jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 09:25:28

issue19请大家指正,限时完成

19. If a society is to thrive, it must put its own overall success before the well-being of its individual citizens.

When the benefit of the overall and individual interest have a conflict, many people should select themselves, which is granted as selfish; on the contrary, other people chose the overall benefit and abandon individual interest, which is always adorned as the altruism. As far as I am concerned, human being, as an ingredient of the society, should emphasize the overall and give up individual interest when they have some clash.

Society is made up of different ingredients which are all indispensible for the society progress and human being evolvement. Everyone seem to be nothing for others superficially, otherwise, an individual behavior and action may effect or change all society destination. For example, during the extremely times, SARS is very dangerous and detrimental contaminating illness. For work through this doom, everyone should obey the populace interest when individual has obtained the illness, he/she should be willing to accept the therapy even be quarantined by doctor which will reduce the damage to the least. If everyone think for themselves and bring the illness everywhere, it will make the disaster more furious and severe even endanger more and more other people lives and health. Moreover, the overall prosperity and wealth dependent on everyone endeavor instead of only some people. If people all think so, the society will stable and could not progress.

In addition, when there is conflict between individual and overall, we should choose the overall interest instead of the individual. Because the populace interest more important than   individual’s in some conditions. Such as the soldiers, the scholars, the doctors, the leaderships et al. If the solider chose the individual, who will protect country from invading in the barrier of their homeland; if the scholars always pursue their own interest how can they have time and energy to further their research during the conflict exist; if the doctors have not the spirit of devoted to their medical enterprise, how can people lives healthy and robust; if the leadership just pursue their own benefit and even bribed, how the whole society maintain the stable and disciplined.

However, human being have accepted many lessons from their individual interests. Nowadays, our society have many complicated problems and troubles; the creature around us are facing extinction and endangerment, people resource become more and more bare and insufficient for our further development because people have not make good use of these prosperity; people' environment become more and more unprofitable for living and bring about many complex situation and problems. We should retrospect what we have done for our own individual interests instead of considering the world as whole body. We should learn something from these lessons and have right direction.

To sum, we should put its own overall before the well-being of its individual citizens, if a society is to thrive and progress. When there is some conflict between them, we should select the populace benefit. which is the only way for the society to further more fluently and effectively

jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 11:18:57

up

jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 13:25:46

大家怎么不理我拉,刚离开两天就不认识拉,呵呵

lovebrian 发表于 2004-3-23 13:40:38

19. If a society is to thrive, it must put its own overall success before the well-being of its individual citizens.

When the benefit of the overall and individual interest have a conflict, many people should select themselves, which is granted as selfish; on the contrary, other people chose the overall benefit and abandon individual interest, which is always adorned as the altruism. As far as I am concerned, human being, as an ingredient of the society, should emphasize the overall and give up individual interest when they have some clash.(两者发生冲突时,个人应当以大局利益为重)(题目说:社会要繁荣,必须把整体的成功置于公民幸福之上)

社会是多元素构成的,这些元素对社会发展,生活提高有重大意义
Society is made up of different ingredients which are all indispensible for the society progress and human being evolvement. (—〉推出的没有衔接)Everyone seem(s) to be nothing for others superficially, otherwise, an individual behavior and action may effect or change all society destination. For example, during the extremely times, SARS is very dangerous and detrimental contaminating illness. For work through this doom, everyone should obey the populace interest when individual has obtained the illness, he/she should be willing to accept the therapy even be quarantined by doctor which will reduce the damage to the least. If everyone think for themselves(单复数不统一) and bring the illness everywhere, it will make the disaster more furious and severe even endanger more and more other people lives and health. Moreover, the overall prosperity and wealth dependent on everyone endeavor instead of only some people. If people all think so, the society will stable and could not progress. (后面整个说个体队整体的作用很大~~那ts最好改到这一点上~~btw语法错误不少~~没细看哦~~自己检查一下)

冲突时,大体利益为先
In addition, when there is conflict between individual and overall, we should choose the overall interest instead of the individual. (讲原因)Because the populace interest more important than individual’s in some conditions. Such as the soldiers, the scholars, the doctors, the leaderships et al(FT 拉丁语吗?). If the solider chose the individual, who will protect country from invading in the barrier of their homeland; if the scholars always pursue their own interest how can they have time and energy to further their research during the conflict exist; if the doctors have not the spirit of devoted to their medical enterprise, how can people lives healthy and robust; if the leadership just pursue their own benefit and even bribed, how the whole society maintain the stable and disciplined.
(语势造出来了~~~但感觉还是没有突出整体利益的重要)

ts的态度不够鲜明~~~
However, human being单复数! have accepted many lessons from their individual interests. Nowadays, our society have many complicated problems and troubles; the creature 单复数 :( around us are facing extinction and endangerment, people resource become more and more bare and insufficient for our further development because people have not make good use of these prosperity; people' environment become more and more unprofitable for living and bring about many complex situation and problems. We should retrospect what we have done for our own individual interests instead of considering the world as whole body. We should learn something from these lessons and have right direction.
写法是对的~~思路也对`~感觉举的例子没能很好地说明是个人利益导致的弊端

