a signal of a better work ethic. Actually a betterwork ethic should includes manifold aspects of the employees’characters, such as the loyalty to the company, the occasionallyself-sacrifice in front of the overall well-being of the company and soon. Maybe these aspects possess a larger portion of the work ethiccompared with the aspects of avoiding playing games in work time.


Last but not theleast, high level of work ethic does not denote that the individualproductivity can be rised and further demonstrate the overall profitscan be enlarged. First of all, the productivity of an employee is notonly determined by the time one uses, but also detrmined by the abilityone’s interests of the employee. On the other hand, as the profits ofthe overall company relies not only on the productivity of the staff,（前面用了not only后面没接but also感觉很奇怪……似乎不太通顺）other aspects gathered to make great contribution to the profits of thewhole company, such as the regulation of the company, the maketcondition of that time and so on.

In conclusion, thisargument appears to be a weak one after its flaws are exposed. Topersuade the readers, the arguer should make sure that the employeeswill not do other recreational activities but work. And he also fail tothink seriouly the comprehensive bearing of work ethic and everypossible factor to promote the overall profits of the company. Onlyconsidering all above can the arguer make a relative conclusion.

总体来讲这篇argument行文流畅，逻辑清晰，例子也具有说服力。。值得学习