写的非常好啊！！！我考完G悲剧的3分我就知道是废话太多！但是改不掉，心里非常明确的知道哪些是干货，但就是会拖沓的反复说
我一直有这个毛病，写语文作文也是。。。
最近在看on writing well, 反复强调 simplicity. 觉得楼主的作文写的很好。是我一直想追求的短小精悍但是隽永的风格啊！
求训练，求指点
顶~~！写的不错
本帖最后由 xiaoyongnao 于 2013-6-29 14:41 编辑
northaviva 发表于 2013-6-28 00:10 static/image/common/back.gif
写的非常好啊！！！我考完G悲剧的3分我就知道是废话太多！但是改不掉，心里非常明确的知道哪些是干货，但就 ...
基于展开一个段落，避免废话主要是要看你段落想表达的一个意思。比如以一个段落论证一个观点，比如，young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past.
你可以在一段讲，不是这样的，因为我们这一代独生子女是多数。
First of all, now most juveniles in my nation are from single child families, which could hardly provide a sort of giving and sharing atmostphere for kids. Therefore, young people commonly feel less likely to help each other than their last generations did.
然后就举例子，你就说你的2个室友，一个是独生的，一个有一个brother，你遇到生活困难，有brother的那个愿意帮助你，而独生的不愿意。所以，overall的你认为，独生子女不愿意帮助别人，所以我们国家这一代的人比以前不给力了。
I once had a roommate named Tommy, who was the only one child in his family. When I ecountered with some troubles and turned to Tommy, he always showed some enthusiasm and then negatively helped me. Later I moved to live with Gerald who had a litte brother. He took care well of himself and at the same time he thought for me a lot. So I believe that young people who are the only child of their families are less likely to help others. The situation is quite common in my nation now.
楼上分析真好！ 问一下楼主帮忙改GRE作文吗？
Enolate 发表于 2013-6-29 14:41 static/image/common/back.gif
楼上分析真好！ 问一下楼主帮忙改GRE作文吗？
你传到我那个楼里，有空我会改的。
xiaoyongnao 发表于 2013-6-29 14:43 static/image/common/back.gif
你传到我那个楼里，有空我会改的。
谢楼主~ 希望可以尽快开始GRE复习。。
辛苦了！{:rose:}
xiaoyongnao 发表于 2013-6-29 14:36 static/image/common/back.gif
基于展开一个段落，避免废话主要是要看你段落想表达的一个意思。比如以一个段落论证一个观点，比如，yo ...
啊。。好赞。
如何改掉老想写巨长的句子的问题呢。。。我总喜欢写一个巨长的句子从句绕来绕去。。。
northaviva 发表于 2013-6-30 11:37 static/image/common/back.gif
啊。。好赞。
如何改掉老想写巨长的句子的问题呢。。。我总喜欢写一个巨长的句子从句绕来绕去。。。
主要是你也不知道你想表达的具体意思。否则单一的主谓结构可以解决。
xiaoyongnao 发表于 2013-6-30 11:39 static/image/common/back.gif
主要是你也不知道你想表达的具体意思。否则单一的主谓结构可以解决。
看了好几天你的分析今天琢磨了一篇提纲。就是只有首尾段，加每段首句。。求指点！
northaviva 发表于 2013-7-1 21:47 static/image/common/back.gif
看了好几天你的分析今天琢磨了一篇提纲。就是只有首尾段，加每段首句。。求指点！
:lol 你是mm吗？
xiaoyongnao 发表于 2013-7-1 21:51 static/image/common/back.gif
你是mm吗？
。。。。。。头像显然的吧。。。。。。
northaviva 发表于 2013-7-1 21:55 static/image/common/back.gif
。。。。。。头像显然的吧。。。。。。
你捉摸出来的提纲呢？
xiaoyongnao 发表于 2013-7-1 21:56 static/image/common/back.gif
你捉摸出来的提纲呢？
直接贴上来么。。。
northaviva 发表于 2013-7-1 21:57 static/image/common/back.gif
直接贴上来么。。。
要不我私信你个邮箱吧
xiaoyongnao 发表于 2013-7-1 21:58 static/image/common/back.gif
要不我私信你个邮箱吧
OK~