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重写body1后的版本:
Argument48:
The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.
'Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.'
限时成功,改了拼写。基本没动。
Giving some facts and some analyses, the arguer alleges a connection between the economy and the fitness levels of Corpora. Although it is credible on the surface, closer examination will reveal the hidden flaws as follows in his/her reasoning.
(写错了的段落)
[Primarily, whether the fitness levels of Corpora has ebbed is kept unknown. Though the national advisory board on physical fitness says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit, it perhaps is not the case in Corpora. As common sense, the conclusion about the national situation is an average in the whole country, and then, it is awfully possible that the fitness levels in Corpora are much higher than the average. Therefore, in spite that fitness levels show a inclination of decline in twenty years, those in Corpora may be kept stable or even increased].
(新写的段落)
<Primarily, whether the fitness levels in Corpora has ebbed is kept unknown since that no evidence shows that the standard used by the board today equate that used twenty years ago. As a common sense, criteria always keep pace with the developments of relevant regions. A possibility cannot be excluded is that with rising of their living levels, the board may have enhanced the old standard for adequate physical fitness. As a result, just equal fitness levels of people in Corpora would probably be declaimed as dwindling despite the opposite reality. Without taking this case into consideration, the arguer misjudges a decline of fitness in Corpora recklessly. >
Next,[granted that fitness levels in Corpora has the same trend as those of the whole nation,] <granted that there is no difference between the standard adopted twenty years ago and today and people in Corpora are not as healthy as before, > to deny the linkage between using computer and the waning fitness levels given by the board seems to be too premature. The fact cannot be cited as evidence that where levels of computer ownership are also highest, there overall fitness levels are highest too, because that computer ownership is the very different concept from using computer. For instance, a school with computer labs can be a region with high computer ownership, but its students are not those using computer longest compared with people who have their own computers. Extremely, it is common for many companies to have idle computers, which makes the ownership of them are very high. But it represents nothing about the using time of their employees. So, it is too rashly to exclude using computer out of all causes.
Additionally, though expenditures on fitness-related products and services in Corpora is unusually low this year, the dwindled fitness levels cannot be attributed to the economic decline. People can do free exercises more than ever, such as jogging, hiking, climbing the mountains, and dancing, all of which benefit people's body conditions undoubtedly. There is no evidence to show that to be fit requires people to spend money on such products and services. And what is more, to claim that the fitness level will improve when the economy does is open to doubt. As mentioned above, people have many choices other than using the products and services to take part in exercises. Besides, even after the economy has woke up, there perhaps are many other matters requiring people to invest, so people may have no free money to enjoy fitness-related products and services. Therefore, not only economic decline cannot be the sole reason of the fitness levels decent, also probably, cannot its improvements contribute to the fitness levels' increase.
In sum, the reasoning of the arguer lack sufficient evidence and well-rounded consideration as discussed above. Far more detailed and scientific studies and scrutiny should be exerted to provide believable data showing the real situation about the fitness level and the factors effecting them in Corpora.[496words] |
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