Argument127【Triple Week】第2次练习by danielgao

danielgaoUID: 2604134

The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries claims that the company should take action to implement electronic monitoring of employee’s Internet use from their workstations as well as employees who spent their work hours on Internet to deal with personal or recreational activities should be identified and punished. To support his recommendation, the author points out that by installing such software, the company can improve employees' work efficiency and overall profits.

The first and foremost problem of this argument is the author overlook the necessity that some employees might need to access to Internet in their work. Nowadays, Internet is one of the most effective tools to search information in the era of information explosion. It is entirely possible that employees just use Internet solve their job related issue and find information about how to improve their work efficiency, which should be encouraged instead of being punished.

In addition, even we implement electronic monitoring to limit employees' access to the Internet, they could still spent much time on personal or recreational activities through other ways. For instance, instead of shopping on the net, employees can buy the wares through telephone, which are a hard way to be monitor.  What's more,  they can replace play Internet games with  board game. Thus the author's proposal is useless until he solve all the problems above.

The third problem with this argument is the author failed to consider the negative effect of this proposal. The arguer provides no evidence to prove that employees' work efficiency was actually affected by their Internet use from workstation.  If the employees can finish their work on time, then their Internet use should be considered as acceptable, considering the author's proposal might hit staffs' morale, which would lead to the decreased in employees' efficiency eventually. Besides, the performance affects on the computer and cost of installing software also need to be take into account.

In conclusion, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must provide more evidence to prove the feasibility of his proposal. To better evaluate this argument, I also need to know more information about this suggestion's cost.

423165179UID: 2649312

Argument127【Triple Week】第2次练习

The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries claims that the company should take action to implement electronic monitoring of employee’s Internet use from their workstations as well as（后面跟一个句子，是否and 更好） employees who spent their work（ing） hours on Internet to deal with personal or recreational activities should be identified and punished. To support his recommendation, the author points out that by installing such software, the company can improve employees' work efficiency and overall profits.(第一段要是概括更短就好)
The first and foremost problem of this argument is the author overlook the necessity that some employees might need to access to Internet in their work（这句话表达貌似有点小别扭）. Nowadays, Internet is one of the most effective tools to search information in the era of information explosion. It is entirely possible that employees just use Internet solve their job related issue and find information about how to improve their work efficiency, which should be encouraged instead of being punished.（这句话我喜欢）

In addition, even we implement electronic monitoring to limit employees' access（你确定可以用这个词？） to the Internet, they could still spent（spend） much time on personal or recreational activities through other ways. For instance, instead of shopping on the net, employees can buy the wares through telephone, which are a hard way to be monitor(ed).  What's more,  they can replace play Internet games with  board game. Thus the author's proposal is useless until he solve all the problems above.(这点我没想到)
The third problem with this argument is the author failed to consider the negative effect of this proposal（似乎不恰当，更多指大的计划，策划）. The arguer provides no evidence to prove that employees' work efficiency was actually affected by their Internet use from workstation.  If the employees can finish their work on time, then their Internet use should be considered as acceptable, considering the author's proposal might hit staffs' morale, which would lead to the decreased in employees' efficiency eventually. Besides, the performance affects on the computer and cost of installing software also need to be take into account.

In conclusion, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must provide more evidence to prove the feasibility of his proposal. To better evaluate this argument, I also need to know more information about this suggestion's cost.（最好也用the arguer作主语）

文章整体结构思路清晰，但要注意语言的表达要更清晰，更地道，有是读起来稍感生硬
不过毕竟我们不是美国人嘛`•`