将列提纲、拟定思路与语言表达分开的互改、辅导思路
寄托的GRE互改气氛不错，我7月的时候也曾参加了几次同主题练习。在这里，我建议尝试一种新的互改模式，即将列提纲、拟定思路和行文、语言表达这两个问题分开处理。具体来说，互改的组员可以先针对一道真题用英语列出提纲（主要是写出一个主旨句和三个主题句，稍后我会另外介绍提纲写法），然后用汉语描述中间段如何展开，并接受组员的评估和质询。在有了比较好的思路和例子之后，再来做全文练习，并处理语句通顺、句子间的衔接、语法表达等问题。
互改与辅导如何操作
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2014-11-14 22:53 编辑作为我的博士研究课题的一部分，我在这里邀请各位G友参加我的互改小组。有兴趣的同学请回帖留下自己所在城市、考试日期和托福作文分数。如果没有考过托福，只要相信自己有拿到22分或以上的实力，也欢迎参加。提出这个门槛，主要是希望参加计划的同学有一定的英语基础，如果语言表达水平太差，估计即便在思路上有所改进也很难拿到理想的分数。目前可能GRE作文的考试高峰刚过，参加的同学暂时比较少也没关系，正好给我们机会探索有效的互改模式。我做这个计划的最终目标不仅是为我的科研收集素材，也希望能够和大家一起将题库中的每道题都认真地分析、思考一遍，在这个过程中体验批判性思维的乐趣。目前的构想是逐步在小组内为题库里每一组题发帖，也就是说仅仅写作要求不同的题目将归为一组。发帖后，组员可以回帖列出写作提纲，我会回帖提出意见，然后其他组员也可以加入讨论并提出自己的提纲。希望通过这种互动，组员能够学会一套分析问题、列提纲的方法。
等到组员参加了提纲写作和讨论一段时间感觉自己的提纲已经比较成熟时，可以回帖写全文，我会回帖提出修改意见，其他组员也可以参与修改。这个学习的过程最关键的就是同学自己的思考以及和我的互动并对自己的学习过程进行反思。因此，我鼓励有心参加本计划的同学回复本帖占一层楼，并不断编辑所占楼层，记录自己的学习历程。这对于我的科研也是十分有用的素材。
以下是11月14日的更新
过去一个月里有50多位同学加入本小组，但是大部分同学都未能坚持。因此，我已经将小组设为需组长批准才能加入。本着宁缺毋滥、长远发展的原则，我希望有兴趣加入的同学先认真思考和回答以下的问题：
1）你的英语基础达到了考GRE作文的要求么？如果你的托福作文还不到22分的话，很抱歉，这个小组不适合你。
2）你愿意为GRE作文付出时间和精力么？如果你不能做到每天至少花15分钟写一个提纲，如果你没有时间在考前写出至少50个issue提纲、30个argument提纲以及30篇以上的全文，很抱歉，这个小组不适合你。
3）你对我充分信任么？愿意虚心考虑我的建议么？你有没有花时间仔细看我的博客和范文？作为大学生，你肯定有自己的想法有自己的写作习惯甚至自视颇高。如果你不肯放弃你固有的写作模式，不肯接受我的指导、按我的指导来修改提纲，很抱歉，这个小组不适合你。
如果认真考虑这三个问题后，仍然觉得这个小组适合你，请发站内信给我。 GRE写作教学的原动力
作为应用语言学的博士生，我对于理论研究对教学实践的指导意义存有疑虑。读过不少关于语言教学、学术话语的文献，尽管总会提到对教学的意义，但是可以操作、实用的洞见实在不多。相反的，在论坛上开展GRE写作的互改与辅导，其意义是十分显著的。尽管这个帖子开启之初，受关注的程度还比较有限，但这种辅导模式的潜力是值得期待的。主动来找我的同学对于GRE作文都有一定的热情，而如果能坚持跟我一起讨论题库的同学一定会有相当的收获。这里要特别提一下我在华科启明学院教过的Z同学，尽管初次考作文成绩不理想，但是她立志要写完整个题库，这种决心十分难得。而Y同学更表示为我强调的批判思维的乐趣而十分感动，希望考完之后继续参加这里活动。而另一位X同学更主动提出要再战GRE，希望花较长的时间达到4-4.5分的水平。这些同学对作文的执着正是我不断研究写作教学的原动力。
王老师好！首先赞一下你当前所主持的这个活动，相信不但会对我们这些有幸参与的人大有帮助，你所建立的这个模式应该也会惠及后面的GRE作文备考者。
我昨天就看到帖子了，考虑了一下现在确定参加。
我肉身目前在美帝中西部的一所学校读博。虽然系里整体很好，导师在领域内也比较有影响力，但是我还是对学校的排名不是很满意，所以希望能三年读完这个博士，然后再到真正的top名校读另一个博士。这个博士的专业和我当前的专业有所联系但是也有挺大的不同。由于要打算三年毕业，所以我每学期选的课都很多，又要兼顾学术，所以我的时间还是比较紧张，寒假有一个月左右除了做RA的时间都可以用来复习备考。目前没有完全确定重考GRE的日期，初步打算是寒假结束之后，也就是15年1月中旬左右。在美帝读博一年，由于有很多写作的作业，所以写作能力有了些许提高，后来读了金字塔原理，对于条理清晰说理明确的写作有了写认识但是提到重新参加GRE作文考试，还是心有余悸。