To sum, we should put its own overall before the well-being of its individual citizens, if a society is to thrive and progress. When there is some conflict between them, we should select the populace benefit. which is the only way for the society to further more fluently and effectively


小语法错很多哦~~~先用word改了最好~~
具体问题已经在各段说了~~嘿嘿
大思路没问题的说

九月爱上乒乓球 发表于 2004-3-23 13:54:11

When the benefit of(between) the overall and individual interest have a conflict(就是conflict) , many people should select themselves, which is granted as selfish(表达有问题 which带的是什么) ; on the contrary, other people chose the overall benefit and abandon individual interest, which is always adorned as the altruism. As far as I am concerned, human being, as an ingredient of the society, should emphasize the overall and give up individual interest when they have some clash.
注意了 文章的主体是society 在你这里变成了individual!! 太绕了能不能直接给观点(个人意见)

Society is made up of different ingredients which are all indispensible for the society progress and human being evolvement.(看到这里,我的感觉就是太多which从句,应该灵活一点) Everyone seem(s) to be nothing for (什么意思??固定搭配??)  others superficially, otherwise, an individual behavior and action may effect or change all society destination. For example, during the extremely times, SARS is very dangerous and detrimental contaminating illness. For(??) work through this doom, everyone should obey the populace interest when individual has obtained the illness, he/she should be willing to accept the therapy even be quarantined by doctor which will reduce the damage to the least. If everyone think for themselves and bring the illness everywhere, it will make the disaster more furious and severe even endanger more and more other people lives and health.(例子是不是应该简洁一点,突出重点) Moreover, the overall prosperity and wealth dependent on everyone endeavor instead of only some people. (怎么没有论证??)If people all think so, the society will stable and could not progress.
如果你的ts 是Society is made up of different ingredients which are all indispensible for the society progress and human being evolvement. 你的论证没有很好的围绕这个展开 indispensible体现在什么地方??

In addition, when there is conflict between individual and overall(the society), we should choose the overall interest instead of the individual. Because the populace interest more important than individual’s in some conditions.(why?这是common sense还是中国人的common sense?) Such as the soldiers, the scholars, the doctors, the leaderships et al .(删) If the solider chose the individual, who will protect country from invading in the barrier of their homeland; if the scholars always pursue their own interest how can they have time and energy to further their research during the conflict exist; if the doctors have not the spirit of devoted to their medical enterprise, how can people lives healthy and robust; if the leadership just pursue their own benefit and even bribed, how the whole society maintain the stable and disciplined.例证不等于论证

However, human being have accepted many lessons (吸取教训的意思?那from后面也不对啊)  from their individual interests. Nowadays, our society have many complicated problems and troubles; the creature around us are facing extinction and endangerment, people resource become more and more bare and insufficient for our further development because people have not make good use of these prosperity; people' environment become more and more unprofitable for living and bring about many complex situation and problems. We should retrospect what we have done for our own individual interests instead of considering the world as whole body. We should learn something from these lessons and have right direction. (这好像是因为人们为了眼前利益 而不是个人利益啊??)

To sum (up), we should put its own overall before the well-being of its individual citizens, if a society is to thrive and progress. When there is some conflict between them, we should select the populace benefit. which is the only way for the society to further more fluently and effectively

论证不好 我再仔细看看

九月爱上乒乓球 发表于 2004-3-23 14:10:56

我对你的提纲理解是:1 个人是社会发展不可或缺的组成部分
                  2 个人利益和社会利益发生冲突时我们应该选择保护社会利益
                   3 考虑个人利益带来的教训
首先从题目来看,  我们讨论的主体应当是社会,而你的角度是个人.
同时应该把重点放在讨论个人利益和社会兴盛的关系上来 而不是单纯的说哪个更重要,从这个角度来说,你已经偏题了.
论点3一开始就弄混了问题的实质: 你所说得那些问题不一定是从个人利益考虑, 比如为了国家利益,污染环境也是有的啊(就好比中国) 这就不是所谓个人利益的问题啊~~

九月爱上乒乓球 发表于 2004-3-23 14:18:21

再谈语言方面的问题 后面我没有仔细改
Society is made up of different ingredients which are all indispensible for the society progress and human being evolvement.
问: different在这里有什么意义? all呢? human being evolovement 在后面有体现吗?
如果单纯为了字数出现这些不必要的信息,我觉得还不如不要.

