Issue7【Triple Week】第2次练习by david36355

david36355UID: 2603992

睡了N久。看来今儿是难以完成了= =
还是好困！
500字儿，到后半部分脑袋就不灵光咯。SABER组长务必留情……
另：段数过多么…………？

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."





The speaker asserts that the video camera plays a more important role than written records in the logic that "it is accurate and convincing so i. In my view, however, the claim violates my intuition, as the speaker failes to convince me on the notion that video has its disadvantages which inferior than written records.

Admittedly, the invention of video tape innovates a revolution in the realm of media. The notion that the history cannot be recorded to the most tiny detail was put to the general controversy. Competing with the modern video-recording technology, as the free video updating websites and the world web become a household access of documentation, the traditional writing is involved in the most serious doldrum ever. This can be aptly illustrated by a myriad of phenomena such as the blossom of multi-media silicon gablets, the spike of visual economy and such. Nevertheless, an allegation that written record will give precedence to videotapes is specious and to be questioned.

The author would lay his emphasis on the accuracy the videotape carries which leading the video recording to be a convincing media. But take a closer scrutiny at the accuracy and flaws will be obviously revealed. Even if videotapes are the most accurate media ever, had we pay attention to, for instance, a tiring marathon race, in the video there would be crowds with sweat struggling hundreds of miles for a day, while a passage of a column or even less can perfectly convey the message. In short, the critical disadvantage of video media is that they`re fixed to the time axis and lack of flexibility.

By contrast, without mentioning the long history, the convenience and the deeply-rooted tradition, written media still embraces a firm position which could withstand every rigorous challenge. This could be explained in several following aspects.

Primarily, written record can serve to elevate the mere dull details to a height of description blended with subjective comments and psycological descriptions. Some may argue that the subjective comment may ruin the objectivity and blur the reality, while I embrace the notion that the subjectivity itself is even more fatally important. In an era of flooded informations, a terrific subjective comment makes the record outstanding comparing to other media recording the same issue. After all, it is ink what arouses the fact`s soul.

And what also bolsters my standpoint is, written record could be seperated from the linear time axis, and furthermore cubicalize the recording system. This ensures the story to be of greater structure, the effect of which the videotapes could never expect.

In conclusion，written record is a media with various features, which does not fade along with the torrent of time. Also, it is still too early that we come to the assertion that the silicon recording overcomes plant recording in value. Although video recording chartered a completely new information storing territory, the historical value and potential anticipation of written recording cannot be neglected.

mymuroUID: 2356228

to my knight of the round table：你也玩7段。。。第一感觉像散文不像论文- -
                                                    饶了你吧，不过明天得给你楼上全改了，能补上就最好了^_^

mymuroUID: 2356228

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

The speaker asserts that the video camera plays a more important role than written records in the logic that "it is accurate and convincing so i.（？？漏了？） In my view, however, the claim violates my intuition,（别my，用our也行） as the speaker fails to convince me（us。。。） on the notion that video has its disadvantages which inferior than written records.（怎么这个从句我理解的意思是“缺点差于书面记录”。。。）
Admittedly, the invention of video tape innovates a revolution in the realm of media. The notion that the history cannot be recorded to the most tiny（tiniest） detail was put to the general controversy. Competing with the modern video-recording technology, as the free video updating websites and the world web become a household access of documentation, the traditional writing is involved in the most serious doldrums ever. This can be aptly illustrated by a myriad of phenomena such as the blossom of multi-media silicon gablets（goblets？都说了先用word纠错嘛。。。）, the spike of visual economy and such. Nevertheless, an allegation that written record will give precedence to videotapes is specious and to be questioned.

The author would lay his emphasis on the accuracy the videotape carries which leading the video recording to be a convincing media.
(TS就应该要单刀直入提出video的缺点，我到段末才看到。。)But take a closer scrutiny at the accuracy and flaws will be obviously revealed. Even if videotapes are the most accurate media ever, had we pay attention to, for instance, a tiring marathon race, in the video there would be crowds with sweat struggling hundreds of miles for a day, while a passage of a column or even less can perfectly convey the message. In short, the critical disadvantage of video media is that they’re fixed to the time axis and lack of flexibility.
TS没提出观点。。。举的例子不错，不过论证能再深入一点就好了

By contrast, without mentioning the long history, the convenience and the deeply-rooted tradition, written media still embraces a firm position which could withstand every rigorous challenge. This could be explained in several following aspects. （那你就把那些aspects合并到这一段啊- -！）
Primarily, written record can serve to elevate the mere dull details to a height of description blended with subjective comments and psychological descriptions. Some may argue that the subjective comment may ruin the objectivity and blur the reality, while I embrace the notion that the subjectivity itself is even more fatally important. （怎么important？）In an era of flooded information, a terrific subjective comment makes the record outstanding comparing to other media recording the same issue.（我不觉得这是重要性哦，以一个记录的载体的标准来说） After all, it is ink what arouses the fact’s soul.
And what also bolsters my（our。。） standpoint is, written record could be separated from the linear time axis, and furthermore cubicalize（不懂。。。） the recording system. This ensures the story to be of greater structure, the effect of which the videotapes could never expect.以一段来说论证不深入，还是应该合并到前两段
In conclusion，written record is a media with various features, which does not fade along with the torrent of time. Also, it is still too early that we come to the assertion that the silicon recording overcomes plant recording in value. Although video recording chartered a completely new information storing territory, the historical value and potential anticipation of written recording cannot be neglected.

点评：结构比较囧。。。稳妥的方法是首尾两段+中间3段（正整反或正反正等。。。），我的感觉是作者一直在讲书面记录相对于video的优势，好像当作读者完全了解video的优点似的，而想把video argue 倒- -！
语言方面：一堆that从句，适当用动名词ing形式作主语嘛，句式多变才好。还有，感觉模板化不少，而且词语重复如notion有3次

倒，颜色没了，请下载下面word版。。。

david36355UID: 2603992

3# mymuro

点评：结构比较囧。。。稳妥的方法是首尾两段+中间3段（正整反或正反正等。。。），我的感觉是作者一直在讲书面记录相对于video的优势，好像当作读者完全了解video的优点似的，而想把video argue 倒- -！
语言方面：一堆that从句，适当用动名词ing形式作主语嘛，句式多变才好。还有，感觉模板化不少，而且词语重复如notion有3次

多谢多谢！被拉出去一天，刚奔回电脑前，今天补剩下的一篇怕是没戏了……
= =其实当时改文章的时候将那几个囧段分开粘上分分合合几次最终决定分开= =果然是大失败……

总之多多谢过！会努力突破语言模板化的问题的……

mymuroUID: 2356228

4# david36355
补不了就算了，先把别人的改了，然后明天就要写第三次T_T