我之前考过GRE，verbal还行，考了164，但是作文只有3分。之前申请不理想也主要是因为这个操蛋的作文成绩，所以作文将是我重考GRE的攻克重点。我会在时间允许的前提下按照老师的要求做完基础训练，我对下次考试作文分数的预期是至少4.5分，低于这个分数我也没有必要再申第二个博士了。
对于作文失利，我总结的原因是：我对自己写作能力不切实际的要求，总是希望写得足够好了之后再写，花了不少精力准备素材和看别人的提纲，但是自己只动手写过一篇issue。现在我已经认识到没有正确的指导框架，没有足够的练习是无法有效提高作文的成绩的。我之前给自己不少负面的暗示，总是告诉自己写作能力差等，这种畏难心理也进一步阻碍了我有效利用时间准备作文。最后的结果是，我虽然花了不少时间在作文准备上（讽刺的是基本没有时间用于实际写作），但是实际的效果却是非常差。另外一个不算严重也有很大提升空间的问题是，我的英文打字速度很慢还经常有很多typo。不过这个如果要改正起来应该可以很快看到成效。
diehard 发表于 2014-10-14 05:26 static/image/common/back.gif
王老师好！首先赞一下你当前所主持的这个活动，相信不但会对我们这些有幸参与的人大有帮助，你所建立的这个 ...
对于作文失利，我总结的原因是：我对自己写作能力不切实际的要求，总是希望写得足够好了之后再写，花了不少精力准备素材和看别人的提纲，但是自己只动手写过一篇issue。现在我已经认识到没有正确的指导框架，没有足够的练习是无法有效提高作文的成绩的。我之前给自己不少负面的暗示，总是告诉自己写作能力差等，这种畏难心理也进一步阻碍了我有效利用时间准备作文。最后的结果是，我虽然花了不少时间在作文准备上（讽刺的是基本没有时间用于实际写作），但是实际的效果却是非常差。另外一个不算严重也有很大提升空间的问题是，我的英文打字速度很慢还经常有很多typo。不过这个如果要改正起来应该可以很快看到成效。
谢谢你对本计划的支持。以你Verbal的实力，加上在美国的经历，应该具备拿到4.5分的基础。主要是要多练习写提纲，找到合适的思路和例证。同时要限时练全文，在语言表达上要确保正确和力争清晰。32楼有互改和辅导的具体安排，有问题可以私信我。另外，美国的大学一般有writing center提供写作指导，可以利用一下那里的资源。
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-14 08:15 static/image/common/back.gif
谢谢你对本计划的支持。以你Verbal的实力，加上在美国的经历，应该具备拿到4.5分的基础。主要是要多 ...
感谢回复。我会好好规划时间，多多练习。希望最后能达成所愿。
之前我的写作分数低除了练习少基础不牢之外，一个重要原因是我的写作习惯很差，总是希望一次就写出完美不用修改的文章（写中文我也有类似的毛病），这样高的期望下会产生强烈的阻抗一致很难真正动笔写，或者就算是勉强写完一篇自己算是满意的，也花了很多时间，其中的挣扎和痛苦也多。
我是在这一两年才深刻意识到这个还习惯或者说行为定式所带来的负面后果，不过虽然意识到了，要想完全摆脱它的影响也不是完全容易的。
你说的对，我还可以利用学校的writing center来修改和指导我的习作。另外，我们学校还有ETS的Criterion可以用。我确实应该利用这次小组的机会加上学校的一些资源，努力提高写作成绩。 报名，托福写作 29, 考过一次GRE 3分，很沮丧。。。。。
十一月十六号再战 andalucia 发表于 2014-10-14 19:30 static/image/common/back.gif
报名，托福写作 29, 考过一次GRE 3分，很沮丧。。。。。
十一月十六号再战
以你托福作文的实力，在语言表达方面应该有一定的优势。GRE作文不理想，估计还是在内容和思路上出了问题。建议你先看看小组内的几个issue提纲帖，我和几位组员的互动，有什么问题或想法，随时加入讨论。如果你想练习其他的真题，请按照指定的格式在组内发帖并占沙发列提纲，我会及时反馈。 全套题库和计时练习软件
辅导过程中，有同学发给我这个小软件，是网页形式的，可以计时练习，不仅包含了整个题库，而且将内容相同、要求不同的题目列在一起方便准备。点击这里可下载。 tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-14 23:58 static/image/common/back.gif
以你托福作文的实力，在语言表达方面应该有一定的优势。GRE作文不理想，估计还是在内容和思路上出了问题。 ...