However, human being have accepted many lessons (吸取教训的意思?那from后面也不对啊) from their individual interests.
这是一个ts  直接影响分数啊~~

九月爱上乒乓球 发表于 2004-3-23 14:19:09

就想到这些 再讨论!

hkkk5257 发表于 2004-3-23 14:25:05

个人认为这道题同170题还是有相通之处。整体幸福-particular individual的关系问题~!

170"The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."

jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 16:08:26

一觉醒来作文已经被该的体无完肤,好高兴呀,我来看看我这篇烂文章.

jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 16:24:47

最初由 lovebrian 发布
19. If a society is to thrive, it must put its own overall success before the well-being of its individual citizens.

When the benefit of the overall and indi..

以下省略......
首先谢谢狒狒了,我对这到题目的理解是这样的:syabllus
agree;my position:if a society is to thrive, it must put its own overall sucess before the well-being of its individual citizens.
1.society's prosperity demand overall sucess.
2.in some situation, the overall benefits weighten the individual benifit.
3.when there is conflict between them, we should chose the overall.
4.individual selfish make some problems and give us lesson.
现在觉得题目理解的有点偏了.
第一段的末句是写的有点...
et al 是"等等"的意思,这点可以肯定.
谢谢狒狒了,可能是第一次限时,出现的问题不少.我一会重新该一下

jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 16:41:22

最初由 九月爱上乒乓球 发布
When the benefit of(between) the overall and individual interest have a conflict(就是conflict) , many people should select themselves, which is grante..

以下省略......
谢谢九月爱上乒乓球的详尽的修改,辛苦了.
我对这道题目的理解可能不够,希望你能说一下你的思路.
例子后面要加上分析和论证,每天都记得,但一写起来就不记得了.谢谢提醒,以后一定要注意. :(
请教:吸取教训怎么表达呀?
你批的很详细, 最后倒数第二段我是这样想的:人是整个系统的组成的一部分, 他们为了自己的利益而牺牲了其他东西的利益.例如动物等.
我在好好该一该把

jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 16:44:57

最初由 hkkk5257 发布
个人认为这道题同170题还是有相通之处。整体幸福-particular individual的关系问题~!

170"The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its ..

以下省略......
谢谢hkkk5257,我还没注意到这个问题,谢谢了

jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 16:50:01

刚才看了以下飞跃重洋对ISSUE 的分类,把170划在了国家和国际

jianguo 发表于 2004-3-23 18:24:12

贴一篇大牛的文章,大家来讨论一下吧

引自满分网上的由scortio发表:
The glorious Roman Empire is always reverenced more for its overall success than for any of its epic leaders, since society is an integral concept which is weighed by the gross population. If the well-being of individuals outweights its appropriate value as shadowing the importance of the overall social success, chances are little that the society will be in a healthy state and witness its prosperity.

Doubtlessly a society wouldn’t be regarded as a thriving one if most of its citizens are in poverty or gloom, and either would it with only few of the individuals making good wealth and leaving others laggard far behind. Only when most of the citizens, everyone of whom making up a small bit of the whole population, have made contribution to the benefit of the society, got their merited rewards and managed to sustain a happy life can the society they belong to get the drive to go ahead. If we place an improper emphasis on the individual success, we are in risk of violating the balance, which are crucial to avoid over-stratification and bipolarization. In order to gain personal wealth or fame under such circumstances, the individuals are likely to recude their responsibility to society to selfishness and avarice, hampering the co-work of people and therefore stopping the whole society from progressing.

But never mix them up: there is no need to sacrifice individuals’ boon in order to confince domination of the social success. There is no contradiction between the two as long as individual success offers benefit to the society. Yet when improper individual prosperity, which is based on monopoly, deceiving other than fair play and hardworking, harms other people or the whole society, iron hand should be laid by government and other authorities to prohibit it so as to protect the overall society.

The paces of a society on the road of thriving would not be conspicuous if all the individual citizens are satisfied by their decent moderation in seeking personal success. Actually the society calls for capable individuals to lead its economy, politics and other functional parts. Only with aggressive harbingers devoting themselves to the course for personal and public well-being can a society thrives with all its citizens benefited.

Thus we come to it: individual well-being should always be confined within the overall success of a society in that the prosperity of a society promises everyone of the citizens a better premise and equal opprtunity for personal success.
我有些看不懂,请大家讨论一下吧
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