好的，谢谢王老师！ 本帖最后由 hey_yvonne 于 2014-10-16 21:50 编辑
支持王博士。我也报个名，考过G，AW3.5，不理想，因为要申社科类，想要提高到4.5。考前上过XDF，当时老师说GRE作文考的不是语言，而是思维方式，而国内学生很少能有critical thinking的能力。
而我在准备的过程中也感觉很难在短时间内总结出自己的观点，并且将它用一种logical的方式一点一点逐步说清楚。虽然知道自己需要努力的方向，但是在限时的环境下还是go blank了，可能还是自己练习得太少（当时Argument练了10+，Issue练了15+，因为有准备了材料再写、恐惧写作的念头，总是在procrastinate，结果就悲剧了。。。）。
希望能借此机会好好磨练一下自己，觉得这种analytic writing能力不只是考试需要，以后学习工作也非常非常的重要啊。
issue74的巧妙思路
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2014-10-16 23:33 编辑今天开了小组帖讨论issue 74
74) Knowing about the past cannot help people to make important decisions today.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
承诺在这里提一个自认为很巧妙的思路
所谓巧妙是指避开讨论复杂艰深的历史问题，从生活中找到了合适的例子
Thesis: I strongly disagree with the statement that information about the past cannot help people make decisions today. In fact, we rely on information about past to make decisions all the time in different fields such as graduate school admission, bank loan application and employment.
TS1 In graduate school admission, GPA annd past research experiences are the two most important factor because such information about the applicants' past can help admission officers to predict the applicants' future success.
TS2 When banks evaluate the application for loan, the bank officers will examine the credit history of the individuals to make decisions
TS3 The choosing job candidates for certain positions, the employers will check and see if the candidates have criminal records suggesting that they had committed crimes in the past.
如果有时间还可以加一段
TS4 Some people may argue that predictions based on the past may not be accurate. I agree that this is the case. This is why other information such as GRE scores and personal statements are used to supplement the GPA and research experiences as part of application.
argument 32 示范
32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
The vice president recommended shortening the work shifts in order to reduce accidents and increase productivity with the belief that the measure could help the workers to get more sleep. A number of assumptions about the causes of fewer accidents in Panoply, the link among work hours, fatigue, sleep deprivation and accidents have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the argument.
第一段我习惯先概括一下argument的结论以及相关的目的和理由
这里的句型 recommended ... ing ... in order to ... with the belief that ...是可以借鉴的
然后根据题目要求列出几个需要讨论哪几个方面的assumptions
To begin with, it is assumed that the shorter work shifts for workers are the main reason why Panoply had 30% fewer accidents. This assumption has to be carefully examined as there might be other reasons why fewer accidents occurred in Panoply. For example, there could be fewer workers working in Panoply than in Quiot. Or the working conditions in Quiot are simply more dangerous leading to higher risks of accidents. If these are the main reasons leading to the gap in the number of accidents, the recommendation would not help close the gap as reducing the shift hours would neither change the size of workforce in Quiot nor make the working conditions safer.
这一段先提出一个假设 然后探索其他的可能挑战这个假设的可能性 最后总结在什么情况下这个结论不成立
It is also assumed that by shortening the shifts, the Quiot workers would necessarily get more sleep and not feel tired during the work. There are many factors that may affect the amount of sleep and the energy level of the workers. For example, some workers may prefer certain lifestyles that lead to sleep deprivation, such as staying up watching TV or hanging out with friends in the bars until mid-nights. Or some workers may have to take other part-time jobs to earn more money due to the low salary paid by Quiot, which will reduce the sleeping time and energy level of the workers. If sleep deprivation and fatigue are caused by factors other than long hours, then adopting the proposal would not achieve the desired objectives.
提出另一个假设 然后探索其他的可能挑战这个假设的可能性 最后总结在什么情况下这个结论不成立
The third assumption implicitly made is that helping the workers get enough sleep would necessarily reduce the number of accidents. Even if reducing work shift hours can get the workers to sleep more, the recommended measure may not reduce the number of accidents. There could be other factors that cause the accidents at Quiot. For example, the workers may not receive enough training about the safety protocols or the supervisors are not competent in enforcing the rules about safe operation. Or the machinery in Quiot needs upgrading to improve the safety and reduce risk of accidents. If the assumption that addressing sleep deprivation and fatigue would reduce accidents does not hold, the recommendation should not be accepted.
提出第三个假设 然后探索其他的可能挑战这个假设的可能性 最后总结在什么情况下这个结论不成立
Despite the good intention of this recommendation, we need more information about why Quiot had more accidents, what factors caused the accidents in Quiot and how shortening work shifts would affect the sleep amount and energy level of Quiot workers in order to examine the assumptions discussed above and evaluate the soundness of the argument.
Issue 109 示范
109. Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of the world around us. Others believe that science has revealed to us that the world is infinitely more complex than we ever realised.Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.
这道题的两个观点一个认为科学发现使我们对世界的认识加深，另一个认为科学展示了一个比我们想象中更复杂的世界。这道题的关键在于我们是谁，对于不同的人，科学的意义是不同的。一般来说，科学对于普通大众来说就是真理或者各种问题的完美答案；然而科学家们却知道科学充满了不确定性，每一次科学的突破都是对之前理论成果的修正甚至颠覆。由此可见，不同的身份和视角会产生完全不同的观感。
Do advances in scientific researches help us better understand the world we live in? Or are we increasingly perplexed by the new scientific knowledge constructed by the research community? The answers to these questions would depend on which groups of people we are talking about here. For the general public, science has provided solutions and resolved puzzles about the world we live in and enabled us to understand events in the world with confidence. For the scientific researchers, however, science is far less certain and settled, creating more complex puzzles than anyone can possibly solve completely.
开头先用问句的形式复述题目的主要意思 然后明确指出答案取决于哪一类人群
主旨句：对于大众来说，科学使我们有信心的理解这个世界解决各种疑惑；而对于科学家来说，科学不断的提出新的难题，呈现出一个复杂而神秘的世界
There is no doubt that science has offered plausible explanations to many phenomena and events which used to confuse and intimidated people in the past. Take germ theory for example. Before the advent of germ theory, human beings did not understand why they got sick and often came up with bizarre theories and treatments which did more harm than good. Germ theory has greatly advanced our understanding of how and why people caught different diseases and more effective therapies had been developed as a result. Likewise, the discovery of relativity theories have enabled human beings to better understand how mass can be converted to nuclear energy. Such insights not only helped us to learn more about how energy was generated in the sun. They also created new opportunities for us to harness nuclear energy.
这一段主要讲自然科学让公众了解更多 具体举例是医学上的细菌理论和相对论与核物理。
In addition to natural science, social sciences also brought the public many new knowledge about how the society worked. Microeconomic theories, for example, have been developed to explain and predict human behaviours in a wide range of contexts. Through the quantitative analysis of a large amount of data about drivers’ behaviours before and after the introduction seatbelt laws, economists have learned that while seatbelt laws may provided extra protection for drivers and passengers, more pedestrians had been killed as drivers tended to drive less cautiously with the protection of seat belts. Such insights from social science carry important implications for the relevant social and legal policies and contributed to our understanding of the society.
科学还包括社会科学 还是上面的论点 换成经济学的例子 建议大家读点曼昆吧 很有用的
While theoretical insights from both natural and social sciences have greatly advanced the public understanding of the natural world and the human society, the frontier researchers in sciences are far less certain about the world as they know it. When it comes to the cutting-edge research areas, the well-established theories may not be very useful in explaining the empirical observations. For example, theoretical physicists have long struggled to unify the theory of general relativity that offers elegant explanation for the world at the macro level with the theory of quantum mechanics that is more applicable to the micro world. Economists also find it difficult to explain why free markets could fail soundly to rescue the developed world from periodic financial crisis and why less liberal economies such as China seem to be more robust than its more democratic counterparts like India. To explain the empirical observations that may challenge the existing theories, scientists have to search for new theories constantly and be prepared to be challenged with even more empirical data.
中间第三段讲科学家面临的困惑
一个是相对论与量子力学之间的矛盾 好吧 我是道听途说的 另一个是经济学家面临的市场失灵及中国经济为什么如此强等等
In conclusion, as members of the general public, we are lucky to live in this scientifically and technologically advanced world where most phenomena can be adequately explained by experts in the respective scientific fields. But members of the scientific research community have a long way to go for developing a set of comprehensive theories that can settle most, if not all, puzzles in the world.
好厉害~~坐等楼主更新~